Regressing further in life

(Ethan, Naomi, Grandma, Annie, Dixon, Mom, Teacher, Silver, Navid)

What they're doing in Minnesota to Sen. Norm Coleman is a damn shame. This report on Fox News today is outstanding.

Correcting these typos was claimed to add 435 votes to Franken and take 69 votes from Coleman. Corrections were posted in other races, but they were only a fraction of those for the Senate. The Senate gains for Franken were 2.5 times the gain for Obama in the presidential race count, 2.9 times the total gain that Democrats got across all Minnesota congressional races, and 5 times the net loss that Democrats suffered for all state House races.

Absolutely shameful.

"I'm regressing in life." The Godfather added this tidbit as he played Dr. Mario last night on our couch under a poster of Kellen Winslow Jr. in our living room.

Nintendo. Poster. Living room.

I went to Date State last night on a visit to the Lennox. Saw "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." Terrible name for a movie and it got way too lovey-dovey toward the end (a couple of scenes that just wouldn't end ... including one in slow-mo) but hilarious fucking movie. I'd recommend it to anyone. One incredible thing about this Seth Rogen movie is that it didn't have one reference to smoking pot or him being a Jewish. (A Jewish.) A first on both accounts.

My date got a mixed Icee and I thought that was pretty outstanding. I'd recommend that to anyone, as well. Went back to her place and watched "Gossip Girl" thus making it the greatest.date.ever. Liked the episode although it was perhaps the most predictable one in the history of the show. Still good though and way better than the previous handful. I don't like how some characters aren't ever on the show. Nate? Vanessa? Where art thou Romeo? (There is no Romeo on the show.) Serena and Aaron Rose deserve to die. Seriously.

I did miss watching the show with the trendys though. I will have to return next Monday if they'll have me. They need some alone time with Nemo their dog. Also he shits all over the house so last night I thought, "tonight would be a good night not to step in shit."

Odd to say, but the current edition of "90210" might be the most realistic rendition of what actual high school is like. This comes 18 years after the first show started as one of the most unrealistic depictions of grades nine through 12. Although I don't care about any characters on the show, I still like the show. I thought Navid and Adrianna's scenes on last Tuesday's episodes were top notch. I guess I like those two the best. Too much Naomi last week. The show wouldn't miss a beat without her.

(That was for Esq. who sent me a text last Wednesday night asking about a recap.)

Pretty standard Tuesday. I consistently wake up on Tuesday mornings thinking it's Wednesday. This is a problem and no fun. But I imagine that happens to the best of us. And you.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ivory & Ebony

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Tuesday afternoon mailbag X

Welcome to Blog on the Run's tenth Tuesday afternoon mailbag. Here I'll answer questions from readers and non-readers about the week that was and anything else that might come across my mailbag.

Q: What do you feel is the best part of this blog?

A: It's without a doubt the "throwaway lines" that sort of make you scratch your head. They're really the essence of who I am and what I'm all about. They're the, "did he really just say that because it sounds completely crazy but probably true" sentences. They're statements I can write 1,500-word entries on but instead just snuck them into long posts about random stuff. My two favorite examples of these are the times I said "I'm not good looking enough to get the type of girl that I like" and the other being when I said that "I don't belong to anything so that way I can make fun of everything." Those are about the two most true statements I can make. They're me. They symbolize everything about my entries on this blog and the way I look at life. I think a lot of people are this way but way too scared and/or proud to admit it.

Q: There is a lot of struggle in the world. What makes you the saddest?

A: Seeing hot chicks that look young (early 20s) wearing engagement and/or wedding rings. I look at myself as some sort of a prophet saying that you should always hold out hope that you'll find someone totally hot that makes you feel good about yourself because let's face it, we're always judging ourselves and if you're with someone really attractive, that means others will judge you that way as well. You always want to be with someone better looking than you. You never want to be the best looking person in a relationship.

And then I see these really attractive girls at the grocery store at noon on a Tuesday. And that's it. Really? That's your life. Right now. And for the next 40 years. You'll be going to the grocery store at noon on a Tuesday. I mean, I know I was there too, but I was just grabbing lunch. And who knows, there's someone out there that could write about me and look down on the fact that I get lunch at grocery stores in Ohio and that's fine. I hear what you're saying. But I'm not a hot chick. If you're a hot chick, you have the world at your beck and call. You shouldn't settle for Giant Eagle at noon on a Tuesday. And yet girls always do. What's the rush? What's the hurry? You're 23!

Take your time. Be patient. Yes, you will struggle through a lot of terribly boring nights. You'll hate Tuesday and Monday nights and get pissed off at a lot of what goes on around you. But pretty much every other second of your life will be fun. You'll have "endless possibilities." Having the feeling of "endless possibilities" is my favorite feeling in the world. It's why I like cent camp.

Let's say my life was just one big Saturday night after a 3:30 p.m. football game. I'm always going to advocate cent camp because anything can happen. I never will make going back to the German Village or Club 185 a priority. I know what will happen once I'm there.

I'm not ready to know what happens next in my life. The girl at Giant Eagle is. She's living it.

Q: How many drugs were you when you wrote your first entry for Kyle's blog?

A: None. I just like letting go with stream of consciousness stuff every now and then. I can't wait to write for this week. And if anything, my posts over there are more Art McGregor (fact) than Art McGregor (based on a true story). Yes, I just said my blogging persona is "based on a true story." Not a "true story" as I am in "real" life. And no. I'm not on any drugs right now.

Q: Are you surprised there hasn't been one story about how gas has gone down about $1.50 per gallon since President Bush lifted an executive order banning offshore oil drilling on July 14? Also, great take on tying college newspaper editorial pages of present to who the "objective" reporters of tomorrow will be. I've never heard anyone say that before but it makes perfect sense.

A: On the latter, thank you. But no, I'm not surprised there haven't been stories on this offshore drilling thing. If President Obama does something similiar, we'll hear about it on a nightly basis.

Q: What happens this Saturday with Ohio State?

A: The game? Who knows. I think anything can happen. I'm seriously clueless as to how this game will play it. The last time I felt this way was the LSU game from earlier this year. That's not a good sign. But I have had opinions on every other Ohio State game. This doesn't seem like a game Ohio State loses. Ohio State is 35-2 in its last 37 regular season games. I'd say they were "supposed to" win 36 of those games (USC being the lone exception). So, this means about out of every 100 games Ohio State's supposed to win, they'll lose three of them. Those aren't great odds for the Nittany Lions. Before the game? Geesh. I don't know. I think the game is the biggest story this week ... even more than the tailgating. That's a first in a long time. I don't care if it rains or it's hot and sunny, just get me to Saturday night.

Q: You're bringing it on the countdown to Halloween. Can we expect more pictures of hot girls younger than 22 in Halloween costumes?

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Chili, C-plus, Club

Enjoyed watching some of the debate with McCampus, McCampus GF, The Godfather and the Truth. the Truth smoked in both the backyard and front porch. The Godfather made really good chili and sent 21 texts.

McCampus played the gracious host at the Superdome/813. He also has an inexplicable "Express" poster hanging in his living room.

the Truth and I went to Ugly Tuna until about 1 a.m. Logsdon threw out many "Gerbil Village" references that got zero laughs. They could just have a Chris Logsdon hologram up there because he did the same bit three weeks ago.

For all his cracks on Gerbil Village, the Tuna rocked an 80/20 male-female split.

Didn't get much better at Club 185.

The scoreboard read:

11 dudes, 3 girls.

Good times at the Club, however. They've got a new bartender that I assume will draw in a few new repeat customers. She's got some talent.

A C-plus Thursday night. I feel good this morning.

It's time for the weekend.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

The talking heads Olympics

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run senior writer

All this fervor in Beijing (due primarily to Rowdy Gaines’ stellar commentary on the endless pool that is the Pool Cube) has me thinking how cool it’d be to have an Olympics-style competition amongst television political commentators.

Talking

Hands down, the favorite in the talking competition is Ron Brownstein. The guy is fast and witty, albeit ultra-Sethy and liberal. Nonetheless, when that person came up with the whole “are you listening, or waiting to speak” saying, they were thinking of Brownstein. What’s remarkable is that, despite lacking an upper lip, Brownstein manages to cram more words in a 10-second sound bite than The Mayor crams people in his kitchen during a hop-skip spring party.

Bastardly

This one is actually a tighter competition than you might think. In ’04 in Athens, Bill Kristol was the odds on favorite and didn’t disappoint. His snarky remarks, constant smirks, overall zany disposition, and ghetto booty just screamed “bastard.” That said, and as much as it pains me to say it, Keith Olbermann is giving Kristol a run for his Seth-like money in ’08. Olbermann doesn’t even try to be fair. His “I’m a wealth-redistributing badass and I don’t give an F what you think because I used to work at ESPN” attitude has raised some eyebrows (Keith’s are painted on) in many circles. The edge still goes to Kristol, but the old man may have spent his last days atop the Hill after these games conclude.

Smelliest

Even though she’s not a commentator, per se, the smelliest person in all things news has to be Greta Van Susteren. Granted, no one has ever actually smelled her, but there’s a reason she had nose reduction surgery. The source of the stench is unknown, but if the stank don’t fit, you must acquit.

Biggest Jowls

This event is always a fan favorite, mainly because competitors stand up on stage and shake their heads back and forth to demonstrate the breadth of their jowls. Brit Hume is the reigning champion of the jowls, and I have no reason to doubt that he will win again this year. Many in the know have noticed a chilly relationship between Hume and Lou Dobbs lately and wondered why. Jowls, my friends. Dobbs has been making a push lately by laying his jowls on top of one of each of his guests’ faces. He calls it “jowl bagging.”

Nappiest Facial Hair

Rumor has it that in 2006, Jeff Birnbaum and Wolf Blitzer had a “comb off” to see whose facial hair was more robust. Blitzer cheated, ala Seth, by combing the back of his neck in addition to his beard. Listen, Blitzer has been a force of nature, with coverage from ear to ear … but Birnbaum has re-invigorated the sport with his insistence on the over-sized porn stash. Although never fair or smiling, the robot Blitzer gets the nod here.

mistertrendy's column runs every Monday.

The Veep Stakes

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run senior writer

All the talk these days seems to be about whom Obama and McCain should pick as their VP running mate. Never passing up an opportunity to weigh in, I offer some suggestions this week to the two men seeking the presidency. My selections are from an elite pool of candidates – namely, true “Americans” (i.e., German Village residents).

The Elite

Tops on any list has to be the Truth. What better running mate for the Messiah than the Anti-Christ himself. The guy can garner support among moderates who believe in libertarianism, which would greatly assist Obama in his quest to gain the votes of the .00001 percent of voters who are still undecided. Bob Barr what? Obama’s weakness is foreign policy, and the Truth would deliver by bringing his experience as ambassador to the Hey-Hey to the table. I’m convinced that if asked, the Truth would respond with a “yeah” immediately.

The thing about the Truth though is that he could be McCain’s guy too. McCain’s age is an issue, and the Truth could assist by bringing a youthful vibrancy, displayed repeatedly by his lust for all things shots (at Brothers). The Truth would also help shore up voters who fret over McCain’s economic prowess. If you buy a round of shots, you should do it early (during Happy Hour when everyone is drinking beers) and often (high volume, one tip for many shots). One lingering question mark about the Truth, however, would be his refusal to race the Mayor. No doubt, the guy appears to fear competing for a spot in the executive branch.

Middle of the Road

No discussion of a VP candidate for Obama can go without mention of The Godfather. I know, I know…you’re saying “but the Godfather hates Obama!” Get this though … he would help Obama shore up the remaining 4% of the African American vote (little known fact, but the Godfather loves Alan Keyes). Some might question the Godfather’s ability to lead in these times of crisis, but anyone who’s been at 185 when the vapids comprise 80 percent of the crowd would agree …the Godfather is a crowd pleaser who is capable of saving the day.

The Unknown

One candidate wouldn’t even be worth mentioning, but for the fact that he is so unknown. That’s right … McGinley (aka, ghost, lobster, dude with dog named Glimmer, Dubai Dubya, etc.). Many might question a choice like McGinley. No doubt he would not be a fit for Obama. But for McCain, it might work. His mastery of the magic undies could prove useful out West, where the undies are quite magical. Still, no one has seen his face for six months, almost as long as my own hiatus from America, causing many to question his dedication to the ideals of our nation.

Bottom of the Barrel

Seth. Yes, I said it. Seth. His unconventional ascension into American politics is little known and for good reason. Those who know him know his closet is awash in skeletons. Nonetheless, Seth possesses a zest for life and mint julips, which no doubt would assist either candidate in Kentucky. Seth has declared in recent weeks that he is not just “open” to accepting an offer to run for VP … he’s begging for it. In an effort to demonstrate his value to a campaign, Seth was in town for McCain’s visit to Schmidt’s. To demonstrate his credentials for VP, Seth ordered a round of shots and brought them over to McCain’s table. McCain seemed to enjoy Seth’s assertiveness, and the two downed a couple lemon drops in a sign of friendship. Rumors have spread, however, that Seth proceeded to order rounds upon rounds of shots for the entire restaurant, charging all of it to “the campaign” long past McCain’s exit from the establishment. When asked, the McCain comment offered no comment. Seth denies any wrongdoing, and in fact has asked that the McCain camp assist him in paying down his credit card debt, ala Hillary Clinton. Surely, Seth is bottom of the barrel, but with Lieberman’s apparent unwillingness to run, Seth would be a great 108th option to garner support among a group of voters long tied to the Democrat party.

That’s it for this week. Peace.

misterendy's column runs every Monday.

50 most beautiful on Capitol Hill?

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Just got a couple problems with The Hill's fifth annual "50 Most Beautiful People on Capital Hill" list. First off, this guy is on the list:


And this person is No. 1. The most beautiful person on Capitol Hill ... ladies and gentleman ... this person!!!:


Right about now, I'd say the state workers in Columbus, Ohio rank higher than the All-Stars in D.C.

The attractive people (females) on the list:

Elizabeth Kucinich
Ivy Larsen
Crystal Dollins
Emily Zammitt
Elizabeth Murphy
Jenny Harp (but she lists her relationship status as "taken" which is amazingly annoying)
Kristy Muchnok

OK looking:

Coty Wamp
Kristin Sutton

Without doubt, the best looking person on the list is not even in the top 10. Huh? Briana Bilbray wins my award.


She's not No. 1??????? (Is it just me or does she look a lot like former Club 185 bartender Shoby Ice?)

In any respect, any list that doesn't include our buddy Sleepy or McCampus' little brother Ozzie Canseco is complete bullshit.

I assume the fellas over at German Village Media will rank the men!

Update:

Here's more news and some more photos (I love the Internet):

Whistler tips

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run columnist

Welcome to week three of trendy’s blogging about stuff you no doubt ignore. If you’ve made it this far, I say congratulations and thank you.

Well, it was the week of politics that wasn’t. Nothing is really going on other than Jesse Jackson’s whisper campaign against BHO’s genitals. I’m sure Jesse will forgive him when he is appointed ambassador to Ghana. Seriously though, it’s been very boring this past week, even for me.

"Meet the Press" has been Meet the Depressed lately (stole that one from AMG’s dad). Can we get a permanent new host already? I thought Tony Snow would have been great. RIP, Tony. Instead, we find out Mr. Brokaw will moderate through the election. Glad he’s fair and all. His voice is pretty cool, but he’s always looks like he has to take a shit. Perhaps he does. He was wailing on McCain’s so-called flip-flopping today. At least NBC is finally owning up to their bias. I think all networks should just say who they favor and run with it. Think of it … some channels, like ESPN, could be like, “Don’t be a hater, vote for women’s athletics, arena football, poker, the X Games, and Nader.” Others, like the History Channel, could be like “Bob Barr or bust!”

In Ohio, the GOP is still fumbling around trying to figure out who should run for AG. This is truly sad. Can’t we find one person who wants to run? What about the Truth? I think he would bring a refreshing candor to the office. Yeah.

On a side note that I must get off my chest, I’m glad to see some commenting on posts, such as McGinley, who claims he saw the infamous “Whistle Tip” news story “five years ago.” Granted, McGinley holds a top secret job. No one knows what he does, but we know it’s cool and important. So for that, perhaps McGinley had access to YouTube back in 2003 while the rest of us had to wait until 2005. Or perhaps McGinley was living in Oakland in 2003 and regularly watched the late night news. I suppose I wouldn’t put anything past the artist formerly known as ghost. Still, the Whistle Tip never gets old. My boy Bubb Rubb.

We’re stuck up and we’ve been sethed!

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run columnist

I was entertained by President Bush’s speech on July 4 honoring 72 individuals who chose to become LEGAL immigrants. Much to my chagrin, Code Pink and other nut jobs were on site to ruin the ceremony. God forbid we honor these fine individuals who probably waited longer than me at 185 for a beer.

Nope. Can’t do that. Gotta let these folks who grew up on daddy’s money, felt guilty about said money, have no job, and feel the urge to show up at Bush’s speeches with UVA t-shirts scream "fascism" with the hopes of making the evening news. What a life. They’re like vapids, only they like to whine at speeches instead of drink wine at Club 185.

Did anyone else hear? Barack Obama has "recalibrated" his position on Iraq. That’s funny. I thought he "sethed" that issue. For those not familiar with the term, to "seth" something is to act like Seth, which usually means to mooch and waiver like McCampus on a Thursday night in February (sorry, Seth, but it’s true). Like this one time, I asked Seth if he wanted to go up to a Tribe game last summer (what was I thinking?). Anyhow, Seth said he was in and that he was going to "hook up the beers!" Well, we drive up to C-town, and of course, Seth did not pay for gas. He proclaimed he would be "hooking up the beers," and thus should not pay for any gas. Fair enough. Anyhow, after said proclamations of hook ups, along comes the seventh inning stretch, and no beers had been purchased by Seth. Sure enough, Seth gets up in the bottom of the seventh and tries to score a round of beers. He told me that he’d make it up to all of us with a round of 20 beers (five apiece). Well, of course, five minutes later, Seth comes back with four cups of water. His explanation for no beers? "Hey, not my fault they stopped selling beer. I still hooked it up. You owe me." So yeah, Obama sethed us this week on Iraq.

See ya next week.

"Meet the Ump "

By MISTERTRENDY
Blog on the Run columnist

So, welcome to the first installment of trendy’s weekly column. My assignment according to Art McGregor: politics, the Court, and pretty much anything else that most people don’t care about.

Anyhow, what a week for the Supremes! As AMG has lamented on GVM, Justice Kennedy has been on a terrorist/child rapist kick lately. At least the Court said the 2nd Amendment actually exists. Too many times, the Court just arbitrarily ignores Amendments (see, e.g., the 10th Amendment, the most dissed Amendment ever). This time, the Court got it right, thanks to my boy Scalia.

Anyhow, enough of that. Here’s something I know no one will care about: Chuck Todd was on "Meet the Press" today. It wasn’t like he was on a panel of journalists or anything. It was just “Chuck Todd – Political Director, NBC News” as one of the featured “guests” on NBC. That’d be like Glimmer being a featured guest at McGinley’s place. Or perhaps two Miller Lites as featured “guests” of AMG’s hands on a Friday night. Makes no sense.

Well, it’s sad that Russert is gone from "Meet the Press," despite his liberal slant. I think The Godfather should take his place as host. He would be sufficiently knowledgeable and would add a jovial and entertaining twist to the drab that is Sunday morning talk. I even think he could be better than that John Fortney guy on ONN that never blinks. I can see it now - The Godfather would do umpire signals to react to guests’ answers. For example, when asking Obama “why did you abandon Rev. Wright?” and upon receiving BHO’s response of “he and I didn’t see eye-to-eye anymore,” the Godfather would respond with the classic foul-tip-into-the-catcher’s-glove-for-strike-three signal with a thunderous “he’s out!” Obama would just chuckle.

"Meet the Press" would be renamed “Meet the Ump.”

Anyhow, I know this post doesn’t make any sense, but I hope to do better if kept on the staff here at Blog on the Run. Peace.