Blog on the Run

Writing for a new site

2010-02-22T10:52:00.001-05:00

Check out Climbing the Horizon. I'll be writing under the pen name "Dave" for the Storrs, CT-based music blog.

- AMG

Charles Manson had a brother

2009-04-24T12:50:00.001-04:00

the Truth wants to move in with you.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Seriously, just check out Katelynn

2009-03-27T10:43:00.002-04:00

(Listen to this while reading the bit on the University of Arizona.)

The Hottest Girls Of The Pac 10 Companion Piece With More Of Oregon Duck Cheerleader Katelynn

The Hottest Girls Of The BCS : The Pac 10

The Hottest Girls Of The Pac 10 Companion Piece II With More Of Washington State’s Kayla

Download Kings of Leon's "Arizona"

- Compiled by Art McGregor

Penises of America

2009-02-18T09:21:00.005-05:00

"Dear Casey Carlson,

Stop being so hot.

Sincerely,
The Penises of America"

The Godfather uttered this pledge-like plea moments before Casey Carlson took the stage. She didn't stop being hot but the "American Idol" hopeful stopped being talented. She sucked. I am saying she sucked. I have been blogging about this girl for a month and even I can admit she sucked. Keep in mind, I refuse to say LeBron James ever had a bad game. Just a bad "quarter," or a bad "42 minutes."

While Carlson probably envisioned this trip on "Idol" has her chance to get discovered; she crashed and burned, looked nervous (even before she sang ... I watched up her on the platform when the other participants had center stage) and will have to settle for just being another really hot chick. Being a "really hot chick" has its perks. She will get the benefit of the doubt every time for the rest of her life, get whatever she wants whenever she wants it and pretty much will have her choice of wealthy men.

"She's just got perfect tits." - The Godfather

I voted for her three times and hope she makes the final 12.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Rivlary Week ... sometimes

2009-02-10T15:42:00.005-05:00

I know ESPN is excited to hype Wednesday night's Duke-UNC game (it's a rightfully-hype-able game) but they made an odd choice last night during "Big Monday."

Throughout the night, announcers Sean McDonough and Ron Franklin continuously said something along the lines of "Rivalry Week returns in two days with Syracuse at Connecticut and the big one, North Carolina at Duke."

Tonight's slate on ESPN features Michigan State at Michigan (a decent enough rivalry) and Florida at Kentucky. Florida and Kentucky have each won two national titles in the past 13 years. The two teams have just about won 25 percent of the national titles in the past dozen years. Florida played in the Final Four in 1994 and lost in the title game in 2000. Kentucky always makes the tournament. Plus they have been known to have a hot chick or two. That's a rivalry, is is not?

Why not say, "Rivalry Week continues in two days" instead of "returns ..."?

Good for UNC and Duke playing on a Wednesday night. I think all regular season college basketball should be played on Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday. I freaking hate Sunday games and Monday or Tuesday games just lack a certain amount of excitement for me.

Outside of Ohio State games, for whatever reason I really remember watching Duke-UNC games while in college. Nothing better than going to Panini's South on a cold Thursday night in February and watching the Cameron Crazies get after the Heels.

Dems were the days.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

About last boring night

2009-02-10T10:38:00.003-05:00

Lots of people talk about ... "what's the first Super Bowl you remember watching?" ... or "first World Series?" ... or "first NBA Finals?" ... or "first Final Four?" .. or ... well, I'll remember my first "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition."

It was Paulina Porizkova in February 1985. I remember liking the issue. I was six. Kinda told me all I needed to know about myself.

As for the other questions, everything pretty much happened during 1985. The first sporting event I really remember vividly watching was the Doug Flutie "Hail Mary" game the day after Thanksgiving in 1984 at my Uncle Dick's. We went bowling at North Side Lanes after the game.

I remember listening to the Keith Byers v. Illinois game earlier that season on the radio and remember small tidbits of the Raiders win over the Redskins the Super Bowl earlier that year. I watched the Royals win the World Series in Fort Wayne, Ind. at some relatives.. I watched Villanova beat Georgetown over my buddy Misko's, and the Lakers beat the Celtics at some birthday party thing at my cousin Kevin's. Good times.

None better than checking out the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. (This year's edition comes out today.)

I didn't get my own subscription to SI until I turned nine. Here's the first one I ever got in the mail. I think it's the first time anything addressed to me came in the mail.

Watched "Rachel Getting Married" last night and liked it and didn't like it. Had some of the boringest, longest scenes I've ever seen in movies. The second half of the movie basically is the wedding day, with full songs from the reception being played and like 10-15 minute stretches where people are just dancing to music or loading the dishwasher. Entertaining movie but be prepared to fast-forward a ton of shit. The lead singer of TV on the Radio is the guy marrying Rachel and he's rather annoying as a Kanye West wannabe. If you like depressing movies that make you think, are about drug addictions, the death of children and have cool endings, go for it ... if not, you're not missing much. Anne Hathaway is hot. Oddly enough though, she doesn't play Rachel in the movie. She's Kym.

Enjoyed Missouri-Kansas in college basketball. Glad to see Mizzou get the W, although they'll lose in the first round of the NCAA tourney because they are the worst free-throw shooting team in America. That's not stats, that's just my opinion.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Break-ups and make-ups

2009-02-06T14:07:00.003-05:00

I dated a girl in high school. She's exactly the type of girl you'd figure I would date back in the late 1990s. She liked sports, she was really smart, her parents were non-divorced, she was extremely thin and overall pretty average looking. Blonde, pale skin, tall, cute in a nerdy way. She was flat-out respectable. That's what I wanted. To be respectable. Not so much her.

I broke up with her twice in the span of about a week in Feburary 1997. The last time I wrote a note and read it over the phone to her. Purdue played at Indiana in a Tuesday night ESPN game. My mom and sister couldn't believe I was going to do that so they listened to the call and nearly died of laughter. It was the end of that. Nothing against her, I just ... wasn't ... that ... into ... dating her.

We had stayed in touch throughout the years ... maybe talking once or twice a year. History has treated her right. You wouldn't call her a hot chick by any means, but if she walked into a bar you'd probably think, "eh, she's pretty cute." the Truth would immediately want to set up a "solid date" with her.

She messaged me on Facebook an hour ago and we made some small talk. She then told me she had a question to ask me and that she'd probably have to wait until she was drunk until she could ask. I immediately went into McGregor-mode which allows me to answer any question at all, totally honest while being totally flippant.

"Why'd you break up with me in high school?"

I gave her straight answers. It's pretty hilarious. Told her thegodshonesttruth that I had no interest having a girlfriend, how that much like now I'm not going to give a girl any time if I'm not head-over-heels about her, and that since we mostly just made out on her couch when her parents weren't home back then, the prospects of fun booty calling didn't exist.

She laughed (I presume) and said, "too bad we're not having this conversation in person, so you could see this hotness when we're drunk."

Was she admitting that she's only hot when drunk? Possible.

I then asked her the only question that could make her wantable and/or hot.

"I heard you were married?"

She said, "your information is dated."

The big D! Divorce Rock City!

Bummer though. She would have been hotter had she been married.

Rocked a "take care" and went on my way giving her closure after 12 years. She also told me I'm the only person who's ever dumped me. I think there are somewhere around 30-35 girls that have dumped me.

Moved onto the Truth. He signed on Facebook and we started chatting, he said:

how do I find all the people who sent me friend requests on this stupid thing?

I explained to him and look at what happened:

2:28pm
[Truth] and [McGinley] are now friends.

The circle of life. The wheel of fortune.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

When not to talk to folks at bars

2009-02-03T14:04:00.006-05:00

God Bless his heart.

Just next time, make sure you can at least check if a guy wears his heart on his sleeve before poppin' a "hello."

The Godfather engaged a lonely guy, sitting solo at The Little Bar in some conversation before the Super Bowl. The Godfather later admitted he really dropped the ball with that decision. He did.

Hey listen, people go to bars all by themselves lots of time. Most of the time, these people are loser alcoholics.

If I go to a bar 15 times a month, usually about twice I'll go solo. They happen. But I look approachable. I'm not weird. Nine times out of 10, I'll know someone at the bar and bullshit with them for three or four hours. It happens. I have no problems going to the bar by myself.

I failed to mention in the first graph that The Godfather wasn't even sitting next to the guy. I was. The Godfather sat next to a decently OK, drunk Cleveland Browns fan. I'd call that kid normal.

The Godfather asks the guy sitting next to me, "so, didn't I see you at Ted's the other day for lunch?" Mind you, this wasn't a hot chick. It wasn't some guy that he sort of knew and once again, this wasn't a chick. And it wasn't a hot chick. Also, The Godfather wasn't even sitting next to the guy.

The guy then explains that yes, it was him. He said something inaudible and The Godfather laughed like I would if a hot chick told me something unfunny. Really hard.

The guy then said, "so the next question would be, could I buy you a drink?"

Well, then!

The guy also had on a sleeveless red T-shirt and shorts. He was about 60 inches tall and hailed from somewhere in Asia and/or the South Pacific. He spoke broken English and asked The Godfather again for a drink and then asked me if I wanted a drink. He seemed upset and said, "Oh, so you're done drinking?"

This was about 6:21 p.m. The Godfather and I knew what was up. This guy was flat-out weird. And we'd have to sit next to him for the rest of the game.

I then sat there feeling a little uncomfortable as that gentleman kept looking over at us and just staring.

Again, he was wearing a shirt with no sleeves, was at a bar alone and had a man purse. This did not stop The Godfather from trying to engage the guy in conversation.

"I really dropped the ball there," The Godfather later would say. His face told the story of shame.

Sleeveless Guy would later offer to buy another guy and then a woman a drink. They both declined. When bartenders told him they couldn't get him a Grey Goose dirty martini, he went to the bathroom and never came back. His man purse just chilled on the back of the chair for the rest of the night. He left a nearly full beer.

About an hour later the Truth showed up and took his chair. Sadly, the Truth would take a sip of "warm beer." the Truth confused his Bud Light draft with the other guy's beer.

That'd be a story to tell at a bar. Just don't tell it to the guy in the sleeveless shirt.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Trip to IU, Part II

2009-02-02T15:11:00.004-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

On Friday nights you can find me in the Club.

The staff/roster at Club 185 on Friday nights this winter is probably my favorite since I started frequenting the bar on Oct. 21, 2005. Although the old Wednesday night duo in the winter of 2006 is probably "my favorite," the fact that it's four or five people on a busy Friday night is special. That said, I probably enjoy going to The Patio on Friday night (whatever the season) more.

The Patio has figured it out. It's the one bar in the arena district that seems to be the least douchiest which is something amazing because it shares space with Sugar, the Afflicshirt capital of the world. They always have fun bands playing good cover tunes and the chicks are hot and rather friendly. The pictured girl was there and is probably one of the Top Five, Ten or 20 Most Beautiful Girls in Columbus That Hang Out In Bars In The Arena District.

The Athlete visited us this weekend with a couple of his buddies. He made it clear that he wanted to "do anything but Club 185." We gathered in a cab van and headed to The Patio where my Patio Hook-Up (great girl) got us a table and free cover. We laughed, stared at hot chicks, drank beers, did some shots and I talked to a rather hot girl who told me she "loved my look." I wore that one green plaid shirt that I wear out at least twice a week. I am thinking it returns this Thursday at The Lodge Bar, although I wore it there this past Thursday and then again on Friday night. Saturday I went with a scarlet Ohio State T-shirt that got a lot of love from various people.

We wanted to leave for IU on Saturday morning at 10 a.m. We left at 11:45 a.m. This is mainly because of the drinking the previous night, the ShamWow demonstration when we got home and an apple chucking contest in my backyard (in my bare feet with eight inches of snow on the ground). I smell a sick day!

The ride to Indiana and back home went by so fucking quickly. When we got home, we vedged a bit before going to The Little Bar.

I can't believe The 1 didn't show up at The Little Bar with us for last night's game. It almost reminds me of a boy-girl relationship (no offense) where one party needs the other party a lot more. I love The 1 and anytime I ask him about something or for something that doesn't require his presence, he does it in a heartbeat. But I'm bummed he couldn't make the Kings of Leon concert on Tuesday and then the Super Bowl on Sunday because they're shit we talked about for weeks, if not months, and you just never know if he's going to actually show up. He likely had good-to-excellent reasons for both decisions but it's frustrating. It's not like I'm going to stop asking him to do stuff because I like spending time with him. Like I said. It's almost like a boy-girl relationship and I'm the bitch in this relationship.

I feel bad because McGinley posted some stuff about how few people ask him to do stuff anymore now that he's not drinking and I'm responsible for that as well. I haven't asked McGinley to do something since he's been back in November. I apologize for that.

You can't fake crazy. Marshawn (Bills fan) and Screaming Steelers Fan were at the bar and it was absolutely amazing. There were about 10-15 obnoxious Browns fans there as The Godfather dubbed the place "Deadwood."

There are no laws in The Little Bar.

It's just a collection of yelling, shot taking, swearing, beer drinking with the best bar owner in Columbus and unfriendly, hot bartenders. Browns No. 82 wore a ripped Steelers T-shirt. She has still yet to engage me in any sort of conversation (my life's dream) but she did remember my last name on my tab after the fourth time she asked for it. Baby steps. We sat in the middle of the bar. We had like seven or eight beers and felt ZERO buzz. Not a good sign.

You can't fake crazy. The obnoxious Browns fans were just a bit much. Yelling every five seconds and saying something funny just 9 percent of the time. That other 91 percent for four straight hours got to be a little much. The Bills fans during the regular season and Steelers guy are flat-out crazy (in a good way) and you actually laugh at the insane shit they say. Fucking hilarious. I can't do justice (with written words) to the Steelers guy celebration after the game other than he told Browns fans, "Hey, we did it for the AFC!" and he kept saying/slurring/yelling, "Black president!" I got him to reenact his famous WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO with four alternating fist/whole arm pumps. I am going to do that move a ton in the coming months given anything to celebrate. Like having a chick tell me "she loves my look."

WOO.
WOOO.
WOO.
WOOOOOO.

The Godfather and I are excellent at making up fake professional expansion teams. We'd like to have two NHL teams in north central Ohio. The Richland Rampage and (Canadien accent) "da" Norton Nordiques. Last night we said the Browns and the Steelers should combine forces and become the Cleveburgh Strowns.

(In Pittsburgh accent)

"Do do do do
Here we go
Strowns
Do do
Here we go
Strowns
Doo do doo
Here we go
Strowns
We got a feelin'
Dat Cleveburgh's
Goin' to dah
Supah Bowl"

We then said all trophies and team operations would move to Youngstown, Ohio. We talked about this for six hours. the Truth (who joined us late and in-between cigarette breaks) didn't understand.

You know. I hate the Steelers. I really do but what's the point anymore? I didn't feel bad at all after yesterday's win. Who cares if they win the next 100 Super Bowls. What does it change?

I am the most unlucky sports fan in the history of the United States. Teams I root against and hate are now 15-2 in championship games. The teams I love are 1-6. That's 3-21 total. Fucking astonishing considering championship games are supposed to be relatively equal. There's no way I should be anything worse than 10-14 or 11-13. God hates me.

Our row of nine people at the Ohio State-Indiana game never shut up. We barely said things that made any sense. People that sit near us absolutely have to think we're crazy. We just talk and talk and talk and talk. I like that we don't use profanity. I hate when people cuss as games because there are fucking kids around. McGinley's "Kay Yow/Hey Now" Outkast remix is so fucking funny. Did you hear Kay Yow died? We said that at least 94 times. In two hours.

Assembly Hall at IU is fucking great. Maybe I will have a better memory of the place because Ohio State won but it's just a cool old school facility and Indiana has the most passionate basketball fans I have ever been around.

Great weekend. I had a 13-hour straight text message conversation with a girl. The Godfather finally asked me who I was texting. I need a night off. Pumped about going over to the trendys tonight for Gossip Girl. I will be going to the Blue Jackets game tomorrow night with Baltimore.

Quite the stretch I just wrapped up:

Tuesday - Kings of Leon concert Here's a more professional review.
Wednesday - Michigan v. Ohio State in college basketball
Thursday- HOT COLLEGE GIRLS Night at The Lodge Bar
Friday - The Patio w/ Athlete and Co.
Saturday - IU
Sunday - Super Bowl at The Little Bar

I am fucking destroying my body, killing myself with alcohol and feeling like shit whenever I'm not drinking.

February is lookin' good!

Trip to IU, Part I

2009-02-02T14:03:00.003-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

"You called her a townie," The Godfather said.

"To her face?"

"Yep."

Oops. She deserved it though. I really wanted to say, "you're married to a dude with earrings."

Not quite sure what it is about me. Whether I've got a smug face, a face that frustrates people, a face that looks like I should get my ass kicked or what. But for doing nothing except playing songs on a juke box and picking up my coat, I got into two neverending "fights" where people stared at me and yelled at me or asked me, "are you saying smart things about me?"

I knew I'd need those condoms.

The townie lady (not an unattractive older woman in her upper 40s-ish) ... Townie Lady ... that's better ... Townie Lady accused me of masterminding a plan to steal coats at Kilroy's that had been going on for weeks. "My daughter-in-law had it happen to her two weeks ago!," she said.

A.) You are old enough to have a daughter-in-law although in Indiana I'd have to assume most women over the age of 36 have daughters-in-law.

And B.) Your husband tries to play peacekeeper and has long stringy hair, facial craters, a ponytail, earrings and glasses.

Finally C.) You are wearing an Indiana University Starter jacket.

D.) Back to A.

McGinley got some great lines to her about, "you're being an ass right now" and "you'll regret this in the morning." She wanted to know that I was wearing my jacket. She said, "well what's in your left pocket?"

On the way to Bloomington we stopped and picked up some essentials. I got a 4-ounce bag of Sour Patch Kids, a bag of Troyer Farm Kettle Cooked Potato Chips and orange Gatorade 2. That's G2 not "I got Gatorade too." I also made sure to buy a box of XXL Condoms. I knew I'd need them. I like buying condoms from women in their 70s at gas stations in Small Town, Ind. USA.

I told Townie Lady, "A box of condoms." I then whipped it out (the box of XXL, not the XXL) and raised the box like The Lombardi Trophy.

That sort of ended things.

This was about at 10:30 p.m. on a night of non-stop drinking, shot taking, spread eating that ran from 6 p.m. to 3 a.m. By the end of the night, The Godfather was walking home by himself, The Dr. and I were looking for anyone with a vagina to say hello to while sharing a piece of pizza and McGinley had a box of pizza in the street trying to track down a cab. We got a cab, picked up a despondent Godfather a quarter mile down the road and then broke the record for farts ripped in a hotel room between 3:30 a.m. and noon. Other than McGinley's odd decision to turn the fucking television on at 9:30 a.m., we made zero bad decisions on the weekend.

Wait a second, that's not entirely true.

"I fucking loved that place Ricks! Best place ever," I said.

"You mean, Nick's?" The Godfather asked.

Why'd we leave to go to the pool hall place where I did some shots of SoCo and Lime and this blue shit. McGinley and I almost started a fight there when I was talking to a girl with a boyfriend. It happens.

On Friday night back in Columbus a girl told me (unsolicited) "I love your look."

"That had to make your weekend," The Dr. told me.

"My month."

Riding high, I let it fly at Nick's. Talked to a few different chicks. Girls I knew from back at Ohio State including a 16-year-old (at the time) that I used to buy beers for in exchange for hook-ups with her and her friends. Also saw some work peoples and random Indiana girls on that Indiana night.

"You could have had that," The Dr. said.

Why did we leave Nick's? Nick's had a 50-50 male/female ratio. This isn't scientific but it seemed that way to me. It was huge and neverending. The "bar" had about 16 different rooms and they all were packed with hotass white and Jewish girls.

"If you like Jewish girls and girls with dark hair, IU is for you," that one guy said.

"It's one of the few schools that I actually think I could have gone to," McGinley (an OSU grad) said.

They did play Grey Street by Dave Matthews for at least 19 minutes straight. I thought I had a good mix at Kilroy's.

Time Frame:

4 p.m. to 6 p.m. - Game
6 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. - Kilroy's on Kirkwood
11:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. - Nick's
2 a.m. to close - Fucking terrible upstairs bar with pool table

Kilroy's had two hot bartenders with big tits and short white shorts. One girl had a perma-wedgie exposing her perfect shaped orange-sized butt cheeks. Like the two cheeks looked like oranges covered in tight white shorts. We ordered the following: super nachos; two orders of chicken fingers with fries; 24 wings; pepperoni rolls and something else? We also drank these 32-ounce beers with stunning frequency.

"Let's take over the Illinois Republican Party!" - The Hammer, 9:34 p.m. EST.

The Illinois native then said, "But we'd have to do it after June because I'm going to be busy."

Viva!

The Dr. then said he'd like to run for office. "But I'd have to move to Peoria." He quickly and kindly took back the idea.

The Bum at the beginning of the night that tried to fight me almost isn't even worth discussing. He smelled so bad and got mad I didn't play a song he suggested on the juke box. He then stared at me for at least 45 minutes before getting kicked out. The Godfather said, "We did people try to get into fights with us? There are hippies in San Francisco that think we're pussies."

To be continued ... I have a lunch thing and will be posting Part II in the afternoon. Much more to tell.

Super Bowl MVP

2009-02-02T01:06:00.001-05:00

- From the desk of Art McGregor

(14 beers tonight and not a hint of a buzz.)

So long, snow night

2009-01-28T11:09:00.001-05:00

Long night at the Kings of Leon concert. Will have a full recap at some point today. In the meantime, check out this Art McGregor-centric link.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Let's all go to the movies

2009-01-27T09:36:00.008-05:00

("Let's play two.")

With the way the snow fell last night around midnight, I expected a little more white stuff on the ground early this morning. Thanks to the super-snow-scraper thing I bought yesterday at Shell, I cleaned my car in a matter of minutes and headed into work this morning.

Drove home from the movies last night and yep, Bodega is never not packed. I wanted to drive through downtown during a snowfall and it's a pretty neat sight when no other cars are on the road. Obviously there's Monday night drinkers running across High Street but if you're out drinking on a Monday night in January, I assume that's normal behavior ... and that's coming from someone who has drank 14 nights this month.

I went to the movies last night as you've told your parents, "Hey mom, I'm going to the movies." You did this more often in high school. I did call my mom on the way to the movies last night and inform her on my cruel intentions. I saw Cruel Intentions at that same theatre in March 1999.

I saw Cruel Intentions II and III (straight to DVD) from the comforts of my own room. SPOILER ALERT: The threesome, lesbian scene at the end of Cruel Intentions II is must-see-straight-to-DVD.

In the end, Sebastian stays with Danielle; professing his love for her, only to find that she does not reciprocate, but is in fact working alongside Kathryn in a secret plan to dupe Sebastian. Defeated by Kathryn's manipulation, Sebastian states "if you can't beat them, join them," thus leading to a threesome with Danielle and Kathryn followed by an alliance of the three to dominate and manipulate others.

Everyone says "I'm going to the movies." It's a fallacy. Most people go see a movie. Why not just say, "I'm going to the movie." It's never, "I'm going to the basketball games" or "I'm going to watch some baseballs." The only thing about going those statements that (I guess) can be true is that when you go to a baseball game you're going to watch some baseballs unless there's no foul balls during the game and that never happens unless you're playing with one ball and you have to run and find it every time you lose it. Still in that case there are foul balls.

I went last night to the movies. I saw Slumdog Millionaire (7:50 p.m.) and My Bloody Valentine: 3D (10 p.m.). The two-play double feature.

Slumdog deserves every accolade it's receiving. It's a wonderful movie that's entertaining, fast-paced, suspenseful and heart-tugging. The first 10-15 minutes are kind of confusing because the story is being told in three-different time frames, plus there's some subtitles and it's kind of confusing if you have no idea what the movie is about going into it, but it speeds up and revolves around three things: 1. Love, 2. Family and 3. Money/the desire to move up in the world. I actually like how they show the ways he made money before the game show aspect and yeah, I don't want to give anything else away. I'd recommend it to anyone. I don't know what the hell it takes to win a Best Picture Award from the Meyer Wiener Family, but if this wins it, I'll cheer.

MBV: 3D won't be winning any Oscars and what the fuck is up with only one nude scene? Although it was pretty long and they rocked full-frontal-female nudity for about two solid minutes. The one gay guy from Dawson's Creek is in it, the chick from Slackers and this other dude that's been in other movies. It's actually kind of suspenseful and honestly I thought they did a fantastic job of keeping you guessing as to the identity the killer.

Movies ... Actually, this movie (singular) is AWESOME in 3D. It's the first time I've ever seen a 3D movie. And yeah, they do things on purpose in this movie to make it look cooler (and hence taking away from the flow of the movie) but it's FUCKING AWESOME. The glasses kinda hurt at first but you get used to them and it actually feels like these people are walking right in front of you. I took my glasses off a few times and it's funny to see how they blurry up the screen.

It's not a scary movie at all ... you'll laugh more than you have nightmares and it's a movie I wouldn't recommend on DVD but would say, "if you are bored as shit and want to see something different, go check it out."

You can do this on your next trip to the movie.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

You with your switchblade posse: KOL concert preview

2009-01-26T18:18:00.005-05:00

I'm going to see "Slumdog Millionaire" with The Godfather at 7:50 p.m. and then I'm sticking around for the 10 p.m. showing of "My Bloody Valentine: 3D." I've got to be the only guy in the eastern time zone to accomplish such a feat this evening. I also should call my mom as I haven't talked to her since Friday.

I tell you this because I'm going to throw together a quick preview of the Kings of Leon concert. I have been thinking about this since driving around Columbus earlier this evening looking for a brush to remove snow from my car. I don't have one. Smart buying decisions in my first 30 years. Those things are expensive. I paid $11.99 for one at the local Shell Station. A woman (slumdog ... not millionaire) asked me for 50 cents and I said, "Obama's bringing the change." That's my new favorite slogan. (H/t The Godfather.)

I've found these set lists for three Kings of Leon shows in the past week. If I get a replay of the Indianapolis show, I'm going to be excited. If it's Chicago II, I'll be unexcited. It's likely the first time anyone's been more excited with Indianapolis than Chicago.

As for a pre-game, I believe we're going to the Garage Bar (the old Adobe Gilas next to The Lodge Bar) prior to walking over to the LC. Some people are calling for six to nine inches and I tell them they're correct. Also, it's supposed to snow anywhere from two to nine inches.

If we're using Indianapolis as a baseline, they'll play 22 songs with seven coming from "Because of the Times (2007)," eight from their new album "Only by the Night" and seven others from their first two or three albums, "Youth and Young Manhood," "Aha Shake Heartbreak" and "Holy Roller Novacaine (EP)."

That's pretty fine with me as I tend to like the "newer" Kings of Leon stuff more than their older, raw (RAWR means "I love you") sound. Don't get me wrong, I love Taper Jean Girl (I mean, the chorus includes a line that says, "cunts wash their bodies"), The Bucket (the first Kings of Leon song I ever heard. This was on Oct. 22, 2005. It was a Saturday night. Fanny the Cocktail Waitress was playing it at Club 185), and Molly's Chambers because there is the stunningly gorgeous hippie-esque bartender at Hendoc's by the name of Molly and I'd bet my life savings or at least my two-year old Blackberry that she loves Kings of Leon. I also love this Molly girl because as is the case with most attractive girls, she's borderline unfriendly but my cousin Sean said he went to Hendoc's one day this fall and they had a "bartender with the deepest green eyes." He said he fell in love.

Family.

Sadly a bar always will come between my pistol and Molly's chambers. The Kings aren't always subtle.

Still, other than Iron & Wine who's first album sounds better than his newer stuff because it's so raw, I tend to like groups with a more polished sound.

There's a few songs I'd love to hear but have heard they flat-out don't play them. I think we've got a zero percent chance of hearing Ragoo or California Waiting. I understand that.

I'm shocked to find out they don't play McFearless. If they played this after Taper Jean Girl or Sex on Fire, I think less athletic white guys than me in the crowd would be jumping so high they could dunk a basketball or two. This is saying a lot because I can barely get net. This is outstanding live concert music.

~~Penis size innuendo? Check. Talking about a random bartender and calling her out by name? Check. Complaining about a music selection? Check.~~

Moving on.

Another song I'll have major beef with is Trani. I don't mind listening to this song after I've had about 600 beers while being passed a lit up left-handed cigarette in an alley behind a bar after an Ohio State game, but live? I have a feeling this is going to be an epic buzzkill. I guess the end kinda rocks a little bit, but I can go without hearing it tomorrow night. Still, can you think of a bar in the German Village the opening verse reminds you of:

"Dirty belly of a secret town
Cheap trick hookers that are hanging out at the bar near the Greyhound station
And the bare-chested boys are going down on every thing that the momma believes
Pack of smokes and a little bump of cocaine, help you feel not so strange"

Shit. Maybe that's actually the High Beck.

Actually I'm just a pretty big phony because I'd rather hear Cold Desert if they play something slow that makes you want to kill yourself kind of like when douchebags play (awesome swimmer) Jeff Buckley songs on jukeboxes at fun bars. I'm looking at you, Club 185 patrons! I just like hearing depressing songs (especially this one ... "JESUS DON'T LOVE ME") because it reminds me that I've lived a real tough life but actually I haven't and I pretty much have things handed to me all the time despite being rather selfish and totally self-centered.

I have high expectations. Not of the High Beck, but of going to the show. It's going to be a fun night. Rick Sonbreath's in, Hoodie's probably with an illness and Peaches has completed the trifecta (text message, e-mail and Facebook message ... talkin' on the phone is for suckers) in telling me ways she's excited for the show.

Hope to see you there tomorrow.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

I'm jumping on you

2009-01-26T09:44:00.005-05:00

Came and went.

After the holi ..., nay, Christmas season and getting back into the swing of things and then the three-day weekend in the middle of January, we returned to normalcy this weekend. Two days. Back to the grind on Monday morning.

I'm enthused by one thing. I didn't miss football. We've enjoyed football on the weekends for 21 straight Saturdays and/or Sundays.. I thought I'd be despondent. I wasn't. Obviously yesterday was boring (as Sundays usually are) but I made it through one of the worst Sunday Sports Days of the year without much pain and suffering. While it may not be your cup of tea ($2.79 for a tea cup ... bonus points if you get that reference), baseball returns on Sundays in April and then we've got football after that.

Following this coming Sunday's Pittsburgh win over Arizona in the Super Bowl, we'll have five straight god-fucking-awful (lowercase God when you hyphenate it next to a fucking ... I don't want to go to hell) Sundays. March brings us college basketball and then we went into the aforementioned baseball.

The gang all showed up at some point on Friday night at Club 185. I talked mostly to this girl I knew awhile ago and re-connected with in Chicago while NJAG cozied up next to the Truth and The Godfather near the bar. My favorite staffers were working so it was a fantastic night. I think we left around 2:15 a.m. Not much to report. Oh wait. There is.

In random odd things I like, I like when the Cavaliers play at 10:30 p.m. on a Friday night and the game is on at Club 185. Thanks to The Godfather for letting the staff know the game was on, we watched the game as Golden State (goodnight Oakland!) and the Cavs went back-and-forth. As we watched on the 19-inch TV last popular in parents' bedrooms in 1991, LeBron released a shot with .1 seconds left. I said, "he missed it" in a monotone voice to The Godfather. Swish.

I whispered to The Godfather, "I'm jumping on you."

I did. We celebrated.

I also love watching random West Coast Cleveland Indians games at Club 185 in the summer on week nights. I don't know why. I didn't shower yesterday. I don't know why.

I flipped off a girl at Club 185 on Saturday night. She had it coming. I got home and wrote a note to remind myself to tell you folks. The note also included the word "sluts" but I can't remember what I was talking about. It was the "scratching your head with the middle finger" routine. She didn't look too pleased. Ran into a couple other regulars. Talked with The Lady while The Mayor houdini'd and spent most of the night talking to Big Black (shocker that he was there) and The Guy with the Same Name as the Truth (and he needed a better nickname). As low-key a night as I'm going to have there while still having a decent time.

Pretty standard weekend. I didn't mind the Club 185 two-play but I'd like to get out of the German Village at least once a weekend. I think I've got that coming for the next few. This weekend we're going to Indiana for the Ohio State-Indiana game (Indiana will win that game) and I think Kirk is coming back into town the following weekend and he likes going to The Patio. Really he's indifferent about The Patio. I usually just suggest it.

Let's get through this week as quickly as this past weekend passed.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Download of the day - 1/25/09

2009-01-25T21:13:00.003-05:00

Went to this concert in Cleveland in May 1997 called "EndFest." K's Choice, Soul Coughing, Barenaked Ladies and other bands that had a brief bit of popularity between 1996 and 1998 played.

I liked it because most of my high school class attended and I got to grab butts when chicks crowd surfed. It's one of my favorite concert memories. The entire day. Not just the butt grabbing but that also was/is awesome because I attended an upper middle class suburban high school so we had a lot of hot chicks in our grade in 1997-terms. I mostly liked freshman, though.

McGregor mcgregor'd before he became McGregor.

I don't know. Maybe 50? I've been to about 50 concerts in the past 10 years. I think that's a safe estimate. I've seen Pearl Jam three times, Ben Folds/Five three or four times, and in tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny font that also speaks really fast (speaking font!) DaveMatthewsabout10times. Got to see The Beastie Boys in 1998, Death Cab for Cutie twice in the past few years and Billy Joel (seriously). I also saw Grand Funk Railroad a few (more like seven) summers ago and I don't count this among the 50 but Hotel War at Cara Bar where I became aware that hipsters drink PBR and also are pretty friendly. I don't know how they fit into any friendly considering the tightness of their jeans.

Since it's a Sunday and Sundays are fucking terrible, I am going to talk about a few concerts that I did not enjoy. Though they easily are in my top five bands, Iron & Wine and Interpol put on terrible shows. They don't play with any emotion and it sounds exactly like it does on the tapes, vinyl or them fancypants CDs.

Bands that bring it? Death Cab for Cutie puts on the best show (in my opinion), Pearl Jam also is awesome live and Ben Folds is another guy that's entertaining.

I'm going to see Kings of Leon on Tuesday night here in Columbus. I imagine I won't be the only one with longish hair, tight jeans and a plaid, flannel shirt. I'm going with TD Hoodie, Peaches and That Guy with The Same Name as the Truth. I hope The 1 can make it. Haven't seen him in awhile and don't really want to wait until next Sunday when we go to The Little Bar to watch the Steelers win the Super Bowl.

Got 2 believe that Kings of Leon are going to put on an amazing show. I don't even expect to grab any butts (other than my own if it itches which is highly unlikely because it really only itches if I sit on something wet).

Tonight I'm giving you two songs. They both are on Kings of Leon's 2007 album "Because of the Times." If you like rock music, you'll like the first song. It's called McFearless. I love how it sounds but it's not one of my favorites because it really doesn't tell a story and I tend to like songs with lyrics that remind me of myself because I'm really self-centered.

The first single on that album was On Call. I love On Call because it reminds me of the summer of 2007 and more specifically driving to work in the morning.

I'm not sure what the song means and maybe it's just a song about friendship where one person is willing to do whatever for another person. Since I don't live this way, I take the song to be about a guy that lets a girl walk all over him and won't ever do anything about it and always will "be there waiting."

You know, it's like I've said before ... you can't do anything to make a person like you more or less and whatever that person does to you won't make you like them any less.

Plus it's one of their slower songs and I tend to like slower, mellower tunes.

This line reminded me of the girl I spent 2007 obsessing over:

"When I fall to pieces, Lord you know, I'll be there laughing."

I like the "laughing" because it reminds that even though I knew exactly what was going on with the girl (needed to "find herself" and started dating a bartender in a strip mall that wears Affliction shirts less than two months later), I still subjected myself to it and knew I was making a giant mistake but didn't really care. Girls can make you D.O. strange things.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Midnight train to Lodge Bar

2009-01-23T11:09:00.006-05:00

"Lodge Bar proved too much for the man. (Too much for the Truth.)"

Got in the car and the Truth began telling me that he saw "Notorious" over the weekend at the Arena Grand Theatre. Went "wit hiz boy" Z. "Only two white guys in there," the Truth said. "Huge fight broke out at the end of the movie."

"Didn't the guy who played Tupac also star in 8 Mile," I asked.

the Truth looked perplexed and didn't give me an answer.

Moments later.

"Oh yeah, that was him," he said. "For some reason I thought you were talking about 'The Green Mile.' "

He told me the movie in about a 13-minute speech without a blink or breath. The chick that played Lil' Kim is "hot and light skinned and gets naked a lot." Also "Puffy is kinda like the producer" and then 11.5 minutes I didn't pay attention.

The Lodge Bar surpassed every reasonable expectation. I will be there again next Thursday. the Truth (a noted German Village homer) offered me a toast for "bringing him there." I'd gather there were 150 gorgeous 20- to 22-year-old girls there. Jessie brought a gaggle. the Truth and I mostly stood there and watched and smoked 100 cigarettes. the Truth offered to take 54 pictures for girls and took one. He also wore the sweetest jacket I've ever seen. At the end of the night, we ordered a jello shot from the girl below (last name McGhee) and despite pleas from the Truth, she did not do one with us.

We left around 12:45 a.m. and went to Club 185 where I had one beer and took off. I had a heart-to-heart with McLimited and he kissed me three times. I truly believe he's the German Village leader in "times kissed Art McGregor."

Blog on the Run had more than 500 unique visitors yesterday thanks to yesterday's inclusion on Busted Coverage. It's the most ever for this site in a non-looking-for-nude-pictures-of-~~Rachael Br...~~"Jamie Graham"-kind-of way.

(Girl on right got naked, has big boobs for Playboy this fall.)

Have to hand it to The Lodge Bar for putting together an event like this where they let underage girls in, let them drink, and have sorority girls "guest bartend" in a competition to see which girl can bring the most girls. Way too many fratty guys, but actually, more girls. The girls (on the whole) were unfriendly and made out with certifiably ugly dudes. They also were fall-down drunk at 11:45 p.m. I suspect this is because they have eaten one cracker this week. That's not with chili. That's total.

Making the night even better? They had a high school baseball coaches convention in The Lodge Bar at the same time. When I saw a bunch of douchey dudes that probably live in the suburbs and are married to some chick they probably haven't wanted to fuck in three years I thought, "holy shit! Maybe people responded to my post at Busted Coverage." When I saw tens of dudes in their 40s rocking baseball jackets and hoodies I thought, "YES, they did!" Come to find out it was a convention or something and those guys all walked around like they had just won the lottery. The sorority girls couldn't have been nicer to those guys!

I am ready for the weekend. I am going to the Ohio State hockey game tonight and tomorrow and probably keeping it low-key at Club 185. I e-mailed Peaches yesterday that I'd like a steady rotation of Kings of Leon playing tonight because the concert is in four days. This is the last weekend that The Godfather is notdrinking (one word) so the rest of the year only can get better.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Busted makes me feel good

2009-01-19T12:08:00.006-05:00

(Attractive girls don't get enough recognition on the Internet.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Lighting up a cigarette. Just had my favorite blog moment.

A few weeks back I got an e-mail from someone about a link to my site on the blog Busted Coverage. Busted Coverage is one of the nation's best/most well-read sports/chicks blogs. Somewhere there's a rule about using two slashes in a single sentence. I break the rules. They break real stories. It's a legit blog without a "blogspot" or "typepad" in the URL. That's the true marker of a quality information source. Also Wikipedia. I usually end all google searches with Wiki except I keep the w lowercase. I have started to end the reading of all fortune cookies with "wiki" as well. "You will accomplish great things today ... wiki."

I asked the e-mailer "Joe" if he did any work for Busted Coverage. He responded, "I am Busted Coverage."

We exchanged a couple e-mails on why we blog, our backgrounds and whether or not he also eats peanut butter sandwiches with just one slice of bread and only uses JIF creamy peanut butter.

On Saturday morning, he posted this message on his blog:

"This is probably a disservice to this particular blogger. A Saturday morning praising isn’t going to be seen by the masses.

But Art McGregor’s Blog On The Run put together a great, quick piece on the AFC/NFC Championships and it wouldn’t be very timely on Monday.

From Art: “One thing I know, Baltimore is the worst “good” team I ever have watched. Their entire game plan revolves around getting lucky on a couple long throws, running the ball for two yards, hoping the other team’s best player gets hurt, and having the other team fumble inside the 10-yard line more than one time each game.”

We admit it. There is a small blog crush going on between BC and BOTR.

If you haven’t checked out or even heard of Art, you will in 2009. The guy can flat out write and waxes about booze, bars, his unlucky run with the ladies and throws in some sports to keep it from getting gay.

Art is Ohio based and so is BC. It’s the Silicon Valley of bloggers with drinking problems."

I might, might mention this post more than once in 2009. Why do I blog? I blog totally for attention and recognition. I'm not getting paid. I don't want to win awards. I mainly just want to be able to leaf through Facebook, pick out a few girls and hook up with them because they know I spin a wicked tale on a blog read by 200 (or so) people a day. A slow-motion montage of this would feature Bone's "Thuggish Ruggish Bone" playing in the background.

(But I gotta get mine, so scream out mo' and let me hear you holla.)

Using "anyway" to wrap something up is a lazy tactic and I almost just used it to thank Joe for the note and to remind you guys to keep checking out Busted Coverage.

I actually didn't light up a cigarette and only smoke when drinking as an excuse to go outside and talk to girls. Thuggish ruggish activities.

You'll start watching 'Idol' now

2009-01-16T20:33:00.004-05:00

OK. I normally don't post on Friday nights but this is worth it. Via Busted Coverage, I came across this site. My weekend is made. Even if I don't bring something home tonight (I told Kirk earlier my odds are like 30-to-1), I will take a look at that site or this one before I fall asleep.

Casey Carlson is the "hottest girl Idol has ever had."

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Motherfucker - A Gossip Girl post

2009-01-15T11:01:00.008-05:00

Ugh.

Emphasis inspired by The 1, I shout "boreeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ring" (boring) any time a scene on Gossip Girl revolves around Lily and Rufus. They're terrible and bring nothing to show.

Like you, I got excited at the prospect of a Gossip Girl spin-off. I mean, three awesome shows on The CW?! I know! (Excited McGregor face.) Right! Well, it's happening. And you guessed it, it's going to revolve around Lily's childhood?!!??!!?!? (Read the comments on the post to see that I'm not the only one!) What. THEFUCK. Think about a Growing Pains spin-off about the burgeoning love of Maggie and Jason!? All together now: "BORRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-RING." We all know any Growing Pains spin-off should have dealt with Boner's time in the army.

Can Brittany (The CW Star) save the day!? We're counting on you to end this madness! Give that new spin-off show the kiss of death!

- From the desk of Art McGregor

You going to the Club?

2009-01-09T09:22:00.007-05:00

Watched the game with McGinley, McGinley's brother, McCampus, the Truth ("you going to the Club?") and The Godfather in The Little Bar. Eastern side of bar.

"Drinking water, Truth?," I asked the Truth ("you going to the Club?").

"Big day at work, tomorrow," he said, "I got to get up early."

the Truth ("you going to the Club?") then asked me if I was "going to Club 185" three times in a 20-minute span near the end of the game. Each time I answered no in a more forceful manner. Perhaps the "Club" had more accessible H2O.

McGinley and The Godfather both joined the Truth ("you going to the Club?") on the DWB (drink water brigade) but neither of them asked me if I was "going to the Club?"

Saw two new old-faces bartending. They didn't have old-looking faces. I've just seen them working in there before (but not for awhile). The Butt (girl with the nice butt) and Skinny Exotic (S.E. for short). Skinny Exotic is the bartender that is skinny and looks exotic, in case you didn't know.

I hate Florida so obviously they won the BCS title. Ohio State finished No. 9 in The AP Rankings.

Before they spilled the Gatorade on Florida coach Urban Meyer, the Truth ("you going to the Club?") informed us all that he was taking off to go to the "Club."

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Belton out a bender

2008-12-22T09:21:00.003-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Had quite the bender this weekend. Put on a rather nice drinking display. If we were to liken my weekend to an NBA (basketball) game, we'd say (because we are going to liken, if not lichen, this shit) I shot the ball 36 times, made 17 of them, made a handful of free throws, had one rebound (rim shot!) and no assists. I scored 51 points in a losing effort. Will get into the weekend shortly. Seriously. It's a two-day work week for me. Well, three but whatever. Again. We'll get into tha. I promise. I'll even find that missing t from the last word two sentences ago.

If you know anything about me, it's two things: God hates me and I'm the most unlucky sports fan/gambler/fantasy football player of all-time. I'm the most influential sports fan in the history of the world. That's not a joke. Teams I root for FLAT-OUT don't win. I know people enjoy hearing stories about fantasy football almost as much as they like picture-only-posts over at German Village Media that make sense to only one person, but I'm going to give you an example.

I played in the Final Four of my Yahoo! fantasy league the weekend of Dec. 12. I had the No. 1 seed and rolled through the regular season. Then Andre Johnson single-handily beat me with a FRANCHISE RECORD 200-some-odd-yards receiving day. So keep this in mind, the Texans have been around for five or six years and ... and ... this dude had the BIGGEST DAY in the history of the team ... just to beat me. This past week (yesterday) when Andre Johnson wasn't playing against me? He had FUCKING ZERO CATCHES. NONE.

Everything fell apart on Saturday night. This continued into Sunday. This doesn't include when I randomly left Art School Dropout's apartment without saying a word but in full view of everyone. I picked five bowl games this weekend. I won't count the one I won because ESPN pointed out that 94 percent of the country made that pick as well, so no big deal on that one. So I lost the other four. This is almost impossible to do. I picked two favorites and two underdogs. Had I picked any other combination, I'd have won more games. It's pathetic.

I'm an all-or-nothing-type guy. When fucking Belton (Wake Forest player) scored on a god damn meaningless touchdown run when Wake coulda just KNEELED on the ball, I threw myself to the ground and knew it was all over. I really threw myself on the ground. The Godfather witnessed this action. Despite there being 35 other bowl games to go, I knew my goose was cooked. I look forward to Bowl Season probably more than anyone and as of right now, in our 35-man poll, I am in FUCKING LAST PLACE. It's all over. I look forward to looking forward to the Motor City Bowl and the Independence Bowl and even the International Bowl. It's all over now.

God hates me.

Big black guys

2008-12-08T10:51:00.004-05:00

As you know, we call big white guys "Logan Mankins" because there's a big guy with that name. He plays offensive line which is awesome because if you name your kid LOGAN MANKINS it's pretty much a guarantee that he's going to be playing offensive line.

I now will refer to all big black guys as Vishante Shiancoe once I figure out how to pronounce his first and last name.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 67, Notre Dame 62

2008-12-08T09:45:00.002-05:00

It seems like the Ohio State basketball team takes awhile to get warmed up.

They start each game with the pass-it-around-the-3-point-line-for-30-seconds-and-then-take-and-miss-a-bad-shot offense before settling into a groove and wearing teams down with defensive pressure, athleticism and decent depth. They'll have a good years before losing in the first or second round of the NCAA tournament. But they're enjoyable to watch. Even though we know they're going to flame out, we'll still watch and support.

About midnight on Saturday night came our flame out.

Anticipating a crazy, hanging-from-the-rafters-type evening, we went to a basketball game, had a sit down dinner, went to a bar with seven people in it before heading to a couple of others bars before half our posse houdini'd and left The Godfather and I at the bar. Guess it was time to leave. This came at about 12:07 a.m. when the bar started to fill up, there was about a 50-50 male/female split and we'd never have to worry about seeing any of those people ever again. I also had been drinking heavily and had the quickest buzzkill in Hoosier State history.

I had heard some legendary stories of road trips to Indianapolis.

My New Year's (starting today) Resolution is to never houdini. It kills evenings. I mean, I know it doesn't all the time but still.

That's the thing with expectations. Very rarely do you have a hanging-from-the-rafters-type evening. But I thought Saturday would make it happen.

Great time at the Ohio State-Notre Dame. We were exactly the dicks you thought we'd be to Notre Dame fans. We had amazing fucking seats. I liked Lucas Oil Stadium and the game was wildly entertaining, Ohio State led most of the way and I had a 96-ounce lemonade in a souvenir container.

Enjoyed the drive to and from the game. We talked about Facebook a lot. I made some tweets on other occurrences but not currencies (foreign or otherwise). Props to McGinley and The Godfather (the liberal who said that college professors are responsible for jump-starting a state's economy) for providing the plans and the wheels.

Little did I know I'd have the most crazy fun Friday night at BAR LOUIE'S which still sucks and what not but had a good high top, talked to chicks and tried to go drink-for-drink, shot-for-shot with Logan Mankins Jr. (Wyoming Guy). Not a good move. I think Wyoming Guy is like 6-foot-5, 300 pounds and has a beard or something. I don't know if he actually has a beard but when I think back to the month he was around Columbus, I'll remember the (supposed) beard.

The Little Bar saved this NFL season. I look forward to Sundays again. Leodis! (Lee-otis.) Sometimes on the German Village Media Family of Networks (GVMFoN) we say something and you're all like, "what the fuck are they talking about?" Leodis is a defensive back on the Buffalo Bills. Bills fans always yell his first name so we do too. Leeeeeeottttttis.

Crazy Steelers Guy from a few weeks back was in the building and I told The Godfather, "he's out-Bills-fans-ing the Bills fans!" He is insane. He did four consecutive upper-cut fist pumps (alternating hands ... from a crouching position) while yelling "whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." I can't wait for next Sunday. Hot, friendly bartender (I think The Godfather and myself nearly proposed), hilarious owner-type-dude that live wagers on Internet gambling sites, a Canadian guy that progressively got more and more chatty and drunk (we never knew his name) and the bartender's heaven-sent-ass. Plus Bills fan. I've now named the four Bills fans:

1. Marshawn - The leader. Works at OSU hospital and gets real drunk on Sundays. Don't get sick on Mondays.
2. Whitner - Quiet guy. Doesn't drink.
3. Beard - Yells a lot has a rocking huge beard.
4. Edwards - Most negative fan. Hates Derrick Dockery and once said ... "The Bills have two players. Leodis and Marshawn."

The 1 got their early and we sat at the bar (great move). We made friends and hung out there for about four hours. I could have stayed longer but the bartender's shift was up which prompted us to ask, "so what are good nights of the week here ... that you work?"

We'll be watching the Fiesta Bowl there and maybe New Years Eveing it. She works a lot of jobs.

Got home and started to drink at nine. Fell asleep at 1 a.m.

I'm heading over to the trendys for "Gossip Girl" tonight.

I really thought I had a chance to date the girl I've currently been seeing for more than six weeks (a record for me since moving to the German Village) but about five weeks in ... that's about over. She's all the sudden "studying" a lot more and "passing out at 1." Remember that time you chose studying over hanging out with someone you wanted to see? I haven't seen her since this past Tuesday and look forward to asking her out (and being denied) two more times. I mean seriously. Why not just say, "look, you're fun to talk to but I am not going to hang out with you again." Would it be that hard?

It's like with Dorothy from Halloween. I flat out told her: "You live in Cleveland. I liked hanging out with you so I'm not going to lead you on." It took about four seconds. WTF.

I bet that you love reading this shit.

Happy fucking Monday.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

O' what of the Bombshells?

2008-12-05T11:48:00.003-05:00

Bob Hunter is reporting today that the Arena Football League may be folding before the start of next season.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

While you were away: Little Bar on Sundays

2008-11-30T23:38:00.003-05:00

(Leodis)

OK, first of all:

Props to The Little Bar. They take care of you. Great service. The hot bartender in the Browns No. 82 jersey looked really hot today. The 1 said so himself.

The 1 and I got there at 1 (oddly enough) and ordered the most food ever from Wings & Brew (real name of the place). I still have "mild wings" burps going on. That cheese bread is fantastic.

The Bills Fans yelled "Leodis" upon our entrance and 31 times throughout the game. They ripped off their jerseys when the Bills lost to the 49ers. They averaged 1.2 f-bombs per minute. They turned on each other. That's what I loved. They flipped off the television screen and said "Beast Mode" 600 times. I major in hyperbole but these are all real stats. I didn't throw any pencils at The 1 but we had a grand fucking time, each sucking down three 22-ounce beers and at least 3,000 calories of fried food.

We left at 4 p.m. and it was raining and cold and then I got home and realized I had nothing to do until the time I went to bed. I decided to do laundry and start drinking at 9 p.m. I did it. I accomplished something. Chest bump? Chest bump.

God, I had a good day. I had a great Saturday night and a better Friday and an even better Thursday. I will continue to update you as I see fit.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Passin' me by

2008-11-26T09:55:00.002-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I like the song "Heartache Tonight" because it reminds me of how a lot of nights end when they begin with a drink.

Tonight's a day where that will happen especially in large numbers. Other than St. Patrick's Day (on a Tuesday this year ... five-day weekend!) and New Year's Eve, there's not a night where more people are out "actin' the fool" as the kids in Dublin and Worthington say.

Tonight usually sucks, though. That's the thing. I prefer the night after Thanksgiving. I prefer the week around Christmas.

There's too many people out in the hours before turkeys go into the over. There's too many "pissed off looking" girls. Homies, what's the deal? Fucking smile. You're off work tomorrow. Tomorrow's a legit fun day. You made the choice to go out. You have to understand (by now) that there will be a lot, A LOT of guys out. If you're not totally disgusting, guys will notice you and think in their heads, "I want to fuck that chick." Some might act on the notion. Others (like me) will just stare uncomfortably. Deal with it or stay in. Have a "girls night" at someone's house. Why the fuck are you out if you're going to stand there looking pissed at the world? Go the fuck home. My hand. Your face.

There's too many chachie dudes. There's not enough people like Art McGregor, followers and staffers at the German Village Media Family of Networks because most people like us are married (by now) and in bed by 11 p.m.

I know I eschew "growing up" and refuse to admit that "things pass me by," but the night before Thanksgiving is something I'm getting too old for. Who's going to be out tonight? People younger than me and maybe that dude from "How I Met Your Mother."

I grew up in a town where everyone gets married by the time they turn 30. Half of me wonders if I'll self destruct when I turn 30. The other half will be self-destructing. The night before Thanksgiving offers nothing for me in Mahoning County. I'm not "feeling it." I used to have a cousin that bartended at the local-where-everyone-goes-out-bar but now he works in Las Vegas. I don't.

But I'll be out tonight.

Early to bed, waiting to rise

2008-11-20T09:56:00.005-05:00

(Scene from Skully's later tonight.)

Took my fifth visit to Date State University last night and splurged for the big meal at El Vac. I told her it was a cheap place and that played into my decision to go there. She didn't seem to mind. That's one advantage to dating a college girl. They really do eat like crap the rest of the time.

"Usually just pick up a bag of chips at UDF."

Along those same lines, I went home right after dinner. We spent a long time talking about the weekend and figured it best to get some rest. Went home and watched some "Dirty, Sexy, Money" with The Godfather. He really is critical of Lucy Liu.

When that's the third paragraph of a run-down of the previous night, you know not too much happened.

Before getting to El Vac, I made the pimp move of stopping for gas with her in the car because I was about to run out.

Today figures to drag on for about 600 hours.

Yesterday flew by, no doing of my own. I had one of my least productive third Wednesdays of the month I've ever had. Didn't booze though.

And on the fourth day, there was rest. And the rest? We'll surely make some history.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 30, Illinois 20

2008-11-17T09:50:00.003-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Thursday night feels like about six weeks ago.

We sat at the downstairs bar at B-Dubs Lane (campus) Saturday night swilling 16-ounce Miller Lite drafts. Obviously I sat next to a guy that played football at Wyoming (I've never been) and The Godfather drank vodka and soda and every time the bartender (great thong) asked us if we needed another drink, we said yes. This all happened before 9 p.m. When we ended up at that house (no clue who lived there) around 3 a.m., I imagine our bartender had slipped out of her tight black pants. No seriously. I imagined it big time about 40 minutes later when I got home.

I opined that she was from northwest Ohio. She wasn't. She went to Massillon Jackson.

"Polar Bears," I said.

She lacked impressed.

When the time comes to trade in this lifestyle for one far less exciting, I'll have to give up nights like Saturday. Sure, we went out and did some things on Friday but it was a rather forgettable night. Not really a bad night, but we went to Barley's, The Patio and Gaswerks. It's like, I doubt when you Google mapped my whereabouts at 2:10 a.m. on a Friday, you'd find me standing next to McGinley inside Gaswerks.

Didn't do shit on Saturday. Had just said no to showering for the day's first 19 hours (includes the roughly seven-plus hours I slept/was passed out). Laid on the couch and chair and watched college football. When I laid on the same couch 29 hours later, I had a few more memories.

the Truth sent me this text at 11:38:48 p.m.:

"big week... buckeye weekend all weekend long!"

When I affirmed he sent:

"I think we did a good job of preparation... I look forward to your performance this week, you better get some sleep. It might be your last chance!"

I LOL'd and said something else witty (I was kinda buzzed) and he responded:

"LOL! I plan on working 10-3 with a 1.5 hour lunch all week. GVM baby, it's great to be us!"

YES WE CAN!

I've got a soft spot in my heart for Wyoming. A few nights before Christmas in 2004, I watched the Las Vegas Bowl at the Flying Monkey in Key West. We watched the game with a bunch of rowdy Wyoming fans (cowboy hats). If like Rutgers was playing Nevada, it wouldn't have made much sense, but you see, Wyoming was playing UCLA. Wyoming pulled the upset and we all drank and got crazy and I think I hooked up with some random. More than likely. I also love Wyoming because I like how the word looks printed out and I used to watch the Monday night midnight game on ESPN that always featured New Mexico, UNLV or Wyoming. Sometimes Utah. Sometimes Utah would be a great band name.

Did you know on Christmas Eve of that year I ordered (and ate) two Outback Specials from Outback Steakhouse? You know very well, who you are. Don't let 'em hold you down. Read for the stars.

Probably better was Dec. 23, 2003. The Sports Writer was back in Toledo, so I went out with my boss and his 21-year-old sister-in-law. That I night I did the following things:

1. Spit on a guy and didn't get kicked out of the bar although the guy promised to "rip your fucking head off." My head is still intact despite what you think of this blog.
2. Witnessed my boss walk down Duval Street in tennis shoes and tighty whiteys while smoking a cigarette.
3. Let my boss steal my roommate's DVD of "Bad Boys 2."
4. Hooked up with the sister-in-law in our hot tub and 87 percent of the rest of our house.
5. Pissed all over my keyboard when she was asleep.
6. Treated her to a Christmas Eve lunch of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
7. Never talked to her again.

Back to Saturday. I sat next to the Wyoming guy, a friend of Sleepy's. Sleepy was in town this weekend so we met him at BDL at about 8:30 p.m. We drank and laughed and talked and bullshitted for the next seven hours. I let Wyoming Guy (hugest man I've ever seen) know that I saw him "struggling with the menu" when he asked why I didn't ask him about books. I'm not really sure on the other details. We watched UFC and football at a place with wings and beers and had the audacity to make fun of fratty guys. The weather was very raw. I kept letting people know my fascination with the fact that there will be a live college basketball game shown at 4 a.m. Tuesday morning. The Godfather must have said 400 times that "Houston scored 70 on Tulsa. Has there ever been a top 25 team that had 70 points scored on it?"

Wyoming Guy (I love this) also told us about the easiest place to hook up with hot dumb chicks. He said No. 2 is Hattiesburg, Miss. and the top-ranked place is Nacogdoches, Texas. I love that he has ranked the places because I've done the same. My No. 1 is a little different. I contend it's a Sunday night during spring break at a spring break destination. Only the truest skanks go out on Sundays.

What makes me laugh about the night is that I had zero forward momentum going into the evening. Both Thursday and Friday were kind of lame. I didn't leave my living room on Saturday afternoon. It was rainy out. The Godfather was wearing sweatpants.

We overcame. We went out. We also walked past a what-the-fuck-was-that-place some beatnik bar across from the Scarley & Gray Cafe.

McGinley showed up late to whisk The Godfather away to Club 185. the Truth sent me a text that said, "tons of hot girls at Club 185!" When I got there at 1:45 a.m., there were none outside the bartenders. And one of the bartenders was smoking outside.

We made a pitstop at McFadden's beforehand where a totally hot chick with boyfriend hit on Wyoming Guy. I would have stayed there but Sleepy kept yawning. We left and went to 185. We'd later go to an afterhours at someone's house.

"Who's house were we at?" I asked The Godfather yesterday morning (1:32 p.m.).

I did less on Sunday that I did on Saturday. We had two TVs set up in the living room so we could watch one sporing event along with another one at the same time. I walked to Shell at 9 p.m. to buy my Sunday night drinking supplies and then drank for the next four hours. I fell asleep.

It might have been my last chance this week.

Guide to Ohio college girls

2008-11-13T13:19:00.008-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

This post is inspired by this one from Awful Announcing. Hat tip to German Village Media's The Godfather.

Ever wonder what college girls are like at Ohio's public universities? Look no further.

Ohio State - Wears sweatpants to class ... Goes tanning at least twice a week ... Knows at least five football players ... Hair is colored and shoulder length ... Wears jerseys to football games ... Has affiliation with big-time city and proclaims to be a huge fan of its pro sports teams despite not ever watching any of their games ... Is either a close friend to or a bartender at campus bar ... Has at least one but no more than two black female friends ... Has a 41 percent chance of not even being a student at Ohio State despite what her Facebook says ... Dances on bars ... Goes out on Wednesdays and usually Mondays in addition to Thursday, Friday and Saturday ... Rarely has a boyfriend but always is fucking ... Has hooked up with a black guy ... Sends text messages at least three hours a day ... Will not graduate in four years ... Has a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Will still be bartending by age 25 ... Smokes when she drinks ... she has at least one ugly fat friend.

Cincinnati - Couldn't get into Miami (Ohio) .. Hangs out at campus fraternities with future waiters of the world ... Did a stint at a community college before taking plunge ... Visits better-looking friends at Miami (Ohio) on the weekends and gets fucked by frat guys and/or athletes ... Will be overweight by the time she's 27 ... Likely still has a thing for her football-playing boyfriend from high school ... Hates that she goes to school at an urban campus ... she doesn't stick around Cincinnati in the summer.

Kent State University - Reads only magazines ... Thinks, "well, at least I'm not going to Akron" ... Goes tanning at least three times a week ... Wants to be a teacher ... Goes home a lot on the weekends ... Has friends she calls "her bitches" ... Travels exclusively in packs of girls that aren't really hot but aren't really ugly ... Has one really hot classmate/friend from Powell, Ohio or a private school in Columbus ... Goes to class twice a week ... Parties at some dudes apartment (who one of her roommates is definitely fucking) or frat houses ... Drinks only Natural Light ... Won't ever hold a job for more than a year ... Will get married in her hometown by the time she's 24 ... Loves to eat late-night food ... Starves herself the rest of the time ... Loves taking pictures with her friends in various fun poses despite nothing ever being fun in Kent, Ohio ... Just is glad she's not living at home ... Has 13 percent chance at graduating ... she takes it in the ass.

Bowling Green University - Couldn't get into Ohio University ... Sexually adventurous ... Makes the peace sign in 100 percent of the pictures taken of her ... Is really tan and has bleached-blonde hair ... Usually thin-looking but with a "skinny-fat" non-toned stomach ... Was a cheerleader or dancer in high school ... Likely from a Columbus suburb or western Ohio ... Fancies herself as an "intellectual" and actually thinks she has a shot at a good job ... Like the rest of the BGSU majority, figures she'll go to grad school "somewhere better" ... Complains about Bowling Green weather ... Fantasizes about spring break at least two hours a day ... Does this 17 hours a day in February ... Has two or three bars she goes to all the time ... Never pays for a drink ... Goes to only the homecoming football game ... Can't stand Toledo ... she probably is from Toledo and still keeps in touch with her guy friends from high school that play football at shitty Division III colleges.

Shawnee State - She is 37 and "going back to school."

Miami (Ohio) University - People who read blogs (or bloggers) will never have a chance to fuck any of them ... Any of them that matter, anyway ... In a sorority ... Has "girls she misses from home!' ... Has at least 600 pictures on Facebook, 472 of them with the Zoolander/kissy face ... Has a "side" of her face that looks better in pictures and only is photographed from this side ... Dreams of moving to Chicago ... Dates someone in a fraternity ... Has a lot of guy friends that are only friends with her because they want to bang the shit out of her ... Has a roommate her freshman year she designates as a "bff" despite knowing her just two months ... Dresses like a complete slut on Halloween and gets pissed if you look at her ... Fingerbangs herself thinking of the 13 black athletes on campus ... Gets drunk off two drinks ... Has at least four pairs of jeans that cost more than $200 ... Owns a North Face jacket ... Will be married by the time she's 25 to someone in the banking and/or business industry that has short hair and he will be fat by age 32 ... Will have at least eight bridesmaids in wedding ... Likely won't fuck more than three guys from freshman year to the time she's married ... she doesn't like sucking dick.

Akron University - Is from a county that borders Stark County. School most similar to Cincinnati in that state of Ohio except she couldn't get into Kent State ... she also takes it in the ass.

Cleveland State University - Lies about where she goes to school ... Angling for an excuse to transfer ... Always says what she's going to school for before she says where she goes to school ... Hates herself ... Couldn't get into Akron or "my parents want to see how well I do at college before letting me go away to another school." 99.9 percent of the people in Ohio have never met a girl that attends Cleveland State ... she has never read a full book.

Wright State University - Didn't want "to go too far away from home" ... Has a sexually explicit photo of herself on her cell phone ... Likely from Montgomery, Greene, Clinton, Butler or Warren County ... Likely dating someone in the military ... Will by divorced by age 30 ... Hangs out at friend's apartment who always plays video games and loves NFL football ... her boyfriend owns at least two Affliction T-shirts and isn't taller than 6 feet.

University of Toledo - Has black male friends ... Has friends still in high school that visit all the time ... Originally is from Ohio ... Watches "Family Guy" ... Works at a chain restaurant ... Seriously considers purchasing fakes tits at least twice a year ... Wears a lot of makeup ... Hung out with baseball players in high school ... Dates someone that played on the high school soccer team ... Drives a sporty American-made car with a sorority sticker on the back window ... Parents are divorced ... Smokes ... Will become overweight before she's 35 ... Will have three kids by that time ... Not afraid of accepting a booty call ... Is happy she doesn't go to community college ... Will work in retail ... Wonders why she didn't go to OU ... she plans to transfer every year at Christmas.

Ohio University - Jealous of Miami (Ohio) girls ... Fucks a dude that smokes a lot of pot ... Intrigued by "hippie" lifestyle even though phase passed in the early 1990s with the passage of grunge music ... Is friends with a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Has more male friends than girl friends ... Looks forward to fraternity formals ... Drinks a lot ... Listens to O.A.R. ... Might be from out of state ... Brags about school's party reputation ... Doesn't like to hear, "well, there's 30,000 students there and nothing within an hour of campus, what else are you going to do?" ... Didn't get into Ohio State ... Still loves the Buckeyes ... Tries as best she can to get the fuck out of Athens in four years. Embraces green lifestyle ... From a suburb of the Big Three C's (Columbus, Cincy, Cleveland) ... Likes to cuddle/hook-up when she's drunk ... Has more than 1,000 friends on Facebook ... she hangs out with one fat guy who always wears hats and has facial hair and is "really funny."

Youngstown State - Says "I'm transferring after freshman year" 10 times before the end of her third year ... Has a ton of friends from Canfield and Cardinal Mooney high schools ... Lives at home ... Drives drunk a lot ... Can't wait to have priest who gave her first communion also marry her ... Has a back tattoo ... Has a lot of friends who's name ends in a vowel ... Visits friends at Kent State or private schools in northeast Ohio ... Always promises those friends she'll be joining them "next year" ... Is Italian ... she is hot until you realize she attends YSU and has probably fucked three or four dudes that look like bartender assistants at bars in the Arena District.

Regressing further in life

2008-11-11T09:31:00.005-05:00

(Ethan, Naomi, Grandma, Annie, Dixon, Mom, Teacher, Silver, Navid)

What they're doing in Minnesota to Sen. Norm Coleman is a damn shame. This report on Fox News today is outstanding.

Correcting these typos was claimed to add 435 votes to Franken and take 69 votes from Coleman. Corrections were posted in other races, but they were only a fraction of those for the Senate. The Senate gains for Franken were 2.5 times the gain for Obama in the presidential race count, 2.9 times the total gain that Democrats got across all Minnesota congressional races, and 5 times the net loss that Democrats suffered for all state House races.

Absolutely shameful.

"I'm regressing in life." The Godfather added this tidbit as he played Dr. Mario last night on our couch under a poster of Kellen Winslow Jr. in our living room.

Nintendo. Poster. Living room.

I went to Date State last night on a visit to the Lennox. Saw "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." Terrible name for a movie and it got way too lovey-dovey toward the end (a couple of scenes that just wouldn't end ... including one in slow-mo) but hilarious fucking movie. I'd recommend it to anyone. One incredible thing about this Seth Rogen movie is that it didn't have one reference to smoking pot or him being a Jewish. (A Jewish.) A first on both accounts.

My date got a mixed Icee and I thought that was pretty outstanding. I'd recommend that to anyone, as well. Went back to her place and watched "Gossip Girl" thus making it the greatest.date.ever. Liked the episode although it was perhaps the most predictable one in the history of the show. Still good though and way better than the previous handful. I don't like how some characters aren't ever on the show. Nate? Vanessa? Where art thou Romeo? (There is no Romeo on the show.) Serena and Aaron Rose deserve to die. Seriously.

I did miss watching the show with the trendys though. I will have to return next Monday if they'll have me. They need some alone time with Nemo their dog. Also he shits all over the house so last night I thought, "tonight would be a good night not to step in shit."

Odd to say, but the current edition of "90210" might be the most realistic rendition of what actual high school is like. This comes 18 years after the first show started as one of the most unrealistic depictions of grades nine through 12. Although I don't care about any characters on the show, I still like the show. I thought Navid and Adrianna's scenes on last Tuesday's episodes were top notch. I guess I like those two the best. Too much Naomi last week. The show wouldn't miss a beat without her.

(That was for Esq. who sent me a text last Wednesday night asking about a recap.)

Pretty standard Tuesday. I consistently wake up on Tuesday mornings thinking it's Wednesday. This is a problem and no fun. But I imagine that happens to the best of us. And you.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 45, Northwestern 10

2008-11-10T17:22:00.004-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Usually I try to throw out an anecdote from the weekend when recapping the previous four nights. Sometimes it ties together with the rest of the piece, other times it has no bearing or meaning on anything whatsoever.

Too many such examples happened from Thursday, Nov. 6, 2008 through last night.

If I had to pick one, I'd have to pick when The Godfather got lost in the moment singing "Sweet Child of Mine" or My Cousin Kevin (MCK) and his ill-fated plan to get home to Youngstown or The Dr.'s telling his girlfriend (she's a girlfriend) that she's "getting an up-close and personal look on what makes us awesome" or our singing on the train headed back to Wrigleyville on Saturday night or when The Dr.'s girlfriend called him "baby" and we heard her call him "baby" or how every girl in The Only Bar in Evanston went by the name of Emily.

Still, I'm going with two. OK, three.

1. The "Live Your Life" moment at Merkle's.
2. The Godfather's insistence that we check out The Only Bar in Evanston, despite other intel reports.
3. The "I love college football (me too!)" moment.

We got to Cleveland on Thursday night after much consternation. The Godfather and I must have said "nothing is ever easy with him" about 400 times. We got to Mathlete's house (The Godfather's brother) and then walked over to Panini's on West Sixth. Had a few beers and The Godfather and Mathlete went to the game. I stayed behind to drink. Dorothy from Halloween met me and we proceeded to have beers for the next three hours watching the game. I watched far more of the game than her. (Me - All the plays, Her - None of the plays.) Obviously the Browns lost a huge lead and the game and not-so-obviously, MCK decided to meet us in Cleveland. He's another member of the "nothing is ever easy" crowd. He was supposed to meet us in Cleveland at noon on Friday. Instead, he meets us at the bar with his luggage (at the bar) and is looking for his buddy (he was to stay the night with him). Said friend then informs MCK that he's headed back to Youngstown. MCK has no place to stay and ends up at Mathlete's with us. I'd join later.

After the game, The Godfather walked into Panini's with the pissed-off-the-Browns-just-loss face and seemed ready to go home fuck that. He had a beer and spirits (while being drank) improved. He then met Dorothy from Halloween (who went to the same high school as The Godfather). She didn't recognize him. This brought much delight to Mathlete who said, "she's the first person who doesn't know him!" The Godfather claimed she was lying and that she did know him. He then hated on her the rest of the night (behind her back, when she wasn't around). We all had a fun time and some chick in a William Green jersey (with perhaps fake tits perhaps) hung out with us and joined Mathlete and the rest back at his apartment. This girl was someone's cousin. Glad she wasn't mine because you're not supposed to want to bang your own cousin. That's like the 14th amendment so says Moses and Exodus and the prophet Ezekial (What's up religion class!). Due process like what.

I am the biggest Browns, Cavs and Indians fan in the world but I fucking hate Cleveland. I almost made it the entire year of 2008 without going to that Obama-forsaken town. I know a couple attractive girls from Cleveland but ... it's just ... what is the deal? Even when they're wearing jerseys, the girls still look hit. I shouldn't call out the beer tub girl at Panini's because she's an actual human being with feelings and it's mean.

I walked Dorothy back to Kansas and joined the crew at Mathlete's house at about 3:30 a.m. They were eating pizza and playing rap music. I think some mildly unattractive (but not ugly) chick in a Brady Quinn jersey made out with MCK for 11 seconds. I went to bed. Mathlete offered me his bed. I accepted. His brother slept on the floor or couch.

"He did it to spite him," I said.

"Fact," Mathlete said the next morning.

We then drove to South Bend, Ind. for a hamburger at CJ's. The guy working the bar (tough looking Midwestern) brought three packs of smokes with him to work. Three. Cigarettes in Chicago are like $8 a pack. Hamburger was tasty.

Made it to Chicago after I played a great mix on The Godfather's iPod. We were fucking rocking during "Sweet Child of Mine." The Godfather was entirely lost in the moment and for a second I think he thought he was Axl Rose. It was hilarious. I let him have that moment.

Went out with The Dr. to Mickey's. Had 11 beers for the $25 all-you-can-drink 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. price. Saw many a fine bitches including this super hot Italian girl who I see out in Columbus from time to time. Chicago brings it. We basically just drank, watched basketball highlights and talked to friends of McCampus. Got home around 1:30 a.m., watched "The Office" and went to sleep.

It began.

I forgot to wear my jacket to the Ohio State game. I froze. It took forever to get there. The trains were packed. I had a hot chocolate and popcorn that blew all over the place. I also had some sausage before leaving. We sat near a New Yorker who rooted for Northwestern.

We began telling everyone Terrelle Pryor's nickname is "King Black."

It began again.

We walked over to The Only Bar in Evanston following the game. The Hammer told us that the bar was "packed" with "wall to wall" people and that we'd never get in. We seemed resigned to a boring afternoon of pizza, naps and maybe a lame attempt at going out. I was real pleased. The Godfather saved the day saying, "I want to see it with my own eyes. I don't want to make the same mistake President Bush made in 2002 by approving intel he didn't see with his own two eyes." We then went to the bar and did exactly what you expect. Yelled things. The Godfather made friends with strangers. I talked to random hotties (all named Emily) and The Dr.'s girlfriend called him "baby." Penn State lost. Obviously we were the last Ohio State people there come 8 p.m. (ET) and normal people started coming into the "restaurant." We boarded a train and sang songs for about 20 minutes to the delight of all passengers except an old black couple who probably dismissed us as "honkeys." The Godfather took requests and I'm sure his rendition of "Living on a Prayer" is on YouTube somewhere.

We all were pretty wasted at 8:30 p.m. after 6.5 hours of heaving drinking but we went to Wrigleyville and some random bar where a cougar (with husband) attacked Smiles. Smiles let me wear his jacket which was awesome. We then went to Merkles (an Iowa bar!).

Just saw so many random hotties wearing T-shirts from Big Ten schools and a drunk McCampus and crew. I talked to a girl with a Michigan State T-shirt. Pretty much blinders for two hours.

Then it happened.

They played T.I./Rihanna "Live Your Life" about three times and it got awesomer every time. That officially is the song of 2008 taking over "Whatever You Like."

I didn't do this recap justice.

The Dr.'s girlfriend got an up-close and personal look on what makes us awesome.

Ivory & Ebony

2008-11-04T15:00:00.004-05:00

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Bye, Weekend

2008-11-03T10:51:00.002-05:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Have you ever seen that guy on TV? He's pretty awesome. I need to have a 20-minute conversation about him with trendy because I'm sure trendy has his thoughts and feelings on Pat Caddell. I know he'll say ... in these exact words ... "Oh yeah, that guy? He's awesome. Total badass. Total." He'll move his right hand up when he says that last "total." I know it's an odd combo but I'd love to send Godsmack, McGinley, trendy and my dad on a "seven-day talk politics cruise." The conversation would last well after the ship docked. Or until the Miller Lites ran out. The latter probably would happen in about 17 hours.

Listen to me. Being all smart with the sea-faring lingo.

I am hurting this morning. My body is numb in some places. I am sore. No real attention span to speak of. But I actually am getting a lot done at work and had a 7:30 a.m. breakfast meeting. I never have thought so much at 7:30 a.m. My brain hurts too. I had pancakes and scrambled eggs.

I cracked open the first suds last night around 9 p.m. and texted Dorothy from Halloween. I'll get to that. Trying to get to you, too. And that booty.

We had a great exchange (no ATM fees) and I settled into watching a special episode of "Hannity and Colmes" around 10 p.m. That's when I started marveling at Caddell. First off. He looks dead. Like I don't know what dead people look like (nobody does, that's why they look different in all scary movies) but I thought he was a corpse. Then he just said like 15 things that I agree with without being a bastard. I love FOX News. They have on that he's a "former Democratic pollster" so we think he's on "the other side." Ann Coulter also was on and she looks hot after you've had a 22-ounce Heineken can and three 16-ounce Miller Lites also cans. So I'm thinking ... "It's Coulter against Caddell!" But it's not, he just made great sense and I'd probably vote for him if he ever ran for president. He's also younger than my dad and I canfuckingnot believe that.

Watched "Entourage" and really liked Gary Cole's character. I like that actor despite sitting here and being unable to tell you one movie he's ever been in.

Then I got to texting this girl I met at the Ugly Tuna a few Thursdays ago. I remember she was hot and 21. She also has a cool first name. She had a boyfriend at the time. I hadn't heard from her in about a week but she sent me a text last night (11:14 p.m.) that said, "How was your weekend" She didn't include a question mark and I'm not really a stickler when it comes to punctuation in texts. And she's hot and 21.

Turns out "some recent events" happen to be her breaking up with her boyfriend. We then went tit for tat on texts until 1:31 a.m. I didn't get hammered last night (unlike Friday and Saturday) but I definitely had a good buzz. I sent some GREAT texts. If I blogged after a Friday night out, I'd probably win a Pulitzer. Seriously. I'm not one to pat myself on the back but I entertain.

Walking home from the Arena District (with the Truth no less!!) on Friday night had to be the highlight of the weekend. I turned right onto High Street (near Hyde Park) and bumped into the Truth (who was walking north). We had been separated early in the night. It took about an hour. Not a bad walk. We sang "I know what them girls, I know, I know what them girls" like about 500 times and he called a random chick and had the most hilarious conversation ever with her on speaker phone and this is a family-oriented blog so I won't get into that business. They used the word lube.

My fangs didn't work on Friday night so I decided to just wear a suit out with that ridiculous cap I wear on New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day. I also rocked a "Another Democrat for McCain" sticker both Friday and Saturday night. Sleepy is so perplexed and shocked that I'm an "arch conservative." He's awesome. The Godfather and I are on a full-out plan to get him to move here. There's no plan or whatever but we did tell him to move here. It's not a real strong argument but it ain't flimsy either.

I just loved Friday night around 11:30 p.m. the Truth came over dressed as Jim Tressel. He killed it. And we tried to get my fangs to work by boiling down this plastic substance. We looked like we were cooking up meth. It didn't work. You really can't boil water in a microwave. It's just not possible. The Godfather came over and we went to The Patio ($10 cover charge?) and met Rainbow Bright and Headband there. Sleepy showed up, as well. Sleepy had a long heart-to-heart conversation with a random chick who threw beer on people. It included this exchange: "This is the second time today I've been nice to you." ... "Well, fuck you." Awesome.

I swear every chick was dressed as a hotass amazon girl or indian. I just saw so many flat bellies. That's the highlight of the weekend. So many flat bellies. Rainbow Bright gave me shit that I wasn't paying attention to her when we were talking but Jesus Christ, I had a lot of stuff to look at! I failed to make eye contact with anyone I talked to the entire night. I wish the night could have lasted 600 hours. Maybe that's why we walked home.

I met a girl I really like while on the dance floor outside. I went to lunch with her the next day. At Tuttle Mall. That all happened. She was dressed as Dorothy (from "The Wizard of Oz" ... not the one-time gubernatorial candidate) and I commented that Dorothy wore calf high white socks (cotton?) not thigh highs. We hit it off. I don't know what happened but I like talking to this girl, she's fun to listen to, down to earth, is about 5'3'', 100 pounds. It's a dream situation. She lives in Cleveland. Obviously I'll blow it because I'm a firm believer that everyone should just have four or five people they hook up with on occasion and she probably won't be down for that. BUT. But ... I like spending time with her and we'll see what happens. I met her two days ago.

Everyone left and I started walking home. Not enough cabs for all those flat bellies. That's when I ran into the Truth. What a walk. We received "life coaching" from a random near the Statehouse. Of course we did! He (homeless) probably stuck around for the BHO rally on Sunday. I can't wait for the election to be over so I don't have to see The Sports Writer perform Facebook Fellatio on Obama until maybe 2012. I still will be facebooking.

I felt shitty on Saturday from about 2 p.m. until 8 p.m. Then I went over the Truth's and started drinking again while he put on his costume. He was the best Joker. It's not even close. I can't wait to see pictures. I went as Bill from "True Blood." There he is. I looked good. I might dye my hair black. I look sweet. He's a vampire. He's undead. Like Pat Caddell.

The McCampus Party at Callahans rocked. It sort of was more "grown up." Not so much when certain peoples toked up outside on the patio. But most of the girls wore non-slutty costumes. The Godfather houdini'd real early. It was one of the more shocking non-The Mayor houdinis in a long time. I left around 2:30 a.m. ... which I think actually was 3:30 a.m. The time change did not affect me at all this year. I had no idea of time. My text messages on Saturday night weren't as good.

Another awesome day at The Little Bar despite the Browns. We stopped on the way home for milkshakes. What a shitty sports weekend for me ... Cavs, Browns and Blue Jackets all losers and the Buckeyes didn't even play. The Texas-Texas Tech game obviously was awesome.

So was the weekend.

185-Brothers-Park Street Tavern trifecta

2008-10-31T09:19:00.005-04:00

Of all things Sleepy decided to go to the Arena District and The Godfather said, "fuck it, I'm in."

We left Club 185 a little after midnight and drove to Brothers. Sleepy had about 10 friends there and most were chicks with a couple dudes thrown in. They were hardcore (and presumably still are) Republicans. We walked over to Patio/Sugar (my suggestion) and there was an Obama banner hanging on the fence. They refused to go in. I'm glad about that because I didn't have any cash on me and there was a $5, five dollar, $5 cover charge.

Naturally we hit that trifecta we normally bang out on Thursday nights. Club 185-Brothers-Park Street Tavern. Ate a bunch of popcorn at "the Park."

Details of all that are kind of hazy. I thought one of the girls looked good so I mainly just talked to her and bullshitted (made fun of people) with The Godfather. I won't write anything further until those folks are out of town and I don't have any chance to see them again.

Earlier, I went to a costume store in Whitehall with the Truth and bought some fangs and black hair spray. The people in the store fit every stereotype you could draw up. We were there for about an hour as the Truth asked 1,764 questions about makeup and had a woman give his wig a hair cut. He only asked 815 questions about the wig.

He smoked 20 cigarette during the trip and told me about his haircut problems on the drive over there in one of those conversations where whenever you suggest something the other person goes back to the other option. Moral? He doesn't think he should be spending $40 on a haircut but he "does like to have a coffee while he gets his haircut." Spent some time talking about his need to pull away from nicotine and caffeine.

Rolled into 185 a little after 10 p.m. and chatted with McCampus as McLimited, Sleepy and The Godfather quoted "Good Fellas" and "Mad Men" for about 25 minutes. McCampus told me he's going as a gay cyclist for Halloween (as if there's any other kind) and concluded by saying, "I look like a mental patient." He left at 11:fifteen. No. 1 in Columbus worked last night so that was advantageous and led to a Sleepy-asked-query, "who's the new girl?" A couple Ohio State football players showed up to enjoy their bye week and then followed us to Park Street. (Allegedly.)

Got home around 2 a.m. The chick from Texas told me I was a "ring leader" and I took that to mean "leader." That didn't bother The Godfather at all.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

The clock at 185

2008-10-30T13:02:00.003-04:00

You'd think I'd know by now. Been a regular for about three years.

The clock at Club 185 runs 10 minutes late. This didn't stop me from making a mad dash to get back to work for a 1:15 p.m. call. I left lunch at 12:46 p.m. About 14 minutes before I'd normally leave.

Great lunch with The Old Man, The Mayor, Godsmack and The Godfather. I'd love to see a political television show with Smack and The Mayor. They entertain. The Godfather could be the third man ... like off camera and the camera just pans to him for reactions.

That's a great idea.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Drinking Season

2008-10-28T10:40:00.007-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Although it's a Tuesday, I don't think any date more epitomizes my life back in Columbus than October 28.

On Friday, Oct. 28, 2005, I met The Mayor and saw The Godfather for the first time in years. We chilled at a center high top and tradition began. The following year, we had the best "Cold and Dark" Ohio State football game in years and then went to that party on campus where everything happened. Earlier that morning, we had "Gray Hooded Sweatshirt Night" at Club 185 and the Truth later would chokeslam Dr. Z at The Godfather's former compound on Whittier.

It's really "drinking season" now that I think about it. Drinking Season runs from the last week of October through the first of the year. Really. Is there any other time during the year when so much considerable drinking goes on? I imagine The Mayor will love that I just named this "Drinking Season" and probably will say it many times.

Drinking Season ends when people stop drinking because of New Year's Resolutions, The 1 hibernates throughout winter, we "celebrate" Lent, the drab days of February, only to be rescued with the funness that is March.

Looking ahead we have Halloween Weekend, a trip to Chicago, Michigan Weekend, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, the Friday after Thanksgiving, a weekend trip to Indianapolis, my birthday weekend, the weekend before Christmas, Christmas parties, that week before New Year's where nobody works and New Year's Eve.

Deck the halls.

To the dogs (and my dawgs)

2008-10-28T09:16:00.006-04:00

What a mess for baseball. I turned the game on in the fourth inning and thought, "OK, they aren't canceling this now because?"

I looked at the radar. (Did you know there was a Philadelphia, Miss.?) There was a slow moving green and yellow (not a boogar) blob over the Philadelphia (Pa.) region. It probably was going to rain for about 10 hours and worsen. It wasn't like the game was a blowout. It was 2-1. Just say, "hey, sorry about this, but we shouldn't have started this game and now it's over."

Because Tampa Bay (not a city in Mississippi or Pennsylvania or any of the other 48 states) scored in the top of the sixth, baseball comes out smelling a little rosier or at least less shitty. If they don't score, they would have kept playing in that shit, make NO doubt about it. Anything else they try to sell you is complete well, bull crap.

Continuing on that "humans picking up animal shit" theme, I don't hate the trendys dog, Nemo. It's a slacker dog, so I like it. I like that it's a slacker. Not that it's a dog. It kinda just lays around all the time and doesn't make a sound. It's got nappy(ish) hair and is going bald. It kinda looks pissed off that it's a dog and not a human. It's got a human spirit. I gathered this in the four minutes we bonded.

After a strong first six episodes of season two, "Gossip Girl" has hit more of a rut. Last night's episode was fine, but nothing more than a solid C-plus. Jenny Humphrey (she's 15 on the show ... and in real life) looked like she was about 30-years old. Also, Kaitlin Cooper (from "The OC" fame) had a role on the show basically playing Kaitlin Cooper.

I know Ohio State isn't having the best season but ... you know ... they aren't exactly not going to a bowl game and playing on the Big Ten Network's REGIONAL coverage in Week 10 of the college football season. Michigan (2-6) will see its 33-year bowl appearance streak snapped this year with a loss in any of its final four games. The steak is the longest in college football. You can catch the Wolverines on the BTN this Saturday at noon visiting Purdue. So yes. Worst Michigan team in four decades.

That's about all I got on this morning. We're getting closer to the weekend. That's good.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Mascot Bevo

2008-10-26T20:21:00.003-04:00

Here's the ad. It's the first time I've ever mentioned cars on this blog.

The last four seconds says, "saved by zero, saved by zero." I have no idea what that means. I don't have facial hair and look rugged and wear flannels hence I don't know anything about cars. I do have a somewhat good looking, manly chin.

So today I went to BDL and then The Little Bar. (Little bar, big enthusiasm.) And I'll talk more about that tomorrow but we saw the above commercial at least 600 times during the Browns game. Big win.

As you know, us three began adding words to the end of the ad-ver-tis-ment.

saved by zero, saved by zero:

"Don't wear speedos." - The Godfather
"Mascot Bevo." - The Godfather
"That's my creedo." - The 1
"Eating cheetohs." - All
"Garlic cheese-o." - Art McGregor

Obviously mine was the worst and we spent about 10 minutes doing this as the game carried on. First-letter-of-the-alphabet GREAT Sunday.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Tuesday afternoon mailbag X

2008-10-21T14:21:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Blog on the Run's tenth Tuesday afternoon mailbag. Here I'll answer questions from readers and non-readers about the week that was and anything else that might come across my mailbag.

Q: What do you feel is the best part of this blog?

A: It's without a doubt the "throwaway lines" that sort of make you scratch your head. They're really the essence of who I am and what I'm all about. They're the, "did he really just say that because it sounds completely crazy but probably true" sentences. They're statements I can write 1,500-word entries on but instead just snuck them into long posts about random stuff. My two favorite examples of these are the times I said "I'm not good looking enough to get the type of girl that I like" and the other being when I said that "I don't belong to anything so that way I can make fun of everything." Those are about the two most true statements I can make. They're me. They symbolize everything about my entries on this blog and the way I look at life. I think a lot of people are this way but way too scared and/or proud to admit it.

Q: There is a lot of struggle in the world. What makes you the saddest?

A: Seeing hot chicks that look young (early 20s) wearing engagement and/or wedding rings. I look at myself as some sort of a prophet saying that you should always hold out hope that you'll find someone totally hot that makes you feel good about yourself because let's face it, we're always judging ourselves and if you're with someone really attractive, that means others will judge you that way as well. You always want to be with someone better looking than you. You never want to be the best looking person in a relationship.

And then I see these really attractive girls at the grocery store at noon on a Tuesday. And that's it. Really? That's your life. Right now. And for the next 40 years. You'll be going to the grocery store at noon on a Tuesday. I mean, I know I was there too, but I was just grabbing lunch. And who knows, there's someone out there that could write about me and look down on the fact that I get lunch at grocery stores in Ohio and that's fine. I hear what you're saying. But I'm not a hot chick. If you're a hot chick, you have the world at your beck and call. You shouldn't settle for Giant Eagle at noon on a Tuesday. And yet girls always do. What's the rush? What's the hurry? You're 23!

Take your time. Be patient. Yes, you will struggle through a lot of terribly boring nights. You'll hate Tuesday and Monday nights and get pissed off at a lot of what goes on around you. But pretty much every other second of your life will be fun. You'll have "endless possibilities." Having the feeling of "endless possibilities" is my favorite feeling in the world. It's why I like cent camp.

Let's say my life was just one big Saturday night after a 3:30 p.m. football game. I'm always going to advocate cent camp because anything can happen. I never will make going back to the German Village or Club 185 a priority. I know what will happen once I'm there.

I'm not ready to know what happens next in my life. The girl at Giant Eagle is. She's living it.

Q: How many drugs were you when you wrote your first entry for Kyle's blog?

A: None. I just like letting go with stream of consciousness stuff every now and then. I can't wait to write for this week. And if anything, my posts over there are more Art McGregor (fact) than Art McGregor (based on a true story). Yes, I just said my blogging persona is "based on a true story." Not a "true story" as I am in "real" life. And no. I'm not on any drugs right now.

Q: Are you surprised there hasn't been one story about how gas has gone down about $1.50 per gallon since President Bush lifted an executive order banning offshore oil drilling on July 14? Also, great take on tying college newspaper editorial pages of present to who the "objective" reporters of tomorrow will be. I've never heard anyone say that before but it makes perfect sense.

A: On the latter, thank you. But no, I'm not surprised there haven't been stories on this offshore drilling thing. If President Obama does something similiar, we'll hear about it on a nightly basis.

Q: What happens this Saturday with Ohio State?

A: The game? Who knows. I think anything can happen. I'm seriously clueless as to how this game will play it. The last time I felt this way was the LSU game from earlier this year. That's not a good sign. But I have had opinions on every other Ohio State game. This doesn't seem like a game Ohio State loses. Ohio State is 35-2 in its last 37 regular season games. I'd say they were "supposed to" win 36 of those games (USC being the lone exception). So, this means about out of every 100 games Ohio State's supposed to win, they'll lose three of them. Those aren't great odds for the Nittany Lions. Before the game? Geesh. I don't know. I think the game is the biggest story this week ... even more than the tailgating. That's a first in a long time. I don't care if it rains or it's hot and sunny, just get me to Saturday night.

Q: You're bringing it on the countdown to Halloween. Can we expect more pictures of hot girls younger than 22 in Halloween costumes?

- From the desk of Art McGregor

'Friday Night Lights'

2008-10-15T09:21:00.005-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I realize many may not have the asinine amount of free time that I do, but I did manage to watch nine episodes of "Friday Night Lights" last night before bed. Time-Warner's wireless connection was messed up last night so I didn't get to watch any episodes in bed.

Doesn't mean I didn't think about it while there.

Bill Simmons at ESPN.com wrote about the show this past year. He wrapped it up very nicely:

Quite simply, FNL is the best date show ever, an improbable cross between The O.C. and every sports show you ever wanted Hollywood to make. It's the first show my wife and I have loved equally, but for different reasons. What can be better than that?

Simmons goes on to call it the best sports show ever. It is. Without doubt. And the thing is, I like the non-football parts the best. There's really not even that much football on the show considering it's about football. The football scenes look real, if not the endings of those games. (Who consistently runs the ball from the 50-yard line with seven seconds down when you're down four points? ... And high school football games usually are not close. Most games are blowouts.)

It's really an amazing show. I watch a lot of TV and I really can't delineate amongst the top of my favorites, but this show is right up there and I've only watched 12 of the original 37 episodes. (Season 3 will air on NBC this winter/spring.)

You can watch all the episodes right here for free. Just don't pay attention to the communist commercials. (There are 15 second commercial breaks.)

McCampus and The Godfather talked about the show a lot last year. I'm glad I'm finally on the bandwagon.

In the first dozen episodes, I got choked up about three or four times and heard the following songs:

"Devil Town" by Bright Eyes
"Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent
"Dead Man's Will" by Iron & Wine

I don't think I will watch nine episodes today. Could go for 10.

EGG: Over cheesy and out

2008-10-13T11:10:00.005-04:00

It's over for The EGG. This time, for real.

We went back to The EGG yesterday for our Sunday ritual. I love Sundays in the fall. Early wake-up, drive to campus, watch football, eat fried food.

I hated 2007 but one of the best things about that year was going to The EGG. Even when the Browns would lose, we'd still have a great time.

I had the worst chicken sandwich ever. The EGG is skimming. Do you remember chicken sandwiches from there in April 2007? Plump, white, good looking grilled chicken. Yesterday's sandwich was brown and thinner than an actress on "92010" on a diet. The 1 immediately made fun of it. He said it looked like I had a "smattering" of fries from other people's plates. The cheese on his mini-burgers looked disgusting. Really orange.

The music is too fucking loud. They have one person on staff that smiles. The TVs don't always show HD and the music is SO loud.

In The EGGs defense, the Steelers nor the Browns were playing yesterday so that means there weren't many "fans" there. But still, there's no regulars this year. I think people have stopped going. It sucks.

The 1 and I will be back at BDL next weekend. Or somewhere else. The EGG is so shitty that it could possibly derail Sunday afternoon Fundays.

And what I hate about The EGG is that I have given it chance after chance. This is the third time I've banned it.

Can't see being back in 2008.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Death Cab and cutie

2008-10-09T14:50:00.007-04:00

(Photo credit: cpn, 10-8-08.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

The Lady and cpn talk so quickly that we all were out of breath before the concert even began. Actually, before we parked the car.

I love hearing those two talk because not only do they tell entertaining stories, but they tell them in entertaining ways. Their delivery is rockstar.

But we needed an energy drink after the stories of Friday Night Fights at Club 185.

"[Sonbreath] sent me a text about it at 8:30 a.m. the next morning," The Lady said.

TD Hoodie, Peaches, cpn and I finished two 32 ounce beers in about two-point-five minutes. Peaches made like Barry Sanders shoving her way through the crowd and got us to within about 10 deep of lead singer Ben Gibbard. I held on to the back of Hoodie's hoodie when bursting through the crowd.

What were Death Cab fans going to do about it?! It's like 7,000 mes. They ain't doing shit. Mainly because I wouldn't have done shit. When confrontation presents itself, I like to elbow it in the back after it walks past me and then act like I didn't do it.

Death Cab didn't play "405," but they played everything else I liked. They played five songs off "Plans," and the only one of those I don't really like is "Soul Meets Body." They played my favorites on "Narrow Stairs" and the requisite few from "Transatlanticism" (try saying that word when drunk) ... "Sound of Settling," "New Year," "Expo '86" (awesome), "Title and Registration," and the closer "Tiny Vessels"/"Transatlanticism." A FIVE-SONG encore. Unreal. Not ONE bit of political commentary other than a "make sure to vote" message at the end of the show.
Props on that.

They come around once every two years. Their music means a lot to me. I have no problem saying that. Music can make a big difference in someone's life especially if that someone spends a lot of time by his Art McGregorself.

That's the best thing about music. To write a song for everyone that speaks directly to one person. Only that one person is about 500,000 people.

I spend a lot of time thinking about myself and most of it's negative. I can't stand the way certain relationships in the past have ended and howevergaythismaysound I credit Death Cab's music with getting me through some really tough times when I didn't know if I'd make it through another day. (Not in a suicidal way, just in a way like, "fuck, this sucks I want to stay in bed." But sometimes I did stay in bed.) So it's emotional in that respect and to enjoy it outdoors in a great environment on a cool, crisp night just makes it that much more amazing.

Also amazing is the blonde I met outside Club 185 last night.

Spent time at a high top (yes!) with Bo Bice and The Pacifist. For awhile, I was the only one there without a beard. Their friend also came (unbearded) with a smoking hot brunette (unbearded) who was really nice and I think we did some shots (shottttts) before I headed outside with the blonde.

She was a real doozie, a former flight attendant born in 1986. Obviously I didn't take her home, but it was a rare night. Not rare that I didn't take her home but. Props to her friend. The friend genuinely seemed to be rooting for me. The friend usually always tries to fuck you over so she can go home and watch "Sex and the City" with the other girl and talk about how she's just like Charlotte but she's really not because she's just not.

The girl from Reynoldsburg actually was pretty smart and we smoked about four Camel Lights outside. I also gave her a piggy-back ride west on Blenkner. Then carried her ("into the hotel after your wedding" style) across Mohawk where he friend dropped trou and took a piss right behind her car. At 2:34 a.m. she sent me a picture of her cat. Really. Her cat. I am sure we talked about cats at some point in the night.

I did pretty well for myself. The girl was fucking hot and pointed out that she was "really drunk" at least four times. Before, I'd never had a girl ask for a piggy-back ride that wasn't a relative under the age of 8.

I walked home around 2 a.m. and fell asleep at about 2:30 a.m.

A text from The Godfather woke me up.

I wasn't dreaming.

Dziena: Warrior Princess

2008-10-07T23:06:00.004-04:00

This?

over

that?

... Only in the movies.

"Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" gets a solid A-minus from me. If you recall my review of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," you'll remember I said that it's impossible not to fall in love with ~~Mila Kunis' character~~ Mila Kunis in the movie.

It's kind of impossible not to want to bang-out Alexis Dziena's character in "Nick and Norah ..."

Dziena, 24, is so bitchy and hot in this movie. Those two characteristics ... in reverse order ... are the two things I look for in chicks. The strip-tease scene ... mmm ... will be purchasing that on DVD. Not the whole movie. Just the scene. Just kidding. You can't do that.

Her, "how can you get over me when you're under me?" line will be rethought in my mind. Like a lot.

No offense to Kat Dennings, it's just, c'mon!

It's one of those movies where you know exactly what will happen (no way he chooses Norah over Tris ... none), but it's still fucking hilarious. The name of the first mix CD they show cracked my shit up. Mainly because I've done something similar. Yes, I haven't always been this bad ass and/or cool.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

... Cable Guy

2008-10-07T10:24:00.001-04:00

(Hat tip, The 1)

- From the desk of Art McGregor

5:21 p.m.: The great beyond

2008-10-07T09:15:00.003-04:00

(I am against everything this picture stands for.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Lothario-ing ain't easy.

Especially on Monday nights.

I had to make one big decision last night. Felt kind of hungry at about 7 p.m. Since I've given up fast food and Chipotle, this would require a trip to the grocery store. Nowhere else sells food.

The fuck, you're thinking. Why not just go to the Shell Station for some Doritos?

Also gave up the entire Shell Station (except for gas) between Mondays and Wednesdays. That move alone will save me ... not making this up ... about $400 a year.

Back to hunger pains.

I'm incredibly obsessive about my weight. I weigh myself every morning and write it down on my desk calendar. For example, on the last Wednesday of September I weighed 151.8 pounds. The next day 150.8 and the next 152.6. (Thursday night's 18 gallons of beer I drink.)

I don't know what days those are (like the 28th, 29th or 30th) because I have to rip off the previous month. But I write in the last week's weights above the first week of each current month. Are you following? No? OK.

Today I'm at 151.2. Pounds. My cousin Kevin had the nickname "LB" in high school because he pounded beers not because he played linebacker because he played soccer and I think he played fullback because he's a bigger guy but get this he played linebacker and fullback on Tecmo Super Bowl because on that game you control all the positions well not on both teams because that'd be boring.

This is just a sentence so I don't begin every paragraph with an "I." Moral is this, I didn't go out yesterday. I stayed in. I didn't go and get a loaf of bread and a thing of peanut butter. I stayed in and instead ate three packets of Austin's Peanut Butter Crackers. I had 45 of them. I'm down to about 18.

Hindsight says I should have at least walked over to Kroger. I could have used the fresh air. After getting home from work at 5:21 p.m., I didn't leave the house. I can't remember that ever happening before. (I've got home at 5:21 p.m. before ... probably multiple times. But not in the same day. That'd be impossible.)

Alonzo Hindsight usually gives great advice.

My house is a complete disaster right now. I am living alone this month before The Godfather moves in post-election. The downstairs is clean as can be. All dishes and cups are clean because I never use them. But the upstairs just has clothes everywhere. Except on the ceiling because we're dancing on the ceiling. Clothes ain't welcome.

Oh what a feeling.

I'm in the midst of bringing out (bring 'em out, bring 'em out) my sweaters and retiring my 3,215 button down shirts that are either blue or light green. Also in the midst of laundry. Also in the midst of not knowing what's clean and dirty so that means everything is dirty. My hallway is covered in clothes. And socks.

I didn't leave the house last night. It's tough to blog about that. If I keep having to write short little posts like this on Tuesday morning, I am going to have to at least leave the house post-5:21 p.m.

That is easy.

We don't know two girls

2008-10-06T15:39:00.003-04:00

"There's a league down here every Tuesday night we could get in," The Godfather said. "Only thing is, it's co-ed. Two guys and two girls."

"We don't know two girls," I said.

"I know," he responded.

So it is. There will be no league bowling, but the German Village Bowling Association will be meeting tomorrow night for a trio of games at Gahanna Lanes. I'll be using my purple 12-pound ball also known as my cock. Kidding. I call it Purp12. The ball not the cock.

I think the Intercontinental Title is on the line. McGinley, by virtue of his 126-124 win over me is the heavyweight champ and since I finished second, I am the Intercontinental Champ. McCampus is last. The Godfather is third.

Other than trying to get The 1 on Facebook this week, I'm not doing too much. Except I am.

There is no "Gossip Girl" on tonight and that makes me want to kill myself. If it was on, this could be one of the best weeks ever. Bowling tomorrow, Death Cab on Wednesday, Office on Thursday, off work on Friday.

Book it.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 20, Wisconsin 17

2008-10-06T11:05:00.004-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

There were not any hot chicks where you were at about 11:30 p.m. on Friday.

They all were at Brothers in Columbus.

It's rare you experience scenes of unbridled joy. Far more rare that I do. I didn't experience this in the attack of the hotties on Friday, but did so Saturday. Before walking from Fifth Third Bank on S. High Street to Club 185.

Following ~~Troy Smith's~~ Terrelle Pryor's touchdown run with a minute to go, I turned around and saw beer ... as if champagne ... lighting the campus night. People hugged, people smiled, the Truth said, "that's what I'm talking about it!"

It was one of the best Ohio State wins in my lifetime. I don't know how to stress that enough.

1. I watched the game with a girl I genuinely like.
2. I watched it with the Truth and The Godfather and The Mayor. The 1 left at halftime.
3. We had a great seat at the video games at the EGG.
4. The Dr. sent me a text at the start of the fourth quarter that read, "this feels like a great night for the black, long sleeved t-shirt."
5. The Sports Writer sent me one before the game-winning drive, "time for Pryor to earn his poon."

We won and we celebrated. I was convinced of failure. You see, most Ohio State fans root for losers in all other sports. Probably 65-70 percent of them root for the Browns, Bengals, Blue Jackets, Reds, Indians and Cavs ... and other than the Cavs, those teams pretty much all suck and are really good at losing heartbreakers.

It was a game where you hug people. People hugged. People don't hug after beating Troy and Minnesota.

A star was born.

... ... ... ...

I don't know how I'm not going to Brothers every Friday night. I met the Truth there. We boozed and went our separate ways, ala Phil Collins. I hightailed it over to Sugar/Patio and had some beers with Scott Lewis, pitcher for the Cleveland Indians. Great dude.

Watched the end of the Angels-Red Sox game (one of the best I've ever seen) and chatted it up with various chicks I've made out with in public before. Somehow saw the Truth outside Bar Louie and in a fit of rage, he pulled me into the car and we went to some random afterhours where he and I got into a popcorn throwing match at 4 a.m. I was that guy in the German Village throwing popcorn at 4 a.m.

... ... ... ...

Sort of has to be noted that two of (probably) 100 or so most recognizable people in the world were in Columbus this weekend. David Beckham and communist Bruce Springsteen.

... ... ... ...

I am in love with Sunday afternoons. The 1 and The Godfather joined me at B-Dubs Lane. B-Dubs Lane is now off the list. That place sort of sucks. But we had a great fucking time. The thing is, we're all sort of drunk. Like, we just say things and laugh harder than anyone else around us. We all came up with the idea of bringing a sign of Chemical Ali and Charles Ali to the Bruce Springsteen concert. This was very hilarious at 2 o'clock on Sunday. That's p.m.

I didn't want that to end. But it did because our group has a habit of ending really fun things because of no reason. We went home and I endured five-terrible-hours-of-non-drinking-Sunday. Yikes. After throwing back 12 16-ounce Miller Lites last night, I felt better. Slept really well. Right through the alarm. I love that I start drinking (alone) at 9 p.m. on Sundays. It makes the nights so much better.

I sang "Hello" by Lionel Richie at B-Dubs Lane (BDL).

... ... ... ...

The scene remained the EGG and the afterparty at McFadden's, also known as the happiest place on the planet. I don't know how to explain it other than = packed full of happy people, chicks dancing on bars, tons of smiles, tons of girls hitting on dudes and overall amazingness.

Obviously the girl I hung out with during the game didn't leave with me so I went to McFadden's to meet up with Pilot Bartender (blog name), Big Mike and The Mayor.

I saw The Godfather for .21 seconds. He was not looking too good. I've never seen happier at midnight and more drunk/miserable looking at 1 a.m. He was NOT coming in hot, real hot.

We ran into quite the cast of characters at the EGG. Talked with Antwan Jamison for a good portion of the second half. Great dude. The 1's buddy blew the stankiest farts ever. Fucking awful. I don't normally blog about farts but they were that bad!

The Mayor and ASD manned the bar and kept the buckets coming. I drank less than everyone because I threw on the blinders for about 45 minutes and just talked to the girl.

How about I called her yesterday and got excited when she called back. It's been awhile (Staind).

... ... ... ....

The oddest news of the weekend? I somehow bought "Who Knew?" by Pink on iTunes. Drunk texting is so 2006. Drunk iTuning is so right now.

... ... ... ... ...

Ohio State now is 5-1 with winnable games remaining. Just keep on winning Buckeyes and don't stop. thinking about. tomorrow.

The weekend will soon be here.

Coming in hot, real hot

2008-10-06T11:04:00.000-04:00

Just getting to my office. Weekend recap up before lunch.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Chili, C-plus, Club

2008-10-03T11:20:00.004-04:00

Enjoyed watching some of the debate with McCampus, McCampus GF, The Godfather and the Truth. the Truth smoked in both the backyard and front porch. The Godfather made really good chili and sent 21 texts.

McCampus played the gracious host at the Superdome/813. He also has an inexplicable "Express" poster hanging in his living room.

the Truth and I went to Ugly Tuna until about 1 a.m. Logsdon threw out many "Gerbil Village" references that got zero laughs. They could just have a Chris Logsdon hologram up there because he did the same bit three weeks ago.

For all his cracks on Gerbil Village, the Tuna rocked an 80/20 male-female split.

Didn't get much better at Club 185.

The scoreboard read:

11 dudes, 3 girls.

Good times at the Club, however. They've got a new bartender that I assume will draw in a few new repeat customers. She's got some talent.

A C-plus Thursday night. I feel good this morning.

It's time for the weekend.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

You can't strike out October

2008-09-30T15:13:00.005-04:00

If the German Village Oktoberfest is allowed to A spell October "Oktober" B be held the first weekend in September and C take place outside the German Village, I'm allowed to celebrate the start of October in September.

No real celebrations planned for this evening. Since there are 14,713 "events" in Columbus tonight, there will be no bowling. The 1 said he "probably could play next week," so he's out indefinitely. McCampus said if the place didn't close at nine he could play (fair) and McGinely hasn't responded to my text in the past four minutes. Slacker.

I can't speak of other celebrations in Columbus. No word yet as to if Tremont is going to be sponsoring "Cocktoberfest."

I've done other homages to the month of October. I don't feel like digging them up.

It's the best month of the year. You've got Halloween (underrated holiday and one of only four holidays that count ... Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, Halloween) and its slutty chicks, crazy football, baseball and basketball. You've got the start of the NHL season and hockey nights in the Arena District. You've got television shows in full swing. You have the best Ohio weather. Ohio State is back in session. It's just amazing.

Signing off in September. See you first day of October.

Let's head out swinging.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

They play music at grocery stores

2008-09-30T13:12:00.006-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I've eaten lunch at the Giant Eagle Hot Food Bar on Steltzer Road about 14 or 15 times in September. Just noticed something today.

They play music in grocery stores. I hadn't really noticed this since I worked at a Big Eagle in the summer of 1995.

I dig the tunes! In our Columbus market, the music they play is a combination of Sunny 95 (94.7 FM) and Mix 97 (97.1 FM). A more pumped-up version of adult contemporary. I approve. Today they had Annie Lennox's "Sweet Dreams."

The lyric "everybody's looking for something" really means something in a grocery store. Everybody in there is looking for something.

Except me in the summer of 1995. I was looking for nothing.

I worked about 18 hours a week and they were the worst 18 hours of the week. I made something like $65 a week. I got paid every two weeks. I was forced to be in a union. That was awesome. Thanks unions. I really got my money's worth.

I usually worked three or four days a week. My least favorite shift was the 5 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. shift. I'd have to miss the Tribe games! This was before cell phones. Sometimes my mom would come in and tell me the scores. I also always had to work the shitastic Sunday noon to 8:30 p.m. shift and Saturday's from like 2:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. I hated it. I lived about .8 miles from the store. I'd walk there (drive if raining).

I led the league in "giving up shifts." If you wanted to pick up extra hours, I was the guy to see. I would dress in my work outfit, knowing full well I wasn't working and stay away from the house for five hours. Hopefully my mom wouldn't be shopping that night. I took chances.

I'd go see movies or play softball and what not. I finally quit in early September of 1995. I called off sick on my last day. (Of course I did.)

Longest three months of my fucking life.

If you remember college football, it was the time Michigan scored 18-unanswered points in the fourth quarter and beat Virginia 18-17 on the game's final play. I had to be at work at 4 p.m. and there was no way in hell I was missing the end of the game.

The song they played on the grocery store station that summer at least 30 times a day was Rusted Root's "Send me on My Way." They never had a DJ. Just songs 24/7. I don't know how they came up with song orders. I was too busy bagging groceries.

Then again, who am I to disagree?

Eva Longoria, No. 1,341?

2008-09-29T10:56:00.005-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I proclaimed out loud yesterday at B-Dubs Lane (BDL) that "I'd really like to fuck Eva Longoria."

She's a PC. And she has one ring.

It's the first and only time in my life that I've said "I want to fuck" someone out loud. I'm not even an Eva Longoria fan, per se. She's not in my top 100 or heck, even top 500. I am sure I can name 1,000 women I'd rather bangout than Mrs. Longoria-Parker. Maybe if you want to get together with me at Club 185 sometime this week, I'll begin the naming process.

I think "I want to fuck ..." is a vulgar statement. I don't like how it sounds. It's kind of funny though because all's you're trying to do pretty much all the time is "to fuck" someone. If you're single.

Some people are just trying to fuck that one person (me from 2004 through 2007) while others are trying to fuck everybody (2008 through present).

It's just, why'd it take me 29 years to say it out loud? Is it a breakthrough? Is admitting it out loud noteworthy? I am out of the closet!

The statement came at the couldn't-be-anymore-awesome high-top table at BDL. Anytime you have a choice to sit at a high top or low top table, you have to pick high top. Because if you don't, you deserve to be farted on.

The 1, The Godfather and I sat there eating boneless wings, cheese sticks, fries and mini-burgers. Nary a green to be seen. Hell, The Godfather's nachos didn't even have guacamole. I spilled a lemonade all over The 1 and some of The Godfather's salsa stained The 1's crotch.

"It looks like I had my period," The 1 said.

It was a raucous afternoon in a new setting. I always pity people who sit near us. We don't stop talking and nothing we say makes sense. McStreaky told us the other day that "you need a manual" when talking to us.

But the people sitting next to us know what I meant when I said I wanted to fuck Eva Longoria.

We're all familiar with the feeling.

Ohio State 34, Minnesota 21

2008-09-29T09:08:00.002-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Rainbow Bright got mad at me for calling out a weekend a few weeks back. I said it was just an OK weekend. Let me explain something. I grade weekends on a curve. The grade has nothing to ... well, very little to do ... with people.

I gave this past weekend a non-A because it was sunny and hot, I got too drunk too quick and not having The Godfather around also didn't help. Also, The Stalker showed up at The Pole (The Varsity Club's, not my own) and just stood there while no one talked to her.

Weekend ended with a trip to Gay Kroger to buy stamps and I ran into The Biggest Slut Who Lives In The German Village. She of course did not say hello. She goes to the "Waitresses at The EGG School of Wearing a Scowl on your Face at All Times."

After the high school football game, I met McGinley, SHG, P Gritty and The Godfather at the Hey Hey. Then we went to High Beck. On a Friday. I'm ... hopefully a one-time occurrence. Also played some Keno with McCampus at the Hey Hey. I saw more McCampus this weekend than I have since the McGregor-McCampus Hey Day of February 2007, the month after his infamous "eat a dick, blog it" text. We also saw DJ AM that night. RIP.

We then went to The Patio and I think we all were tired. Going to the Hey Hey and sitting at a low top at High Beck can do that to a person. Also, I had a busy week. I've chronicled it but I had very little time to just lay around and do nothing. I was at full-go all week. I could being full-go as going to my sister's and watching two television shows on Monday night. Friday night's tiredness spilled over into the weekend.

I can't express how much fun I had at the game. Sitting next to McGinley and The 1 is a real treat. People around us HAD to hate us. We're completely rude and don't stop talking. We're not usually talking about the game. Or anything really. We must have said "BOOM" Herron at least 347 times. The 1 also experience a voice cracking (ala a 14-year-old boy) when singing "Seven Nation Army."

He's going to Wichita.

The Mayor came and stayed for ONE PLAY. Not quite sure what was up with that, but that had to suck.

I went to The Blackwell postgame with The 1 and had a beer with my dad. Met The 1's friend New Edition. New Edition is a great guy. Between Powder, Johnny K, Hot D and New Edition, The 1 has some great friends.

Hung out with Rainbow Bright, McCampus, The Mayor and such at the VC. The sun rendered me utterly useless. I don't remember much. I remember seeing the Truth. Those past two sentences go hand in hand. The 1 and I got into a cab, dropped off the Truth and headed back to the German Village. I showered, semi-sobered up, ate a packet of peanut butter crackers and went back out to Four Kegs with The Godfather, Mathlete and friends. McGinley (not drinking this fall) dropped us off.

I ate a soft pretzel and those crackers on Saturday. Combined with the 14 beers and five shots, I completely have ZERO recollection of anything that happened after 11 o'clock on Saturday night. I houdini'd on myself. I like that we were walking down a dark alley and then I went missing and The Godfather later recounted that he didn't do anything about it. What's up with that?!?!

I need a break. I am so relieved we have a road game this weekend. I've done heavy boozing 10 out of the past 11 days. It's a bender. I REALLY NEED TO TAKE THREE DAYS OFF.

I had a really enjoyable Sunday a B-Dubs Lane. More to follow.

Random thoughts after beers

2008-09-28T23:29:00.003-04:00

- I loved that "Entourage" used The Cure's "Lullaby (Spiderman)" tonight. Fucking awesome.

- I would love to eat seven beers a night.

- The Bears are pretty good.

- I love the blonde in the television show "Chuck."

- Hey Chicago what do you say? Cubs are going to win Wednesday.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Song you will hear me singing a lot

2008-09-28T19:59:00.001-04:00

Just be prepared to hear me and The Godfather sing this song at least 400 times this month.

Maybe you already heard me scream it last night at Four Kegs.

You can catch it all on G-V-M (family of networks).

- From the desk of Art McGregor

B-minus weekend

2008-09-28T19:42:00.004-04:00

A few thoughts on the weekend ...

- Buffalo Wild Wings (campus) ... we'll call it BDL ... B-Dubbs-Lane ... has taken over The EGG's mantle for Sunday afternoon football. BDL has hotter waitresses, more TVs, more space to sit, hotter fans, no bullshit music during commercials, no stupid trivia questions, etc. Plus, the Mathlete isn't banned from EGG for the next four-plus years.

The Godfather, The 1 and I decided on this move. It's a huge decision.

We first went to B-Dubbs in the German Village and that place is fucking awful. Totally depressing and projection televisions. I feel bad for the place. The 1 and I left after about four minutes.

- Missing The Godfather at The Varsity Club isn't a good thing. The day lacked something. I had the best time of the day AT the game. Bullshitting with McGinley and The 1 was awesome and the game was pretty enjoyable. The Buckeyes had some of their swagger back. I think the Oregon State win over USC had a lot to do with that.

I got really drunk. I don't really remember much. More to come.

- The Browns suck. But suck less than the Bengals.

- I spilled a full lemonade on The 1.

- I am glad the Buckeyes play on the road next week. Fun times at the EGG for the Wisconsin game. I assume me and The 1 will go at 5:30 or 6, the Godfather will come later, the Truth will be there at 5:31 or 6:01 and The Mayor and his assorted entourage will show up at about 7:52 p.m.

I had a pretty good weekend. I'm ready for Thursday.

Tuna?

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Bad Columbus magazines

2008-09-22T15:20:00.004-04:00

Columbus has a few random magazines that seem to feature professionally-done photos of 22-year-old bartenders at places like Mynt with ugly back tattoos. I guess there's one coming out called "The O Face." Oh man. Can't wait.

The magazine obviously looks like crap and will be patently unfunny but might do well with the Affliction/backward hat crowd. The 12 percent of them that can read. But this post is spit-out-your-water-from-the-office-cooler-that-you-walk-to-16-times-a-day-to-waste-time funny.

This girl should just write posts critiquing Craigslist posts. She's funny.

Also, this post on TheDirty has some of the best smack talk in the history of the crazy rascals that talk shit on message boards and/or blogs.

Some of the better ones:

"I checked facebook and this dude only has 97 facebook friends.

FAIL"

and

"man people seem to either love this guy or hate him. all i can tell about him through the pics is that he’s repping his chest hair."

Repping his chest hair. Standing, out.

People are mean but bloggers are the geeks from sixth grade.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Glossary - 'Trolling for strappies'

2008-09-22T14:07:00.003-04:00

The Godfather, when asked about the whereabouts of a certain female a number of years ago (or a couple months ago) said, "she's probably out trolling for strappies."

Trolling for strappies means looking to hook up with chicks who wear strap-ons. It's a harsh criticism but includes the words trolling and strappies. So that's pretty funny.

Trolling for jappies would be looking to hook up with orientals. But we'd never do that because we're not racist.

I know strappies is a collection of letters with vowels and the what not, but I actually don't know if it's a word.

FACT CHECK: We've never actively heard of someone trolling for strappies.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 28, Troy 10

2008-09-22T09:37:00.003-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

A couple hundred times this weekend I heard something and thought, "that'd be an awesome headline on the blog!"

But The Godfather pointed out:

"That's the bad thing about hanging out with the Truth. You never remember anything."

I walked back to The Mayor's house this morning to pick up my car. It was still there from Friday night. the Truth gave us a ride home on Friday night. German Village ain't exactly Jacksonville, Fla. when it comes to land mass.

"I might run out of gas," said the Truth, as he dropped me off about .7 miles (a 10-minute walk) from my house.

I sent a text to The Godfather early yesterday morning that said, "let's go to the EGG as early as possible."

I left the EGG last night around 11 p.m. Obviously, I was there still drinking as the theme of the day seemed to be "Yes, I'll have another beer." I rolled up a $38 tab on beer only. On a Sunday. You need it when watching the Browns.

I really think I've had two seminal moments since moving back to The German Village in 2005:

A Seeing The Mayor (black North Face) and The Godfather (gray Ohio State hoodie) at Club 185 on Friday, Oct. 28, 2005 and B the time at The EGG when The 1 said, "we're staying here until dusk."

You deserve to have Sunday Fundays. You should be out there drinking. Think back to that Sunday in July when you sat around, didn't shower, flipped channels for seven hours and struggled to fall asleep at night because you were so inactive throughout the course of the day.

The Godfather left the EGG at about 7:30 p.m. last night. I went over and talked to The EGG Guys for about two hours before they left. I just sat at the bar and watched the Yankees game and a little of the Packers game. I sent too many text messages to an old girlfriend in Baltimore.

When it all started, it was all good.

I walked into The Mayor's on Friday night and saw McCampus.

"You used to get a lot more excited to see me," he said.

True story. Dot org.

Seeing him was great as he pretty much says the funniest things ever. We (of course) retreated into the living room to watch baseball highlights on mute.

In that same way, it was good to have a funny text message exchange with The 1 throughout the weekend. I don't remember any of them.

That's the truth. And the Truth.

One person I did not see or hear from this weekend was NJAG. On Friday, Aug. 8 I went over her house and ate Tostitos. Then we went to The Patio. Then she said she wanted to get food at 185 and I didn't (already had had the corn chips), so she left and I haven't heard from her since.

For the first time since Thursday, Aug. 28, I went to The Patio. Ended up there on Saturday night. I had a blast on Saturday.

"I can't wait for next Saturday," I said to The Godfather Parents yesterday at lunch at Mad Mex.

Mad Mex? Eh. I thought a steak taco was just like a normal taco. I thought a taco had steak meat in it. It doesn't. Did like the rice though.

The key to Saturday was constant movement after laying around all day until 3 p.m. Got to V.C. at 3:45 p.m. and spent an hour or so talking to this Hot Jill Girl and her mom and thinking, "I can't believe I used to have sleepovers with this girl. (daughter not mom)"

Seeing Johnny K was awesome and he made small talk with the mom. I told him, "You smell like the beach!" He did. That's the awesome thing about Johnny K. He always looks like he just got home from the beach. In Ohio.

Spent a lot of time at the inside/outside bar at The Varsity Club. The Intern's brother played baseball at Ohio State a few years back so he was surrounded by the hottest chicks in the history of Columbus. I just stayed there for about an hour.

Went back outside and talked to The Doctor. Bringing girlfriends to Ohio State games is a great idea. Sarcasm is the act of lying on purpose.

Also chatted with a really ugly (not nice) Canadian (!!) chick for about 20 minutes. It could have been six minutes. We discussed Wayne Gretzky and what I was doing later that night. She was probably 32 but looked 43. I prefer when they're 18 and look 16.

Kinda fooled around with a really drunk chick for a little bit who stumbled and fell. Like. On the ground. She was so drunk she fell over.

Walked up to B-Dubs (after pledgin' NEVER AGAIN) and met up with The Godfather and two couples. McGinley wasn't in town so The Godfather was not a part of any couple and I wouldn't couple until hours later.

The Godfather actually stole a beer from the bar. He reached over the bar and took it out of the cooler. I've never seen that done before. I love when I see something for the first time.

Felt like I was seeing St. Patrick's Day Girl for the first time. Ran into her at Patio and then we made out (inside bar and then outside bar) in full view of about 200 people. It was my second bar face sucking session of the day. This girl didn't fall over.

She looked amazing. I don't remember her being that good looking. She has a couple upper back/neck TATS that added to the hottness.

Also saw Hooters Girl there and she said hello. She didn't respond to my text yesterday.

The night really kicked off when the Truth rolled into B-Dubs about eight seconds before The Godfather houdini'd to go to a PARTY IN THE GERMAN VILLAGE.

"It was kind of lame," he'd later say. "I kind of dozed off."

Truth and I went to Four Kegs where we talked to chicks about god knows what. Maybe chewing gum? Truth always ALWAYS has gum. Then we hung out in a parking lot behind the bar for five or ten minutes.

"Do you smoke?" McCampus asked Joe Incognito/Esera a night before.

"What? Pot? Meth?" Incognito/Esera responded.

Mayorfest '08 kicked ass. We (like you didn't know!) ended up chucking beer cans at each other and pouring beer on ourselves. This was about 2:10 a.m. It was me, the Truth, The Mayor and The Godfather. Average age? About 32.

I am sure I've leaving a lot out.

I can't wait for next Saturday.

I'm not always right (left-handed version)

2008-09-19T13:34:00.020-04:00

Sometimes I just say things. They're horribly wrong but I think I'm right. I'm not saying opinions. I'm stating "facts."

I'm not out there saying, "McCain is going to Vermont" or shit like that. It's this doozy from last night:

"Los Angeles has 20 million people. Doesn't New York (City) have like 32 million?"

I am a pretty knowledgeable person. I am. I come off looking like a high school kid stuck in his late 20s (vice versa), but I am pretty smart about some stuff (rap music, television, 80s movies, Cleveland Indians, where hotties hang out).

Turns out. I wasn't even close on my population guesstimates. Population Guesstimates would be a great band name.

Phoenix is the fifth biggest city in the United States? Texas has three cities in the top 10?

This shit fascinates.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Klosterspatch

2008-09-19T13:34:00.010-04:00

Wow. Most people know Chuck Klosterman is my favorite. Like. Favorite person. Ever. While I'd never say I write like him, he inspires me to write and he has the greatest influence on how I write.

Favorite people rankings (male division):

1. Chuck Klosterman (klow-ster-man)
2. LeBron James
3. Jim Rome
4. Rush Limbaugh
5. Dennis Miller

Klosterman's latest book "Downtown Owl" is fucking hysterical. I am on page 63. I am not reading more than 30 pages a day so I can prolong the experience. I don't want to bust my nut right away. I bought it at The Book Loft. As I was looking down at the e-mail list at the check out counter, I notice cpn's brother and his wife were the last ones to sign it. (Useless side note.)

This book is funny because it tries not to be. There is so much hilarious shit in it that I can't stop thinking about. (And the short girl from Ugly Tuna last night. She had a great nose!)

It's about this town in North Dakota in 1983. Not making that up. (The book. Not the girl's nose.)

I HIGHLY recommend it and I recommend it high. It tells the story through the eyes of three people (a high school student, a young teacher and an 80-year-old).

Go buy this book.

- From the desk of Art McGregor/Klosterspatch

Objectifying women: Girls of the Big 10 edition

2008-09-17T19:09:00.009-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Impressed? Of course. Overwhelmed? Hardly.

Then again, that's the charm of Ohio State girls. The football team too, now that you mention it.

Other than the contingent of ultra-bitchy 7's (that's a 1 through 10 ranking ... not the number on their women's OSU jersey) that frequents The Varsity Club on home Saturdays, ~~Columbus State~~ Ohio State girls usually are pretty friendly, approachable and into guys with cool hair. At least they were between 2003 and 2007.

Finally had a chance to read the October issue of Playboy. It's "The Girls of the Big 10" collection.

Finding an issue of Playboy is a challenge. Other than bookstores in airports, where do you find one?? I looked in CVS, a grocery store ... and that's about it. But still. I don't see issues of Playboy very often. About 362 days less than I did in 1992.

I had to buy "the digital edition." You can't copy and paste the photos, however. That's nappy.

A trio of Ohio State girls are included in the group of 48 girls. Well, 47 girls and one "other." Sorry, Illini.

I-L-L ... no need for the I-N-I. I'm already ill.

These are not the best Ohio State has to offer. It's not a slight on the following girls, it's just, not every girl is into getting naked on film (or digitally ... my $4.95 says so).

I remember a similar "Girls of the Big 10" came out in 2002 or 2003. I remember this because a girl I worked with at the Olive Garden had a roommate. This roommate worked at Hooters. Her name was Jessie (she looked like a Jessie) and she posed for the magazine. She was damn cute. I remember thinking how cool it was to know someone who posed in Playboy.

Nowadays I'd be more excited to meet someone who's been in "Girls Gone Wild." And none of that fringe "Girls Gone Wild: Dorm Room Fantasies" or whatever. That stuff is porn actresses. I'm talking the real thing. The real thing? Well, you know what I mean. I don't mind enhancements. I remember a girl I will call "Fakey" during the amazing Christmas Vacation of '06. She had talent. She also liked to wear different colors of hair. I remember walking her back to my place from Club 185 one night. She was legit stumbling. I should have just let her go with her friend but McGinley said, "she's fine. Let her walk it off." Thanks, McGinley.

~~She woke up with the infamous, "what did we do last night?" chorus.~~ Nevermind.

Anyway, the three Buckeyes in Playboy go by fake names. Their fake names are Marie Morgan, Kelsey Evans and Jamie Graham. I don't get the "Jamie Graham" name but whatever. I've seen Ms. Evans and Ms. Morgan out and about in Columbus. They're hot girls. They're the type you remember.

Here they are (remember, I've seen the nudes. Not like famous nudes like "David" or whatever ... though I've heard Dave is magnificent ... the nude photos of these girls ... and Jamie Graham and Kelsey Evans have great pictures in the magazine/digital version):

Jamie Graham:

Kelsey Evans:

Marie Morgan:

I think ~~this~~ Kelsey Evans ~~broad~~ is the best of the trio.

This Marie Morgan character (fake name = character) might be hot, but her picture in Playboy is the nappy angle of just a little nipple from the side and her behind. Boo. It took this blog less than three months to say "nappy angle of just a little nipple."

I've talked about Ms. Morgan before. She won last year's "Campus Girls USA" challenge. I wrote:

The bottom half (bottom half. excellent) of the bracket is just ridiculous. In a semifinal, you have Morgan vs. Ashley. If this were the Final Four, this definitely would not be the game that tips off at 6 p.m.

In the junior varsity game, it'll be Natasha vs. Ebony & Ivory. Neither are in the top four, but both make the semifinals. So go the breaks.

In the championship, I go with Morgan over Ebony & Ivory.

Still, I'd pay the most money to see Halle and Morgan go at it in best-of-seven fashion. Or in no fashion at all.

Jamie Graham's picture is the biggest in the issue. And rightfully so. Where are you hiding those things? I don't know if this is being mean or whatever, but she looks amazing in her Playboy picture, if not her other pictures.

Kelsey Evans wins this competition. Cute girl, pretty face, hot picture. I can't post the nude photos on here (and Marie's side nipple picture), but Evans makes buying it worth it. It's funny. Marie is probably the best looking in real life, but looks the worst in the magazine. And by worst I mean a 9.

So what? I'm going to hell.

It's probably easier to find a Playboy there than here in central Ohio.

USC 35, Oh** Stt 3

2008-09-16T10:44:00.003-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

What a pisser.

I've made a few mistakes. Like today. And I've only been up since 9 a.m. No power in my office! Whoot. Whoot. OK, OK ... here's a third WHOOT.

Now take those mistakes and ... you get the point. An exponential amount of mistakes Arthur C. McGregor has piled up through the years. Even when I tell people I'm 26. That's still a lot of years.

With a toe in the Pacific Ocean on Friday morning, I felt grounded. I made a mistake. I should have lived in California at some point.

Felt at home. My dad noticed and said as much. He told me, "you should live out here. You'd fit in."

It's simple. It's more laid back. I don't know how to quantify that but being in Hermosa Beach and Newport Beach (RIP Marissa Cooper) and Manhattan Beach, I felt good. The weather is perfect. People kind of drift around. No one seems in a hurry to do anything. Everyone seems happy. There's no clocks anywhere. It's never too warm. It's never too cold. I made a mistake.

So did Ohio State. They god damn sucked on Saturday night. I'm sure you've heard by now. No need to go further.

Fuck USC fans. Yes, there are tons of good ones ... and the fans tailgating (for the most part) were amazingly nice. And every girl with a "THETA '08" T-shirt was just amazing. I made sure to yell at most of them.

The tailgate was awesome. Much like what you see in movies. Makes sense being that the game was in L.A. Also, it's like what it'd be like if people could tailgate on the oval. Tons of mini tents and grills, walkways, footballs being passed around. The band and Song Girls marching around. Um. Heaven. Me and The Dr. (and Hammer) loved it. We ate at least 600 pieces of chicken that our boy Vinnie made for us. No utensils either. We had to look hot. About 13 beers deep, eating grilled chicken (on the bone) with our fingers. No napkins.

Also, NO open container rules. You could pretty much just drink wherever. Didn't see Utah or The Mayor. Saw TR O'Bannon and his former flame. The flame showed up at his tailgate? (Cheap Trick?)

God, I'm good.

Fans at the game were ASSHOLES. When they come to Ohio next year, no mercy. Treat every one of them (about 12 will travel) with complete hatred. We owe them nothing. They rubbed it in as worse as I've ever heard. I went to a Browns-Steelers playoff game in '03 and the Steeler fans weren't that bad.

I wish I had more trips like that with my dad. That's the awesome part. We had a great time. Other than the USC girls, the best part of the trip.

Tons of Buckeyes made the trip out there. We represented. At least off the field.

Will I ever go to a road game? Yes. I love it. Even if we lost, it was still awesome being there and seeing something new. The Dr. and I ogled and bullshitted (spelling?) with hotties for seven or eight hours pre-game. We made fun of people, yelled at people and made new friends. We combined to buy 90 beers at a combined price of around $90. We drank about 60 of them between the three of us.

The Browns blew on Sunday but what else is new. I told you they had a ZERO PERCENT chance of winning. I have NEVER missed when I said ZERO PERCENT chance of winning. LISTEN TO ME PEOPLE. A Cleveland team will NEVER win anything. NEVER.

Watched most of the NFL on Sunday at a bar called GRUNIONS. Legit had some Internet porn chicks in there with big dudes that look like Billy Walsh from "Entourage" only with crazy mustaches and bigger.

4.5 stars out of five for the trip.

Can't wait for 11.8.08. (Northwestern trip.)

McGregor: Hurricanes only hit Key West when Art McGregor lives there

2008-09-08T13:49:00.002-04:00

It's been documented before, but Art McGregor likes pointing out that hurricanes only hit Key West the two summers (2004 and 2005) he spent there.

Hurricane Ike did not hit the island after learning McGregor no longer resided there.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio University 14, Ohio State 26

2008-09-08T09:22:00.003-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run columnist

Sometime around 6 p.m. Saturday, I turned to The Godfather and asked, "do you just want to go back to the Village?"

I had had it. Couldn't get drunk at the Varsity Club. Tired of talking and/or answering questions. Tired of being told my hair used to look better or that I'm too picky or about bowel movements. Tired of tension surrounding talking about politics and hatred toward feminism. Silly libs.

Wanted to move on (dot org) and regroup.

Had the night mapped out in my head: Go home, relax, shower, head back out around 10 or 11 p.m.

His answer? A resounding "no." He wanted to go meet up with some people at B-Dubs and we did. And my quest to drink 430 beers without getting a buzz moved due east, as the crow flies along Lane Avenue to B-Dubs.

Saw a couple of friends of my sister and ate 78 boneless chicken wings. Did that thing where you sit down after six hours of drinking in the sun. That's always fun.

Thought the night was complete but The Godfather (The Godfather!) wanted to move to The Little Bar. That I can't complain about. I enjoy The Little Bar, formerly Lee's Market, no doubt some kind of speakeasy in the 1990s. You remember that place? Of course you do. I remember I ate dinner a couple of times at those apartments across the street. Friends of Johnny Jihad lived there. My how times have changed. Not really.

Thought it was good seeing Esq. earlier in the day at The Varsity Club. She's pretty fun to talk to. She says funny shit about shit and doesn't seem to have the filter thing in her brain. I asked about NJAG (haven't heard from her in a month after hearing from her daily for two weeks) and living in Cincinnati.

The day kind of represented the weekend. OK. Borderline bad. Hopefully the worst of the football season. The bar always is raised high on gamedays. And it was cool seeing Rainbow Bright and her people, but I would have liked to have done more.

Friday night it rained buckets right around the time I wanted to head out. If I hear one more fucking person say, "we need it!" I'm going to do nothing. Just pisses the shit out of me. If it's raining, it's Friday night in central Ohio.

Even the EGG let us down, although that's more because of the Browns performance. The EGG Guys were there, as were the bevy of bitties they travel with. Fuck. Me and The 1 came alone. That's what she said.

"Entourage" was OK. That's a pitfall of a 23-minute show. They had a lot to catch up on and they got things rolling for season five.

I'm probably being more hard (that's what she said) on the weekend than I need to be, but it just ... Ohio State is lousy and the Browns are worse. I am tired of rooting for the Clowns. They have the worst fucking pass rush I've ever seen. They run fades to the sideline on 3rd and 2. They fumble snaps on 3rd and 1. They give up first downs on every third down. They drop balls. They miss tackles. Same. Old. Browns.

They have a ZERO PERCENT chance of beating Pittsburgh this weekend. In the past year, I've rocked a "ZERO PERCENT chance" on three games (Indians/Sox Game 7, Indians/ChiSox in May, Indians/Rockies in June) and I've been right 100 percent of the time.

I thought of something really odd about OSU football. Since I moved to the German Village on Oct. 14, 2005, the Ohio State Buckeyes are 31-1 in regular season games. That's fucking crazy. While they don't have a ZERO PERCENT chance this weekend against USC, they aren't winning. I am Mr. Optimism on OSU Football, but they are going to get rolled. Take it from me. Do not THINK WE ARE GOING TO WIN. Don't. Enjoy the game. Enjoy Saturday leading up to it. Enjoy the fact that I'll be out in Manhattan Beach.

Just know that when this column comes back next week, Ohio State will be the second team listed in the headline again.

LIVE BLOG (90)2(10)

2008-09-02T20:20:00.008-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

(LIVE BLOG OF TONIGHT's "90210" EPISODE)

Hopping in after twenty minutes. Second commercial break.

Like the opening theme song.

Brother and sister (brother is black, bro) and girl is white. Girl (Annie) is hot and can't seem to make friends at new school. Keep in mind, she's hot.

Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez is the news caster on the school news station. Daughter of AHN-Drea and Jesse. Erin Silver looks like the resident emo badass. They exist? Hot though. Erin is David Silver's sister. David lost her once at a playground when he was on drugs and "living in a fantasy."

The dad of the family is Rob Estes. He's also the principal at West Beverly High School. The grandma is Jessica Waters. She plays sorta the same role she did as Lucille on "Arrested Development." The woman is funny.

Naomi is the hot one. Kind of bitchy but warming up to Annie (the sister who moved from Kansas). There's sort of a cool-guy English teacher with great hair and a cool beard. Everything I want to be. He's talking to the student (Naomi) at a bar right now.

Dude, Jessica Waters (Lucille Bluth) is owning this show so far. Hilarious lines.

Naomi's boyfriend Ethan is pissed at Naomi's b-day party. Naomi's druggie friend Adrianna just stole Naomi's purse to cover a $200 drug habit.

Erin Silver has a blog. "The Vicious Circle." Erin Silver is really hot. Great eyes. Kind of crazy. Silver's blog has gotten "half a million hits." Unreal. Lots of talking about blogs. Kelly Taylor still looks good.

Boring story about the black son playing lacrosse with the principal/dad (Rob Estes). Black kid is Dixon. He got kicked off the lacrosse team.

Ethan is the star lacrosse player. He's conflicted and troubled. Naomi copied Annie's paper on "A Tale of Two Cities."

Naomi bought Annie a $800 dress.

Annie is now trying to be in the school play. She's rocking out. Dad (principal/Rob Estes) found out Annie let Naomi copy her paper.

At 8:42 p.m., the show is just pretty OK.

During the commercial break, it's cool to see "West Beverley High School" again. That was a cool moment and I'm sure most fans of the original couldn't help but smile.

Annie and Naomi are now fighting. Naomi is sexy. Naomi has issues with her mom. Mom wants to be the cool mom. Naomi is showing signs of growing up. Silver is apologizing to Annie.

Dixon is back on the lacrosse team. Oh no. More problems. Another commercial at 8:50 p.m.?

Lori Laughlin is a cougar. Looks better now than when she was on "Full House."

Annie snuck out to the party after dad grounded her.

Not a whole bunch of originality.

Rob Estes and Naomi's mom used to date. OH SHIT. It turns out they have a son together. But he's adopted elsewhere.

Naomi just found out Ethan has been cheating on her. Annie saw it long ago, told her brother, who texted Naomi in a fit of rage.

Silver is taking her to the beach. "A whole world outside of Beverly Hills."

Looks like Ethan and Annie are going to be an item at some point.

Kelly Taylor has a kid.

Adrianna got her drug money. Black kid has a loser, annoying long-haired friend. They could have ended the episode there. They had a happy ending.

9:03 p.m.

Annie broke up with Jason (her loser boyfriend from Kansas that she never talked about). That was odd.

The rival lacrosse team trashed West Beverly. Lacrosse is a huge deal. WTF. Is this fucking Baltimore? Nice sport.

Will Ethan and Naomi patch things up? They aren't breaking up. I like that. Realistic (seriously). Score points for that.

Annie found a new dude that sings. He's so dreamy. I think he's originally from Ohio in real life, though.

Adrianna is stoned to the bone.

Naomi has a little cute tramp stamp tattoo. Mr. Matthews (cool English teacher) likes Kelly Taylor.

Dixon is having problems being the principal's son.

Ty Collins is the dreamy singer. He's into Annie. He's also a "heartbreaker." They're grabbing dinner tonight after rehearsal.

Silver and Naomi hate each other.

20 minutes without a commercial. That's a longass time for a TV show.

"Jock-asses end up selling tires or car insurance."

Ty Collins drives a Bentley. He took her to a private airport. The restaurant is in San Francisco. Bad. ass.

Tampons commercial.

I'm not really the target audience.

Silver's telling her to go (via cell phone).

Dixon's loser friend has a dad that produces porno.

NAT!!!!!!!!!! AT THE PEACH PIT!!

BRENDA!!!!! "BRANDON IS GOOD."

BRANDON misses megaburgers. He also lives in central America.

Dixon is pulling a prank on the other lacrosse team. Who cares. Statement Peach Pit is a new trendy place.

Naomi is hooking up with Ethan's rival.

Grandma (Lucille Bluth) was in a car accident.

It's fucking tough to live blog a television show.

Phew. Grandma is OK. Grandma's name is Tabitha.

Ethan's giving Annie advice. I just can't get behind this Ethan-Annie thing. Ethan is boring as fuck. He needs an angle.

Things between Ethan and Naomi are "not good."

Annie and Ethan shared a nice friendly conversation with their feet in the swimming pool. Shallow.

The lacrosse team got busted. Dixon told his dad.

Adrianna bailed on this audition.

Silver has the same tattoo as Naomi. "Friendship." Silver's dad (Dr. Mel Silver!) had ANOTHER affair way back in the day.

JACKIE TAYLOR WENT BACK TO BOOZING! That's awesome.

Cool teacher knows something is up with Adrianna. Dad is teaching the team a lesson. I miss Steve Sanders.

Annie's mom (Lori Laughlin) found out she went to San Francisco. They've got one more commercial break.

Naomi and Ethan are looking like they're going to break up. Ethan "wanted out."

"I'm breaking up with us."

Dixon is back on the team. Dixon is "still trying to find his way around here." Mr. Matthews is bringing flowers to Kelly Taylor as a surprise. Mr. Matthew's name is Ryan. Kelly and Ryan are going to have an impromptu date with the help of Brenda Walsh. BRENDA FUCK KING WALSH.

"This ain't KANSAS no mo'." - Annie to her black brother

This show ain't the original.

First episode was too long.

Ethan was coming over to surprise Annie and spotted Ty Collins kissing her.

Final verdict: I'll continue to watch only because it's Tuesday nights. And Tuesdays are no longer booze days.

Ohio State 43, YSU 0

2008-08-31T17:55:00.008-04:00

(Jessica is 18.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

The above girl goes to community college near Arizona State. She might be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and would give up 10 years of my life for three or four dates with her. I'd give up five years for one date (with a guarantee she'd put out).

I bring this up because I saw The 1 yesterday after 63 days (nine weeks). It was fantastic to see him. He was wearing an Arizona State hat and will be heading out to ASU on Thursday, Sept. 18. He'll be going to the Georgia-ASU game (football).

The 1 gets Week 1 MVP Honors. He brought us back to The Tailgate Behind Tommy's Pizza (TTBTP ... BTB for short). But first, here's some more pictures of Jessica and friends.

(Skinnier than Art McGregor ... combined.)

(They are good at being hot freshmen.)

BTB is the new VC. I thoroughly enjoyed The Varsity Club, but BTB had free food, free beer, a television, nice people and good looking women. Also free food and free beer. The trio from the get go included The 1, the Truth and Art McGregor. Disappointed I didn't see the rest of The 1's posse that includes His Girlfriend (blog name), Three Clicks (formerly Toe), Powder, Johnny K and Hot D. Anytime I see Hot D, he will be MVP of the Week. He's the guy who asked me to write his autobiography. He also implored people to "flip that shit" when buying houses and doesn't know what that means.

Before I recap the day, I need to say how great it is to get back into Seeing The People You Normally See During Football Season. Guys like TUG and T-MUG (Tall More Unfriendly Guy) and chicks like Sis, Gahannastan and the rest of their group. Also known as The People I Used To See All The Time At Club 185 In The Winter And Fall Of 2006. Also saw TD Hoodie and Peaches at The Varsity Club and beyond.

Anytime we end up at Four Kegs things are not good. Had lunch and our fantasy football draft today at Planks on Whittier. the Truth (not in the league but at the draft) and I were legit surprised to hear we went to Four Kegs. It wasn't a wise choice. We did a Jager Bomb there. I think that was the Truth's idea. I also ran into a girl from college who thinks I'm crazy and/or stalking her. I remembered her first and last name, what classes we had together and where she went to high school. I think I talked to her twice in college. I always sort of hope I run into this hot Jewish chick named Brittany (spelling?) from college. I haven't since our last JCOM 315 class in Fall 2000. She was a big Gore supporter (obviously) but I don't let that bother me. Maybe I'll see her next week. That would be tits (even though her's were small). As you can tell with Jessica, I am not a boobs guy even though people have called me a boob. Actually they haven't. But being called a boob would be funny.

I think we got to Four Kegs around 10 p.m. It could be anywhere from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. I made it home at 1 a.m. after eating 32,212 peanuts at a random party. After The Godfather climbed to the top of a dirt mountain on 16th Avenue, I celebrated by falling on the pavement and banging my head ("I could hear it" - The Godfather) on the sidewalk. It still fucking hurts.

We ate in the ballpark of 20-25 beers apiece. I also ate a ball park hot dog. I'm not a beer-counter-guy but I had about eight at the tailgate, seven or eight more at the Varsity Club, two or three at B-Dubs, two or three at Four Kegs, a Jager Bomb and then a couple more walking down the street and at various parties where girls kicked us out. No one likes to see that.

Day started out innocently enough. Drove to the game with The Godfather and a German, High School Foreign Exchange Student. Met up with The 1 at BTP at around noon. He said I looked great and "not skinny enough." I missed The 1 and the way he asks questions and says things. His take on Sarah Palin? "Is this lady girl really ready to be president." He still claims to be an "undecided" voter.

Got to love T-MUG and the tailgate. Had a great time. Genuinely nice people that are fun to talk to. I could just text this to The 1 but I'll say it here instead: Remind me to give you a case of Miller Lite for next week. I'll be there in the third quarter of the OSU-OU game. And maybe for a beer or two beforehand.

For all the making fun of frat guys I do, they get the hot chicks. Most girls at this tailgate were hot. That's amazing. Free beer, hot women (I think I referred to them as "Stepfords" although that's kind of derogatory) and Wavy Lays Potato Chips. Yum to all of the above.

Additional props to Sis for rocking the light hair. Loved it. Almost made up for not seeing Hot D. Almost. Didn't like her light blue shirt though. Shirt was fine but light blue? I know you're not an OSU alum, but come on. Support the team.

the Truth had many Truth-like comments on John McCain and other things. His reason for McCain's trouble at raising his arms? "They didn't have the good candy when he was a little kid. You know he's probably eating black licorice and rhubarb flavored things."

Headed over to The VC around 4 p.m. Loved the crew there. Saw TD Hoodie and Peaches. Peaches looked awesome. Sweet sunglasses, kick ass hair, cool T-shirt. Girl has style. Hoodie had a tight T-shirt on.

I'm kind of worn out telling this story. Need a break. OK, back.

I didn't really take a break there. But you can't tell that.

How we got to B-Dubs, I'll never know. Did we take a helicopter? Police escort? Cab? Walk? Probably the latter. Ran into Rainbow Bright and others. Headband wasn't there. Huh?

Saw a friend of a girl I used to know. She said, "I'll tell her you said hi." I said, "don't do that."

1. I didn't say hi.
2. I thought it was funny to not say hello. It seemed wise at the time.

Stayed at B-Dubs for awhile. Good chatting with Rainbow Bright, as that's what we do in football season. The Godfather's brother, the Mathlete, also was around. He added to fun.

I can't believe we didn't see The Mayor. I loved the group yesterday though. It was good Truth, happy The Godfather, fun Mathlete and Mathlete's underage girlfriend. I like having her around because it increases our chances of seeing other underage girls.

Then we marched around campus doing stupid shit and climbing dirt mountains, and tackling each other and ripping our shirts off and eating things and smoking funny things (oops ... Kid Rock reference).

The area over my left eye is killing me. Fuuuck. I am dead. I feel like shit. The 10,000 french fries I ate at Planks are not helping.

the Truth wants to go out tonight but I think I'll pass and just have a few drinks here. Some will be water.

I cannot fucking believe how much fun we had yesterday. Looking forward to next week.

And maybe running into that Britney (spelling?) girl.

Cue the Alice in Chains: It's over now

2008-08-28T10:04:00.003-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

It's been said before around these parts: "The Godfather and Art McGregor share the same brain."

We'll get into that in a minute, but first I have a confession. I had a dream about McCampus last night.

Usually, I don't discuss my dreams. I keep those to myself. They're about the only thing I keep to myself. Also, I keep my wallet to myself. And its contents.

I don't remember the particulars, but it involves the High Bar (Olympics gymnastics event ... picture above) and McCampus being a dare devil on a makeshift apparatus. Well, the first time, he sticks the landing. The next time, he misses and plummets about 40 feet to the ground. We rush to his rescue where he's endured a few minor injuries. It's a miracle.

That said, I was going to write about the Yankees today. They are FINISHED. They are as far out of first place as the Indians. That's just pathetic. Paulie Byrd, for the second time in two seasons, has finished the Yankees off. No Yankees in the playoffs for the first time since 1993. FOX, ESPN and TBS are lobbying to add additional teams to the playoffs. The Tribe, fresh off its Olympic championship, won their tenth straight game. If they win 29 more in a row, they could sneak into the playoffs. Impossible. BUT (you knew there'd be one ... although I prefer the butts right around the two decade old mark), they've got a really easy schedule in the next 17 games with seven against pure-stink Kansas City, four against pure-stink Baltimore and three against pure-stink Seattle. They've also got three against the White Sox with Lee and Carmona pitching at home. Stranger things have happened!! (On drugs paragraph.)

It's Thursday morning and I'm happy. It's obviously still raining but hopefully it stops soon. My cable went out last night and that's the final straw. I am switching to DirecTV tomorrow afternoon.

Not sure what the weekend (pre-Buckeyes game) entails. I haven't drank since Saturday night, which is probably my last four-night non-drinking streak until next spring. I can't imagine ever going more than three days in the fall, with NFL football, days off and boring Tuesday nights when I need to drink.

The 'real' Redeem Team

2008-08-26T13:33:00.003-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

The 2008 Cleveland Indians are "Olympic champions." Gold medal, baby.

(I'll take what I can get.)

They went 13-3 from 8.8.08 through this past Sunday. They won more than Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt combined. (13 to 11)

No other MLB team had a better record during that time.

While the Cincinnati (Ky.) Reds are winners of the "Ohio Cup" we'll head back to northeast Ohio this weekend with the ~~made-up~~ title of "Olympic champion."

I'd rather win on the world stage than some meaningless "state" title.

'Jonesing' for a milkshake

2008-08-19T10:56:00.003-04:00

(Seth in 2005. Last known photo.)

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the run senior writer

Try as I might, I’ve been unable to keep Seth out of my columns. For those who don’t know him, Seth is this friend I met in college at OSU. He was not enrolled at the time, but he hung out with a bunch of people I knew from South Campus and blah blah blah.

Anyhow, I can’t help featuring Seth this week, because what he did on Saturday needs to be made public. See, Seth gives me a call on Thursday. He doesn’t even say hello…just says “hey man, wanna crash a wedding Saturday?” I was, of course, appalled at the thought. Seth wouldn’t back down though, claiming he knew of a wedding taking place in Bexley that was huge so we’d blend right in. Of course, leave it to Seth to not think it’s weird for two dudes to go to a random wedding in Bexley. He claimed he had “Bexley cred.” Well, missestrendy was having none of it, so I told Seth I’d be his DD, but that’s it. Seth was down with the offer.

So, I pick Seth up at 4 on Saturday, as he insisted he didn’t want to miss the 4:30 ceremony for fear of blowing his cover. I show up at Seth’s parents house and there’s Seth, sitting on the couch shot-gunning Pabst. Seth is still unshowered and wearing a New York Jets sweat suit. That’s right. A sweat suit…not just sweat pants or a sweat shirt, but a sweat suit…in the middle of summer….drunk…wearing a Mets baseball cap. I’m a tad pissed because missestrendy wanted to go to an early dinner and I told her not to worry. I should have known better.

Well, no surprise here, but Seth was not “feeling” the ceremony portion and asked me to PBR him ASAP while he got ready. I went to the fridge to find no beers. Seth claimed I owed him for not going to the wedding with him, so I made a beer run and picked up a six pack of Red Stripe. Seth only drinks Red Stripe when someone else is buying. Luckily, I was able to convince Seth to head to the reception hall early to score a good table instead of lounging around at his parents’ house pounding Jamaican beers in used bottles.

This is where it got crazy. We pull up to this reception place, and Seth is getting’ into his pre-game mode…spraying Axe body spray all over the place and practicing his lines to chicks (his personal favorite “hey baby, wanna pay me for sex?”). I said to him “ok, Seth. I’m outta here. I’ll pick you up at 11:30.” Seth replied “nah loc, you best pick me up at ‘the bar’ at 2:30.” I just nodded and said yes, knowing full well Seth would probably call at 9:30 after getting kicked out of the reception.

At 7:30, I get a call from Seth. He was slurring his words big time, but I thought I heard him say “it’s a cash bar, it’s a cash bar” over and over again. Leave it to Seth to crash a cash bar with no cash. He’s practically crying on the phone telling me how he borrowed $100 from some chick he wants to bang and needs me to come to the hall and spot him a couple hundred. Trying to be a good friend, I reluctantly go to the hall and meet him in the parking lot. There’s fuckin’ Seth, standing there with a group of 80-something year olds smoking pipes. I’ve never seen so many pipes. Even the grandmas were smokin’ them. I slowly approach the group, knowing this was going to look weird. As I walk up, Seth screams “hey hey, this is the guy I was tellin’ you about. ‘Mr. PBR’!” The elderly folks are crackin’ up, then Seth turns to one of the women and grabs her ass while screaming “Palestine!” I obviously wasn’t in on the joke and thought that was a just a tad creepy, but they were all drunk and smokin’ pipes of something, so I let it pass.

I pulled Seth aside and gave him $200 and started walking away. I was super pissed at this point. Seth shouts out “wait, I want you to meet this chick I’m gonna bang!” I don’t know what I was thinking, but I walked back in sheer curiosity. I walk back, and Seth points to this woman that had to be about 98. He introduces me to Gertrude and proceeds to lick the side of her face and whisper in her ear “I’m gonna bang you baby” while I try to make small talk and get the hell out of there. Well, Gerty was lookin’ a little weirded out but was hard of hearing so she didn’t catch Seth’s crude comments. Seth was just lickin’ the shit out of her face.

That’s when I caught it. Seth was reaching into this lady’s purse as he licked her face, stealing one dollar bill after one dollar bill. I was ready to call him out, but I just couldn’t.

That’s when I just bolted. I literally ran away, knowing that nothing good could come of the situation. Seth seemed pissed for about a second, but as I climbed back into my car, I looked back to see Seth running in the other direction with a pipe in one hand and Gertrude’s purse in the other. The old people just didn’t know what to do. No one was even chasing him, but there was Seth, bolting up Main St. I knew where he was headed. That’s right, Capital University.

I didn’t have time to stick around, because by now missestrendy had texted me about 100 times wondering where the hell I was. Well, you can probably guess what came next. Seth calls me from the Graeters on Main claiming he’s “jonesing” for a milkshake but has no cash. I was not making another trip back to bail him out, so I told him to fuck off. Needless to say, I haven’t heard from him since. If you’ve seen or heard from Seth, please comment. To my knowledge, his whereabouts are unknown.

E-mail from Rod Munch

2008-08-15T10:54:00.003-04:00

I have a buddy. We'll call him Rod Munch. He lives in Minnesota and works for FOX. Great job. Good dude. Four-time emmy winner.

The Godfather knows him.

Here's his review on "Pineapple Express" and other thoughts:

"dudes...pineapple express is the funniest movie ever. if you haven't seen it, do it. right now. i will probably watch that movie at least 100 times before i die. of course, being that i'm a loser with no girlfriend and 1 friend in minnesota, i'll probably accomplish that feat within the next year. at least then i could concentrate on all of the other things on my bucket list. like seeing sebastian bach live in concert. harris, you lucky bastard.

16 days until ysu gets its ass beat by osu. [mcgregor]...remember when i used to argue with you back in the day about how ysu could beat osu? how was i a valedictorian? did i spell that right? no, seriously. how did that happen? oh yeah...probably because i took all the easiest classes and picked 18 and life as my song in simington's class. i would have failed me just for picking a song that literally anyone could explain just by reading the title. but instead...i got an a, went to college for free where i took the easiest major ever, and now i have 4 emmies. simey's getting a big shout-out when i win #5.

see y'all next weekend. peace."

- From the desk of Art McGregor

SWM seeking Slush Puppie machine

2008-08-12T09:36:00.008-04:00

(Notice what flavor he's drinking. Yeah bitches.)

Maybe the Tribe's just in the wrong division. With a win against Baltimore last night, the Indians improved to 16-8 against the AL East this season. Or maybe they just suck. Probably the latter. Regardless, a fun game to follow last night and anytime your favorite team wins - no matter how bad they are - it feels good.

Spent another evening in Newark writing for the Cape Cod Times last night. Enjoyed the game. It's pretty good baseball (16-18 year olds) and it WAS a perfect night for baseball. That's something the old timers in the press box must have said 431 times.

My favorite press box story from the past few years took place at Marion-Franklin High School here in Columbus. It ain't exactly the nicest facility, it was about 200 degrees inside (and cold and rainy outside), there were flies all over the place and the windows kept fogging up. Thank God The Godfather joined me. Also, the field was so muddy that you couldn't see the numbers on any of the players jerseys.

Got this text from the Truth last night:

"sat..qfm 96 Ohio best rack competition 8-10!!"

I think I can, I think I can.

Had a Slush Puppie at the game. For a $1.50, you can't beat it. At some point in my life, I wil have a Slush Puppie machine in my house. I'd only need one flavor. Cherry. Sometimes I may mix it up with an orange (flavor, not the fruit) but 90 percent I'm rocking the red tongue.

Watched the Olympics with Miss July. She moves on Thursday morning. Who's moving in? Well ... and I'm not making this up ... likely it will be a character in the upcoming "Lion King" at the Ohio Theatre.

Sounds about right.

- Compiled by Art McGregor

Glossary - Blinders

2008-08-11T15:41:00.003-04:00

Black Entertainment German Village Media (formerly German Village Media) had its busiest blogging month in August 2007.

We've got a lot of new readers and I want to address something before tomorrow's mailbag.

This post aptly describes "rocking blinders" and the aftermath of such a decision.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

I drink a lot of water

2008-08-11T10:24:00.005-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Sometimes I think I drink water out of boredom. Walk over to the water cooler, throw out a couple hellos, fill up and walk back to my desk.

The Crystal Springs blue cups I use are 9 ounces. I have about 10 a day and that's a conservative estimate. I also make sure to use a new cup every time. And then I throw it away. F-You Algore.

For some reason, my mom ALWAYS asks me "if I'm drinking enough water." I don't know why she does this. Maybe she's tied up with the water lobby. If one exists.

I do always make it a point to buy bottled water that costs more than $1. The Godfather only buys the $.89 brand popular in Grove City.

She seriously asks me almost every time we talk. It's not like I even dislike water. She asks it in the same way that she'd ask, "are you getting along with your sister?"

So I wanted to find out how much water in a day you should drink. I get this article and of course it DOES NOT TELL YOU. Fuck all this math and what not. Just tell me "this is HOW MANY ounces you should drink a day." I am well over 100.

I guess the number is around 70 ounces? That's pretty good. I am healthy. Yes.

Long post about boring Patio-related stuff

2008-08-11T09:22:00.005-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I have a pair of shoes that I wear to work about 70 percent of the time. I wear sandals or tennis shoes on Friday and sometimes black shoes with a suit. They're also the brown shoes I wore to Club 185 every day between December 2007 and April 2008. I looked at them this morning and got mad. The weekend was over. It was time to put on my brown shoes.

I really like this article by Pat Forde on ESPN.com today. I know it's silly to post links to ESPN.com, I mean, I know no on reads that site anyway, but he really captured the drama of that event.

He said it best:

What transpired during the final 50 meters was the stuff of Disney movies.

"That event" is the swimming relay last night. I think most people are talking about it today and it's probably "the event" of these Olympics. I watched most of the coverage last night with 16-ounce cans of Miller Lite and Miss July. She knows her stuff about gymnastics. I had forgot about Kim Zmeskal. I was more of a Shannon Miller fan. Not so much anymore. We talked at length about the sport and the 1992 women's team. I gander I know more about Olympics gymnastics than any 29-year-old straight male out there. Save your commentary.

I'm usually let down by sports on Sundays. Yesterday, I went to bed pretty happy. The 16-ouncers didn't hurt there.

I just feel like I should have an aunt or an uncle who has a swimming pool out near Newark in Jacksontown. You ever driven north on Route 13 toward Newark on a summer Saturday afternoon around 4:30 p.m.? It's a nice drive. Newark is beyond shitty (I had no idea), but the drive there is nice. I need to get on having an uncle out there with a pool. That's a big priority today.

I had lunch at El Vaquero on Saturday afternoon. It set the stage for a day I'll remember as "As Good as it Gets."

Great lunch, Tribe win, take in a baseball game, write about said baseball game for a newspaper in Cape Cod, get told by the sports editor there that I have "good stuff," watch the Olympics, watch UFC for the first time and close down The Patio. Oh yes.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a team player but I love team sports. I have little interest in individual sports like tennis, golf and boxing. But I walked away impressed with the UFC. I watched it in a fun setting. Perhaps that's why I enjoyed it. Crammed into The Patio's inside bar, I watched three or four matches with a few hundred meatheads with additional Affliction shirts in their closets. I saw a bunch of people I knew (NOT McCampus or The 1 I USED TO KNOW) and had a couple handfuls of beers. I'm not a big action movie guy and I don't like fighting, but I will make it a point to watch those UFC events from now on. Next one is September 6.

Another thing I really liked about this weekend happened on Friday. I was looking at the college football television schedule and I started to picture that first OSU home Saturday on August 30 (19 days away!). Go to the game, watch Utah play Michigan in the blaring sun at the Varsity Club, say like 30 times that I "kind of want to watch LSU and Appalachian State," head to B-Dubs or Out r' Inn (no clue why) around 8 and then watch other games at a campus location, or EGG and inevitably Club 185. Home football Saturdays are the seven best days of the year.

I had a couple of work things yesterday and the day absolutely flew by.

Yes, I already am looking forward to next weekend. But I'll miss this past weekend.

Friday night I went to The Patio with NJAG after eating about 7,000 of her tostitos. Her line of the night? "You smell like tostitos." Yes. When you eat 6,500 of them, that's bound to happen. She told me McCampus would meet us there. I told her "there's about a 2 percent chance of that happening." We ran into an old friend from The Dispatch and My Boy Whit. My Boy Whit owns it. He came out with his "APS." It's an affliction-type, velvety shirt that he calls his "ass pulling shirt." I didn't wear RESPECT this weekend but did rock NIKE on Friday night. No worries. You'll see RESPECT on Friday and NIKE likely on Saturday.

NJAG left around 1 a.m. because she wanted something to eat from Club 185 and I ran into our old buddies from the EGG (Whatever it takes and Small Guy), and The Guy We Sing With. We again belted out classic tunes from the 1990s. Also making an appearance was every hot chick in Columbus.

I really am going to miss these summer weekends. I could go to The Patio every night and I almost practically do. The singing, the scenery, the setting.

I don't want to miss a thing.

Listened to "Milli" by Lil' Wayne earlier today. He calls himself a "venereal disease," rhymes Nigeria with criteria (how Olympics of him) and says "shy girl changed her name to my girl." Other than having the most annoying background sound of all-time, it's a great song. I listened to that rolling into work.

There's no reason why I typed out that last paragraph other than thinking it'd be something I'd put on this blog.

Also, there's no fucking chance that a picture of Helen Hunt ever will be on this blog again.

The talking heads Olympics

2008-08-11T09:09:00.003-04:00

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run senior writer

All this fervor in Beijing (due primarily to Rowdy Gaines’ stellar commentary on the endless pool that is the Pool Cube) has me thinking how cool it’d be to have an Olympics-style competition amongst television political commentators.

Talking

Hands down, the favorite in the talking competition is Ron Brownstein. The guy is fast and witty, albeit ultra-Sethy and liberal. Nonetheless, when that person came up with the whole “are you listening, or waiting to speak” saying, they were thinking of Brownstein. What’s remarkable is that, despite lacking an upper lip, Brownstein manages to cram more words in a 10-second sound bite than The Mayor crams people in his kitchen during a hop-skip spring party.

Bastardly

This one is actually a tighter competition than you might think. In ’04 in Athens, Bill Kristol was the odds on favorite and didn’t disappoint. His snarky remarks, constant smirks, overall zany disposition, and ghetto booty just screamed “bastard.” That said, and as much as it pains me to say it, Keith Olbermann is giving Kristol a run for his Seth-like money in ’08. Olbermann doesn’t even try to be fair. His “I’m a wealth-redistributing badass and I don’t give an F what you think because I used to work at ESPN” attitude has raised some eyebrows (Keith’s are painted on) in many circles. The edge still goes to Kristol, but the old man may have spent his last days atop the Hill after these games conclude.

Smelliest

Even though she’s not a commentator, per se, the smelliest person in all things news has to be Greta Van Susteren. Granted, no one has ever actually smelled her, but there’s a reason she had nose reduction surgery. The source of the stench is unknown, but if the stank don’t fit, you must acquit.

Biggest Jowls

This event is always a fan favorite, mainly because competitors stand up on stage and shake their heads back and forth to demonstrate the breadth of their jowls. Brit Hume is the reigning champion of the jowls, and I have no reason to doubt that he will win again this year. Many in the know have noticed a chilly relationship between Hume and Lou Dobbs lately and wondered why. Jowls, my friends. Dobbs has been making a push lately by laying his jowls on top of one of each of his guests’ faces. He calls it “jowl bagging.”

Nappiest Facial Hair

Rumor has it that in 2006, Jeff Birnbaum and Wolf Blitzer had a “comb off” to see whose facial hair was more robust. Blitzer cheated, ala Seth, by combing the back of his neck in addition to his beard. Listen, Blitzer has been a force of nature, with coverage from ear to ear … but Birnbaum has re-invigorated the sport with his insistence on the over-sized porn stash. Although never fair or smiling, the robot Blitzer gets the nod here.

mistertrendy's column runs every Monday.

Good weekend

2008-08-11T00:18:00.001-04:00

One of the best weekends ever. I loved that swimming relay final.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Jim Rome kills

2008-08-08T13:20:00.002-04:00

Jim Rome is my favorite sports personality. He might even be ahead of Chuck Klosterman in my "Favorite Males Alive" rankings.

I love his take on the Brett Favre situation.

Hilarious.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

'Going on for centuries'

2008-08-07T09:19:00.006-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

My cousin Evan dropped by yesterday to talk sports, girls, rap music and drugs.

Born of the 20th century, these are topics that most of us discuss. You see, he's 8. His date of birth is December 1999.

He opined that Lil' Wayne definitely does drugs, but Jay-Z doesn't because "Jay-Z doesn't swear as much."

He thinks the Pirates stink but understands why they traded Xavier Nady. "Those two younger guys they got could ONE DAY become really good, right?"

He still wonders about this little girl that sat next to him this past October during the Michigan State-Ohio State game. "What was her name again? Ashley?"

I like that he knows his shit about sports. I mean, he really knows it. Knows the players and the uniforms and wonders "where Beanie Wells lives?"

But he gets that knowledge from playing hours and hours of video games. He doesn't usually go to bed until 3 a.m. and drinks Red Bull after midnight.

He'll be in the third grade later this month.

We had a good time. Went to this park next to my sister's place in Lower Arlington, 43220.

But it's a park. They have slides and swings and weird bars and climbing mechanisms. So when you have kids, you work all day, come home to a wife that doesn't let you do many fun things, and take your kids to a park where they do pointless activities and beg you to watch them when you'd rather be checking your cell phone for baseball scores? Wow. And this has been going on for centuries?

Sometimes I just think I'm smarter than everyone else.

I had to get fitted for a tux for my sister's wedding, so she can have kids and take them "to the park" during her only two hours of free time per day. I haven't worn a tux since July 31, 1987. True story.

I missed out on bowling with McCampus, The Godfather and NJAG. That's a shame.

Overall, a good week thus far. Haven't had a beer since Saturday night at the Street Festival in Chicago. That's a really good run for me. A better run would be from Chicago to Columbus. Even if that run was to Columbus, Indiana, it'd still be fucking far.

I had spaghetti last night for the first time in about three months. Holy tasty. Back when we used to go to the EGG or I took dates to Easy Street Cafe, I'd order up some pasta with grilled chicken. Tryin' to be all classy and shit. Hmm ... I had pasta a couple Fridays ago at Betty's but it didn't have red sauce, so technically that's not spaghetti in my book.

One thing I forgot to bring up about Chicago was that a lot of people go on dates. Like real dates. Like, "pick you up at 8!" George _ Bush TF?!??! Who does that? I knew we were in trouble when we got to The Doctor's apartment and his roomie AMOS, said "I am GOING OUT ON A DATE." And actually was serious. When we got back a little after 1 a.m., he was on the couch watching something lame on television.

Probably thinking about a future that holds taking his future kids to the park on Wednesday evenings in August.

Used to eat breakfast

2008-08-06T13:14:00.005-04:00

(Potential breakfast trend in fall 2008?)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I'm happy to report that I slept last night without the aid of alcohol or sleeping pills. Fell asleep sometime after midnight, woke up at 7:30 a.m. It wasn't the best night's sleep, but very excited about that development.

I got into work this morning and got this e-mail from NJAG (aka 'B'):

Oh my goodness, they have been covering the Olympics every morning on the Today show. This morning there was a profile on this female weightlifter - but she wasn't big, she was little, like 5'1". Anyway, her story was so inspirational I cried. [McCampus] made fun of me for being excited about the Olympics - clearly he has not been watching the inspirational profiles on the Today show.

(Emphasis mine. )

I was up at 7:30 a.m. this morning and didn't watch either. I've now gone since about the second grade without watching Today. Back then I watched it daily. With my pancakes. On a little 13-inch color TV in the kitchen. As of Feb. 17, 2009, that television will no longer work.

I ate a lot of pancakes back then. I can't remember the last pancake I ate. I used to go to Jack and Benny's all the time with my old girlfriend McBaltimore. The chocolate chip pancakes were amazing. I remember watching a Kurt Warner-led New York Giants team beating the Browns there in October 2004. I watched football at a pancake factory. That's sort of impressive, I guess.

It's one of the more odd settings I've watched a football game. The other being Pittsburgh.

Tuesday afternoon mailbag III

2008-08-05T15:28:00.004-04:00

Welcome to Blog on the Run's third Tuesday afternoon mailbag. Here I'll answer questions from readers and non-readers about the week that was and anything else that might come across my mailbag.

Q: You usually love something (The Patio) or hate something (Lindey's Patio). But you seem indifferent on Chicago. Love or hate? - Donna, Beverly Hills

A: It's not a matter of love and hate with that city. I'm kind of disappointed I didn't spend more time there in my 20s. But I'm happy I don't live there. If I had to do it all over again, I'd spend two Saturdays per summer in the Second City going to Cubs games. I just loved it. There was a point when The Doctor wanted to go home to take a nap. I wasn't leaving. I'm a firm believer that if you're somewhere that's fun, you should never leave. That's why I don't like "starting nights at 185." If you know you're eventually leaving, there's little fun that can happen. I like to wear out my welcome. I just don't ever want to voluntarily leave somewhere to do something "later." I say "go on, go all out, go nowhere." That's sort of my motto when going out.

But I couldn't live there. I'm really happy in a city the size of Columbus. I think I could live in any city outside the five largest in the United States, and of course, Baltimore.

Fuck Baltimore.

Q: Feelings on unsigned comments? - Brenda, Minneapolis, Minn.

A: Not a huge deal. If the person can't sign their name to it, they just like sucking cock. I mean, they're not gay or anything but they enjoy sucking cock. There's a difference.

Q: I've heard of falling in love with a stripper, which I'm sure you have, but you fell in love with an electrician in Chicago? - Dylan, Tijuana

A: Yes. I did. I couldn't believe she was an electrician. Hottest one ever. She probably was 24 or 25 years old. I was standing at the Cubby Bear with my cousin Jamie when he said, "that chick keeps looking over at you." I walked over to her and talked to her one-on-one for about 30 minutes (I turned my blinders on) and then off-and-on for about an hour. The Godfather had a dance-off with her electrician/ballerina friend who kept taking her shoes off.

I don't fall in love easily. But this girl had it all. The entire package. (In case you didn't know what "had it all" meant.) Now I'd say there have been five girls in my life that I've actually had real strong feelings for, well, The Electrician makes No. 6. I can't imagine being more into another girl before 2009.

Q: The Godfather is going out of town this weekend. Are you sad? - Brandon, Boston on a summer internship

A: Yes. Very. But it comes at a good time. We've got a lot of time to spend together until Christmas. He's gone this weekend, but following that, we'll likely spend every weekend together until December. I'm sure he cringes at that thought.

We've got our last Friday Guyday of the season (pending McCampus' OK) on Friday, August 15. And then it's a wedding and 12 Buckeyes games, maybe a trip to Vegas, and fuckin' fun times until Christmas.

I guess I can just add him to The 1 (I USED TO KNOW) and McCampus as people I won't be hanging out with this weekend.

Q: Is The 1 dead? - Mrs. Walsh, California University

A: I haven't seen The 1 (I USED TO KNOW) since Saturday, June 28. I have sent him maybe two or three texts since then with nary a response. I know The Godfather sent him a text on Thursday but he didn't respond to that one either. He's apparently gone into the "mistertrendy-when-I-start-dating-someone-I-stop-hanging-out-with-friends" mode. It's sad and I hope we see him a few times in August before NFL season starts.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Face tats

2008-08-05T13:53:00.002-04:00

Blog on the Run correspondent Miss July recently filed this report about a lingerie store hostage situation in a part of the country near and dear to Dr. Willy Loman's heart.

Rivera walked in to the business with what appeared to be a bomb, allowed two customers to leave and held a female store manager hostage, police Lt. David Sportsman said. Sportsman did not give any information about a motive or why Rivera targeted the store. ... Authorities did not find an explosive device. The false bomb was made with Play-Doh, batteries and wire arranged like an explosive. The arrest report said the man carried a fake gun.

You see, Dr. Loman (formerly The Sport Writer) has filed one entry during his time on staff on this Web site so any and all news about his new redneck address will get play on Blog on the Run.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Insomnia (not the Green Day album)

2008-08-05T11:15:00.003-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I likened our trip to Chicago this past weekend to hair metal. So it's not a surprise that I've started taking pills.

I fucking love Motley Crue. When I think back to random good times, I always remember the summer of 1999. I lived in a crappy one-bedroom apartment ABOVE Buckeye Books with 400 Asians. I didn't have a computer. I didn't have a cell phone. I didn't know many people sticking around in Columbus over the summer. I would walk to Hollywood Video to rent VHS tapes. I had Showtime (but not HBO). I saw "American Pie." Later I'd see "Sixth Sense" at the new EASTON. I dated a girl for half of summer that would leave me crying messages on my ANSWERING MACHINE. I worked two jobs (helping someone write a book and working at The Office of the Treasury at Ohio State). I broke up with said girl after Derek Jeter had an game-winning RBI single in extra innings over Manny Ramirez's head. I went to Columbus Crew games.

My memory of that summer is hanging out on 61 E. 12th Ave. with my buddy Misko. Misko's apartment was beyond dirty but always had the AC at about 60 degrees. It was frigid. He'd play rap and 80s metal and smoke pot. It smelled of pussy, malt liquor and weed.

On days when I didn't work (usually three days a week), we'd drive to the public pool in Worthington and lay the mack down on 17-year-old chicks. Those girls are 26 today. Wow. We'd lay out, jump off the diving board, listen to our walkmans, whatever. Never without a joint, he'd drive us to the pool all the way up High Street blasting Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil." His favorite song was "Bastard." Mine too.

A couple of 20-year old yahoos, we'd peel into the swimming pool parking lot, windows down, blasting Motley Crue at the peek of their unpopularity. Afterward, we'd hang out at Happy Hour at Applebee's near Buckeye Village (I guess I needed a lot of Asians in my life). It's a top 5 summer of all-time.

SUMMER RANKINGS

1. 1992
2. 2004
3. 2006
4. 2002
5. 1999

I am hesitant to put 2008 on that list because of this insomnia. It's real. I can't sleep at night without alcohol or a sleep aid. Last Wednesday night, I didn't sleep. Even with pills, I am sleeping just for three or four hours over a 10-hour span. It sucks. Pretty much all I think about during the day is whether I'll be able to fall asleep at night. I don't know anything about health insurance either. I am supposed to have some card. What the fuck. This sucks.

I need some Ambien.

I get so tired at night that I can't sleep. During the day I'm pretty much fine, but nights suck. I woke up at 6:55 a.m. today. I usually wake up way later than 6:55 a.m. central time. Do the math.

I think I just need some more Happy Hours at Applebees.

The Veep Stakes

2008-08-04T11:27:00.002-04:00

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run senior writer

All the talk these days seems to be about whom Obama and McCain should pick as their VP running mate. Never passing up an opportunity to weigh in, I offer some suggestions this week to the two men seeking the presidency. My selections are from an elite pool of candidates – namely, true “Americans” (i.e., German Village residents).

The Elite

Tops on any list has to be the Truth. What better running mate for the Messiah than the Anti-Christ himself. The guy can garner support among moderates who believe in libertarianism, which would greatly assist Obama in his quest to gain the votes of the .00001 percent of voters who are still undecided. Bob Barr what? Obama’s weakness is foreign policy, and the Truth would deliver by bringing his experience as ambassador to the Hey-Hey to the table. I’m convinced that if asked, the Truth would respond with a “yeah” immediately.

The thing about the Truth though is that he could be McCain’s guy too. McCain’s age is an issue, and the Truth could assist by bringing a youthful vibrancy, displayed repeatedly by his lust for all things shots (at Brothers). The Truth would also help shore up voters who fret over McCain’s economic prowess. If you buy a round of shots, you should do it early (during Happy Hour when everyone is drinking beers) and often (high volume, one tip for many shots). One lingering question mark about the Truth, however, would be his refusal to race the Mayor. No doubt, the guy appears to fear competing for a spot in the executive branch.

Middle of the Road

No discussion of a VP candidate for Obama can go without mention of The Godfather. I know, I know…you’re saying “but the Godfather hates Obama!” Get this though … he would help Obama shore up the remaining 4% of the African American vote (little known fact, but the Godfather loves Alan Keyes). Some might question the Godfather’s ability to lead in these times of crisis, but anyone who’s been at 185 when the vapids comprise 80 percent of the crowd would agree …the Godfather is a crowd pleaser who is capable of saving the day.

The Unknown

One candidate wouldn’t even be worth mentioning, but for the fact that he is so unknown. That’s right … McGinley (aka, ghost, lobster, dude with dog named Glimmer, Dubai Dubya, etc.). Many might question a choice like McGinley. No doubt he would not be a fit for Obama. But for McCain, it might work. His mastery of the magic undies could prove useful out West, where the undies are quite magical. Still, no one has seen his face for six months, almost as long as my own hiatus from America, causing many to question his dedication to the ideals of our nation.

Bottom of the Barrel

Seth. Yes, I said it. Seth. His unconventional ascension into American politics is little known and for good reason. Those who know him know his closet is awash in skeletons. Nonetheless, Seth possesses a zest for life and mint julips, which no doubt would assist either candidate in Kentucky. Seth has declared in recent weeks that he is not just “open” to accepting an offer to run for VP … he’s begging for it. In an effort to demonstrate his value to a campaign, Seth was in town for McCain’s visit to Schmidt’s. To demonstrate his credentials for VP, Seth ordered a round of shots and brought them over to McCain’s table. McCain seemed to enjoy Seth’s assertiveness, and the two downed a couple lemon drops in a sign of friendship. Rumors have spread, however, that Seth proceeded to order rounds upon rounds of shots for the entire restaurant, charging all of it to “the campaign” long past McCain’s exit from the establishment. When asked, the McCain comment offered no comment. Seth denies any wrongdoing, and in fact has asked that the McCain camp assist him in paying down his credit card debt, ala Hillary Clinton. Surely, Seth is bottom of the barrel, but with Lieberman’s apparent unwillingness to run, Seth would be a great 108th option to garner support among a group of voters long tied to the Democrat party.

That’s it for this week. Peace.

misterendy's column runs every Monday.

The Electrician

2008-08-04T10:11:00.003-04:00

'Twas a wee bit of lost in translation. "It's a sports bar," The Godfather said.

I've got to admit. There was a time when we looked at the menu at Ditka's around midnight on Friday night (ET) and steaks were about $45 and I thought, "it'd be so much easier to be at The Patio right now."

This weekend's trip to Chicago got off to a great start. We made excellent time to Chicago. Less than six hours. Zero traffic in Chicago. Left at 1:56 p.m., got there around 6:45 p.m. (central time). We made one stop. Going with the trendys, the trip would have taken eight hours. They like to stop. If mistertrendy feels like he might have to piss within the next three hours, he stops. On the way home, I held a piss for four hours. trendy would have gone five times in that span.

One note about traveling with The Godfather, don't ever tell him "we're making great time" or else he'll scream at you and remind you it's bad luck. He did a great job negotiating traffic and in the end, we made great time.

Arrived at The Doctor's place and had some tostitos. Great salsa. Went over to The Godfather's friend's place in downtown. HUGE building. Nice apartment. I was lobbying hard for "dinner for two" (just The Godfather and this chick) and would rather have ate at Crust, this vegan hippie place or whatever near The Doctor's apartment. Turns out the girl was really nice and fun to talk to. So, we go to Ditka's, The Doctor meets up with us and all the menu items are like 80 bucks. Um. Sign me up for the $9.99 chicken finger dinner. We enjoy dinner and our waiter, Carlos, will be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner in Youngstown. Next, we go to a Chicago club named English. Not by the choice of me or The Doctor. It was just sorta blah, The Doctor and I talked about the upcoming Cubs game and then went home. Maybe half a thumb up for Chicago Friday night.

Everythingchanged (homage to The Doctor's CHANGESONEBOWIE poster) on Saturday morning. The Doctor's brother, Jager Bombs, shows up. It's a shock to me that the Truth's nickname is not Jager Bombs, but he usually just wants to "bomb it up" and rarely calls them Jager Bombs.

Driving home Sunday with The Godfather I commented about Jager Bombs, "he just has a face that makes you laugh."

We left The Doctor's compound (49 steps up and down to his apartment) at about 10 a.m. (CT) and as soon as we got outside, Jager Bombs says "I can't wait to start drinking." After a great breakfast at Moonshine, we did just that. Got to Wrigley and just drank. Didn't slow down until 12:42 a.m. That's when we fell asleep. I think.

I can't do a trip there justice. All's I can say is that I missed out. I'm ashamed that I waited until I was 29 to do a Cubs game. I'm sure most of the readers have experienced it, but a Saturday game at Wrigley in the summer is just like an OSU game. Bars afterward, before, chicks, making out, all that fun stuff. I also fell in love with a girl that doubles as an electrician. Like that's her job. After talking to her for about an hour, she left and I ended up making out with a chick that may be a tranny. I don't know. I just pretended she was the other girl.

Other things happened. It was just so much fucking fun. I am leaving so much shit out that I'll probably eventually get to.

Like I said, I can't do Saturday justice. It was a lot like 1980s hair metal. Loud, fast, didn't make a lot of sense ... totally fucking fun.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Patio'll miss you

2008-08-01T13:05:00.002-04:00

Patio did NOT disappoint last night. Except for B's (aka NJAG's) blatant Houdini.

To The Patio:

I can't get enough of your love, baby.

I'll miss it this weekend. That's kind of funny. I'm going to one of the funnest cities in the United States, and I'll miss a bar that runs along a by-pass in Columbus, Ohio.

Belated Happy Birthday wishes to Hoodband and good seeing all other people in attendance.

I'll be in Chicago this weekend. Blogging will be sporadic.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Miller High Life commercial makes no sense

2008-07-31T13:36:00.006-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I don't mind the Miller High Life "High Life, Reclaimed" commercials featuring Windell Middlebrooks. Although I don't think $11.50 for a hamburger is THAT bad.

But there's a commercial when the deliveryman enters Sky Box 228 (a private lodge) in section "right up here in La Te Da" at a baseball game. After the Miller High Life guy can't find an answer to "what inning are we in?" from the nicely dressed, hoyte toyte crowd, he starts removing the Miller High Lifes from Sky Box 228. A crowd like that, in a lodge at a baseball game, doesn't deserve Miller High Lifes, Middlebrooks explains.

Middlebrooks' character continues:

"The High Life is about sitting in the sun ... (pause) ... (incredulously) watching your favorite pitcher get lit up?!?"

Deliveryman must be rooting for the road team because all the other fans are cheering wildly as he pounds on the glass separating the well-to-do in the lodge from the normal folks out in the seats.

Commenting that he needs to "smell me a hot dog or somethin'," the deliveryman is outside less than ten seconds later and this time he starts cheering with the crowd.

So in ten seconds there must have been ...

Actually, there's no explanation. You can't be wildly complaining about a pitcher (against the wishes of the crowd) and be outside less than 10 seconds later cheering with that same crowd.

It defies the rules of baseball ... and I assume, the rules of the High Life.

50 most beautiful on Capitol Hill?

2008-07-30T22:23:00.009-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Just got a couple problems with The Hill's fifth annual "50 Most Beautiful People on Capital Hill" list. First off, this guy is on the list:

And this person is No. 1. The most beautiful person on Capitol Hill ... ladies and gentleman ... this person!!!:

Right about now, I'd say the state workers in Columbus, Ohio rank higher than the All-Stars in D.C.

The attractive people (females) on the list:

Elizabeth Kucinich
Ivy Larsen
Crystal Dollins
Emily Zammitt
Elizabeth Murphy
Jenny Harp (but she lists her relationship status as "taken" which is amazingly annoying)
Kristy Muchnok

OK looking:

Coty Wamp
Kristin Sutton

Without doubt, the best looking person on the list is not even in the top 10. Huh? Briana Bilbray wins my award.

She's not No. 1??????? (Is it just me or does she look a lot like former Club 185 bartender Shoby Ice?)

In any respect, any list that doesn't include our buddy Sleepy or McCampus' little brother Ozzie Canseco is complete bullshit.

I assume the fellas over at German Village Media will rank the men!

Update:

Here's more news and some more photos (I love the Internet):

Tuesday afternoon mailbag II

2008-07-29T13:49:00.004-04:00

Welcome to Blog on the Run's second Tuesday afternoon mailbag. Here I'll answer questions from readers and non-readers about the week that was and anything else that might come across my mailbag.

Q: Why haven't we seen you more at Club 185 more often this summer? - Alex, Clintonville

A: Great question. I've got nothing against the place. Still like the staff, the location, all of the above. Love the people I see in there. It's just the place brings me down in the summer. I never thought I'd say this, but I get depressed and tired when I'm in that place in the summer. It's usually "where dreams go to die." I will be back come fall (that's about a two-week stretch in late October in Ohio) and beyond. Love spending my nights there in November, December, January, February, March, April and into May. But in the summer? No need. There are better places. But give me a crowd, big jackets, the search for a high top table, and I'm in heaven. I look forward to wanting to go back, but that's not until around Halloween.

Sure, I'll still go in there from time to time before then, but you will not ever hear me say, "let's go to 185." If it's in the German Village, pretty much the only place I'll go willingly in the summer is the High Beck. Won't go to Lindey's and will only go to 185 if there's a consensus on wanting to go there.

Q: What's August look like for you ... and this blog? - Elise, Westerville

A: For the blog, it should be a great month. Just had our one month anniversary, and it's still coming along. I love the weekly features, some of the themes we're laying down, getting something from trendy every week, having a small, but loyal readership.

Starting a blog in the summer is rough but always helpful. It allows you to experiment with some things. Sad thing is, there's not a lot going on. With the mailbag, and the weekly links, we've got two days set where readers know what's coming up. I'd like to expand that to Monday through Friday. I know trendy writes on Mondays and Dr. Willy Loman on Thursdays, or will eventually, but I'd still like more features and what not. I think there's people out there that could fill a lot of needs on this blog and it's just recognizing those folks.

Heading to Chicago on the first day of August for a short weekend with The Godfather and The Dr. It's going to be a lot of fun. The two weekends following that will be two-a-weekends at The Patio and then I got my sister's wedding. Ohio State plays the next Saturday after that. I'm happy. We've only got four more non-college football Saturdays and five more non-NFL Sundays. When you put things into that sort of perspective, it makes it easy.

Football Sundays last for about 20 weeks. That's amazing. They give your week so much more. You don't have any more boring Sundays and it's always Tuesday before you know it. And then it's Thursday and that's the weekend. I'm a big fan.

Q: You had a great stat the other day about July having 22 work days. What's the rest of the year look like? - Mallory, Gahanna

A: I'm proud of myself for that one. I know, right? September only has 21 work days, August ain't bad either. We've got five weekends in the month. That's a rarity. But still, there's only 20 working days in the month and that's amazing for a month without a holiday. Sorry, Madonna.

October (the best month of the year) has 22 days but who's complaining? December's tricky with the Christmas and New Year's, but there are a shitty-tastic 17 working days before Dec. 24.

Good question, Mallory.

Q: Are chicks getting hotter? - Nick, Groveport

A: Yes. Easy question. Girls continue to get better and better looking as we move toward the '10s. I guess we can say tens will be at an all-time time in 2010.

I think girls are more competitive and vain than ever before. We're coming along at a great time in our nation's history.

I'm proud to be an American.

Q: Fantasy sports suck. Are we going to have to hear you guys talk about them a lot? - Jennifer, Hilliard

A: Fantasy sports, especially football, is pretty much all dudes think and/or talk about in the fall. That extends into late July and August.

Had a discussion at lunch today about fantasy football. We'll likely have the same exact conversation for the next five months. I'm not complaining. I'd recommend everyone play. It's sweet. And way better than Tina Yothers.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Uninspired headline

2008-07-29T11:06:00.003-04:00

I've got a good memory. I remember little bits of information. For example, I remember I went to see "Good Will Hunting" on January 30, 1998 at the Lennox. We walked from our dorm. It was about 12 degrees outside sometime after midnight when the movie let out. We lived on North Campus. Longest 1.7 miles ever.

Last night is one of those nights I'll likely never think about again.

Got home from work. Relaxed. Wrote an e-mail to The Dr. in Chicago. Watched an episode of "Flipping Out." (Great show) Watched the Indians beat the Tigers in a meaningless game. (Doesn't warrant a link) And went to bed at about 10:15 p.m.

Tonight holds a tad more promise. (Yes, no, maybe, no, no, maybe, no)

Sorry about that last link. It was all I could find on short notice when I googled "DMB Hotties."

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Punching Margaret Carlson

2008-07-28T16:11:00.003-04:00

Just had a brief phone call with my dad. We touched on three things:

On Robert Novak's brain tumor ...

"Oh, I hated that Margaret Carlson lady he was on 'The Capital Gang' with. I wanted to punch her in those two front teeth."

On yesterday's activities on Lake Erie ...

"Found a new spot up at Geneva on the Lake. Nice little place called 'The Lodge.' Me and mom snuck into the pool, we were ordering food, Matt was bringing us the drinks, we were swimming ..."

On the Cleveland Indians trade of Casey Blake ...

"I'm just glad they got rid of him. I wouldn't have cared if it was for a sack full of shit. My only hope is that they don't bring him back."

THINGS WE DID NOT DISCUSS (AND STILL HAVEN'T):
1. My sister's wedding in less than a month

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Fuckin' Catalina wine mixer

2008-07-28T13:16:00.005-04:00

- Mentioned I saw the movie "Step Brothers" this weekend. Enjoyed it much. I didn't like "Talledaga Nights" or "Anchorman" but loved this movie. I think I laughed throughout the whole thing and might actually go see it again. I mean, when it's on HBO in a year or whatever, I'll watch it a bunch then.

I had an ICEE at the movie. Cherry. Large. They are still rocking the red-colored ICEE's at the Arena Grand. This is different than the Lennox, which has white-colored cherry. RAY-CISTS! Why do they do that?

Maybe it's because I haven't had a pop in awhile, but the ICEE was really strong. Like I had ICEE aftertaste for at least seven or eight hours. It's not a bad aftertaste. But it's just sort of different to go through a Saturday feeling like you're sucking down an ICEE for eight straight hours.

- Saw "21" yesterday. Liked it. Would recommend it but it was really a flimsy movie. There's so many things in it that you're like, "well, why is he doing that?" or "why are they giving demonstrative hidden symbols?" and so on and so forth. But it's entertaining and not a terrible way to spend 100 minutes. Kevin Spacey was good in it. No homo.

- Going to see DMB tomorrow night with The Godfather at Crew Stadium. We've got pretty good seats. I'm not a big DMB fan, but do like seven or eight of his songs and his concerts are always fun, because like the sound or not, DMB is a talented group of musicians. I hope he plays three songs and I'll be happy: "Eh Hee," "Seek Up" and "Crush."

Fingers crossed.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Monday morning Nickelback

2008-07-28T11:03:00.004-04:00

The quintessential drunk moment this summer came at Scores in Las Vegas. One of the prettiest girls I've ever met once worked at Scores in New York. As a coatcheck girl. So yes, this place had some talent NOT taking your coat.

It had been a lifelong goal of mine to get a lapdance to the song "Ayo Technology." Something special. 50 Cent. Justin. Well, it wasn't the best song I heard that evening. On the giant video board, while some chick from New York (not the TV show or the coatcheck girl) grinded up on me, Nickelback's "Rockstar" blared. I actually had this thought:

"I fucking love this song."

Yes, I was pretty wasted. Well, this weekend blew that away. I may have a drinking problem. It's actually an eating problem. Probably both. When you're throwing back a diet of 400 to 700 calories a day, you tend to get pretty wasted on 11 or 12 beers.

Saturday night's trip to the Patio was one of the all-time besties. While McCampus was busy adding friends on Facebook, I met up with a buddy from work and his brother. Now, this kid knew everyone at the bar. It was an odd thing at the Patio for myself, despite me going there twice a week. I usually run into four or five people that I know there on a Friday night. Six or seven on a Saturday. This kid knew at least 60 people there. We did shots, we talked to randoms, we stayed 'til close (odd) and I never saw the Truth. This was odd considering me and the Truth made plans earlier in the evening. But you see, My Boy Whit was down in the German Village and the Truth's meeting us at 9:30 p.m., 10:45 p.m., midnight! and later never came to fruition. Taking the spot of the Truth was every hot chick in Columbus.

I went home and didn't pee on anyone or anything. That's a good thing. Disappointed I didn't see the Truth or My Boy Whit at Patio but my summer roomie, Miss July probably isn't disappointed she didn't see My Boy Whit. I think I could pee on her for 40 nights in a row (Noah-the-arc style) and I'd still rank above My Boy Whit in Miss July's Favorite People Rankings.

I was up until 6:15 a.m. last night in one of the worst nights EVAR. The Godfather and I bitched yesterday that July never is going to end. Sad truth is that there are 22 work days in July 2008. To put it in perspective, November 2008 only has 18. It's a motherfucker. I've long argued July is the worst month of the year, ahead of February because it has 31 days, and this year, we're feeling the influence of those extra days.

Why was I up that late? Not a clue.

Props to McCampus for hosting Friday Guyday on Friday evening. Before heading to the Patio, I chilled at the 813 (McCampus' house) for about 3.5 hours, drinking my six beers and taking off. Despite pleas from everyone in attendance, NJAG (aka 'B') didn't make it over there. Walked back over there in the morning and mocked him for painting his house on a Saturday. After ~~moving one box and eating tons of chips~~ practically moving him into the place back in May 2007, I didn't feel like I had to help out with the painting. Like a Jackson Pollock. Would have loved to have made like Jackson Pollock on some ladies at the Patio on Saturday night. Sadly for this Patty, it was a no.

I loved mistertrendy's column on the Tour de Beers. It was the highlight of an otherwise LAME Sunday afternoon. I watched a movie, which I'll touch on later today.

Easy week at work and a fun weekend. I'm off Wednesday and Friday and heading to Chicago on Friday with The Godfather to visit GVM Chicago Bureau chief The Dr. I love that we're going to a Cubs game on Saturday and none of us really like the Cubs. But I've never been to Wrigley, so I am pumped.

- Compiled by Art McGregor

Tour de Beers

2008-07-27T22:23:00.003-04:00

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run senior writer

So Obama’s trip was a huge success. He drew crowds in Berlin that city hasn’t seen since Hitler. What an accomplishment. Seriously though, Obama’s travels got me thinking today about what it’d be like if Art McGregor (AMG) went on a similar tour. AMG’s” Tour de Beers” would include all the favorite establishments in and around our great city. This week’s column explores such a scenario.

AMG, like Obama, would likely begin his tour with a stop at the two battlefields – Club 185 and the High Beck. At 185, he would address a situation that he’s been b(l)ogged down in for too long. Many have been asking how long until AMG gets out of 185. AMG has insisted that he will listen to the vapids on the ground and determine a reasonable timetable for withdrawal (from the bar, not from drinking alcohol). Departing hastily might leave behind many unexploited opportunities and lead to a surplus in Miller Lites. AMG would no doubt take the opportunity to lay out his plan to begin a phased withdrawal of two nights per month for 16 months. AMG would also address recent speculation that he will be eating beers at 185 for the next 100 years.

At High Beck, AMG would emphasize the need to refocus his efforts and not allow the jean shorts to get out of control. The neglect of the High Beck over the past year has led many analysts to declare that the homeless have reconstituted themselves. Nearby Round Bar has been providing safe haven for Pabst to cross Willow Street freely. AMG would pledge to shift one 185 night per month to High Beck to gain control of the situation.

On the final leg of AMG’s Tour, he would visit the West (sort of) – the Patio, Brothers, and Barleys. Barleys would be a quick stop, given the recently elected conservative bar tenders who insist on micro-brews. At Brothers, he would speak candidly to patrons and the Truth about their shared history and look to build upon the common goal of watching finger bangs. Finally, AMG would conclude his journey before throngs of 20-somethings at the Patio. AMG would take the stage for his speech, prompting mosh pits as he displays his ability to hold four Miller Lites in one hand. When asked by Scags, a Patio regular, “you gonna drink all those?” AMG would respond with a resounding “Yes I can!” In a bold move, AMG would seek to have the wall torn down between outside and inside. The mood at the Patio would be glorious, but AMG’s request for patrons to visit High Beck more often would be greeted with a chilly reception.

AMG would finally return home to America, relaxing on his couch with a six-pack of Miller Chills. When asked about his choice of the Chill, AMG would respond with one word – change.

Go see 'Step Brothers'

2008-07-26T16:42:00.001-04:00

Just a quick headline for the weekend's posting. Hilarious movie.

Catch up with you readers tomorrow or Monday.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Not 'Short' on ugly old ladies

2008-07-25T14:42:00.004-04:00

(Short North street walker taking a rest)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Whenever you hear someone say the word "misconception" they usually follow it with a positive anecdote about the subject of the "misconception."

(i.e. You know, a lot of people think that McDonald's in the German Village has shitty service and it takes 21 minutes in the drive-thru lane to get two hash browns and an orange juice. That's a misconception. The service is great! I went and it only took me nine minutes and no cars were in front of me!)

Monkey wrench time.

There's a misconception around Columbus that the Short North is the home of the good looking and well-to-do. Well, maybe there's a lot of well-to-do people.

Dude there are some serious trolls walking around that area of town. The Short North has far more weirdo-looking people than the German Village. Go eat lunch at Betty's in a window seat facing High Street at around noon.

Think about it ... do you ever see the homeless strange when eating at the Mohawk or Club 185? ~~(OK, you do have a point about the High Beck. ... And that is on High Street so that kind of blows my entire argument.)~~

I have never seen so many 80-something homeless, looking old ladies. The males seemed to top out around the age of 73.

It's probably harder being a homeless woman, so I'm surprised they live longer.

At least they do in the Short North.

Freshing Friday morning

2008-07-25T09:13:00.005-04:00

There's something refreshing about waking up feeling good on a Friday morning. It actually wouldn't be re-freshing because that would indicate I've done it before. This is just freshing. After pissing on my roommate this past Thursday night, yesterday went off without a hitch. No beers. Getting through yesterday mattered. I didn't do jack shit. Went for a run around Schiller Park and hope this time no one saw me wearing calf high socks, which I don't own. Saw Jazz Hands on Wednesday night at Club 185. She recommended I start wearing a shoe-string-hair-keeper-backer-thing-like-Schenkenberg when running.

Getting through yesterday mattered because I HATE July 24.

It's July 25 now and from what I've heard, there's a Friday Guyday in the mix for tonight at my buddy McCampus' house, Club 813.

Not sure what's happening later this evening. I might run into NJAG, who I'm considering a change in name. I might start calling her 'B.' And that's got nothing to do with effort.

I do want to see that movie "Step Brothers." That's all.

I've gone since about 1 p.m. on Monday, ~~July~~ June 23 without a soda pop. That's good. About this time last year, I was drinking about four Mountain Dews a day. Years prior I drank orange pop. I've probably spent years of my life drinking pop.

TGIF.

- Compiled by Art McGregor

He accomplished getting out there

2008-07-24T22:51:00.003-04:00

Saw "The Dark Knight" on Tuesday night. Pretty good. Not the best movie I've seen this year, and honestly, I liked the first one better. The character of the Joker was awesome.

the Truth liked the movie a little more than me. I mean, I liked it. I'd recommend it but I went in thinking it'd be the best movie of all-time.

Truth and I got to talking about it last night.

Conversation went as followed:

Truth: I wish I got what Heath Ledger has.

AMG: Death?

Truth: Well, ha HA, no. He was out there. He accomplished getting out there.

Quite an accomplishment.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Goin' deep on sluts

2008-07-24T14:21:00.005-04:00

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

A buddy of mine hooked up with a female with a pretty face and some softball thighs a few months ago at Brothers. She was a good sport. Mainly because she liked hooking up and probably played a sport (softball).

Went to Brothers again last night for dollar drafts with the "I'll cut your nuts off if you don't do this shot" Truth. Had four beers before heading back to Club 185 for another beer and shot. But not a shot of beer. I'm not a pussy.

I see Softball Thighs last night grinding up on some other dude near the dance floor. I immediately shot a text to my buddy. This was before the finger-banging and face sucking we'd all witness over the next 20 minutes.

The the Truth ran into some huge black dude and tried to help up all these girls that kept tripping and falling. Perhaps a drink might make them feel better? the Truth is a gentleman.

All this got me to thinking about Eric Clapton. Obviously. Sluts and dollar drafts ALWAYS remind me of 63-year-old English guitarists.

Clapton got married a few years back to a Columbus girl that graduated from Watterson. I think in 1997. Slowhand did all right for himself. The chica probably isn't 30 yet.

I don't think this is his first marriage. I'm not sure but I'd be willing to make a wager. Like my life.

So, if he ever plays "Wonderful Tonight" and she's in attendance and he looks over at her, does that bother her? I mean. The song wasn't written about her. That's just another perk of being a rock star. You can use the same song over and over again on any number of ladies. And no one can really bust your balls about it.

It's sort of song-writing slutting.

Is slutting even a bad thing? What is it? Does making out at a bar constitute being a slut? Or is jt just slutty behavior? What if it's with a new guy or girl (or both ... SHORT NORTH!) every time? Can repeated slutty behavior make you a slut?

Either way, Softball Thighs is 2 for 2 in hooking up at Brothers in the two times that I've gone.

That's a very high batting average.

Blog on the Run

Writing for a new site

Charles Manson had a brother

Seriously, just check out Katelynn

Penises of America

Rivlary Week ... sometimes

About last boring night

Break-ups and make-ups

When not to talk to folks at bars

Trip to IU, Part II

Trip to IU, Part I

Super Bowl MVP

So long, snow night

Let's all go to the movies

You with your switchblade posse: KOL concert preview

I'm jumping on you

Download of the day - 1/25/09

Midnight train to Lodge Bar

Busted makes me feel good

You'll start watching 'Idol' now

Motherfucker - A Gossip Girl post

You going to the Club?

Belton out a bender

Big black guys

Ohio State 67, Notre Dame 62

O' what of the Bombshells?

While you were away: Little Bar on Sundays

Passin' me by

Early to bed, waiting to rise

Ohio State 30, Illinois 20

Guide to Ohio college girls

Regressing further in life

Ohio State 45, Northwestern 10

Ivory & Ebony

Bye, Weekend

185-Brothers-Park Street Tavern trifecta

The clock at 185

Drinking Season

To the dogs (and my dawgs)

Mascot Bevo

Tuesday afternoon mailbag X

'Friday Night Lights'

EGG: Over cheesy and out

Death Cab and cutie

Dziena: Warrior Princess

... Cable Guy

5:21 p.m.: The great beyond

We don't know two girls

Ohio State 20, Wisconsin 17

Coming in hot, real hot

Chili, C-plus, Club

You can't strike out October

They play music at grocery stores

Eva Longoria, No. 1,341?

Ohio State 34, Minnesota 21

Random thoughts after beers

Song you will hear me singing a lot

B-minus weekend

Bad Columbus magazines

Glossary - 'Trolling for strappies'

Ohio State 28, Troy 10

I'm not always right (left-handed version)

Klosterspatch

Objectifying women: Girls of the Big 10 edition

USC 35, Oh** St*t* 3

McGregor: Hurricanes only hit Key West when Art McGregor lives there

Ohio University 14, Ohio State 26

LIVE BLOG (90)2(10)

Ohio State 43, YSU 0

Cue the Alice in Chains: It's over now

The 'real' Redeem Team

'Jonesing' for a milkshake

E-mail from Rod Munch

SWM seeking Slush Puppie machine

Glossary - Blinders

I drink a lot of water

Long post about boring Patio-related stuff

The talking heads Olympics

Good weekend

Jim Rome kills

USC 35, Oh** Stt 3