EGG: Over cheesy and out

It's over for The EGG. This time, for real.

We went back to The EGG yesterday for our Sunday ritual. I love Sundays in the fall. Early wake-up, drive to campus, watch football, eat fried food.

I hated 2007 but one of the best things about that year was going to The EGG. Even when the Browns would lose, we'd still have a great time.

I had the worst chicken sandwich ever. The EGG is skimming. Do you remember chicken sandwiches from there in April 2007? Plump, white, good looking grilled chicken. Yesterday's sandwich was brown and thinner than an actress on "92010" on a diet. The 1 immediately made fun of it. He said it looked like I had a "smattering" of fries from other people's plates. The cheese on his mini-burgers looked disgusting. Really orange.

The music is too fucking loud. They have one person on staff that smiles. The TVs don't always show HD and the music is SO loud.

In The EGGs defense, the Steelers nor the Browns were playing yesterday so that means there weren't many "fans" there. But still, there's no regulars this year. I think people have stopped going. It sucks.

The 1 and I will be back at BDL next weekend. Or somewhere else. The EGG is so shitty that it could possibly derail Sunday afternoon Fundays.

And what I hate about The EGG is that I have given it chance after chance. This is the third time I've banned it.

Can't see being back in 2008.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 20, Wisconsin 17

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

There were not any hot chicks where you were at about 11:30 p.m. on Friday.

They all were at Brothers in Columbus.

It's rare you experience scenes of unbridled joy. Far more rare that I do. I didn't experience this in the attack of the hotties on Friday, but did so Saturday. Before walking from Fifth Third Bank on S. High Street to Club 185.

Following Troy Smith's Terrelle Pryor's touchdown run with a minute to go, I turned around and saw beer ... as if champagne ... lighting the campus night. People hugged, people smiled, the Truth said, "that's what I'm talking about it!"

It was one of the best Ohio State wins in my lifetime. I don't know how to stress that enough.

1. I watched the game with a girl I genuinely like.
2. I watched it with the Truth and The Godfather and The Mayor. The 1 left at halftime.
3. We had a great seat at the video games at the EGG.
4. The Dr. sent me a text at the start of the fourth quarter that read, "this feels like a great night for the black, long sleeved t-shirt."
5. The Sports Writer sent me one before the game-winning drive, "time for Pryor to earn his poon."

We won and we celebrated. I was convinced of failure. You see, most Ohio State fans root for losers in all other sports. Probably 65-70 percent of them root for the Browns, Bengals, Blue Jackets, Reds, Indians and Cavs ... and other than the Cavs, those teams pretty much all suck and are really good at losing heartbreakers.

It was a game where you hug people. People hugged. People don't hug after beating Troy and Minnesota.

A star was born.

... ... ... ...

I don't know how I'm not going to Brothers every Friday night. I met the Truth there. We boozed and went our separate ways, ala Phil Collins. I hightailed it over to Sugar/Patio and had some beers with Scott Lewis, pitcher for the Cleveland Indians. Great dude.

Watched the end of the Angels-Red Sox game (one of the best I've ever seen) and chatted it up with various chicks I've made out with in public before. Somehow saw the Truth outside Bar Louie and in a fit of rage, he pulled me into the car and we went to some random afterhours where he and I got into a popcorn throwing match at 4 a.m. I was that guy in the German Village throwing popcorn at 4 a.m.

... ... ... ...

Sort of has to be noted that two of (probably) 100 or so most recognizable people in the world were in Columbus this weekend. David Beckham and communist Bruce Springsteen.

... ... ... ...

I am in love with Sunday afternoons. The 1 and The Godfather joined me at B-Dubs Lane. B-Dubs Lane is now off the list. That place sort of sucks. But we had a great fucking time. The thing is, we're all sort of drunk. Like, we just say things and laugh harder than anyone else around us. We all came up with the idea of bringing a sign of Chemical Ali and Charles Ali to the Bruce Springsteen concert. This was very hilarious at 2 o'clock on Sunday. That's p.m.

I didn't want that to end. But it did because our group has a habit of ending really fun things because of no reason. We went home and I endured five-terrible-hours-of-non-drinking-Sunday. Yikes. After throwing back 12 16-ounce Miller Lites last night, I felt better. Slept really well. Right through the alarm. I love that I start drinking (alone) at 9 p.m. on Sundays. It makes the nights so much better.

I sang "Hello" by Lionel Richie at B-Dubs Lane (BDL).

... ... ... ...

The scene remained the EGG and the afterparty at McFadden's, also known as the happiest place on the planet. I don't know how to explain it other than = packed full of happy people, chicks dancing on bars, tons of smiles, tons of girls hitting on dudes and overall amazingness.

Obviously the girl I hung out with during the game didn't leave with me so I went to McFadden's to meet up with Pilot Bartender (blog name), Big Mike and The Mayor.

I saw The Godfather for .21 seconds. He was not looking too good. I've never seen happier at midnight and more drunk/miserable looking at 1 a.m. He was NOT coming in hot, real hot.

We ran into quite the cast of characters at the EGG. Talked with Antwan Jamison for a good portion of the second half. Great dude. The 1's buddy blew the stankiest farts ever. Fucking awful. I don't normally blog about farts but they were that bad!

The Mayor and ASD manned the bar and kept the buckets coming. I drank less than everyone because I threw on the blinders for about 45 minutes and just talked to the girl.

How about I called her yesterday and got excited when she called back. It's been awhile (Staind).

... ... ... ....

The oddest news of the weekend? I somehow bought "Who Knew?" by Pink on iTunes. Drunk texting is so 2006. Drunk iTuning is so right now.

... ... ... ... ...

Ohio State now is 5-1 with winnable games remaining. Just keep on winning Buckeyes and don't stop. thinking about. tomorrow.

The weekend will soon be here.

B-minus weekend

A few thoughts on the weekend ...

- Buffalo Wild Wings (campus) ... we'll call it BDL ... B-Dubbs-Lane ... has taken over The EGG's mantle for Sunday afternoon football. BDL has hotter waitresses, more TVs, more space to sit, hotter fans, no bullshit music during commercials, no stupid trivia questions, etc. Plus, the Mathlete isn't banned from EGG for the next four-plus years.

The Godfather, The 1 and I decided on this move. It's a huge decision.

We first went to B-Dubbs in the German Village and that place is fucking awful. Totally depressing and projection televisions. I feel bad for the place. The 1 and I left after about four minutes.

- Missing The Godfather at The Varsity Club isn't a good thing. The day lacked something. I had the best time of the day AT the game. Bullshitting with McGinley and The 1 was awesome and the game was pretty enjoyable. The Buckeyes had some of their swagger back. I think the Oregon State win over USC had a lot to do with that.

I got really drunk. I don't really remember much. More to come.

- The Browns suck. But suck less than the Bengals.

- I spilled a full lemonade on The 1.

- I am glad the Buckeyes play on the road next week. Fun times at the EGG for the Wisconsin game. I assume me and The 1 will go at 5:30 or 6, the Godfather will come later, the Truth will be there at 5:31 or 6:01 and The Mayor and his assorted entourage will show up at about 7:52 p.m.

I had a pretty good weekend. I'm ready for Thursday.

Tuna?

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 28, Troy 10

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

A couple hundred times this weekend I heard something and thought, "that'd be an awesome headline on the blog!"

But The Godfather pointed out:

"That's the bad thing about hanging out with the Truth. You never remember anything."

I walked back to The Mayor's house this morning to pick up my car. It was still there from Friday night. the Truth gave us a ride home on Friday night. German Village ain't exactly Jacksonville, Fla. when it comes to land mass.

"I might run out of gas," said the Truth, as he dropped me off about .7 miles (a 10-minute walk) from my house.

I sent a text to The Godfather early yesterday morning that said, "let's go to the EGG as early as possible."

I left the EGG last night around 11 p.m. Obviously, I was there still drinking as the theme of the day seemed to be "Yes, I'll have another beer." I rolled up a $38 tab on beer only. On a Sunday. You need it when watching the Browns.

I really think I've had two seminal moments since moving back to The German Village in 2005:

A Seeing The Mayor (black North Face) and The Godfather (gray Ohio State hoodie) at Club 185 on Friday, Oct. 28, 2005 and B the time at The EGG when The 1 said, "we're staying here until dusk."

You deserve to have Sunday Fundays. You should be out there drinking. Think back to that Sunday in July when you sat around, didn't shower, flipped channels for seven hours and struggled to fall asleep at night because you were so inactive throughout the course of the day.

The Godfather left the EGG at about 7:30 p.m. last night. I went over and talked to The EGG Guys for about two hours before they left. I just sat at the bar and watched the Yankees game and a little of the Packers game. I sent too many text messages to an old girlfriend in Baltimore.

When it all started, it was all good.

I walked into The Mayor's on Friday night and saw McCampus.

"You used to get a lot more excited to see me," he said.

True story. Dot org.

Seeing him was great as he pretty much says the funniest things ever. We (of course) retreated into the living room to watch baseball highlights on mute.

In that same way, it was good to have a funny text message exchange with The 1 throughout the weekend. I don't remember any of them.

That's the truth. And the Truth.

One person I did not see or hear from this weekend was NJAG. On Friday, Aug. 8 I went over her house and ate Tostitos. Then we went to The Patio. Then she said she wanted to get food at 185 and I didn't (already had had the corn chips), so she left and I haven't heard from her since.

For the first time since Thursday, Aug. 28, I went to The Patio. Ended up there on Saturday night. I had a blast on Saturday.

"I can't wait for next Saturday," I said to The Godfather Parents yesterday at lunch at Mad Mex.

Mad Mex? Eh. I thought a steak taco was just like a normal taco. I thought a taco had steak meat in it. It doesn't. Did like the rice though.

The key to Saturday was constant movement after laying around all day until 3 p.m. Got to V.C. at 3:45 p.m. and spent an hour or so talking to this Hot Jill Girl and her mom and thinking, "I can't believe I used to have sleepovers with this girl. (daughter not mom)"

Seeing Johnny K was awesome and he made small talk with the mom. I told him, "You smell like the beach!" He did. That's the awesome thing about Johnny K. He always looks like he just got home from the beach. In Ohio.

Spent a lot of time at the inside/outside bar at The Varsity Club. The Intern's brother played baseball at Ohio State a few years back so he was surrounded by the hottest chicks in the history of Columbus. I just stayed there for about an hour.

Went back outside and talked to The Doctor. Bringing girlfriends to Ohio State games is a great idea. Sarcasm is the act of lying on purpose.

Also chatted with a really ugly (not nice) Canadian (!!) chick for about 20 minutes. It could have been six minutes. We discussed Wayne Gretzky and what I was doing later that night. She was probably 32 but looked 43. I prefer when they're 18 and look 16.

Kinda fooled around with a really drunk chick for a little bit who stumbled and fell. Like. On the ground. She was so drunk she fell over.

Walked up to B-Dubs (after pledgin' NEVER AGAIN) and met up with The Godfather and two couples. McGinley wasn't in town so The Godfather was not a part of any couple and I wouldn't couple until hours later.

The Godfather actually stole a beer from the bar. He reached over the bar and took it out of the cooler. I've never seen that done before. I love when I see something for the first time.

Felt like I was seeing St. Patrick's Day Girl for the first time. Ran into her at Patio and then we made out (inside bar and then outside bar) in full view of about 200 people. It was my second bar face sucking session of the day. This girl didn't fall over.

She looked amazing. I don't remember her being that good looking. She has a couple upper back/neck TATS that added to the hottness.

Also saw Hooters Girl there and she said hello. She didn't respond to my text yesterday.

The night really kicked off when the Truth rolled into B-Dubs about eight seconds before The Godfather houdini'd to go to a PARTY IN THE GERMAN VILLAGE.

"It was kind of lame," he'd later say. "I kind of dozed off."

Truth and I went to Four Kegs where we talked to chicks about god knows what. Maybe chewing gum? Truth always ALWAYS has gum. Then we hung out in a parking lot behind the bar for five or ten minutes.

"Do you smoke?" McCampus asked Joe Incognito/Esera a night before.

"What? Pot? Meth?" Incognito/Esera responded.

Mayorfest '08 kicked ass. We (like you didn't know!) ended up chucking beer cans at each other and pouring beer on ourselves. This was about 2:10 a.m. It was me, the Truth, The Mayor and The Godfather. Average age? About 32.

I am sure I've leaving a lot out.

I can't wait for next Saturday.

Ohio University 14, Ohio State 26

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run columnist

Sometime around 6 p.m. Saturday, I turned to The Godfather and asked, "do you just want to go back to the Village?"

I had had it. Couldn't get drunk at the Varsity Club. Tired of talking and/or answering questions. Tired of being told my hair used to look better or that I'm too picky or about bowel movements. Tired of tension surrounding talking about politics and hatred toward feminism. Silly libs.

Wanted to move on (dot org) and regroup.

Had the night mapped out in my head: Go home, relax, shower, head back out around 10 or 11 p.m.

His answer? A resounding "no." He wanted to go meet up with some people at B-Dubs and we did. And my quest to drink 430 beers without getting a buzz moved due east, as the crow flies along Lane Avenue to B-Dubs.

Saw a couple of friends of my sister and ate 78 boneless chicken wings. Did that thing where you sit down after six hours of drinking in the sun. That's always fun.

Thought the night was complete but The Godfather (The Godfather!) wanted to move to The Little Bar. That I can't complain about. I enjoy The Little Bar, formerly Lee's Market, no doubt some kind of speakeasy in the 1990s. You remember that place? Of course you do. I remember I ate dinner a couple of times at those apartments across the street. Friends of Johnny Jihad lived there. My how times have changed. Not really.

Thought it was good seeing Esq. earlier in the day at The Varsity Club. She's pretty fun to talk to. She says funny shit about shit and doesn't seem to have the filter thing in her brain. I asked about NJAG (haven't heard from her in a month after hearing from her daily for two weeks) and living in Cincinnati.

The day kind of represented the weekend. OK. Borderline bad. Hopefully the worst of the football season. The bar always is raised high on gamedays. And it was cool seeing Rainbow Bright and her people, but I would have liked to have done more.

Friday night it rained buckets right around the time I wanted to head out. If I hear one more fucking person say, "we need it!" I'm going to do nothing. Just pisses the shit out of me. If it's raining, it's Friday night in central Ohio.

Even the EGG let us down, although that's more because of the Browns performance. The EGG Guys were there, as were the bevy of bitties they travel with. Fuck. Me and The 1 came alone. That's what she said.

"Entourage" was OK. That's a pitfall of a 23-minute show. They had a lot to catch up on and they got things rolling for season five.

I'm probably being more hard (that's what she said) on the weekend than I need to be, but it just ... Ohio State is lousy and the Browns are worse. I am tired of rooting for the Clowns. They have the worst fucking pass rush I've ever seen. They run fades to the sideline on 3rd and 2. They fumble snaps on 3rd and 1. They give up first downs on every third down. They drop balls. They miss tackles. Same. Old. Browns.

They have a ZERO PERCENT chance of beating Pittsburgh this weekend. In the past year, I've rocked a "ZERO PERCENT chance" on three games (Indians/Sox Game 7, Indians/ChiSox in May, Indians/Rockies in June) and I've been right 100 percent of the time.

I thought of something really odd about OSU football. Since I moved to the German Village on Oct. 14, 2005, the Ohio State Buckeyes are 31-1 in regular season games. That's fucking crazy. While they don't have a ZERO PERCENT chance this weekend against USC, they aren't winning. I am Mr. Optimism on OSU Football, but they are going to get rolled. Take it from me. Do not THINK WE ARE GOING TO WIN. Don't. Enjoy the game. Enjoy Saturday leading up to it. Enjoy the fact that I'll be out in Manhattan Beach.

Just know that when this column comes back next week, Ohio State will be the second team listed in the headline again.

Long post about boring Patio-related stuff

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I have a pair of shoes that I wear to work about 70 percent of the time. I wear sandals or tennis shoes on Friday and sometimes black shoes with a suit. They're also the brown shoes I wore to Club 185 every day between December 2007 and April 2008. I looked at them this morning and got mad. The weekend was over. It was time to put on my brown shoes.

I really like this article by Pat Forde on ESPN.com today. I know it's silly to post links to ESPN.com, I mean, I know no on reads that site anyway, but he really captured the drama of that event.

He said it best:

What transpired during the final 50 meters was the stuff of Disney movies.

"That event" is the swimming relay last night. I think most people are talking about it today and it's probably "the event" of these Olympics. I watched most of the coverage last night with 16-ounce cans of Miller Lite and Miss July. She knows her stuff about gymnastics. I had forgot about Kim Zmeskal. I was more of a Shannon Miller fan. Not so much anymore. We talked at length about the sport and the 1992 women's team. I gander I know more about Olympics gymnastics than any 29-year-old straight male out there. Save your commentary.

I'm usually let down by sports on Sundays. Yesterday, I went to bed pretty happy. The 16-ouncers didn't hurt there.

I just feel like I should have an aunt or an uncle who has a swimming pool out near Newark in Jacksontown. You ever driven north on Route 13 toward Newark on a summer Saturday afternoon around 4:30 p.m.? It's a nice drive. Newark is beyond shitty (I had no idea), but the drive there is nice. I need to get on having an uncle out there with a pool. That's a big priority today.

I had lunch at El Vaquero on Saturday afternoon. It set the stage for a day I'll remember as "As Good as it Gets."

Great lunch, Tribe win, take in a baseball game, write about said baseball game for a newspaper in Cape Cod, get told by the sports editor there that I have "good stuff," watch the Olympics, watch UFC for the first time and close down The Patio. Oh yes.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a team player but I love team sports. I have little interest in individual sports like tennis, golf and boxing. But I walked away impressed with the UFC. I watched it in a fun setting. Perhaps that's why I enjoyed it. Crammed into The Patio's inside bar, I watched three or four matches with a few hundred meatheads with additional Affliction shirts in their closets. I saw a bunch of people I knew (NOT McCampus or The 1 I USED TO KNOW) and had a couple handfuls of beers. I'm not a big action movie guy and I don't like fighting, but I will make it a point to watch those UFC events from now on. Next one is September 6.

Another thing I really liked about this weekend happened on Friday. I was looking at the college football television schedule and I started to picture that first OSU home Saturday on August 30 (19 days away!). Go to the game, watch Utah play Michigan in the blaring sun at the Varsity Club, say like 30 times that I "kind of want to watch LSU and Appalachian State," head to B-Dubs or Out r' Inn (no clue why) around 8 and then watch other games at a campus location, or EGG and inevitably Club 185. Home football Saturdays are the seven best days of the year.

I had a couple of work things yesterday and the day absolutely flew by.

Yes, I already am looking forward to next weekend. But I'll miss this past weekend.

Friday night I went to The Patio with NJAG after eating about 7,000 of her tostitos. Her line of the night? "You smell like tostitos." Yes. When you eat 6,500 of them, that's bound to happen. She told me McCampus would meet us there. I told her "there's about a 2 percent chance of that happening." We ran into an old friend from The Dispatch and My Boy Whit. My Boy Whit owns it. He came out with his "APS." It's an affliction-type, velvety shirt that he calls his "ass pulling shirt." I didn't wear RESPECT this weekend but did rock NIKE on Friday night. No worries. You'll see RESPECT on Friday and NIKE likely on Saturday.

NJAG left around 1 a.m. because she wanted something to eat from Club 185 and I ran into our old buddies from the EGG (Whatever it takes and Small Guy), and The Guy We Sing With. We again belted out classic tunes from the 1990s. Also making an appearance was every hot chick in Columbus.

I really am going to miss these summer weekends. I could go to The Patio every night and I almost practically do. The singing, the scenery, the setting.

I don't want to miss a thing.

Listened to "Milli" by Lil' Wayne earlier today. He calls himself a "venereal disease," rhymes Nigeria with criteria (how Olympics of him) and says "shy girl changed her name to my girl." Other than having the most annoying background sound of all-time, it's a great song. I listened to that rolling into work.

There's no reason why I typed out that last paragraph other than thinking it'd be something I'd put on this blog.

Also, there's no fucking chance that a picture of Helen Hunt ever will be on this blog again.