Passin' me by

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I like the song "Heartache Tonight" because it reminds me of how a lot of nights end when they begin with a drink.

Tonight's a day where that will happen especially in large numbers. Other than St. Patrick's Day (on a Tuesday this year ... five-day weekend!) and New Year's Eve, there's not a night where more people are out "actin' the fool" as the kids in Dublin and Worthington say.

Tonight usually sucks, though. That's the thing. I prefer the night after Thanksgiving. I prefer the week around Christmas.

There's too many people out in the hours before turkeys go into the over. There's too many "pissed off looking" girls. Homies, what's the deal? Fucking smile. You're off work tomorrow. Tomorrow's a legit fun day. You made the choice to go out. You have to understand (by now) that there will be a lot, A LOT of guys out. If you're not totally disgusting, guys will notice you and think in their heads, "I want to fuck that chick." Some might act on the notion. Others (like me) will just stare uncomfortably. Deal with it or stay in. Have a "girls night" at someone's house. Why the fuck are you out if you're going to stand there looking pissed at the world? Go the fuck home. My hand. Your face.

There's too many chachie dudes. There's not enough people like Art McGregor, followers and staffers at the German Village Media Family of Networks because most people like us are married (by now) and in bed by 11 p.m.

I know I eschew "growing up" and refuse to admit that "things pass me by," but the night before Thanksgiving is something I'm getting too old for. Who's going to be out tonight? People younger than me and maybe that dude from "How I Met Your Mother."

I grew up in a town where everyone gets married by the time they turn 30. Half of me wonders if I'll self destruct when I turn 30. The other half will be self-destructing. The night before Thanksgiving offers nothing for me in Mahoning County. I'm not "feeling it." I used to have a cousin that bartended at the local-where-everyone-goes-out-bar but now he works in Las Vegas. I don't.

But I'll be out tonight.

You can't strike out October

If the German Village Oktoberfest is allowed to A spell October "Oktober" B be held the first weekend in September and C take place outside the German Village, I'm allowed to celebrate the start of October in September.

No real celebrations planned for this evening. Since there are 14,713 "events" in Columbus tonight, there will be no bowling. The 1 said he "probably could play next week," so he's out indefinitely. McCampus said if the place didn't close at nine he could play (fair) and McGinely hasn't responded to my text in the past four minutes. Slacker.

I can't speak of other celebrations in Columbus. No word yet as to if Tremont is going to be sponsoring "Cocktoberfest."

I've done other homages to the month of October. I don't feel like digging them up.

It's the best month of the year. You've got Halloween (underrated holiday and one of only four holidays that count ... Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, Halloween) and its slutty chicks, crazy football, baseball and basketball. You've got the start of the NHL season and hockey nights in the Arena District. You've got television shows in full swing. You have the best Ohio weather. Ohio State is back in session. It's just amazing.

Signing off in September. See you first day of October.

Let's head out swinging.

- From the desk of Art McGregor