Ohio State 34, Minnesota 21

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Rainbow Bright got mad at me for calling out a weekend a few weeks back. I said it was just an OK weekend. Let me explain something. I grade weekends on a curve. The grade has nothing to ... well, very little to do ... with people.

I gave this past weekend a non-A because it was sunny and hot, I got too drunk too quick and not having The Godfather around also didn't help. Also, The Stalker showed up at The Pole (The Varsity Club's, not my own) and just stood there while no one talked to her.

Weekend ended with a trip to Gay Kroger to buy stamps and I ran into The Biggest Slut Who Lives In The German Village. She of course did not say hello. She goes to the "Waitresses at The EGG School of Wearing a Scowl on your Face at All Times."

After the high school football game, I met McGinley, SHG, P Gritty and The Godfather at the Hey Hey. Then we went to High Beck. On a Friday. I'm ... hopefully a one-time occurrence. Also played some Keno with McCampus at the Hey Hey. I saw more McCampus this weekend than I have since the McGregor-McCampus Hey Day of February 2007, the month after his infamous "eat a dick, blog it" text. We also saw DJ AM that night. RIP.

We then went to The Patio and I think we all were tired. Going to the Hey Hey and sitting at a low top at High Beck can do that to a person. Also, I had a busy week. I've chronicled it but I had very little time to just lay around and do nothing. I was at full-go all week. I could being full-go as going to my sister's and watching two television shows on Monday night. Friday night's tiredness spilled over into the weekend.

I can't express how much fun I had at the game. Sitting next to McGinley and The 1 is a real treat. People around us HAD to hate us. We're completely rude and don't stop talking. We're not usually talking about the game. Or anything really. We must have said "BOOM" Herron at least 347 times. The 1 also experience a voice cracking (ala a 14-year-old boy) when singing "Seven Nation Army."

He's going to Wichita.

The Mayor came and stayed for ONE PLAY. Not quite sure what was up with that, but that had to suck.

I went to The Blackwell postgame with The 1 and had a beer with my dad. Met The 1's friend New Edition. New Edition is a great guy. Between Powder, Johnny K, Hot D and New Edition, The 1 has some great friends.

Hung out with Rainbow Bright, McCampus, The Mayor and such at the VC. The sun rendered me utterly useless. I don't remember much. I remember seeing the Truth. Those past two sentences go hand in hand. The 1 and I got into a cab, dropped off the Truth and headed back to the German Village. I showered, semi-sobered up, ate a packet of peanut butter crackers and went back out to Four Kegs with The Godfather, Mathlete and friends. McGinley (not drinking this fall) dropped us off.

I ate a soft pretzel and those crackers on Saturday. Combined with the 14 beers and five shots, I completely have ZERO recollection of anything that happened after 11 o'clock on Saturday night. I houdini'd on myself. I like that we were walking down a dark alley and then I went missing and The Godfather later recounted that he didn't do anything about it. What's up with that?!?!

I need a break. I am so relieved we have a road game this weekend. I've done heavy boozing 10 out of the past 11 days. It's a bender. I REALLY NEED TO TAKE THREE DAYS OFF.

I had a really enjoyable Sunday a B-Dubs Lane. More to follow.

Ohio University 14, Ohio State 26

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run columnist

Sometime around 6 p.m. Saturday, I turned to The Godfather and asked, "do you just want to go back to the Village?"

I had had it. Couldn't get drunk at the Varsity Club. Tired of talking and/or answering questions. Tired of being told my hair used to look better or that I'm too picky or about bowel movements. Tired of tension surrounding talking about politics and hatred toward feminism. Silly libs.

Wanted to move on (dot org) and regroup.

Had the night mapped out in my head: Go home, relax, shower, head back out around 10 or 11 p.m.

His answer? A resounding "no." He wanted to go meet up with some people at B-Dubs and we did. And my quest to drink 430 beers without getting a buzz moved due east, as the crow flies along Lane Avenue to B-Dubs.

Saw a couple of friends of my sister and ate 78 boneless chicken wings. Did that thing where you sit down after six hours of drinking in the sun. That's always fun.

Thought the night was complete but The Godfather (The Godfather!) wanted to move to The Little Bar. That I can't complain about. I enjoy The Little Bar, formerly Lee's Market, no doubt some kind of speakeasy in the 1990s. You remember that place? Of course you do. I remember I ate dinner a couple of times at those apartments across the street. Friends of Johnny Jihad lived there. My how times have changed. Not really.

Thought it was good seeing Esq. earlier in the day at The Varsity Club. She's pretty fun to talk to. She says funny shit about shit and doesn't seem to have the filter thing in her brain. I asked about NJAG (haven't heard from her in a month after hearing from her daily for two weeks) and living in Cincinnati.

The day kind of represented the weekend. OK. Borderline bad. Hopefully the worst of the football season. The bar always is raised high on gamedays. And it was cool seeing Rainbow Bright and her people, but I would have liked to have done more.

Friday night it rained buckets right around the time I wanted to head out. If I hear one more fucking person say, "we need it!" I'm going to do nothing. Just pisses the shit out of me. If it's raining, it's Friday night in central Ohio.

Even the EGG let us down, although that's more because of the Browns performance. The EGG Guys were there, as were the bevy of bitties they travel with. Fuck. Me and The 1 came alone. That's what she said.

"Entourage" was OK. That's a pitfall of a 23-minute show. They had a lot to catch up on and they got things rolling for season five.

I'm probably being more hard (that's what she said) on the weekend than I need to be, but it just ... Ohio State is lousy and the Browns are worse. I am tired of rooting for the Clowns. They have the worst fucking pass rush I've ever seen. They run fades to the sideline on 3rd and 2. They fumble snaps on 3rd and 1. They give up first downs on every third down. They drop balls. They miss tackles. Same. Old. Browns.

They have a ZERO PERCENT chance of beating Pittsburgh this weekend. In the past year, I've rocked a "ZERO PERCENT chance" on three games (Indians/Sox Game 7, Indians/ChiSox in May, Indians/Rockies in June) and I've been right 100 percent of the time.

I thought of something really odd about OSU football. Since I moved to the German Village on Oct. 14, 2005, the Ohio State Buckeyes are 31-1 in regular season games. That's fucking crazy. While they don't have a ZERO PERCENT chance this weekend against USC, they aren't winning. I am Mr. Optimism on OSU Football, but they are going to get rolled. Take it from me. Do not THINK WE ARE GOING TO WIN. Don't. Enjoy the game. Enjoy Saturday leading up to it. Enjoy the fact that I'll be out in Manhattan Beach.

Just know that when this column comes back next week, Ohio State will be the second team listed in the headline again.

Ohio State 43, YSU 0

(Jessica is 18.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

The above girl goes to community college near Arizona State. She might be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and would give up 10 years of my life for three or four dates with her. I'd give up five years for one date (with a guarantee she'd put out).

I bring this up because I saw The 1 yesterday after 63 days (nine weeks). It was fantastic to see him. He was wearing an Arizona State hat and will be heading out to ASU on Thursday, Sept. 18. He'll be going to the Georgia-ASU game (football).

The 1 gets Week 1 MVP Honors. He brought us back to The Tailgate Behind Tommy's Pizza (TTBTP ... BTB for short). But first, here's some more pictures of Jessica and friends.

(Skinnier than Art McGregor ... combined.)

(They are good at being hot freshmen.)

BTB is the new VC. I thoroughly enjoyed The Varsity Club, but BTB had free food, free beer, a television, nice people and good looking women. Also free food and free beer. The trio from the get go included The 1, the Truth and Art McGregor. Disappointed I didn't see the rest of The 1's posse that includes His Girlfriend (blog name), Three Clicks (formerly Toe), Powder, Johnny K and Hot D. Anytime I see Hot D, he will be MVP of the Week. He's the guy who asked me to write his autobiography. He also implored people to "flip that shit" when buying houses and doesn't know what that means.

Before I recap the day, I need to say how great it is to get back into Seeing The People You Normally See During Football Season. Guys like TUG and T-MUG (Tall More Unfriendly Guy) and chicks like Sis, Gahannastan and the rest of their group. Also known as The People I Used To See All The Time At Club 185 In The Winter And Fall Of 2006. Also saw TD Hoodie and Peaches at The Varsity Club and beyond.

Anytime we end up at Four Kegs things are not good. Had lunch and our fantasy football draft today at Planks on Whittier. the Truth (not in the league but at the draft) and I were legit surprised to hear we went to Four Kegs. It wasn't a wise choice. We did a Jager Bomb there. I think that was the Truth's idea. I also ran into a girl from college who thinks I'm crazy and/or stalking her. I remembered her first and last name, what classes we had together and where she went to high school. I think I talked to her twice in college. I always sort of hope I run into this hot Jewish chick named Brittany (spelling?) from college. I haven't since our last JCOM 315 class in Fall 2000. She was a big Gore supporter (obviously) but I don't let that bother me. Maybe I'll see her next week. That would be tits (even though her's were small). As you can tell with Jessica, I am not a boobs guy even though people have called me a boob. Actually they haven't. But being called a boob would be funny.

I think we got to Four Kegs around 10 p.m. It could be anywhere from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. I made it home at 1 a.m. after eating 32,212 peanuts at a random party. After The Godfather climbed to the top of a dirt mountain on 16th Avenue, I celebrated by falling on the pavement and banging my head ("I could hear it" - The Godfather) on the sidewalk. It still fucking hurts.

We ate in the ballpark of 20-25 beers apiece. I also ate a ball park hot dog. I'm not a beer-counter-guy but I had about eight at the tailgate, seven or eight more at the Varsity Club, two or three at B-Dubs, two or three at Four Kegs, a Jager Bomb and then a couple more walking down the street and at various parties where girls kicked us out. No one likes to see that.

Day started out innocently enough. Drove to the game with The Godfather and a German, High School Foreign Exchange Student. Met up with The 1 at BTP at around noon. He said I looked great and "not skinny enough." I missed The 1 and the way he asks questions and says things. His take on Sarah Palin? "Is this lady girl really ready to be president." He still claims to be an "undecided" voter.

Got to love T-MUG and the tailgate. Had a great time. Genuinely nice people that are fun to talk to. I could just text this to The 1 but I'll say it here instead: Remind me to give you a case of Miller Lite for next week. I'll be there in the third quarter of the OSU-OU game. And maybe for a beer or two beforehand.

For all the making fun of frat guys I do, they get the hot chicks. Most girls at this tailgate were hot. That's amazing. Free beer, hot women (I think I referred to them as "Stepfords" although that's kind of derogatory) and Wavy Lays Potato Chips. Yum to all of the above.

Additional props to Sis for rocking the light hair. Loved it. Almost made up for not seeing Hot D. Almost. Didn't like her light blue shirt though. Shirt was fine but light blue? I know you're not an OSU alum, but come on. Support the team.

the Truth had many Truth-like comments on John McCain and other things. His reason for McCain's trouble at raising his arms? "They didn't have the good candy when he was a little kid. You know he's probably eating black licorice and rhubarb flavored things."

Headed over to The VC around 4 p.m. Loved the crew there. Saw TD Hoodie and Peaches. Peaches looked awesome. Sweet sunglasses, kick ass hair, cool T-shirt. Girl has style. Hoodie had a tight T-shirt on.

I'm kind of worn out telling this story. Need a break. OK, back.

I didn't really take a break there. But you can't tell that.

How we got to B-Dubs, I'll never know. Did we take a helicopter? Police escort? Cab? Walk? Probably the latter. Ran into Rainbow Bright and others. Headband wasn't there. Huh?

Saw a friend of a girl I used to know. She said, "I'll tell her you said hi." I said, "don't do that."

1. I didn't say hi.
2. I thought it was funny to not say hello. It seemed wise at the time.

Stayed at B-Dubs for awhile. Good chatting with Rainbow Bright, as that's what we do in football season. The Godfather's brother, the Mathlete, also was around. He added to fun.

I can't believe we didn't see The Mayor. I loved the group yesterday though. It was good Truth, happy The Godfather, fun Mathlete and Mathlete's underage girlfriend. I like having her around because it increases our chances of seeing other underage girls.

Then we marched around campus doing stupid shit and climbing dirt mountains, and tackling each other and ripping our shirts off and eating things and smoking funny things (oops ... Kid Rock reference).

The area over my left eye is killing me. Fuuuck. I am dead. I feel like shit. The 10,000 french fries I ate at Planks are not helping.

the Truth wants to go out tonight but I think I'll pass and just have a few drinks here. Some will be water.

I cannot fucking believe how much fun we had yesterday. Looking forward to next week.

And maybe running into that Britney (spelling?) girl.

Jars of beef jerky

Before and after the Truth regaled me with tales of $200 jars of beer jerky, I had your typical wet, hot American summer weekend. The highlight of both nights probably was going to Club 185. You know? Just sort of went through the motions. If summer weekends are going to be boring on the face, spicing it up a little on Friday or Saturday night would be advantageous. We tried it on Saturday and it was pretty cool. Varsity Club was pretty empty, except for a pack of 40-somethings celebrating a bachelorette party. I would have preferred getting caught up in the mix of the 10 or 15 of them downtown in the Arena District, but chilling with some buds having a couple beers was a nice change of pace. Went to the Out 'R Inn afterward and ... I definitely like that place more from September through November at Saturday night around 9 p.m.

Enjoyed meeting Headband's new guy friend, oddly enough at Out 'R Inn. Rainbow Brite and brother also were in attendance.

Miss July made her first appearance out with our group of people. Thrown into that collection of personalities, in those settings, I thought she handled herself pret-tay well.

Saw all the usuals at 185 this weekend including Sonbreath (more like Boobs breath), My Boy Whit, The Sluts (No. 1 and No. 2), this dude that just got out of prison and puked all over the owner's box, cpn, that guy who's always drunk as fuck stumbling around aggressively hitting on every girl in the bar and others!

Can't wait to spend every weekend in October doing just about exactly the same thing!

Got a call from The Dispatch on Friday and they let me know they'd like me to continue to cover high school football this fall. This is great news all around as it allows me to cut back on Friday night boozing, make a few extra bucks and get out to 13 or 14 games this summer/fall. For those in need of a football fix, high school football games start Thursday, Aug. 21 in Ohio.

My old pal The Sports Writer (formerly of Yakima, Wash.) will be in town on Thursday night. That's going to be fun.

First half of the the baseball season is over and the Tribe's on a four-game winning streak! Still in last place. The Devil Rays had the best record in baseball!? What? They looked fucking terrible this weekend. Maybe next year that team contends, but they'll end up winning about 82-86 games this year for a nice phat third-place finish. I'm not really concerned with who wins the Quad-A/National League, maybe it's finally the Cubs? But in the AL, I got Minnesota, Boston, Chicago and L.A. making the playoffs. Chicago over L.A. in the first round, Boston over Minnesota and the Red Sox over the White Sox in the World Series. Maybe the NL team lucks out and snags its fifth single-game win in the past five years in that series after the ALCS.

- Compiled by Art McGregor