Trip to IU, Part II

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

On Friday nights you can find me in the Club.

The staff/roster at Club 185 on Friday nights this winter is probably my favorite since I started frequenting the bar on Oct. 21, 2005. Although the old Wednesday night duo in the winter of 2006 is probably "my favorite," the fact that it's four or five people on a busy Friday night is special. That said, I probably enjoy going to The Patio on Friday night (whatever the season) more.

The Patio has figured it out. It's the one bar in the arena district that seems to be the least douchiest which is something amazing because it shares space with Sugar, the Afflicshirt capital of the world. They always have fun bands playing good cover tunes and the chicks are hot and rather friendly. The pictured girl was there and is probably one of the Top Five, Ten or 20 Most Beautiful Girls in Columbus That Hang Out In Bars In The Arena District.

The Athlete visited us this weekend with a couple of his buddies. He made it clear that he wanted to "do anything but Club 185." We gathered in a cab van and headed to The Patio where my Patio Hook-Up (great girl) got us a table and free cover. We laughed, stared at hot chicks, drank beers, did some shots and I talked to a rather hot girl who told me she "loved my look." I wore that one green plaid shirt that I wear out at least twice a week. I am thinking it returns this Thursday at The Lodge Bar, although I wore it there this past Thursday and then again on Friday night. Saturday I went with a scarlet Ohio State T-shirt that got a lot of love from various people.

We wanted to leave for IU on Saturday morning at 10 a.m. We left at 11:45 a.m. This is mainly because of the drinking the previous night, the ShamWow demonstration when we got home and an apple chucking contest in my backyard (in my bare feet with eight inches of snow on the ground). I smell a sick day!

The ride to Indiana and back home went by so fucking quickly. When we got home, we vedged a bit before going to The Little Bar.

I can't believe The 1 didn't show up at The Little Bar with us for last night's game. It almost reminds me of a boy-girl relationship (no offense) where one party needs the other party a lot more. I love The 1 and anytime I ask him about something or for something that doesn't require his presence, he does it in a heartbeat. But I'm bummed he couldn't make the Kings of Leon concert on Tuesday and then the Super Bowl on Sunday because they're shit we talked about for weeks, if not months, and you just never know if he's going to actually show up. He likely had good-to-excellent reasons for both decisions but it's frustrating. It's not like I'm going to stop asking him to do stuff because I like spending time with him. Like I said. It's almost like a boy-girl relationship and I'm the bitch in this relationship.

I feel bad because McGinley posted some stuff about how few people ask him to do stuff anymore now that he's not drinking and I'm responsible for that as well. I haven't asked McGinley to do something since he's been back in November. I apologize for that.

You can't fake crazy. Marshawn (Bills fan) and Screaming Steelers Fan were at the bar and it was absolutely amazing. There were about 10-15 obnoxious Browns fans there as The Godfather dubbed the place "Deadwood."

There are no laws in The Little Bar.

It's just a collection of yelling, shot taking, swearing, beer drinking with the best bar owner in Columbus and unfriendly, hot bartenders. Browns No. 82 wore a ripped Steelers T-shirt. She has still yet to engage me in any sort of conversation (my life's dream) but she did remember my last name on my tab after the fourth time she asked for it. Baby steps. We sat in the middle of the bar. We had like seven or eight beers and felt ZERO buzz. Not a good sign.

You can't fake crazy. The obnoxious Browns fans were just a bit much. Yelling every five seconds and saying something funny just 9 percent of the time. That other 91 percent for four straight hours got to be a little much. The Bills fans during the regular season and Steelers guy are flat-out crazy (in a good way) and you actually laugh at the insane shit they say. Fucking hilarious. I can't do justice (with written words) to the Steelers guy celebration after the game other than he told Browns fans, "Hey, we did it for the AFC!" and he kept saying/slurring/yelling, "Black president!" I got him to reenact his famous WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO with four alternating fist/whole arm pumps. I am going to do that move a ton in the coming months given anything to celebrate. Like having a chick tell me "she loves my look."

WOO.
WOOO.
WOO.
WOOOOOO.

The Godfather and I are excellent at making up fake professional expansion teams. We'd like to have two NHL teams in north central Ohio. The Richland Rampage and (Canadien accent) "da" Norton Nordiques. Last night we said the Browns and the Steelers should combine forces and become the Cleveburgh Strowns.

(In Pittsburgh accent)

"Do do do do
Here we go
Strowns
Do do
Here we go
Strowns
Doo do doo
Here we go
Strowns
We got a feelin'
Dat Cleveburgh's
Goin' to dah
Supah Bowl"

We then said all trophies and team operations would move to Youngstown, Ohio. We talked about this for six hours. the Truth (who joined us late and in-between cigarette breaks) didn't understand.

You know. I hate the Steelers. I really do but what's the point anymore? I didn't feel bad at all after yesterday's win. Who cares if they win the next 100 Super Bowls. What does it change?

I am the most unlucky sports fan in the history of the United States. Teams I root against and hate are now 15-2 in championship games. The teams I love are 1-6. That's 3-21 total. Fucking astonishing considering championship games are supposed to be relatively equal. There's no way I should be anything worse than 10-14 or 11-13. God hates me.

Our row of nine people at the Ohio State-Indiana game never shut up. We barely said things that made any sense. People that sit near us absolutely have to think we're crazy. We just talk and talk and talk and talk. I like that we don't use profanity. I hate when people cuss as games because there are fucking kids around. McGinley's "Kay Yow/Hey Now" Outkast remix is so fucking funny. Did you hear Kay Yow died? We said that at least 94 times. In two hours.

Assembly Hall at IU is fucking great. Maybe I will have a better memory of the place because Ohio State won but it's just a cool old school facility and Indiana has the most passionate basketball fans I have ever been around.

Great weekend. I had a 13-hour straight text message conversation with a girl. The Godfather finally asked me who I was texting. I need a night off. Pumped about going over to the trendys tonight for Gossip Girl. I will be going to the Blue Jackets game tomorrow night with Baltimore.

Quite the stretch I just wrapped up:

Tuesday - Kings of Leon concert Here's a more professional review.
Wednesday - Michigan v. Ohio State in college basketball
Thursday- HOT COLLEGE GIRLS Night at The Lodge Bar
Friday - The Patio w/ Athlete and Co.
Saturday - IU
Sunday - Super Bowl at The Little Bar

I am fucking destroying my body, killing myself with alcohol and feeling like shit whenever I'm not drinking.

February is lookin' good!

We don't know two girls

"There's a league down here every Tuesday night we could get in," The Godfather said. "Only thing is, it's co-ed. Two guys and two girls."

"We don't know two girls," I said.

"I know," he responded.

So it is. There will be no league bowling, but the German Village Bowling Association will be meeting tomorrow night for a trio of games at Gahanna Lanes. I'll be using my purple 12-pound ball also known as my cock. Kidding. I call it Purp12. The ball not the cock.

I think the Intercontinental Title is on the line. McGinley, by virtue of his 126-124 win over me is the heavyweight champ and since I finished second, I am the Intercontinental Champ. McCampus is last. The Godfather is third.

Other than trying to get The 1 on Facebook this week, I'm not doing too much. Except I am.

There is no "Gossip Girl" on tonight and that makes me want to kill myself. If it was on, this could be one of the best weeks ever. Bowling tomorrow, Death Cab on Wednesday, Office on Thursday, off work on Friday.

Book it.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 34, Minnesota 21

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Rainbow Bright got mad at me for calling out a weekend a few weeks back. I said it was just an OK weekend. Let me explain something. I grade weekends on a curve. The grade has nothing to ... well, very little to do ... with people.

I gave this past weekend a non-A because it was sunny and hot, I got too drunk too quick and not having The Godfather around also didn't help. Also, The Stalker showed up at The Pole (The Varsity Club's, not my own) and just stood there while no one talked to her.

Weekend ended with a trip to Gay Kroger to buy stamps and I ran into The Biggest Slut Who Lives In The German Village. She of course did not say hello. She goes to the "Waitresses at The EGG School of Wearing a Scowl on your Face at All Times."

After the high school football game, I met McGinley, SHG, P Gritty and The Godfather at the Hey Hey. Then we went to High Beck. On a Friday. I'm ... hopefully a one-time occurrence. Also played some Keno with McCampus at the Hey Hey. I saw more McCampus this weekend than I have since the McGregor-McCampus Hey Day of February 2007, the month after his infamous "eat a dick, blog it" text. We also saw DJ AM that night. RIP.

We then went to The Patio and I think we all were tired. Going to the Hey Hey and sitting at a low top at High Beck can do that to a person. Also, I had a busy week. I've chronicled it but I had very little time to just lay around and do nothing. I was at full-go all week. I could being full-go as going to my sister's and watching two television shows on Monday night. Friday night's tiredness spilled over into the weekend.

I can't express how much fun I had at the game. Sitting next to McGinley and The 1 is a real treat. People around us HAD to hate us. We're completely rude and don't stop talking. We're not usually talking about the game. Or anything really. We must have said "BOOM" Herron at least 347 times. The 1 also experience a voice cracking (ala a 14-year-old boy) when singing "Seven Nation Army."

He's going to Wichita.

The Mayor came and stayed for ONE PLAY. Not quite sure what was up with that, but that had to suck.

I went to The Blackwell postgame with The 1 and had a beer with my dad. Met The 1's friend New Edition. New Edition is a great guy. Between Powder, Johnny K, Hot D and New Edition, The 1 has some great friends.

Hung out with Rainbow Bright, McCampus, The Mayor and such at the VC. The sun rendered me utterly useless. I don't remember much. I remember seeing the Truth. Those past two sentences go hand in hand. The 1 and I got into a cab, dropped off the Truth and headed back to the German Village. I showered, semi-sobered up, ate a packet of peanut butter crackers and went back out to Four Kegs with The Godfather, Mathlete and friends. McGinley (not drinking this fall) dropped us off.

I ate a soft pretzel and those crackers on Saturday. Combined with the 14 beers and five shots, I completely have ZERO recollection of anything that happened after 11 o'clock on Saturday night. I houdini'd on myself. I like that we were walking down a dark alley and then I went missing and The Godfather later recounted that he didn't do anything about it. What's up with that?!?!

I need a break. I am so relieved we have a road game this weekend. I've done heavy boozing 10 out of the past 11 days. It's a bender. I REALLY NEED TO TAKE THREE DAYS OFF.

I had a really enjoyable Sunday a B-Dubs Lane. More to follow.

Ohio State 28, Troy 10

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

A couple hundred times this weekend I heard something and thought, "that'd be an awesome headline on the blog!"

But The Godfather pointed out:

"That's the bad thing about hanging out with the Truth. You never remember anything."

I walked back to The Mayor's house this morning to pick up my car. It was still there from Friday night. the Truth gave us a ride home on Friday night. German Village ain't exactly Jacksonville, Fla. when it comes to land mass.

"I might run out of gas," said the Truth, as he dropped me off about .7 miles (a 10-minute walk) from my house.

I sent a text to The Godfather early yesterday morning that said, "let's go to the EGG as early as possible."

I left the EGG last night around 11 p.m. Obviously, I was there still drinking as the theme of the day seemed to be "Yes, I'll have another beer." I rolled up a $38 tab on beer only. On a Sunday. You need it when watching the Browns.

I really think I've had two seminal moments since moving back to The German Village in 2005:

A Seeing The Mayor (black North Face) and The Godfather (gray Ohio State hoodie) at Club 185 on Friday, Oct. 28, 2005 and B the time at The EGG when The 1 said, "we're staying here until dusk."

You deserve to have Sunday Fundays. You should be out there drinking. Think back to that Sunday in July when you sat around, didn't shower, flipped channels for seven hours and struggled to fall asleep at night because you were so inactive throughout the course of the day.

The Godfather left the EGG at about 7:30 p.m. last night. I went over and talked to The EGG Guys for about two hours before they left. I just sat at the bar and watched the Yankees game and a little of the Packers game. I sent too many text messages to an old girlfriend in Baltimore.

When it all started, it was all good.

I walked into The Mayor's on Friday night and saw McCampus.

"You used to get a lot more excited to see me," he said.

True story. Dot org.

Seeing him was great as he pretty much says the funniest things ever. We (of course) retreated into the living room to watch baseball highlights on mute.

In that same way, it was good to have a funny text message exchange with The 1 throughout the weekend. I don't remember any of them.

That's the truth. And the Truth.

One person I did not see or hear from this weekend was NJAG. On Friday, Aug. 8 I went over her house and ate Tostitos. Then we went to The Patio. Then she said she wanted to get food at 185 and I didn't (already had had the corn chips), so she left and I haven't heard from her since.

For the first time since Thursday, Aug. 28, I went to The Patio. Ended up there on Saturday night. I had a blast on Saturday.

"I can't wait for next Saturday," I said to The Godfather Parents yesterday at lunch at Mad Mex.

Mad Mex? Eh. I thought a steak taco was just like a normal taco. I thought a taco had steak meat in it. It doesn't. Did like the rice though.

The key to Saturday was constant movement after laying around all day until 3 p.m. Got to V.C. at 3:45 p.m. and spent an hour or so talking to this Hot Jill Girl and her mom and thinking, "I can't believe I used to have sleepovers with this girl. (daughter not mom)"

Seeing Johnny K was awesome and he made small talk with the mom. I told him, "You smell like the beach!" He did. That's the awesome thing about Johnny K. He always looks like he just got home from the beach. In Ohio.

Spent a lot of time at the inside/outside bar at The Varsity Club. The Intern's brother played baseball at Ohio State a few years back so he was surrounded by the hottest chicks in the history of Columbus. I just stayed there for about an hour.

Went back outside and talked to The Doctor. Bringing girlfriends to Ohio State games is a great idea. Sarcasm is the act of lying on purpose.

Also chatted with a really ugly (not nice) Canadian (!!) chick for about 20 minutes. It could have been six minutes. We discussed Wayne Gretzky and what I was doing later that night. She was probably 32 but looked 43. I prefer when they're 18 and look 16.

Kinda fooled around with a really drunk chick for a little bit who stumbled and fell. Like. On the ground. She was so drunk she fell over.

Walked up to B-Dubs (after pledgin' NEVER AGAIN) and met up with The Godfather and two couples. McGinley wasn't in town so The Godfather was not a part of any couple and I wouldn't couple until hours later.

The Godfather actually stole a beer from the bar. He reached over the bar and took it out of the cooler. I've never seen that done before. I love when I see something for the first time.

Felt like I was seeing St. Patrick's Day Girl for the first time. Ran into her at Patio and then we made out (inside bar and then outside bar) in full view of about 200 people. It was my second bar face sucking session of the day. This girl didn't fall over.

She looked amazing. I don't remember her being that good looking. She has a couple upper back/neck TATS that added to the hottness.

Also saw Hooters Girl there and she said hello. She didn't respond to my text yesterday.

The night really kicked off when the Truth rolled into B-Dubs about eight seconds before The Godfather houdini'd to go to a PARTY IN THE GERMAN VILLAGE.

"It was kind of lame," he'd later say. "I kind of dozed off."

Truth and I went to Four Kegs where we talked to chicks about god knows what. Maybe chewing gum? Truth always ALWAYS has gum. Then we hung out in a parking lot behind the bar for five or ten minutes.

"Do you smoke?" McCampus asked Joe Incognito/Esera a night before.

"What? Pot? Meth?" Incognito/Esera responded.

Mayorfest '08 kicked ass. We (like you didn't know!) ended up chucking beer cans at each other and pouring beer on ourselves. This was about 2:10 a.m. It was me, the Truth, The Mayor and The Godfather. Average age? About 32.

I am sure I've leaving a lot out.

I can't wait for next Saturday.

Ohio State 43, YSU 0

(Jessica is 18.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

The above girl goes to community college near Arizona State. She might be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and would give up 10 years of my life for three or four dates with her. I'd give up five years for one date (with a guarantee she'd put out).

I bring this up because I saw The 1 yesterday after 63 days (nine weeks). It was fantastic to see him. He was wearing an Arizona State hat and will be heading out to ASU on Thursday, Sept. 18. He'll be going to the Georgia-ASU game (football).

The 1 gets Week 1 MVP Honors. He brought us back to The Tailgate Behind Tommy's Pizza (TTBTP ... BTB for short). But first, here's some more pictures of Jessica and friends.

(Skinnier than Art McGregor ... combined.)

(They are good at being hot freshmen.)

BTB is the new VC. I thoroughly enjoyed The Varsity Club, but BTB had free food, free beer, a television, nice people and good looking women. Also free food and free beer. The trio from the get go included The 1, the Truth and Art McGregor. Disappointed I didn't see the rest of The 1's posse that includes His Girlfriend (blog name), Three Clicks (formerly Toe), Powder, Johnny K and Hot D. Anytime I see Hot D, he will be MVP of the Week. He's the guy who asked me to write his autobiography. He also implored people to "flip that shit" when buying houses and doesn't know what that means.

Before I recap the day, I need to say how great it is to get back into Seeing The People You Normally See During Football Season. Guys like TUG and T-MUG (Tall More Unfriendly Guy) and chicks like Sis, Gahannastan and the rest of their group. Also known as The People I Used To See All The Time At Club 185 In The Winter And Fall Of 2006. Also saw TD Hoodie and Peaches at The Varsity Club and beyond.

Anytime we end up at Four Kegs things are not good. Had lunch and our fantasy football draft today at Planks on Whittier. the Truth (not in the league but at the draft) and I were legit surprised to hear we went to Four Kegs. It wasn't a wise choice. We did a Jager Bomb there. I think that was the Truth's idea. I also ran into a girl from college who thinks I'm crazy and/or stalking her. I remembered her first and last name, what classes we had together and where she went to high school. I think I talked to her twice in college. I always sort of hope I run into this hot Jewish chick named Brittany (spelling?) from college. I haven't since our last JCOM 315 class in Fall 2000. She was a big Gore supporter (obviously) but I don't let that bother me. Maybe I'll see her next week. That would be tits (even though her's were small). As you can tell with Jessica, I am not a boobs guy even though people have called me a boob. Actually they haven't. But being called a boob would be funny.

I think we got to Four Kegs around 10 p.m. It could be anywhere from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. I made it home at 1 a.m. after eating 32,212 peanuts at a random party. After The Godfather climbed to the top of a dirt mountain on 16th Avenue, I celebrated by falling on the pavement and banging my head ("I could hear it" - The Godfather) on the sidewalk. It still fucking hurts.

We ate in the ballpark of 20-25 beers apiece. I also ate a ball park hot dog. I'm not a beer-counter-guy but I had about eight at the tailgate, seven or eight more at the Varsity Club, two or three at B-Dubs, two or three at Four Kegs, a Jager Bomb and then a couple more walking down the street and at various parties where girls kicked us out. No one likes to see that.

Day started out innocently enough. Drove to the game with The Godfather and a German, High School Foreign Exchange Student. Met up with The 1 at BTP at around noon. He said I looked great and "not skinny enough." I missed The 1 and the way he asks questions and says things. His take on Sarah Palin? "Is this lady girl really ready to be president." He still claims to be an "undecided" voter.

Got to love T-MUG and the tailgate. Had a great time. Genuinely nice people that are fun to talk to. I could just text this to The 1 but I'll say it here instead: Remind me to give you a case of Miller Lite for next week. I'll be there in the third quarter of the OSU-OU game. And maybe for a beer or two beforehand.

For all the making fun of frat guys I do, they get the hot chicks. Most girls at this tailgate were hot. That's amazing. Free beer, hot women (I think I referred to them as "Stepfords" although that's kind of derogatory) and Wavy Lays Potato Chips. Yum to all of the above.

Additional props to Sis for rocking the light hair. Loved it. Almost made up for not seeing Hot D. Almost. Didn't like her light blue shirt though. Shirt was fine but light blue? I know you're not an OSU alum, but come on. Support the team.

the Truth had many Truth-like comments on John McCain and other things. His reason for McCain's trouble at raising his arms? "They didn't have the good candy when he was a little kid. You know he's probably eating black licorice and rhubarb flavored things."

Headed over to The VC around 4 p.m. Loved the crew there. Saw TD Hoodie and Peaches. Peaches looked awesome. Sweet sunglasses, kick ass hair, cool T-shirt. Girl has style. Hoodie had a tight T-shirt on.

I'm kind of worn out telling this story. Need a break. OK, back.

I didn't really take a break there. But you can't tell that.

How we got to B-Dubs, I'll never know. Did we take a helicopter? Police escort? Cab? Walk? Probably the latter. Ran into Rainbow Bright and others. Headband wasn't there. Huh?

Saw a friend of a girl I used to know. She said, "I'll tell her you said hi." I said, "don't do that."

1. I didn't say hi.
2. I thought it was funny to not say hello. It seemed wise at the time.

Stayed at B-Dubs for awhile. Good chatting with Rainbow Bright, as that's what we do in football season. The Godfather's brother, the Mathlete, also was around. He added to fun.

I can't believe we didn't see The Mayor. I loved the group yesterday though. It was good Truth, happy The Godfather, fun Mathlete and Mathlete's underage girlfriend. I like having her around because it increases our chances of seeing other underage girls.

Then we marched around campus doing stupid shit and climbing dirt mountains, and tackling each other and ripping our shirts off and eating things and smoking funny things (oops ... Kid Rock reference).

The area over my left eye is killing me. Fuuuck. I am dead. I feel like shit. The 10,000 french fries I ate at Planks are not helping.

the Truth wants to go out tonight but I think I'll pass and just have a few drinks here. Some will be water.

I cannot fucking believe how much fun we had yesterday. Looking forward to next week.

And maybe running into that Britney (spelling?) girl.

Long post about boring Patio-related stuff

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I have a pair of shoes that I wear to work about 70 percent of the time. I wear sandals or tennis shoes on Friday and sometimes black shoes with a suit. They're also the brown shoes I wore to Club 185 every day between December 2007 and April 2008. I looked at them this morning and got mad. The weekend was over. It was time to put on my brown shoes.

I really like this article by Pat Forde on ESPN.com today. I know it's silly to post links to ESPN.com, I mean, I know no on reads that site anyway, but he really captured the drama of that event.

He said it best:

What transpired during the final 50 meters was the stuff of Disney movies.

"That event" is the swimming relay last night. I think most people are talking about it today and it's probably "the event" of these Olympics. I watched most of the coverage last night with 16-ounce cans of Miller Lite and Miss July. She knows her stuff about gymnastics. I had forgot about Kim Zmeskal. I was more of a Shannon Miller fan. Not so much anymore. We talked at length about the sport and the 1992 women's team. I gander I know more about Olympics gymnastics than any 29-year-old straight male out there. Save your commentary.

I'm usually let down by sports on Sundays. Yesterday, I went to bed pretty happy. The 16-ouncers didn't hurt there.

I just feel like I should have an aunt or an uncle who has a swimming pool out near Newark in Jacksontown. You ever driven north on Route 13 toward Newark on a summer Saturday afternoon around 4:30 p.m.? It's a nice drive. Newark is beyond shitty (I had no idea), but the drive there is nice. I need to get on having an uncle out there with a pool. That's a big priority today.

I had lunch at El Vaquero on Saturday afternoon. It set the stage for a day I'll remember as "As Good as it Gets."

Great lunch, Tribe win, take in a baseball game, write about said baseball game for a newspaper in Cape Cod, get told by the sports editor there that I have "good stuff," watch the Olympics, watch UFC for the first time and close down The Patio. Oh yes.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a team player but I love team sports. I have little interest in individual sports like tennis, golf and boxing. But I walked away impressed with the UFC. I watched it in a fun setting. Perhaps that's why I enjoyed it. Crammed into The Patio's inside bar, I watched three or four matches with a few hundred meatheads with additional Affliction shirts in their closets. I saw a bunch of people I knew (NOT McCampus or The 1 I USED TO KNOW) and had a couple handfuls of beers. I'm not a big action movie guy and I don't like fighting, but I will make it a point to watch those UFC events from now on. Next one is September 6.

Another thing I really liked about this weekend happened on Friday. I was looking at the college football television schedule and I started to picture that first OSU home Saturday on August 30 (19 days away!). Go to the game, watch Utah play Michigan in the blaring sun at the Varsity Club, say like 30 times that I "kind of want to watch LSU and Appalachian State," head to B-Dubs or Out r' Inn (no clue why) around 8 and then watch other games at a campus location, or EGG and inevitably Club 185. Home football Saturdays are the seven best days of the year.

I had a couple of work things yesterday and the day absolutely flew by.

Yes, I already am looking forward to next weekend. But I'll miss this past weekend.

Friday night I went to The Patio with NJAG after eating about 7,000 of her tostitos. Her line of the night? "You smell like tostitos." Yes. When you eat 6,500 of them, that's bound to happen. She told me McCampus would meet us there. I told her "there's about a 2 percent chance of that happening." We ran into an old friend from The Dispatch and My Boy Whit. My Boy Whit owns it. He came out with his "APS." It's an affliction-type, velvety shirt that he calls his "ass pulling shirt." I didn't wear RESPECT this weekend but did rock NIKE on Friday night. No worries. You'll see RESPECT on Friday and NIKE likely on Saturday.

NJAG left around 1 a.m. because she wanted something to eat from Club 185 and I ran into our old buddies from the EGG (Whatever it takes and Small Guy), and The Guy We Sing With. We again belted out classic tunes from the 1990s. Also making an appearance was every hot chick in Columbus.

I really am going to miss these summer weekends. I could go to The Patio every night and I almost practically do. The singing, the scenery, the setting.

I don't want to miss a thing.

Listened to "Milli" by Lil' Wayne earlier today. He calls himself a "venereal disease," rhymes Nigeria with criteria (how Olympics of him) and says "shy girl changed her name to my girl." Other than having the most annoying background sound of all-time, it's a great song. I listened to that rolling into work.

There's no reason why I typed out that last paragraph other than thinking it'd be something I'd put on this blog.

Also, there's no fucking chance that a picture of Helen Hunt ever will be on this blog again.

Tuesday afternoon mailbag III

Welcome to Blog on the Run's third Tuesday afternoon mailbag. Here I'll answer questions from readers and non-readers about the week that was and anything else that might come across my mailbag.

Q: You usually love something (The Patio) or hate something (Lindey's Patio). But you seem indifferent on Chicago. Love or hate? - Donna, Beverly Hills

A: It's not a matter of love and hate with that city. I'm kind of disappointed I didn't spend more time there in my 20s. But I'm happy I don't live there. If I had to do it all over again, I'd spend two Saturdays per summer in the Second City going to Cubs games. I just loved it. There was a point when The Doctor wanted to go home to take a nap. I wasn't leaving. I'm a firm believer that if you're somewhere that's fun, you should never leave. That's why I don't like "starting nights at 185." If you know you're eventually leaving, there's little fun that can happen. I like to wear out my welcome. I just don't ever want to voluntarily leave somewhere to do something "later." I say "go on, go all out, go nowhere." That's sort of my motto when going out.

But I couldn't live there. I'm really happy in a city the size of Columbus. I think I could live in any city outside the five largest in the United States, and of course, Baltimore.

Fuck Baltimore.

Q: Feelings on unsigned comments? - Brenda, Minneapolis, Minn.

A: Not a huge deal. If the person can't sign their name to it, they just like sucking cock. I mean, they're not gay or anything but they enjoy sucking cock. There's a difference.

Q: I've heard of falling in love with a stripper, which I'm sure you have, but you fell in love with an electrician in Chicago? - Dylan, Tijuana

A: Yes. I did. I couldn't believe she was an electrician. Hottest one ever. She probably was 24 or 25 years old. I was standing at the Cubby Bear with my cousin Jamie when he said, "that chick keeps looking over at you." I walked over to her and talked to her one-on-one for about 30 minutes (I turned my blinders on) and then off-and-on for about an hour. The Godfather had a dance-off with her electrician/ballerina friend who kept taking her shoes off.

I don't fall in love easily. But this girl had it all. The entire package. (In case you didn't know what "had it all" meant.) Now I'd say there have been five girls in my life that I've actually had real strong feelings for, well, The Electrician makes No. 6. I can't imagine being more into another girl before 2009.

Q: The Godfather is going out of town this weekend. Are you sad? - Brandon, Boston on a summer internship

A: Yes. Very. But it comes at a good time. We've got a lot of time to spend together until Christmas. He's gone this weekend, but following that, we'll likely spend every weekend together until December. I'm sure he cringes at that thought.

We've got our last Friday Guyday of the season (pending McCampus' OK) on Friday, August 15. And then it's a wedding and 12 Buckeyes games, maybe a trip to Vegas, and fuckin' fun times until Christmas.

I guess I can just add him to The 1 (I USED TO KNOW) and McCampus as people I won't be hanging out with this weekend.

Q: Is The 1 dead? - Mrs. Walsh, California University

A: I haven't seen The 1 (I USED TO KNOW) since Saturday, June 28. I have sent him maybe two or three texts since then with nary a response. I know The Godfather sent him a text on Thursday but he didn't respond to that one either. He's apparently gone into the "mistertrendy-when-I-start-dating-someone-I-stop-hanging-out-with-friends" mode. It's sad and I hope we see him a few times in August before NFL season starts.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Setting evolution back

What's up with states?

There's no rhyme or reason when it comes to the drawing of state lines. For example, you cannot escape the state of West Virginia. It's impossible. It never ends. All the maps are fucking wrong. Let's say you're driving down to Fredericksburg (not of Hollywood), Virginia on some mysterious back country roads that Garmin tells you to follow. Every 19 seconds you're going to be heading back into West Virginia. Now, that's not as often as mistertrendy needs to stop to take a piss (seven stops in a 15-hour roundtrip), but it's quite often.

But no one wants to hear about geography or mistertrendy's bladder the size of a penny. Fact is, I don't know how big a bladder even is. Whatever. I didn't major in math. It actually could be the size of the penny. Or smaller. Like a dime.

Speaking of dimes and bladders, let's get to the real issue at hand. Or in my hands, in this case.

"The Great Roommate Urination of '08"

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Nothing will top this moment. We could win the lottery or stop a four-gun stick-up when we go see "The Dark Knight" later this evening. Whenever Miss July's friends or pals (whoever they may be) ask her about her summer, she always will reply:

"Well, my roommate peed on me."

I remember taking the piss. I remember her waking up. I remember that's about it. At about 4:30 a.m. on Friday morning, I walked into Miss July's room, lifted up her blanket and began to pee on her feet.

"At least it's sterile and not vomit or shit, right? I don't think many people can say they've been pissed on by their roommate ... literally." - text from Miss July, 7-18-08

Who does that? I've had thousands of boozing nights and only about four times have I let go with a random piss in a closet, on a computer, in a dresser or on a roommate. That's about the same odds as my buddy The 1 following up on a "I'll text you later and meet up with you." Geesh. With how often I see that guy, you'd think I pissed on him.

I woke up Friday afternoon and laughed about the incident with The Sports Writer and his buddy. Speaking of. You know how when a friend visits you and brings someone else, they're usually very lame? Not this guy. Super nice guy, funny, knew about sports, was into being stupid. +1 for that guy. Now while I laughed about it with my friends from out of town, I didn't laugh about it with Miss July. I was fully expecting retribution of some sort when she got home from work. With all the midwest flooding, we really didn't need any more golden showering. Sunny skies are OK with me.

Isn't that always the case? I took the day off and the person pissed on still had to go to work.

She came home and we laughed about it and that made her the greatest sport of all-time. I also think the present The Sports Writer left for her helped with the laughter ... and then some more laughter.

I cleaned up, did some serious laundering, got her a bottle of wine from the place on South Third Street (I kept the Swedish Fish to myself) and hoped she wouldn't rip my head off.

Not that I'd need it the next time I decided to piss on a roommate.

Sorry, Seatttle

We've all got a buddy like this guy. I'm sure I'm like this too sometimes, but you pretty much know where I stand: Thursday through Saturday ... yes, I will go out. Wednesday? 50/50. Monday and/or Tuesday? Unlikely.

Leaving the Patio on Saturday night, The 1 turned and said, "I am GOING OUT THIS WEEK. What night? You tell me, and I'm there."

I said, "Let's go check out EricDove.com on Wednesday night at Park Street Tavern." He said something along the lines of "book it." I don't really remember. I still found myself reeling from a punch in the back of the head earlier in the night.

Wednesday rolls around and The 1 "is in." I give him props. We're excited throughout the day, perhaps Three Clicks (formerly Toe) is going to join us. Well then, something from work comes up (it happens) and he's got dinner plans. No beef there from me. (In a social way, not an eating way. NOT a vegan.) This is where things get funny with The 1. I met the guy in football season 2006, so I've known him for about two years. In those two years, whenever the answer is not a 100 percent "yes, I'm going out" ... well, you know.

As soon as I heard we might be seeing The 1 out last night, I knew I wouldn't be going out. Three Clicks and I thought about it again about 10:30 p.m. but decided overwhelming against it. Tonight's a new day. Later on has never been a bad time.

Can't help but feel for the city of Seattle this morning. Also Seattle, the city. And Seattle Slew too, poor horse is probably dead. The Sonics (or SuperSonics) are moving to Oklahoma City. They are packing up and leaving for greener pastures.



This is rather significant. I don't believe Oklahoma has ever had a professional team in the big three (four if you count hockey and/or MLS) sports leagues. It's cool to note however, that all five states bordering Ohio and Ohio have professional sports teams:

Ohio: (Browns, Cavs, Ohio State Buckeyes football)
Pennsylvania: (Pirates, Phillies, Eagles, Steelers, Flyers, Penguins, Sixers)
Kentucky: (Reds, Bengals)
Canada: (Buffalo Bills, Raptors, NHL teams)
Indiana: (Pacers, Baltimore Colts)
Michigan: (Pistons, Tigers, Red Wings)

I went through the Browns move in 1995 and it was pretty shitty going three years without a team. It blew. Looking back on it, I wish it was the Indians who moved.

I actually did less on Wednesday night than Tuesday night. I really was doing the equivalent of "carb loading" for a marathon, when in reality I just sat around and didn't want to drink in preparation for this upcoming long-ish weekend. I made it through the evening, played on the Internet, went outside for a little bit and saw cpn. She ain't dead!

No real great links or anything today. I'm heading back to Youngstown tomorrow for the day so the bloggings may be short, sweet and to the Gross Pointe Blank.

- Compiled by Art McGregor