Sunday, November 30, 2008

While you were away: Little Bar on Sundays


OK, first of all:

Props to The Little Bar. They take care of you. Great service. The hot bartender in the Browns No. 82 jersey looked really hot today. The 1 said so himself.

The 1 and I got there at 1 (oddly enough) and ordered the most food ever from Wings & Brew (real name of the place). I still have "mild wings" burps going on. That cheese bread is fantastic.

The Bills Fans yelled "Leodis" upon our entrance and 31 times throughout the game. They ripped off their jerseys when the Bills lost to the 49ers. They averaged 1.2 f-bombs per minute. They turned on each other. That's what I loved. They flipped off the television screen and said "Beast Mode" 600 times. I major in hyperbole but these are all real stats. I didn't throw any pencils at The 1 but we had a grand fucking time, each sucking down three 22-ounce beers and at least 3,000 calories of fried food.

We left at 4 p.m. and it was raining and cold and then I got home and realized I had nothing to do until the time I went to bed. I decided to do laundry and start drinking at 9 p.m. I did it. I accomplished something. Chest bump? Chest bump.

God, I had a good day. I had a great Saturday night and a better Friday and an even better Thursday. I will continue to update you as I see fit.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Passin' me by

Blog on the Run editor

I like the song "Heartache Tonight" because it reminds me of how a lot of nights end when they begin with a drink.

Tonight's a day where that will happen especially in large numbers. Other than St. Patrick's Day (on a Tuesday this year ... five-day weekend!) and New Year's Eve, there's not a night where more people are out "actin' the fool" as the kids in Dublin and Worthington say.

Tonight usually sucks, though. That's the thing. I prefer the night after Thanksgiving. I prefer the week around Christmas.

There's too many people out in the hours before turkeys go into the over. There's too many "pissed off looking" girls. Homies, what's the deal? Fucking smile. You're off work tomorrow. Tomorrow's a legit fun day. You made the choice to go out. You have to understand (by now) that there will be a lot, A LOT of guys out. If you're not totally disgusting, guys will notice you and think in their heads, "I want to fuck that chick." Some might act on the notion. Others (like me) will just stare uncomfortably. Deal with it or stay in. Have a "girls night" at someone's house. Why the fuck are you out if you're going to stand there looking pissed at the world? Go the fuck home. My hand. Your face.

There's too many chachie dudes. There's not enough people like Art McGregor, followers and staffers at the German Village Media Family of Networks because most people like us are married (by now) and in bed by 11 p.m.

I know I eschew "growing up" and refuse to admit that "things pass me by," but the night before Thanksgiving is something I'm getting too old for. Who's going to be out tonight? People younger than me and maybe that dude from "How I Met Your Mother."

I grew up in a town where everyone gets married by the time they turn 30. Half of me wonders if I'll self destruct when I turn 30. The other half will be self-destructing. The night before Thanksgiving offers nothing for me in Mahoning County. I'm not "feeling it." I used to have a cousin that bartended at the local-where-everyone-goes-out-bar but now he works in Las Vegas. I don't.

But I'll be out tonight.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Early to bed, waiting to rise

(Scene from Skully's later tonight.)

Took my fifth visit to Date State University last night and splurged for the big meal at El Vac. I told her it was a cheap place and that played into my decision to go there. She didn't seem to mind. That's one advantage to dating a college girl. They really do eat like crap the rest of the time.

"Usually just pick up a bag of chips at UDF."

Along those same lines, I went home right after dinner. We spent a long time talking about the weekend and figured it best to get some rest. Went home and watched some "Dirty, Sexy, Money" with The Godfather. He really is critical of Lucy Liu.

When that's the third paragraph of a run-down of the previous night, you know not too much happened.

Before getting to El Vac, I made the pimp move of stopping for gas with her in the car because I was about to run out.

Today figures to drag on for about 600 hours.

Yesterday flew by, no doing of my own. I had one of my least productive third Wednesdays of the month I've ever had. Didn't booze though.

And on the fourth day, there was rest. And the rest? We'll surely make some history.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Monday, November 17, 2008

Ohio State 30, Illinois 20

Blog on the Run editor

Thursday night feels like about six weeks ago.

We sat at the downstairs bar at B-Dubs Lane (campus) Saturday night swilling 16-ounce Miller Lite drafts. Obviously I sat next to a guy that played football at Wyoming (I've never been) and The Godfather drank vodka and soda and every time the bartender (great thong) asked us if we needed another drink, we said yes. This all happened before 9 p.m. When we ended up at that house (no clue who lived there) around 3 a.m., I imagine our bartender had slipped out of her tight black pants. No seriously. I imagined it big time about 40 minutes later when I got home.

I opined that she was from northwest Ohio. She wasn't. She went to Massillon Jackson.

"Polar Bears," I said.

She lacked impressed.

When the time comes to trade in this lifestyle for one far less exciting, I'll have to give up nights like Saturday. Sure, we went out and did some things on Friday but it was a rather forgettable night. Not really a bad night, but we went to Barley's, The Patio and Gaswerks. It's like, I doubt when you Google mapped my whereabouts at 2:10 a.m. on a Friday, you'd find me standing next to McGinley inside Gaswerks.

Didn't do shit on Saturday. Had just said no to showering for the day's first 19 hours (includes the roughly seven-plus hours I slept/was passed out). Laid on the couch and chair and watched college football. When I laid on the same couch 29 hours later, I had a few more memories.

the Truth sent me this text at 11:38:48 p.m.:

"big week... buckeye weekend all weekend long!"

When I affirmed he sent:

"I think we did a good job of preparation... I look forward to your performance this week, you better get some sleep. It might be your last chance!"

I LOL'd and said something else witty (I was kinda buzzed) and he responded:

"LOL! I plan on working 10-3 with a 1.5 hour lunch all week. GVM baby, it's great to be us!"


I've got a soft spot in my heart for Wyoming. A few nights before Christmas in 2004, I watched the Las Vegas Bowl at the Flying Monkey in Key West. We watched the game with a bunch of rowdy Wyoming fans (cowboy hats). If like Rutgers was playing Nevada, it wouldn't have made much sense, but you see, Wyoming was playing UCLA. Wyoming pulled the upset and we all drank and got crazy and I think I hooked up with some random. More than likely. I also love Wyoming because I like how the word looks printed out and I used to watch the Monday night midnight game on ESPN that always featured New Mexico, UNLV or Wyoming. Sometimes Utah. Sometimes Utah would be a great band name.

Did you know on Christmas Eve of that year I ordered (and ate) two Outback Specials from Outback Steakhouse? You know very well, who you are. Don't let 'em hold you down. Read for the stars.

Probably better was Dec. 23, 2003. The Sports Writer was back in Toledo, so I went out with my boss and his 21-year-old sister-in-law. That I night I did the following things:

1. Spit on a guy and didn't get kicked out of the bar although the guy promised to "rip your fucking head off." My head is still intact despite what you think of this blog.
2. Witnessed my boss walk down Duval Street in tennis shoes and tighty whiteys while smoking a cigarette.
3. Let my boss steal my roommate's DVD of "Bad Boys 2."
4. Hooked up with the sister-in-law in our hot tub and 87 percent of the rest of our house.
5. Pissed all over my keyboard when she was asleep.
6. Treated her to a Christmas Eve lunch of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
7. Never talked to her again.

Back to Saturday. I sat next to the Wyoming guy, a friend of Sleepy's. Sleepy was in town this weekend so we met him at BDL at about 8:30 p.m. We drank and laughed and talked and bullshitted for the next seven hours. I let Wyoming Guy (hugest man I've ever seen) know that I saw him "struggling with the menu" when he asked why I didn't ask him about books. I'm not really sure on the other details. We watched UFC and football at a place with wings and beers and had the audacity to make fun of fratty guys. The weather was very raw. I kept letting people know my fascination with the fact that there will be a live college basketball game shown at 4 a.m. Tuesday morning. The Godfather must have said 400 times that "Houston scored 70 on Tulsa. Has there ever been a top 25 team that had 70 points scored on it?"

Wyoming Guy (I love this) also told us about the easiest place to hook up with hot dumb chicks. He said No. 2 is Hattiesburg, Miss. and the top-ranked place is Nacogdoches, Texas. I love that he has ranked the places because I've done the same. My No. 1 is a little different. I contend it's a Sunday night during spring break at a spring break destination. Only the truest skanks go out on Sundays.

What makes me laugh about the night is that I had zero forward momentum going into the evening. Both Thursday and Friday were kind of lame. I didn't leave my living room on Saturday afternoon. It was rainy out. The Godfather was wearing sweatpants.

We overcame. We went out. We also walked past a what-the-fuck-was-that-place some beatnik bar across from the Scarley & Gray Cafe.

McGinley showed up late to whisk The Godfather away to Club 185. the Truth sent me a text that said, "tons of hot girls at Club 185!" When I got there at 1:45 a.m., there were none outside the bartenders. And one of the bartenders was smoking outside.

We made a pitstop at McFadden's beforehand where a totally hot chick with boyfriend hit on Wyoming Guy. I would have stayed there but Sleepy kept yawning. We left and went to 185. We'd later go to an afterhours at someone's house.

"Who's house were we at?" I asked The Godfather yesterday morning (1:32 p.m.).

I did less on Sunday that I did on Saturday. We had two TVs set up in the living room so we could watch one sporing event along with another one at the same time. I walked to Shell at 9 p.m. to buy my Sunday night drinking supplies and then drank for the next four hours. I fell asleep.

It might have been my last chance this week.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Guide to Ohio college girls

Blog on the Run editor

This post is inspired by this one from Awful Announcing. Hat tip to German Village Media's The Godfather.

Ever wonder what college girls are like at Ohio's public universities? Look no further.

Ohio State - Wears sweatpants to class ... Goes tanning at least twice a week ... Knows at least five football players ... Hair is colored and shoulder length ... Wears jerseys to football games ... Has affiliation with big-time city and proclaims to be a huge fan of its pro sports teams despite not ever watching any of their games ... Is either a close friend to or a bartender at campus bar ... Has at least one but no more than two black female friends ... Has a 41 percent chance of not even being a student at Ohio State despite what her Facebook says ... Dances on bars ... Goes out on Wednesdays and usually Mondays in addition to Thursday, Friday and Saturday ... Rarely has a boyfriend but always is fucking ... Has hooked up with a black guy ... Sends text messages at least three hours a day ... Will not graduate in four years ... Has a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Will still be bartending by age 25 ... Smokes when she drinks ... she has at least one ugly fat friend.

Cincinnati - Couldn't get into Miami (Ohio) .. Hangs out at campus fraternities with future waiters of the world ... Did a stint at a community college before taking plunge ... Visits better-looking friends at Miami (Ohio) on the weekends and gets fucked by frat guys and/or athletes ... Will be overweight by the time she's 27 ... Likely still has a thing for her football-playing boyfriend from high school ... Hates that she goes to school at an urban campus ... she doesn't stick around Cincinnati in the summer.

Kent State University - Reads only magazines ... Thinks, "well, at least I'm not going to Akron" ... Goes tanning at least three times a week ... Wants to be a teacher ... Goes home a lot on the weekends ... Has friends she calls "her bitches" ... Travels exclusively in packs of girls that aren't really hot but aren't really ugly ... Has one really hot classmate/friend from Powell, Ohio or a private school in Columbus ... Goes to class twice a week ... Parties at some dudes apartment (who one of her roommates is definitely fucking) or frat houses ... Drinks only Natural Light ... Won't ever hold a job for more than a year ... Will get married in her hometown by the time she's 24 ... Loves to eat late-night food ... Starves herself the rest of the time ... Loves taking pictures with her friends in various fun poses despite nothing ever being fun in Kent, Ohio ... Just is glad she's not living at home ... Has 13 percent chance at graduating ... she takes it in the ass.

Bowling Green University - Couldn't get into Ohio University ... Sexually adventurous ... Makes the peace sign in 100 percent of the pictures taken of her ... Is really tan and has bleached-blonde hair ... Usually thin-looking but with a "skinny-fat" non-toned stomach ... Was a cheerleader or dancer in high school ... Likely from a Columbus suburb or western Ohio ... Fancies herself as an "intellectual" and actually thinks she has a shot at a good job ... Like the rest of the BGSU majority, figures she'll go to grad school "somewhere better" ... Complains about Bowling Green weather ... Fantasizes about spring break at least two hours a day ... Does this 17 hours a day in February ... Has two or three bars she goes to all the time ... Never pays for a drink ... Goes to only the homecoming football game ... Can't stand Toledo ... she probably is from Toledo and still keeps in touch with her guy friends from high school that play football at shitty Division III colleges.

Shawnee State - She is 37 and "going back to school."

Miami (Ohio) University - People who read blogs (or bloggers) will never have a chance to fuck any of them ... Any of them that matter, anyway ... In a sorority ... Has "girls she misses from home!' ... Has at least 600 pictures on Facebook, 472 of them with the Zoolander/kissy face ... Has a "side" of her face that looks better in pictures and only is photographed from this side ... Dreams of moving to Chicago ... Dates someone in a fraternity ... Has a lot of guy friends that are only friends with her because they want to bang the shit out of her ... Has a roommate her freshman year she designates as a "bff" despite knowing her just two months ... Dresses like a complete slut on Halloween and gets pissed if you look at her ... Fingerbangs herself thinking of the 13 black athletes on campus ... Gets drunk off two drinks ... Has at least four pairs of jeans that cost more than $200 ... Owns a North Face jacket ... Will be married by the time she's 25 to someone in the banking and/or business industry that has short hair and he will be fat by age 32 ... Will have at least eight bridesmaids in wedding ... Likely won't fuck more than three guys from freshman year to the time she's married ... she doesn't like sucking dick.

Akron University - Is from a county that borders Stark County. School most similar to Cincinnati in that state of Ohio except she couldn't get into Kent State ... she also takes it in the ass.

Cleveland State University - Lies about where she goes to school ... Angling for an excuse to transfer ... Always says what she's going to school for before she says where she goes to school ... Hates herself ... Couldn't get into Akron or "my parents want to see how well I do at college before letting me go away to another school." 99.9 percent of the people in Ohio have never met a girl that attends Cleveland State ... she has never read a full book.

Wright State University - Didn't want "to go too far away from home" ... Has a sexually explicit photo of herself on her cell phone ... Likely from Montgomery, Greene, Clinton, Butler or Warren County ... Likely dating someone in the military ... Will by divorced by age 30 ... Hangs out at friend's apartment who always plays video games and loves NFL football ... her boyfriend owns at least two Affliction T-shirts and isn't taller than 6 feet.

University of Toledo - Has black male friends ... Has friends still in high school that visit all the time ... Originally is from Ohio ... Watches "Family Guy" ... Works at a chain restaurant ... Seriously considers purchasing fakes tits at least twice a year ... Wears a lot of makeup ... Hung out with baseball players in high school ... Dates someone that played on the high school soccer team ... Drives a sporty American-made car with a sorority sticker on the back window ... Parents are divorced ... Smokes ... Will become overweight before she's 35 ... Will have three kids by that time ... Not afraid of accepting a booty call ... Is happy she doesn't go to community college ... Will work in retail ... Wonders why she didn't go to OU ... she plans to transfer every year at Christmas.

Ohio University - Jealous of Miami (Ohio) girls ... Fucks a dude that smokes a lot of pot ... Intrigued by "hippie" lifestyle even though phase passed in the early 1990s with the passage of grunge music ... Is friends with a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Has more male friends than girl friends ... Looks forward to fraternity formals ... Drinks a lot ... Listens to O.A.R. ... Might be from out of state ... Brags about school's party reputation ... Doesn't like to hear, "well, there's 30,000 students there and nothing within an hour of campus, what else are you going to do?" ... Didn't get into Ohio State ... Still loves the Buckeyes ... Tries as best she can to get the fuck out of Athens in four years. Embraces green lifestyle ... From a suburb of the Big Three C's (Columbus, Cincy, Cleveland) ... Likes to cuddle/hook-up when she's drunk ... Has more than 1,000 friends on Facebook ... she hangs out with one fat guy who always wears hats and has facial hair and is "really funny."

Youngstown State - Says "I'm transferring after freshman year" 10 times before the end of her third year ... Has a ton of friends from Canfield and Cardinal Mooney high schools ... Lives at home ... Drives drunk a lot ... Can't wait to have priest who gave her first communion also marry her ... Has a back tattoo ... Has a lot of friends who's name ends in a vowel ... Visits friends at Kent State or private schools in northeast Ohio ... Always promises those friends she'll be joining them "next year" ... Is Italian ... she is hot until you realize she attends YSU and has probably fucked three or four dudes that look like bartender assistants at bars in the Arena District.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Regressing further in life

(Ethan, Naomi, Grandma, Annie, Dixon, Mom, Teacher, Silver, Navid)

What they're doing in Minnesota to Sen. Norm Coleman is a damn shame. This report on Fox News today is outstanding.
Correcting these typos was claimed to add 435 votes to Franken and take 69 votes from Coleman. Corrections were posted in other races, but they were only a fraction of those for the Senate. The Senate gains for Franken were 2.5 times the gain for Obama in the presidential race count, 2.9 times the total gain that Democrats got across all Minnesota congressional races, and 5 times the net loss that Democrats suffered for all state House races.
Absolutely shameful.

"I'm regressing in life." The Godfather added this tidbit as he played Dr. Mario last night on our couch under a poster of Kellen Winslow Jr. in our living room.

Nintendo. Poster. Living room.

I went to Date State last night on a visit to the Lennox. Saw "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." Terrible name for a movie and it got way too lovey-dovey toward the end (a couple of scenes that just wouldn't end ... including one in slow-mo) but hilarious fucking movie. I'd recommend it to anyone. One incredible thing about this Seth Rogen movie is that it didn't have one reference to smoking pot or him being a Jewish. (A Jewish.) A first on both accounts.

My date got a mixed Icee and I thought that was pretty outstanding. I'd recommend that to anyone, as well. Went back to her place and watched "Gossip Girl" thus making it the Liked the episode although it was perhaps the most predictable one in the history of the show. Still good though and way better than the previous handful. I don't like how some characters aren't ever on the show. Nate? Vanessa? Where art thou Romeo? (There is no Romeo on the show.) Serena and Aaron Rose deserve to die. Seriously.

I did miss watching the show with the trendys though. I will have to return next Monday if they'll have me. They need some alone time with Nemo their dog. Also he shits all over the house so last night I thought, "tonight would be a good night not to step in shit."

Odd to say, but the current edition of "90210" might be the most realistic rendition of what actual high school is like. This comes 18 years after the first show started as one of the most unrealistic depictions of grades nine through 12. Although I don't care about any characters on the show, I still like the show. I thought Navid and Adrianna's scenes on last Tuesday's episodes were top notch. I guess I like those two the best. Too much Naomi last week. The show wouldn't miss a beat without her.

(That was for Esq. who sent me a text last Wednesday night asking about a recap.)

Pretty standard Tuesday. I consistently wake up on Tuesday mornings thinking it's Wednesday. This is a problem and no fun. But I imagine that happens to the best of us. And you.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Monday, November 10, 2008

Ohio State 45, Northwestern 10

Blog on the Run editor

Usually I try to throw out an anecdote from the weekend when recapping the previous four nights. Sometimes it ties together with the rest of the piece, other times it has no bearing or meaning on anything whatsoever.

Too many such examples happened from Thursday, Nov. 6, 2008 through last night.

If I had to pick one, I'd have to pick when The Godfather got lost in the moment singing "Sweet Child of Mine" or My Cousin Kevin (MCK) and his ill-fated plan to get home to Youngstown or The Dr.'s telling his girlfriend (she's a girlfriend) that she's "getting an up-close and personal look on what makes us awesome" or our singing on the train headed back to Wrigleyville on Saturday night or when The Dr.'s girlfriend called him "baby" and we heard her call him "baby" or how every girl in The Only Bar in Evanston went by the name of Emily.

Still, I'm going with two. OK, three.

1. The "Live Your Life" moment at Merkle's.
2. The Godfather's insistence that we check out The Only Bar in Evanston, despite other intel reports.
3. The "I love college football (me too!)" moment.

We got to Cleveland on Thursday night after much consternation. The Godfather and I must have said "nothing is ever easy with him" about 400 times. We got to Mathlete's house (The Godfather's brother) and then walked over to Panini's on West Sixth. Had a few beers and The Godfather and Mathlete went to the game. I stayed behind to drink. Dorothy from Halloween met me and we proceeded to have beers for the next three hours watching the game. I watched far more of the game than her. (Me - All the plays, Her - None of the plays.) Obviously the Browns lost a huge lead and the game and not-so-obviously, MCK decided to meet us in Cleveland. He's another member of the "nothing is ever easy" crowd. He was supposed to meet us in Cleveland at noon on Friday. Instead, he meets us at the bar with his luggage (at the bar) and is looking for his buddy (he was to stay the night with him). Said friend then informs MCK that he's headed back to Youngstown. MCK has no place to stay and ends up at Mathlete's with us. I'd join later.

After the game, The Godfather walked into Panini's with the pissed-off-the-Browns-just-loss face and seemed ready to go home fuck that. He had a beer and spirits (while being drank) improved. He then met Dorothy from Halloween (who went to the same high school as The Godfather). She didn't recognize him. This brought much delight to Mathlete who said, "she's the first person who doesn't know him!" The Godfather claimed she was lying and that she did know him. He then hated on her the rest of the night (behind her back, when she wasn't around). We all had a fun time and some chick in a William Green jersey (with perhaps fake tits perhaps) hung out with us and joined Mathlete and the rest back at his apartment. This girl was someone's cousin. Glad she wasn't mine because you're not supposed to want to bang your own cousin. That's like the 14th amendment so says Moses and Exodus and the prophet Ezekial (What's up religion class!). Due process like what.

I am the biggest Browns, Cavs and Indians fan in the world but I fucking hate Cleveland. I almost made it the entire year of 2008 without going to that Obama-forsaken town. I know a couple attractive girls from Cleveland but ... it's just ... what is the deal? Even when they're wearing jerseys, the girls still look hit. I shouldn't call out the beer tub girl at Panini's because she's an actual human being with feelings and it's mean.

I walked Dorothy back to Kansas and joined the crew at Mathlete's house at about 3:30 a.m. They were eating pizza and playing rap music. I think some mildly unattractive (but not ugly) chick in a Brady Quinn jersey made out with MCK for 11 seconds. I went to bed. Mathlete offered me his bed. I accepted. His brother slept on the floor or couch.

"He did it to spite him," I said.

"Fact," Mathlete said the next morning.

We then drove to South Bend, Ind. for a hamburger at CJ's. The guy working the bar (tough looking Midwestern) brought three packs of smokes with him to work. Three. Cigarettes in Chicago are like $8 a pack. Hamburger was tasty.

Made it to Chicago after I played a great mix on The Godfather's iPod. We were fucking rocking during "Sweet Child of Mine." The Godfather was entirely lost in the moment and for a second I think he thought he was Axl Rose. It was hilarious. I let him have that moment.

Went out with The Dr. to Mickey's. Had 11 beers for the $25 all-you-can-drink 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. price. Saw many a fine bitches including this super hot Italian girl who I see out in Columbus from time to time. Chicago brings it. We basically just drank, watched basketball highlights and talked to friends of McCampus. Got home around 1:30 a.m., watched "The Office" and went to sleep.

It began.

I forgot to wear my jacket to the Ohio State game. I froze. It took forever to get there. The trains were packed. I had a hot chocolate and popcorn that blew all over the place. I also had some sausage before leaving. We sat near a New Yorker who rooted for Northwestern.

We began telling everyone Terrelle Pryor's nickname is "King Black."

It began again.

We walked over to The Only Bar in Evanston following the game. The Hammer told us that the bar was "packed" with "wall to wall" people and that we'd never get in. We seemed resigned to a boring afternoon of pizza, naps and maybe a lame attempt at going out. I was real pleased. The Godfather saved the day saying, "I want to see it with my own eyes. I don't want to make the same mistake President Bush made in 2002 by approving intel he didn't see with his own two eyes." We then went to the bar and did exactly what you expect. Yelled things. The Godfather made friends with strangers. I talked to random hotties (all named Emily) and The Dr.'s girlfriend called him "baby." Penn State lost. Obviously we were the last Ohio State people there come 8 p.m. (ET) and normal people started coming into the "restaurant." We boarded a train and sang songs for about 20 minutes to the delight of all passengers except an old black couple who probably dismissed us as "honkeys." The Godfather took requests and I'm sure his rendition of "Living on a Prayer" is on YouTube somewhere.

We all were pretty wasted at 8:30 p.m. after 6.5 hours of heaving drinking but we went to Wrigleyville and some random bar where a cougar (with husband) attacked Smiles. Smiles let me wear his jacket which was awesome. We then went to Merkles (an Iowa bar!).

Just saw so many random hotties wearing T-shirts from Big Ten schools and a drunk McCampus and crew. I talked to a girl with a Michigan State T-shirt. Pretty much blinders for two hours.

Then it happened.

They played T.I./Rihanna "Live Your Life" about three times and it got awesomer every time. That officially is the song of 2008 taking over "Whatever You Like."

I didn't do this recap justice.

The Dr.'s girlfriend got an up-close and personal look on what makes us awesome.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Ivory & Ebony

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Monday, November 3, 2008

Bye, Weekend

Blog on the Run editor

Have you ever seen that guy on TV? He's pretty awesome. I need to have a 20-minute conversation about him with trendy because I'm sure trendy has his thoughts and feelings on Pat Caddell. I know he'll say ... in these exact words ... "Oh yeah, that guy? He's awesome. Total badass. Total." He'll move his right hand up when he says that last "total." I know it's an odd combo but I'd love to send Godsmack, McGinley, trendy and my dad on a "seven-day talk politics cruise." The conversation would last well after the ship docked. Or until the Miller Lites ran out. The latter probably would happen in about 17 hours.

Listen to me. Being all smart with the sea-faring lingo.

I am hurting this morning. My body is numb in some places. I am sore. No real attention span to speak of. But I actually am getting a lot done at work and had a 7:30 a.m. breakfast meeting. I never have thought so much at 7:30 a.m. My brain hurts too. I had pancakes and scrambled eggs.

I cracked open the first suds last night around 9 p.m. and texted Dorothy from Halloween. I'll get to that. Trying to get to you, too. And that booty.

We had a great exchange (no ATM fees) and I settled into watching a special episode of "Hannity and Colmes" around 10 p.m. That's when I started marveling at Caddell. First off. He looks dead. Like I don't know what dead people look like (nobody does, that's why they look different in all scary movies) but I thought he was a corpse. Then he just said like 15 things that I agree with without being a bastard. I love FOX News. They have on that he's a "former Democratic pollster" so we think he's on "the other side." Ann Coulter also was on and she looks hot after you've had a 22-ounce Heineken can and three 16-ounce Miller Lites also cans. So I'm thinking ... "It's Coulter against Caddell!" But it's not, he just made great sense and I'd probably vote for him if he ever ran for president. He's also younger than my dad and I canfuckingnot believe that.

Watched "Entourage" and really liked Gary Cole's character. I like that actor despite sitting here and being unable to tell you one movie he's ever been in.

Then I got to texting this girl I met at the Ugly Tuna a few Thursdays ago. I remember she was hot and 21. She also has a cool first name. She had a boyfriend at the time. I hadn't heard from her in about a week but she sent me a text last night (11:14 p.m.) that said, "How was your weekend" She didn't include a question mark and I'm not really a stickler when it comes to punctuation in texts. And she's hot and 21.

Turns out "some recent events" happen to be her breaking up with her boyfriend. We then went tit for tat on texts until 1:31 a.m. I didn't get hammered last night (unlike Friday and Saturday) but I definitely had a good buzz. I sent some GREAT texts. If I blogged after a Friday night out, I'd probably win a Pulitzer. Seriously. I'm not one to pat myself on the back but I entertain.

Walking home from the Arena District (with the Truth no less!!) on Friday night had to be the highlight of the weekend. I turned right onto High Street (near Hyde Park) and bumped into the Truth (who was walking north). We had been separated early in the night. It took about an hour. Not a bad walk. We sang "I know what them girls, I know, I know what them girls" like about 500 times and he called a random chick and had the most hilarious conversation ever with her on speaker phone and this is a family-oriented blog so I won't get into that business. They used the word lube.

My fangs didn't work on Friday night so I decided to just wear a suit out with that ridiculous cap I wear on New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day. I also rocked a "Another Democrat for McCain" sticker both Friday and Saturday night. Sleepy is so perplexed and shocked that I'm an "arch conservative." He's awesome. The Godfather and I are on a full-out plan to get him to move here. There's no plan or whatever but we did tell him to move here. It's not a real strong argument but it ain't flimsy either.

I just loved Friday night around 11:30 p.m. the Truth came over dressed as Jim Tressel. He killed it. And we tried to get my fangs to work by boiling down this plastic substance. We looked like we were cooking up meth. It didn't work. You really can't boil water in a microwave. It's just not possible. The Godfather came over and we went to The Patio ($10 cover charge?) and met Rainbow Bright and Headband there. Sleepy showed up, as well. Sleepy had a long heart-to-heart conversation with a random chick who threw beer on people. It included this exchange: "This is the second time today I've been nice to you." ... "Well, fuck you." Awesome.

I swear every chick was dressed as a hotass amazon girl or indian. I just saw so many flat bellies. That's the highlight of the weekend. So many flat bellies. Rainbow Bright gave me shit that I wasn't paying attention to her when we were talking but Jesus Christ, I had a lot of stuff to look at! I failed to make eye contact with anyone I talked to the entire night. I wish the night could have lasted 600 hours. Maybe that's why we walked home.

I met a girl I really like while on the dance floor outside. I went to lunch with her the next day. At Tuttle Mall. That all happened. She was dressed as Dorothy (from "The Wizard of Oz" ... not the one-time gubernatorial candidate) and I commented that Dorothy wore calf high white socks (cotton?) not thigh highs. We hit it off. I don't know what happened but I like talking to this girl, she's fun to listen to, down to earth, is about 5'3'', 100 pounds. It's a dream situation. She lives in Cleveland. Obviously I'll blow it because I'm a firm believer that everyone should just have four or five people they hook up with on occasion and she probably won't be down for that. BUT. But ... I like spending time with her and we'll see what happens. I met her two days ago.

Everyone left and I started walking home. Not enough cabs for all those flat bellies. That's when I ran into the Truth. What a walk. We received "life coaching" from a random near the Statehouse. Of course we did! He (homeless) probably stuck around for the BHO rally on Sunday. I can't wait for the election to be over so I don't have to see The Sports Writer perform Facebook Fellatio on Obama until maybe 2012. I still will be facebooking.

I felt shitty on Saturday from about 2 p.m. until 8 p.m. Then I went over the Truth's and started drinking again while he put on his costume. He was the best Joker. It's not even close. I can't wait to see pictures. I went as Bill from "True Blood." There he is. I looked good. I might dye my hair black. I look sweet. He's a vampire. He's undead. Like Pat Caddell.

The McCampus Party at Callahans rocked. It sort of was more "grown up." Not so much when certain peoples toked up outside on the patio. But most of the girls wore non-slutty costumes. The Godfather houdini'd real early. It was one of the more shocking non-The Mayor houdinis in a long time. I left around 2:30 a.m. ... which I think actually was 3:30 a.m. The time change did not affect me at all this year. I had no idea of time. My text messages on Saturday night weren't as good.

Another awesome day at The Little Bar despite the Browns. We stopped on the way home for milkshakes. What a shitty sports weekend for me ... Cavs, Browns and Blue Jackets all losers and the Buckeyes didn't even play. The Texas-Texas Tech game obviously was awesome.

So was the weekend.