Super Bowl MVP

- From the desk of Art McGregor

(14 beers tonight and not a hint of a buzz.)

So long, snow night

Long night at the Kings of Leon concert. Will have a full recap at some point today. In the meantime, check out this Art McGregor-centric link.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Let's all go to the movies

("Let's play two.")

With the way the snow fell last night around midnight, I expected a little more white stuff on the ground early this morning. Thanks to the super-snow-scraper thing I bought yesterday at Shell, I cleaned my car in a matter of minutes and headed into work this morning.

Drove home from the movies last night and yep, Bodega is never not packed. I wanted to drive through downtown during a snowfall and it's a pretty neat sight when no other cars are on the road. Obviously there's Monday night drinkers running across High Street but if you're out drinking on a Monday night in January, I assume that's normal behavior ... and that's coming from someone who has drank 14 nights this month.

I went to the movies last night as you've told your parents, "Hey mom, I'm going to the movies." You did this more often in high school. I did call my mom on the way to the movies last night and inform her on my cruel intentions. I saw Cruel Intentions at that same theatre in March 1999.

I saw Cruel Intentions II and III (straight to DVD) from the comforts of my own room. SPOILER ALERT: The threesome, lesbian scene at the end of Cruel Intentions II is must-see-straight-to-DVD.

In the end, Sebastian stays with Danielle; professing his love for her, only to find that she does not reciprocate, but is in fact working alongside Kathryn in a secret plan to dupe Sebastian. Defeated by Kathryn's manipulation, Sebastian states "if you can't beat them, join them," thus leading to a threesome with Danielle and Kathryn followed by an alliance of the three to dominate and manipulate others.

Everyone says "I'm going to the movies." It's a fallacy. Most people go see a movie. Why not just say, "I'm going to the movie." It's never, "I'm going to the basketball games" or "I'm going to watch some baseballs." The only thing about going those statements that (I guess) can be true is that when you go to a baseball game you're going to watch some baseballs unless there's no foul balls during the game and that never happens unless you're playing with one ball and you have to run and find it every time you lose it. Still in that case there are foul balls.

I went last night to the movies. I saw Slumdog Millionaire (7:50 p.m.) and My Bloody Valentine: 3D (10 p.m.). The two-play double feature.

Slumdog deserves every accolade it's receiving. It's a wonderful movie that's entertaining, fast-paced, suspenseful and heart-tugging. The first 10-15 minutes are kind of confusing because the story is being told in three-different time frames, plus there's some subtitles and it's kind of confusing if you have no idea what the movie is about going into it, but it speeds up and revolves around three things: 1. Love, 2. Family and 3. Money/the desire to move up in the world. I actually like how they show the ways he made money before the game show aspect and yeah, I don't want to give anything else away. I'd recommend it to anyone. I don't know what the hell it takes to win a Best Picture Award from the Meyer Wiener Family, but if this wins it, I'll cheer.


MBV: 3D won't be winning any Oscars and what the fuck is up with only one nude scene? Although it was pretty long and they rocked full-frontal-female nudity for about two solid minutes. The one gay guy from Dawson's Creek is in it, the chick from Slackers and this other dude that's been in other movies. It's actually kind of suspenseful and honestly I thought they did a fantastic job of keeping you guessing as to the identity the killer.


Movies ... Actually, this movie (singular) is AWESOME in 3D. It's the first time I've ever seen a 3D movie. And yeah, they do things on purpose in this movie to make it look cooler (and hence taking away from the flow of the movie) but it's FUCKING AWESOME. The glasses kinda hurt at first but you get used to them and it actually feels like these people are walking right in front of you. I took my glasses off a few times and it's funny to see how they blurry up the screen.

It's not a scary movie at all ... you'll laugh more than you have nightmares and it's a movie I wouldn't recommend on DVD but would say, "if you are bored as shit and want to see something different, go check it out."

You can do this on your next trip to the movie.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

You with your switchblade posse: KOL concert preview

I'm going to see "Slumdog Millionaire" with The Godfather at 7:50 p.m. and then I'm sticking around for the 10 p.m. showing of "My Bloody Valentine: 3D." I've got to be the only guy in the eastern time zone to accomplish such a feat this evening. I also should call my mom as I haven't talked to her since Friday.

I tell you this because I'm going to throw together a quick preview of the Kings of Leon concert. I have been thinking about this since driving around Columbus earlier this evening looking for a brush to remove snow from my car. I don't have one. Smart buying decisions in my first 30 years. Those things are expensive. I paid $11.99 for one at the local Shell Station. A woman (slumdog ... not millionaire) asked me for 50 cents and I said, "Obama's bringing the change." That's my new favorite slogan. (H/t The Godfather.)

I've found these set lists for three Kings of Leon shows in the past week. If I get a replay of the Indianapolis show, I'm going to be excited. If it's Chicago II, I'll be unexcited. It's likely the first time anyone's been more excited with Indianapolis than Chicago.

As for a pre-game, I believe we're going to the Garage Bar (the old Adobe Gilas next to The Lodge Bar) prior to walking over to the LC. Some people are calling for six to nine inches and I tell them they're correct. Also, it's supposed to snow anywhere from two to nine inches.

If we're using Indianapolis as a baseline, they'll play 22 songs with seven coming from "Because of the Times (2007)," eight from their new album "Only by the Night" and seven others from their first two or three albums, "Youth and Young Manhood," "Aha Shake Heartbreak" and "Holy Roller Novacaine (EP)."

That's pretty fine with me as I tend to like the "newer" Kings of Leon stuff more than their older, raw (RAWR means "I love you") sound. Don't get me wrong, I love Taper Jean Girl (I mean, the chorus includes a line that says, "cunts wash their bodies"), The Bucket (the first Kings of Leon song I ever heard. This was on Oct. 22, 2005. It was a Saturday night. Fanny the Cocktail Waitress was playing it at Club 185), and Molly's Chambers because there is the stunningly gorgeous hippie-esque bartender at Hendoc's by the name of Molly and I'd bet my life savings or at least my two-year old Blackberry that she loves Kings of Leon. I also love this Molly girl because as is the case with most attractive girls, she's borderline unfriendly but my cousin Sean said he went to Hendoc's one day this fall and they had a "bartender with the deepest green eyes." He said he fell in love.

Family.

Sadly a bar always will come between my pistol and Molly's chambers. The Kings aren't always subtle.

Still, other than Iron & Wine who's first album sounds better than his newer stuff because it's so raw, I tend to like groups with a more polished sound.

There's a few songs I'd love to hear but have heard they flat-out don't play them. I think we've got a zero percent chance of hearing Ragoo or California Waiting. I understand that.

I'm shocked to find out they don't play McFearless. If they played this after Taper Jean Girl or Sex on Fire, I think less athletic white guys than me in the crowd would be jumping so high they could dunk a basketball or two. This is saying a lot because I can barely get net. This is outstanding live concert music.

Penis size innuendo? Check. Talking about a random bartender and calling her out by name? Check. Complaining about a music selection? Check.

Moving on.

Another song I'll have major beef with is Trani. I don't mind listening to this song after I've had about 600 beers while being passed a lit up left-handed cigarette in an alley behind a bar after an Ohio State game, but live? I have a feeling this is going to be an epic buzzkill. I guess the end kinda rocks a little bit, but I can go without hearing it tomorrow night. Still, can you think of a bar in the German Village the opening verse reminds you of:

"Dirty belly of a secret town
Cheap trick hookers that are hanging out at the bar near the Greyhound station
And the bare-chested boys are going down on every thing that the momma believes
Pack of smokes and a little bump of cocaine, help you feel not so strange"

Shit. Maybe that's actually the High Beck.

Actually I'm just a pretty big phony because I'd rather hear Cold Desert if they play something slow that makes you want to kill yourself kind of like when douchebags play (awesome swimmer) Jeff Buckley songs on jukeboxes at fun bars. I'm looking at you, Club 185 patrons! I just like hearing depressing songs (especially this one ... "JESUS DON'T LOVE ME") because it reminds me that I've lived a real tough life but actually I haven't and I pretty much have things handed to me all the time despite being rather selfish and totally self-centered.

I have high expectations. Not of the High Beck, but of going to the show. It's going to be a fun night. Rick Sonbreath's in, Hoodie's probably with an illness and Peaches has completed the trifecta (text message, e-mail and Facebook message ... talkin' on the phone is for suckers) in telling me ways she's excited for the show.

Hope to see you there tomorrow.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

I'm jumping on you

Came and went.

After the holi ..., nay, Christmas season and getting back into the swing of things and then the three-day weekend in the middle of January, we returned to normalcy this weekend. Two days. Back to the grind on Monday morning.

I'm enthused by one thing. I didn't miss football. We've enjoyed football on the weekends for 21 straight Saturdays and/or Sundays.. I thought I'd be despondent. I wasn't. Obviously yesterday was boring (as Sundays usually are) but I made it through one of the worst Sunday Sports Days of the year without much pain and suffering. While it may not be your cup of tea ($2.79 for a tea cup ... bonus points if you get that reference), baseball returns on Sundays in April and then we've got football after that.

Following this coming Sunday's Pittsburgh win over Arizona in the Super Bowl, we'll have five straight god-fucking-awful (lowercase God when you hyphenate it next to a fucking ... I don't want to go to hell) Sundays. March brings us college basketball and then we went into the aforementioned baseball.

The gang all showed up at some point on Friday night at Club 185. I talked mostly to this girl I knew awhile ago and re-connected with in Chicago while NJAG cozied up next to the Truth and The Godfather near the bar. My favorite staffers were working so it was a fantastic night. I think we left around 2:15 a.m. Not much to report. Oh wait. There is.

In random odd things I like, I like when the Cavaliers play at 10:30 p.m. on a Friday night and the game is on at Club 185. Thanks to The Godfather for letting the staff know the game was on, we watched the game as Golden State (goodnight Oakland!) and the Cavs went back-and-forth. As we watched on the 19-inch TV last popular in parents' bedrooms in 1991, LeBron released a shot with .1 seconds left. I said, "he missed it" in a monotone voice to The Godfather. Swish.

I whispered to The Godfather, "I'm jumping on you."

I did. We celebrated.

I also love watching random West Coast Cleveland Indians games at Club 185 in the summer on week nights. I don't know why. I didn't shower yesterday. I don't know why.

I flipped off a girl at Club 185 on Saturday night. She had it coming. I got home and wrote a note to remind myself to tell you folks. The note also included the word "sluts" but I can't remember what I was talking about. It was the "scratching your head with the middle finger" routine. She didn't look too pleased. Ran into a couple other regulars. Talked with The Lady while The Mayor houdini'd and spent most of the night talking to Big Black (shocker that he was there) and The Guy with the Same Name as the Truth (and he needed a better nickname). As low-key a night as I'm going to have there while still having a decent time.

Pretty standard weekend. I didn't mind the Club 185 two-play but I'd like to get out of the German Village at least once a weekend. I think I've got that coming for the next few. This weekend we're going to Indiana for the Ohio State-Indiana game (Indiana will win that game) and I think Kirk is coming back into town the following weekend and he likes going to The Patio. Really he's indifferent about The Patio. I usually just suggest it.

Let's get through this week as quickly as this past weekend passed.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Download of the day - 1/25/09

Went to this concert in Cleveland in May 1997 called "EndFest." K's Choice, Soul Coughing, Barenaked Ladies and other bands that had a brief bit of popularity between 1996 and 1998 played.

I liked it because most of my high school class attended and I got to grab butts when chicks crowd surfed. It's one of my favorite concert memories. The entire day. Not just the butt grabbing but that also was/is awesome because I attended an upper middle class suburban high school so we had a lot of hot chicks in our grade in 1997-terms. I mostly liked freshman, though.

McGregor mcgregor'd before he became McGregor.

I don't know. Maybe 50? I've been to about 50 concerts in the past 10 years. I think that's a safe estimate. I've seen Pearl Jam three times, Ben Folds/Five three or four times, and in tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny font that also speaks really fast (speaking font!) DaveMatthewsabout10times. Got to see The Beastie Boys in 1998, Death Cab for Cutie twice in the past few years and Billy Joel (seriously). I also saw Grand Funk Railroad a few (more like seven) summers ago and I don't count this among the 50 but Hotel War at Cara Bar where I became aware that hipsters drink PBR and also are pretty friendly. I don't know how they fit into any friendly considering the tightness of their jeans.

Since it's a Sunday and Sundays are fucking terrible, I am going to talk about a few concerts that I did not enjoy. Though they easily are in my top five bands, Iron & Wine and Interpol put on terrible shows. They don't play with any emotion and it sounds exactly like it does on the tapes, vinyl or them fancypants CDs.

Bands that bring it? Death Cab for Cutie puts on the best show (in my opinion), Pearl Jam also is awesome live and Ben Folds is another guy that's entertaining.

I'm going to see Kings of Leon on Tuesday night here in Columbus. I imagine I won't be the only one with longish hair, tight jeans and a plaid, flannel shirt. I'm going with TD Hoodie, Peaches and That Guy with The Same Name as the Truth. I hope The 1 can make it. Haven't seen him in awhile and don't really want to wait until next Sunday when we go to The Little Bar to watch the Steelers win the Super Bowl.

Got 2 believe that Kings of Leon are going to put on an amazing show. I don't even expect to grab any butts (other than my own if it itches which is highly unlikely because it really only itches if I sit on something wet).

Tonight I'm giving you two songs. They both are on Kings of Leon's 2007 album "Because of the Times." If you like rock music, you'll like the first song. It's called McFearless. I love how it sounds but it's not one of my favorites because it really doesn't tell a story and I tend to like songs with lyrics that remind me of myself because I'm really self-centered.

The first single on that album was On Call. I love On Call because it reminds me of the summer of 2007 and more specifically driving to work in the morning.

I'm not sure what the song means and maybe it's just a song about friendship where one person is willing to do whatever for another person. Since I don't live this way, I take the song to be about a guy that lets a girl walk all over him and won't ever do anything about it and always will "be there waiting."

You know, it's like I've said before ... you can't do anything to make a person like you more or less and whatever that person does to you won't make you like them any less.

Plus it's one of their slower songs and I tend to like slower, mellower tunes.

This line reminded me of the girl I spent 2007 obsessing over:

"When I fall to pieces, Lord you know, I'll be there laughing."

I like the "laughing" because it reminds that even though I knew exactly what was going on with the girl (needed to "find herself" and started dating a bartender in a strip mall that wears Affliction shirts less than two months later), I still subjected myself to it and knew I was making a giant mistake but didn't really care. Girls can make you D.O. strange things.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Midnight train to Lodge Bar

"Lodge Bar proved too much for the man. (Too much for the Truth.)"

Got in the car and the Truth began telling me that he saw "Notorious" over the weekend at the Arena Grand Theatre. Went "wit hiz boy" Z. "Only two white guys in there," the Truth said. "Huge fight broke out at the end of the movie."

"Didn't the guy who played Tupac also star in 8 Mile," I asked.

the Truth looked perplexed and didn't give me an answer.

Moments later.

"Oh yeah, that was him," he said. "For some reason I thought you were talking about 'The Green Mile.' "

He told me the movie in about a 13-minute speech without a blink or breath. The chick that played Lil' Kim is "hot and light skinned and gets naked a lot." Also "Puffy is kinda like the producer" and then 11.5 minutes I didn't pay attention.

The Lodge Bar surpassed every reasonable expectation. I will be there again next Thursday. the Truth (a noted German Village homer) offered me a toast for "bringing him there." I'd gather there were 150 gorgeous 20- to 22-year-old girls there. Jessie brought a gaggle. the Truth and I mostly stood there and watched and smoked 100 cigarettes. the Truth offered to take 54 pictures for girls and took one. He also wore the sweetest jacket I've ever seen. At the end of the night, we ordered a jello shot from the girl below (last name McGhee) and despite pleas from the Truth, she did not do one with us.

We left around 12:45 a.m. and went to Club 185 where I had one beer and took off. I had a heart-to-heart with McLimited and he kissed me three times. I truly believe he's the German Village leader in "times kissed Art McGregor."

Blog on the Run had more than 500 unique visitors yesterday thanks to yesterday's inclusion on Busted Coverage. It's the most ever for this site in a non-looking-for-nude-pictures-of-Rachael Br..."Jamie Graham"-kind-of way.

(Girl on right got naked, has big boobs for Playboy this fall.)

Have to hand it to The Lodge Bar for putting together an event like this where they let underage girls in, let them drink, and have sorority girls "guest bartend" in a competition to see which girl can bring the most girls. Way too many fratty guys, but actually, more girls. The girls (on the whole) were unfriendly and made out with certifiably ugly dudes. They also were fall-down drunk at 11:45 p.m. I suspect this is because they have eaten one cracker this week. That's not with chili. That's total.

Making the night even better? They had a high school baseball coaches convention in The Lodge Bar at the same time. When I saw a bunch of douchey dudes that probably live in the suburbs and are married to some chick they probably haven't wanted to fuck in three years I thought, "holy shit! Maybe people responded to my post at Busted Coverage." When I saw tens of dudes in their 40s rocking baseball jackets and hoodies I thought, "YES, they did!" Come to find out it was a convention or something and those guys all walked around like they had just won the lottery. The sorority girls couldn't have been nicer to those guys!

I am ready for the weekend. I am going to the Ohio State hockey game tonight and tomorrow and probably keeping it low-key at Club 185. I e-mailed Peaches yesterday that I'd like a steady rotation of Kings of Leon playing tonight because the concert is in four days. This is the last weekend that The Godfather is notdrinking (one word) so the rest of the year only can get better.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Busted makes me feel good

(Attractive girls don't get enough recognition on the Internet.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Lighting up a cigarette. Just had my favorite blog moment.

A few weeks back I got an e-mail from someone about a link to my site on the blog Busted Coverage. Busted Coverage is one of the nation's best/most well-read sports/chicks blogs. Somewhere there's a rule about using two slashes in a single sentence. I break the rules. They break real stories. It's a legit blog without a "blogspot" or "typepad" in the URL. That's the true marker of a quality information source. Also Wikipedia. I usually end all google searches with Wiki except I keep the w lowercase. I have started to end the reading of all fortune cookies with "wiki" as well. "You will accomplish great things today ... wiki."

I asked the e-mailer "Joe" if he did any work for Busted Coverage. He responded, "I am Busted Coverage."

We exchanged a couple e-mails on why we blog, our backgrounds and whether or not he also eats peanut butter sandwiches with just one slice of bread and only uses JIF creamy peanut butter.

On Saturday morning, he posted this message on his blog:

"This is probably a disservice to this particular blogger. A Saturday morning praising isn’t going to be seen by the masses.

But Art McGregor’s Blog On The Run put together a great, quick piece on the AFC/NFC Championships and it wouldn’t be very timely on Monday.

From Art: “One thing I know, Baltimore is the worst “good” team I ever have watched. Their entire game plan revolves around getting lucky on a couple long throws, running the ball for two yards, hoping the other team’s best player gets hurt, and having the other team fumble inside the 10-yard line more than one time each game.”

We admit it. There is a small blog crush going on between BC and BOTR.

If you haven’t checked out or even heard of Art, you will in 2009. The guy can flat out write and waxes about booze, bars, his unlucky run with the ladies and throws in some sports to keep it from getting gay.

Art is Ohio based and so is BC. It’s the Silicon Valley of bloggers with drinking problems."

I might, might mention this post more than once in 2009. Why do I blog? I blog totally for attention and recognition. I'm not getting paid. I don't want to win awards. I mainly just want to be able to leaf through Facebook, pick out a few girls and hook up with them because they know I spin a wicked tale on a blog read by 200 (or so) people a day. A slow-motion montage of this would feature Bone's "Thuggish Ruggish Bone" playing in the background.

(But I gotta get mine, so scream out mo' and let me hear you holla.)

Using "anyway" to wrap something up is a lazy tactic and I almost just used it to thank Joe for the note and to remind you guys to keep checking out Busted Coverage.

I actually didn't light up a cigarette and only smoke when drinking as an excuse to go outside and talk to girls. Thuggish ruggish activities.

You'll start watching 'Idol' now

OK. I normally don't post on Friday nights but this is worth it. Via Busted Coverage, I came across this site. My weekend is made. Even if I don't bring something home tonight (I told Kirk earlier my odds are like 30-to-1), I will take a look at that site or this one before I fall asleep.

Casey Carlson is the "hottest girl Idol has ever had."

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Motherfucker - A Gossip Girl post

Ugh.

Emphasis inspired by The 1, I shout "boreeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ring" (boring) any time a scene on Gossip Girl revolves around Lily and Rufus. They're terrible and bring nothing to show.

Like you, I got excited at the prospect of a Gossip Girl spin-off. I mean, three awesome shows on The CW?! I know! (Excited McGregor face.) Right! Well, it's happening. And you guessed it, it's going to revolve around Lily's childhood?!!??!!?!? (Read the comments on the post to see that I'm not the only one!) What. THEFUCK. Think about a Growing Pains spin-off about the burgeoning love of Maggie and Jason!? All together now: "BORRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-RING." We all know any Growing Pains spin-off should have dealt with Boner's time in the army.

Can Brittany (The CW Star) save the day!? We're counting on you to end this madness! Give that new spin-off show the kiss of death!


- From the desk of Art McGregor

You going to the Club?

Watched the game with McGinley, McGinley's brother, McCampus, the Truth ("you going to the Club?") and The Godfather in The Little Bar. Eastern side of bar.

"Drinking water, Truth?," I asked the Truth ("you going to the Club?").

"Big day at work, tomorrow," he said, "I got to get up early."

the Truth ("you going to the Club?") then asked me if I was "going to Club 185" three times in a 20-minute span near the end of the game. Each time I answered no in a more forceful manner. Perhaps the "Club" had more accessible H2O.

McGinley and The Godfather both joined the Truth ("you going to the Club?") on the DWB (drink water brigade) but neither of them asked me if I was "going to the Club?"

Saw two new old-faces bartending. They didn't have old-looking faces. I've just seen them working in there before (but not for awhile). The Butt (girl with the nice butt) and Skinny Exotic (S.E. for short). Skinny Exotic is the bartender that is skinny and looks exotic, in case you didn't know.

I hate Florida so obviously they won the BCS title. Ohio State finished No. 9 in The AP Rankings.

Before they spilled the Gatorade on Florida coach Urban Meyer, the Truth ("you going to the Club?") informed us all that he was taking off to go to the "Club."

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Belton out a bender

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Had quite the bender this weekend. Put on a rather nice drinking display. If we were to liken my weekend to an NBA (basketball) game, we'd say (because we are going to liken, if not lichen, this shit) I shot the ball 36 times, made 17 of them, made a handful of free throws, had one rebound (rim shot!) and no assists. I scored 51 points in a losing effort. Will get into the weekend shortly. Seriously. It's a two-day work week for me. Well, three but whatever. Again. We'll get into tha. I promise. I'll even find that missing t from the last word two sentences ago.

If you know anything about me, it's two things: God hates me and I'm the most unlucky sports fan/gambler/fantasy football player of all-time. I'm the most influential sports fan in the history of the world. That's not a joke. Teams I root for FLAT-OUT don't win. I know people enjoy hearing stories about fantasy football almost as much as they like picture-only-posts over at German Village Media that make sense to only one person, but I'm going to give you an example.

I played in the Final Four of my Yahoo! fantasy league the weekend of Dec. 12. I had the No. 1 seed and rolled through the regular season. Then Andre Johnson single-handily beat me with a FRANCHISE RECORD 200-some-odd-yards receiving day. So keep this in mind, the Texans have been around for five or six years and ... and ... this dude had the BIGGEST DAY in the history of the team ... just to beat me. This past week (yesterday) when Andre Johnson wasn't playing against me? He had FUCKING ZERO CATCHES. NONE.

Everything fell apart on Saturday night. This continued into Sunday. This doesn't include when I randomly left Art School Dropout's apartment without saying a word but in full view of everyone. I picked five bowl games this weekend. I won't count the one I won because ESPN pointed out that 94 percent of the country made that pick as well, so no big deal on that one. So I lost the other four. This is almost impossible to do. I picked two favorites and two underdogs. Had I picked any other combination, I'd have won more games. It's pathetic.

I'm an all-or-nothing-type guy. When fucking Belton (Wake Forest player) scored on a god damn meaningless touchdown run when Wake coulda just KNEELED on the ball, I threw myself to the ground and knew it was all over. I really threw myself on the ground. The Godfather witnessed this action. Despite there being 35 other bowl games to go, I knew my goose was cooked. I look forward to Bowl Season probably more than anyone and as of right now, in our 35-man poll, I am in FUCKING LAST PLACE. It's all over. I look forward to looking forward to the Motor City Bowl and the Independence Bowl and even the International Bowl. It's all over now.



God hates me.

Big black guys

As you know, we call big white guys "Logan Mankins" because there's a big guy with that name. He plays offensive line which is awesome because if you name your kid LOGAN MANKINS it's pretty much a guarantee that he's going to be playing offensive line.

I now will refer to all big black guys as Vishante Shiancoe once I figure out how to pronounce his first and last name.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 67, Notre Dame 62

It seems like the Ohio State basketball team takes awhile to get warmed up.

They start each game with the pass-it-around-the-3-point-line-for-30-seconds-and-then-take-and-miss-a-bad-shot offense before settling into a groove and wearing teams down with defensive pressure, athleticism and decent depth. They'll have a good years before losing in the first or second round of the NCAA tournament. But they're enjoyable to watch. Even though we know they're going to flame out, we'll still watch and support.

About midnight on Saturday night came our flame out.

Anticipating a crazy, hanging-from-the-rafters-type evening, we went to a basketball game, had a sit down dinner, went to a bar with seven people in it before heading to a couple of others bars before half our posse houdini'd and left The Godfather and I at the bar. Guess it was time to leave. This came at about 12:07 a.m. when the bar started to fill up, there was about a 50-50 male/female split and we'd never have to worry about seeing any of those people ever again. I also had been drinking heavily and had the quickest buzzkill in Hoosier State history.

I had heard some legendary stories of road trips to Indianapolis.

My New Year's (starting today) Resolution is to never houdini. It kills evenings. I mean, I know it doesn't all the time but still.

That's the thing with expectations. Very rarely do you have a hanging-from-the-rafters-type evening. But I thought Saturday would make it happen.

Great time at the Ohio State-Notre Dame. We were exactly the dicks you thought we'd be to Notre Dame fans. We had amazing fucking seats. I liked Lucas Oil Stadium and the game was wildly entertaining, Ohio State led most of the way and I had a 96-ounce lemonade in a souvenir container.

Enjoyed the drive to and from the game. We talked about Facebook a lot. I made some tweets on other occurrences but not currencies (foreign or otherwise). Props to McGinley and The Godfather (the liberal who said that college professors are responsible for jump-starting a state's economy) for providing the plans and the wheels.

Little did I know I'd have the most crazy fun Friday night at BAR LOUIE'S which still sucks and what not but had a good high top, talked to chicks and tried to go drink-for-drink, shot-for-shot with Logan Mankins Jr. (Wyoming Guy). Not a good move. I think Wyoming Guy is like 6-foot-5, 300 pounds and has a beard or something. I don't know if he actually has a beard but when I think back to the month he was around Columbus, I'll remember the (supposed) beard.

The Little Bar saved this NFL season. I look forward to Sundays again. Leodis! (Lee-otis.) Sometimes on the German Village Media Family of Networks (GVMFoN) we say something and you're all like, "what the fuck are they talking about?" Leodis is a defensive back on the Buffalo Bills. Bills fans always yell his first name so we do too. Leeeeeeottttttis.

Crazy Steelers Guy from a few weeks back was in the building and I told The Godfather, "he's out-Bills-fans-ing the Bills fans!" He is insane. He did four consecutive upper-cut fist pumps (alternating hands ... from a crouching position) while yelling "whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." I can't wait for next Sunday. Hot, friendly bartender (I think The Godfather and myself nearly proposed), hilarious owner-type-dude that live wagers on Internet gambling sites, a Canadian guy that progressively got more and more chatty and drunk (we never knew his name) and the bartender's heaven-sent-ass. Plus Bills fan. I've now named the four Bills fans:

1. Marshawn - The leader. Works at OSU hospital and gets real drunk on Sundays. Don't get sick on Mondays.
2. Whitner - Quiet guy. Doesn't drink.
3. Beard - Yells a lot has a rocking huge beard.
4. Edwards - Most negative fan. Hates Derrick Dockery and once said ... "The Bills have two players. Leodis and Marshawn."

The 1 got their early and we sat at the bar (great move). We made friends and hung out there for about four hours. I could have stayed longer but the bartender's shift was up which prompted us to ask, "so what are good nights of the week here ... that you work?"

We'll be watching the Fiesta Bowl there and maybe New Years Eveing it. She works a lot of jobs.

Got home and started to drink at nine. Fell asleep at 1 a.m.

I'm heading over to the trendys for "Gossip Girl" tonight.

I really thought I had a chance to date the girl I've currently been seeing for more than six weeks (a record for me since moving to the German Village) but about five weeks in ... that's about over. She's all the sudden "studying" a lot more and "passing out at 1." Remember that time you chose studying over hanging out with someone you wanted to see? I haven't seen her since this past Tuesday and look forward to asking her out (and being denied) two more times. I mean seriously. Why not just say, "look, you're fun to talk to but I am not going to hang out with you again." Would it be that hard?

It's like with Dorothy from Halloween. I flat out told her: "You live in Cleveland. I liked hanging out with you so I'm not going to lead you on." It took about four seconds. WTF.

I bet that you love reading this shit.

Happy fucking Monday.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

O' what of the Bombshells?

Bob Hunter is reporting today that the Arena Football League may be folding before the start of next season.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

While you were away: Little Bar on Sundays

(Leodis)

OK, first of all:

Props to The Little Bar. They take care of you. Great service. The hot bartender in the Browns No. 82 jersey looked really hot today. The 1 said so himself.

The 1 and I got there at 1 (oddly enough) and ordered the most food ever from Wings & Brew (real name of the place). I still have "mild wings" burps going on. That cheese bread is fantastic.

The Bills Fans yelled "Leodis" upon our entrance and 31 times throughout the game. They ripped off their jerseys when the Bills lost to the 49ers. They averaged 1.2 f-bombs per minute. They turned on each other. That's what I loved. They flipped off the television screen and said "Beast Mode" 600 times. I major in hyperbole but these are all real stats. I didn't throw any pencils at The 1 but we had a grand fucking time, each sucking down three 22-ounce beers and at least 3,000 calories of fried food.

We left at 4 p.m. and it was raining and cold and then I got home and realized I had nothing to do until the time I went to bed. I decided to do laundry and start drinking at 9 p.m. I did it. I accomplished something. Chest bump? Chest bump.

God, I had a good day. I had a great Saturday night and a better Friday and an even better Thursday. I will continue to update you as I see fit.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Passin' me by

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I like the song "Heartache Tonight" because it reminds me of how a lot of nights end when they begin with a drink.

Tonight's a day where that will happen especially in large numbers. Other than St. Patrick's Day (on a Tuesday this year ... five-day weekend!) and New Year's Eve, there's not a night where more people are out "actin' the fool" as the kids in Dublin and Worthington say.

Tonight usually sucks, though. That's the thing. I prefer the night after Thanksgiving. I prefer the week around Christmas.

There's too many people out in the hours before turkeys go into the over. There's too many "pissed off looking" girls. Homies, what's the deal? Fucking smile. You're off work tomorrow. Tomorrow's a legit fun day. You made the choice to go out. You have to understand (by now) that there will be a lot, A LOT of guys out. If you're not totally disgusting, guys will notice you and think in their heads, "I want to fuck that chick." Some might act on the notion. Others (like me) will just stare uncomfortably. Deal with it or stay in. Have a "girls night" at someone's house. Why the fuck are you out if you're going to stand there looking pissed at the world? Go the fuck home. My hand. Your face.

There's too many chachie dudes. There's not enough people like Art McGregor, followers and staffers at the German Village Media Family of Networks because most people like us are married (by now) and in bed by 11 p.m.

I know I eschew "growing up" and refuse to admit that "things pass me by," but the night before Thanksgiving is something I'm getting too old for. Who's going to be out tonight? People younger than me and maybe that dude from "How I Met Your Mother."

I grew up in a town where everyone gets married by the time they turn 30. Half of me wonders if I'll self destruct when I turn 30. The other half will be self-destructing. The night before Thanksgiving offers nothing for me in Mahoning County. I'm not "feeling it." I used to have a cousin that bartended at the local-where-everyone-goes-out-bar but now he works in Las Vegas. I don't.

But I'll be out tonight.

Early to bed, waiting to rise

(Scene from Skully's later tonight.)

Took my fifth visit to Date State University last night and splurged for the big meal at El Vac. I told her it was a cheap place and that played into my decision to go there. She didn't seem to mind. That's one advantage to dating a college girl. They really do eat like crap the rest of the time.

"Usually just pick up a bag of chips at UDF."

Along those same lines, I went home right after dinner. We spent a long time talking about the weekend and figured it best to get some rest. Went home and watched some "Dirty, Sexy, Money" with The Godfather. He really is critical of Lucy Liu.

When that's the third paragraph of a run-down of the previous night, you know not too much happened.

Before getting to El Vac, I made the pimp move of stopping for gas with her in the car because I was about to run out.

Today figures to drag on for about 600 hours.

Yesterday flew by, no doing of my own. I had one of my least productive third Wednesdays of the month I've ever had. Didn't booze though.

And on the fourth day, there was rest. And the rest? We'll surely make some history.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 30, Illinois 20

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Thursday night feels like about six weeks ago.

We sat at the downstairs bar at B-Dubs Lane (campus) Saturday night swilling 16-ounce Miller Lite drafts. Obviously I sat next to a guy that played football at Wyoming (I've never been) and The Godfather drank vodka and soda and every time the bartender (great thong) asked us if we needed another drink, we said yes. This all happened before 9 p.m. When we ended up at that house (no clue who lived there) around 3 a.m., I imagine our bartender had slipped out of her tight black pants. No seriously. I imagined it big time about 40 minutes later when I got home.

I opined that she was from northwest Ohio. She wasn't. She went to Massillon Jackson.

"Polar Bears," I said.

She lacked impressed.

When the time comes to trade in this lifestyle for one far less exciting, I'll have to give up nights like Saturday. Sure, we went out and did some things on Friday but it was a rather forgettable night. Not really a bad night, but we went to Barley's, The Patio and Gaswerks. It's like, I doubt when you Google mapped my whereabouts at 2:10 a.m. on a Friday, you'd find me standing next to McGinley inside Gaswerks.

Didn't do shit on Saturday. Had just said no to showering for the day's first 19 hours (includes the roughly seven-plus hours I slept/was passed out). Laid on the couch and chair and watched college football. When I laid on the same couch 29 hours later, I had a few more memories.

the Truth sent me this text at 11:38:48 p.m.:

"big week... buckeye weekend all weekend long!"

When I affirmed he sent:

"I think we did a good job of preparation... I look forward to your performance this week, you better get some sleep. It might be your last chance!"

I LOL'd and said something else witty (I was kinda buzzed) and he responded:

"LOL! I plan on working 10-3 with a 1.5 hour lunch all week. GVM baby, it's great to be us!"

YES WE CAN!


I've got a soft spot in my heart for Wyoming. A few nights before Christmas in 2004, I watched the Las Vegas Bowl at the Flying Monkey in Key West. We watched the game with a bunch of rowdy Wyoming fans (cowboy hats). If like Rutgers was playing Nevada, it wouldn't have made much sense, but you see, Wyoming was playing UCLA. Wyoming pulled the upset and we all drank and got crazy and I think I hooked up with some random. More than likely. I also love Wyoming because I like how the word looks printed out and I used to watch the Monday night midnight game on ESPN that always featured New Mexico, UNLV or Wyoming. Sometimes Utah. Sometimes Utah would be a great band name.

Did you know on Christmas Eve of that year I ordered (and ate) two Outback Specials from Outback Steakhouse? You know very well, who you are. Don't let 'em hold you down. Read for the stars.

Probably better was Dec. 23, 2003. The Sports Writer was back in Toledo, so I went out with my boss and his 21-year-old sister-in-law. That I night I did the following things:

1. Spit on a guy and didn't get kicked out of the bar although the guy promised to "rip your fucking head off." My head is still intact despite what you think of this blog.
2. Witnessed my boss walk down Duval Street in tennis shoes and tighty whiteys while smoking a cigarette.
3. Let my boss steal my roommate's DVD of "Bad Boys 2."
4. Hooked up with the sister-in-law in our hot tub and 87 percent of the rest of our house.
5. Pissed all over my keyboard when she was asleep.
6. Treated her to a Christmas Eve lunch of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
7. Never talked to her again.

Back to Saturday. I sat next to the Wyoming guy, a friend of Sleepy's. Sleepy was in town this weekend so we met him at BDL at about 8:30 p.m. We drank and laughed and talked and bullshitted for the next seven hours. I let Wyoming Guy (hugest man I've ever seen) know that I saw him "struggling with the menu" when he asked why I didn't ask him about books. I'm not really sure on the other details. We watched UFC and football at a place with wings and beers and had the audacity to make fun of fratty guys. The weather was very raw. I kept letting people know my fascination with the fact that there will be a live college basketball game shown at 4 a.m. Tuesday morning. The Godfather must have said 400 times that "Houston scored 70 on Tulsa. Has there ever been a top 25 team that had 70 points scored on it?"

Wyoming Guy (I love this) also told us about the easiest place to hook up with hot dumb chicks. He said No. 2 is Hattiesburg, Miss. and the top-ranked place is Nacogdoches, Texas. I love that he has ranked the places because I've done the same. My No. 1 is a little different. I contend it's a Sunday night during spring break at a spring break destination. Only the truest skanks go out on Sundays.


What makes me laugh about the night is that I had zero forward momentum going into the evening. Both Thursday and Friday were kind of lame. I didn't leave my living room on Saturday afternoon. It was rainy out. The Godfather was wearing sweatpants.

We overcame. We went out. We also walked past a what-the-fuck-was-that-place some beatnik bar across from the Scarley & Gray Cafe.

McGinley showed up late to whisk The Godfather away to Club 185. the Truth sent me a text that said, "tons of hot girls at Club 185!" When I got there at 1:45 a.m., there were none outside the bartenders. And one of the bartenders was smoking outside.

We made a pitstop at McFadden's beforehand where a totally hot chick with boyfriend hit on Wyoming Guy. I would have stayed there but Sleepy kept yawning. We left and went to 185. We'd later go to an afterhours at someone's house.

"Who's house were we at?" I asked The Godfather yesterday morning (1:32 p.m.).

I did less on Sunday that I did on Saturday. We had two TVs set up in the living room so we could watch one sporing event along with another one at the same time. I walked to Shell at 9 p.m. to buy my Sunday night drinking supplies and then drank for the next four hours. I fell asleep.

It might have been my last chance this week.

Guide to Ohio college girls

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

This post is inspired by this one from Awful Announcing. Hat tip to German Village Media's The Godfather.

Ever wonder what college girls are like at Ohio's public universities? Look no further.

Ohio State - Wears sweatpants to class ... Goes tanning at least twice a week ... Knows at least five football players ... Hair is colored and shoulder length ... Wears jerseys to football games ... Has affiliation with big-time city and proclaims to be a huge fan of its pro sports teams despite not ever watching any of their games ... Is either a close friend to or a bartender at campus bar ... Has at least one but no more than two black female friends ... Has a 41 percent chance of not even being a student at Ohio State despite what her Facebook says ... Dances on bars ... Goes out on Wednesdays and usually Mondays in addition to Thursday, Friday and Saturday ... Rarely has a boyfriend but always is fucking ... Has hooked up with a black guy ... Sends text messages at least three hours a day ... Will not graduate in four years ... Has a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Will still be bartending by age 25 ... Smokes when she drinks ... she has at least one ugly fat friend.

Cincinnati - Couldn't get into Miami (Ohio) .. Hangs out at campus fraternities with future waiters of the world ... Did a stint at a community college before taking plunge ... Visits better-looking friends at Miami (Ohio) on the weekends and gets fucked by frat guys and/or athletes ... Will be overweight by the time she's 27 ... Likely still has a thing for her football-playing boyfriend from high school ... Hates that she goes to school at an urban campus ... she doesn't stick around Cincinnati in the summer.

Kent State University - Reads only magazines ... Thinks, "well, at least I'm not going to Akron" ... Goes tanning at least three times a week ... Wants to be a teacher ... Goes home a lot on the weekends ... Has friends she calls "her bitches" ... Travels exclusively in packs of girls that aren't really hot but aren't really ugly ... Has one really hot classmate/friend from Powell, Ohio or a private school in Columbus ... Goes to class twice a week ... Parties at some dudes apartment (who one of her roommates is definitely fucking) or frat houses ... Drinks only Natural Light ... Won't ever hold a job for more than a year ... Will get married in her hometown by the time she's 24 ... Loves to eat late-night food ... Starves herself the rest of the time ... Loves taking pictures with her friends in various fun poses despite nothing ever being fun in Kent, Ohio ... Just is glad she's not living at home ... Has 13 percent chance at graduating ... she takes it in the ass.

Bowling Green University - Couldn't get into Ohio University ... Sexually adventurous ... Makes the peace sign in 100 percent of the pictures taken of her ... Is really tan and has bleached-blonde hair ... Usually thin-looking but with a "skinny-fat" non-toned stomach ... Was a cheerleader or dancer in high school ... Likely from a Columbus suburb or western Ohio ... Fancies herself as an "intellectual" and actually thinks she has a shot at a good job ... Like the rest of the BGSU majority, figures she'll go to grad school "somewhere better" ... Complains about Bowling Green weather ... Fantasizes about spring break at least two hours a day ... Does this 17 hours a day in February ... Has two or three bars she goes to all the time ... Never pays for a drink ... Goes to only the homecoming football game ... Can't stand Toledo ... she probably is from Toledo and still keeps in touch with her guy friends from high school that play football at shitty Division III colleges.

Shawnee State - She is 37 and "going back to school."

Miami (Ohio) University - People who read blogs (or bloggers) will never have a chance to fuck any of them ... Any of them that matter, anyway ... In a sorority ... Has "girls she misses from home!' ... Has at least 600 pictures on Facebook, 472 of them with the Zoolander/kissy face ... Has a "side" of her face that looks better in pictures and only is photographed from this side ... Dreams of moving to Chicago ... Dates someone in a fraternity ... Has a lot of guy friends that are only friends with her because they want to bang the shit out of her ... Has a roommate her freshman year she designates as a "bff" despite knowing her just two months ... Dresses like a complete slut on Halloween and gets pissed if you look at her ... Fingerbangs herself thinking of the 13 black athletes on campus ... Gets drunk off two drinks ... Has at least four pairs of jeans that cost more than $200 ... Owns a North Face jacket ... Will be married by the time she's 25 to someone in the banking and/or business industry that has short hair and he will be fat by age 32 ... Will have at least eight bridesmaids in wedding ... Likely won't fuck more than three guys from freshman year to the time she's married ... she doesn't like sucking dick.

Akron University - Is from a county that borders Stark County. School most similar to Cincinnati in that state of Ohio except she couldn't get into Kent State ... she also takes it in the ass.

Cleveland State University - Lies about where she goes to school ... Angling for an excuse to transfer ... Always says what she's going to school for before she says where she goes to school ... Hates herself ... Couldn't get into Akron or "my parents want to see how well I do at college before letting me go away to another school." 99.9 percent of the people in Ohio have never met a girl that attends Cleveland State ... she has never read a full book.

Wright State University - Didn't want "to go too far away from home" ... Has a sexually explicit photo of herself on her cell phone ... Likely from Montgomery, Greene, Clinton, Butler or Warren County ... Likely dating someone in the military ... Will by divorced by age 30 ... Hangs out at friend's apartment who always plays video games and loves NFL football ... her boyfriend owns at least two Affliction T-shirts and isn't taller than 6 feet.

University of Toledo - Has black male friends ... Has friends still in high school that visit all the time ... Originally is from Ohio ... Watches "Family Guy" ... Works at a chain restaurant ... Seriously considers purchasing fakes tits at least twice a year ... Wears a lot of makeup ... Hung out with baseball players in high school ... Dates someone that played on the high school soccer team ... Drives a sporty American-made car with a sorority sticker on the back window ... Parents are divorced ... Smokes ... Will become overweight before she's 35 ... Will have three kids by that time ... Not afraid of accepting a booty call ... Is happy she doesn't go to community college ... Will work in retail ... Wonders why she didn't go to OU ... she plans to transfer every year at Christmas.

Ohio University - Jealous of Miami (Ohio) girls ... Fucks a dude that smokes a lot of pot ... Intrigued by "hippie" lifestyle even though phase passed in the early 1990s with the passage of grunge music ... Is friends with a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Has more male friends than girl friends ... Looks forward to fraternity formals ... Drinks a lot ... Listens to O.A.R. ... Might be from out of state ... Brags about school's party reputation ... Doesn't like to hear, "well, there's 30,000 students there and nothing within an hour of campus, what else are you going to do?" ... Didn't get into Ohio State ... Still loves the Buckeyes ... Tries as best she can to get the fuck out of Athens in four years. Embraces green lifestyle ... From a suburb of the Big Three C's (Columbus, Cincy, Cleveland) ... Likes to cuddle/hook-up when she's drunk ... Has more than 1,000 friends on Facebook ... she hangs out with one fat guy who always wears hats and has facial hair and is "really funny."

Youngstown State - Says "I'm transferring after freshman year" 10 times before the end of her third year ... Has a ton of friends from Canfield and Cardinal Mooney high schools ... Lives at home ... Drives drunk a lot ... Can't wait to have priest who gave her first communion also marry her ... Has a back tattoo ... Has a lot of friends who's name ends in a vowel ... Visits friends at Kent State or private schools in northeast Ohio ... Always promises those friends she'll be joining them "next year" ... Is Italian ... she is hot until you realize she attends YSU and has probably fucked three or four dudes that look like bartender assistants at bars in the Arena District.