Ohio State 67, Notre Dame 62

It seems like the Ohio State basketball team takes awhile to get warmed up.

They start each game with the pass-it-around-the-3-point-line-for-30-seconds-and-then-take-and-miss-a-bad-shot offense before settling into a groove and wearing teams down with defensive pressure, athleticism and decent depth. They'll have a good years before losing in the first or second round of the NCAA tournament. But they're enjoyable to watch. Even though we know they're going to flame out, we'll still watch and support.

About midnight on Saturday night came our flame out.

Anticipating a crazy, hanging-from-the-rafters-type evening, we went to a basketball game, had a sit down dinner, went to a bar with seven people in it before heading to a couple of others bars before half our posse houdini'd and left The Godfather and I at the bar. Guess it was time to leave. This came at about 12:07 a.m. when the bar started to fill up, there was about a 50-50 male/female split and we'd never have to worry about seeing any of those people ever again. I also had been drinking heavily and had the quickest buzzkill in Hoosier State history.

I had heard some legendary stories of road trips to Indianapolis.

My New Year's (starting today) Resolution is to never houdini. It kills evenings. I mean, I know it doesn't all the time but still.

That's the thing with expectations. Very rarely do you have a hanging-from-the-rafters-type evening. But I thought Saturday would make it happen.

Great time at the Ohio State-Notre Dame. We were exactly the dicks you thought we'd be to Notre Dame fans. We had amazing fucking seats. I liked Lucas Oil Stadium and the game was wildly entertaining, Ohio State led most of the way and I had a 96-ounce lemonade in a souvenir container.

Enjoyed the drive to and from the game. We talked about Facebook a lot. I made some tweets on other occurrences but not currencies (foreign or otherwise). Props to McGinley and The Godfather (the liberal who said that college professors are responsible for jump-starting a state's economy) for providing the plans and the wheels.

Little did I know I'd have the most crazy fun Friday night at BAR LOUIE'S which still sucks and what not but had a good high top, talked to chicks and tried to go drink-for-drink, shot-for-shot with Logan Mankins Jr. (Wyoming Guy). Not a good move. I think Wyoming Guy is like 6-foot-5, 300 pounds and has a beard or something. I don't know if he actually has a beard but when I think back to the month he was around Columbus, I'll remember the (supposed) beard.

The Little Bar saved this NFL season. I look forward to Sundays again. Leodis! (Lee-otis.) Sometimes on the German Village Media Family of Networks (GVMFoN) we say something and you're all like, "what the fuck are they talking about?" Leodis is a defensive back on the Buffalo Bills. Bills fans always yell his first name so we do too. Leeeeeeottttttis.

Crazy Steelers Guy from a few weeks back was in the building and I told The Godfather, "he's out-Bills-fans-ing the Bills fans!" He is insane. He did four consecutive upper-cut fist pumps (alternating hands ... from a crouching position) while yelling "whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." I can't wait for next Sunday. Hot, friendly bartender (I think The Godfather and myself nearly proposed), hilarious owner-type-dude that live wagers on Internet gambling sites, a Canadian guy that progressively got more and more chatty and drunk (we never knew his name) and the bartender's heaven-sent-ass. Plus Bills fan. I've now named the four Bills fans:

1. Marshawn - The leader. Works at OSU hospital and gets real drunk on Sundays. Don't get sick on Mondays.
2. Whitner - Quiet guy. Doesn't drink.
3. Beard - Yells a lot has a rocking huge beard.
4. Edwards - Most negative fan. Hates Derrick Dockery and once said ... "The Bills have two players. Leodis and Marshawn."

The 1 got their early and we sat at the bar (great move). We made friends and hung out there for about four hours. I could have stayed longer but the bartender's shift was up which prompted us to ask, "so what are good nights of the week here ... that you work?"

We'll be watching the Fiesta Bowl there and maybe New Years Eveing it. She works a lot of jobs.

Got home and started to drink at nine. Fell asleep at 1 a.m.

I'm heading over to the trendys for "Gossip Girl" tonight.

I really thought I had a chance to date the girl I've currently been seeing for more than six weeks (a record for me since moving to the German Village) but about five weeks in ... that's about over. She's all the sudden "studying" a lot more and "passing out at 1." Remember that time you chose studying over hanging out with someone you wanted to see? I haven't seen her since this past Tuesday and look forward to asking her out (and being denied) two more times. I mean seriously. Why not just say, "look, you're fun to talk to but I am not going to hang out with you again." Would it be that hard?

It's like with Dorothy from Halloween. I flat out told her: "You live in Cleveland. I liked hanging out with you so I'm not going to lead you on." It took about four seconds. WTF.

I bet that you love reading this shit.

Happy fucking Monday.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 30, Illinois 20

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Thursday night feels like about six weeks ago.

We sat at the downstairs bar at B-Dubs Lane (campus) Saturday night swilling 16-ounce Miller Lite drafts. Obviously I sat next to a guy that played football at Wyoming (I've never been) and The Godfather drank vodka and soda and every time the bartender (great thong) asked us if we needed another drink, we said yes. This all happened before 9 p.m. When we ended up at that house (no clue who lived there) around 3 a.m., I imagine our bartender had slipped out of her tight black pants. No seriously. I imagined it big time about 40 minutes later when I got home.

I opined that she was from northwest Ohio. She wasn't. She went to Massillon Jackson.

"Polar Bears," I said.

She lacked impressed.

When the time comes to trade in this lifestyle for one far less exciting, I'll have to give up nights like Saturday. Sure, we went out and did some things on Friday but it was a rather forgettable night. Not really a bad night, but we went to Barley's, The Patio and Gaswerks. It's like, I doubt when you Google mapped my whereabouts at 2:10 a.m. on a Friday, you'd find me standing next to McGinley inside Gaswerks.

Didn't do shit on Saturday. Had just said no to showering for the day's first 19 hours (includes the roughly seven-plus hours I slept/was passed out). Laid on the couch and chair and watched college football. When I laid on the same couch 29 hours later, I had a few more memories.

the Truth sent me this text at 11:38:48 p.m.:

"big week... buckeye weekend all weekend long!"

When I affirmed he sent:

"I think we did a good job of preparation... I look forward to your performance this week, you better get some sleep. It might be your last chance!"

I LOL'd and said something else witty (I was kinda buzzed) and he responded:

"LOL! I plan on working 10-3 with a 1.5 hour lunch all week. GVM baby, it's great to be us!"

YES WE CAN!


I've got a soft spot in my heart for Wyoming. A few nights before Christmas in 2004, I watched the Las Vegas Bowl at the Flying Monkey in Key West. We watched the game with a bunch of rowdy Wyoming fans (cowboy hats). If like Rutgers was playing Nevada, it wouldn't have made much sense, but you see, Wyoming was playing UCLA. Wyoming pulled the upset and we all drank and got crazy and I think I hooked up with some random. More than likely. I also love Wyoming because I like how the word looks printed out and I used to watch the Monday night midnight game on ESPN that always featured New Mexico, UNLV or Wyoming. Sometimes Utah. Sometimes Utah would be a great band name.

Did you know on Christmas Eve of that year I ordered (and ate) two Outback Specials from Outback Steakhouse? You know very well, who you are. Don't let 'em hold you down. Read for the stars.

Probably better was Dec. 23, 2003. The Sports Writer was back in Toledo, so I went out with my boss and his 21-year-old sister-in-law. That I night I did the following things:

1. Spit on a guy and didn't get kicked out of the bar although the guy promised to "rip your fucking head off." My head is still intact despite what you think of this blog.
2. Witnessed my boss walk down Duval Street in tennis shoes and tighty whiteys while smoking a cigarette.
3. Let my boss steal my roommate's DVD of "Bad Boys 2."
4. Hooked up with the sister-in-law in our hot tub and 87 percent of the rest of our house.
5. Pissed all over my keyboard when she was asleep.
6. Treated her to a Christmas Eve lunch of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
7. Never talked to her again.

Back to Saturday. I sat next to the Wyoming guy, a friend of Sleepy's. Sleepy was in town this weekend so we met him at BDL at about 8:30 p.m. We drank and laughed and talked and bullshitted for the next seven hours. I let Wyoming Guy (hugest man I've ever seen) know that I saw him "struggling with the menu" when he asked why I didn't ask him about books. I'm not really sure on the other details. We watched UFC and football at a place with wings and beers and had the audacity to make fun of fratty guys. The weather was very raw. I kept letting people know my fascination with the fact that there will be a live college basketball game shown at 4 a.m. Tuesday morning. The Godfather must have said 400 times that "Houston scored 70 on Tulsa. Has there ever been a top 25 team that had 70 points scored on it?"

Wyoming Guy (I love this) also told us about the easiest place to hook up with hot dumb chicks. He said No. 2 is Hattiesburg, Miss. and the top-ranked place is Nacogdoches, Texas. I love that he has ranked the places because I've done the same. My No. 1 is a little different. I contend it's a Sunday night during spring break at a spring break destination. Only the truest skanks go out on Sundays.


What makes me laugh about the night is that I had zero forward momentum going into the evening. Both Thursday and Friday were kind of lame. I didn't leave my living room on Saturday afternoon. It was rainy out. The Godfather was wearing sweatpants.

We overcame. We went out. We also walked past a what-the-fuck-was-that-place some beatnik bar across from the Scarley & Gray Cafe.

McGinley showed up late to whisk The Godfather away to Club 185. the Truth sent me a text that said, "tons of hot girls at Club 185!" When I got there at 1:45 a.m., there were none outside the bartenders. And one of the bartenders was smoking outside.

We made a pitstop at McFadden's beforehand where a totally hot chick with boyfriend hit on Wyoming Guy. I would have stayed there but Sleepy kept yawning. We left and went to 185. We'd later go to an afterhours at someone's house.

"Who's house were we at?" I asked The Godfather yesterday morning (1:32 p.m.).

I did less on Sunday that I did on Saturday. We had two TVs set up in the living room so we could watch one sporing event along with another one at the same time. I walked to Shell at 9 p.m. to buy my Sunday night drinking supplies and then drank for the next four hours. I fell asleep.

It might have been my last chance this week.

Guide to Ohio college girls

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

This post is inspired by this one from Awful Announcing. Hat tip to German Village Media's The Godfather.

Ever wonder what college girls are like at Ohio's public universities? Look no further.

Ohio State - Wears sweatpants to class ... Goes tanning at least twice a week ... Knows at least five football players ... Hair is colored and shoulder length ... Wears jerseys to football games ... Has affiliation with big-time city and proclaims to be a huge fan of its pro sports teams despite not ever watching any of their games ... Is either a close friend to or a bartender at campus bar ... Has at least one but no more than two black female friends ... Has a 41 percent chance of not even being a student at Ohio State despite what her Facebook says ... Dances on bars ... Goes out on Wednesdays and usually Mondays in addition to Thursday, Friday and Saturday ... Rarely has a boyfriend but always is fucking ... Has hooked up with a black guy ... Sends text messages at least three hours a day ... Will not graduate in four years ... Has a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Will still be bartending by age 25 ... Smokes when she drinks ... she has at least one ugly fat friend.

Cincinnati - Couldn't get into Miami (Ohio) .. Hangs out at campus fraternities with future waiters of the world ... Did a stint at a community college before taking plunge ... Visits better-looking friends at Miami (Ohio) on the weekends and gets fucked by frat guys and/or athletes ... Will be overweight by the time she's 27 ... Likely still has a thing for her football-playing boyfriend from high school ... Hates that she goes to school at an urban campus ... she doesn't stick around Cincinnati in the summer.

Kent State University - Reads only magazines ... Thinks, "well, at least I'm not going to Akron" ... Goes tanning at least three times a week ... Wants to be a teacher ... Goes home a lot on the weekends ... Has friends she calls "her bitches" ... Travels exclusively in packs of girls that aren't really hot but aren't really ugly ... Has one really hot classmate/friend from Powell, Ohio or a private school in Columbus ... Goes to class twice a week ... Parties at some dudes apartment (who one of her roommates is definitely fucking) or frat houses ... Drinks only Natural Light ... Won't ever hold a job for more than a year ... Will get married in her hometown by the time she's 24 ... Loves to eat late-night food ... Starves herself the rest of the time ... Loves taking pictures with her friends in various fun poses despite nothing ever being fun in Kent, Ohio ... Just is glad she's not living at home ... Has 13 percent chance at graduating ... she takes it in the ass.

Bowling Green University - Couldn't get into Ohio University ... Sexually adventurous ... Makes the peace sign in 100 percent of the pictures taken of her ... Is really tan and has bleached-blonde hair ... Usually thin-looking but with a "skinny-fat" non-toned stomach ... Was a cheerleader or dancer in high school ... Likely from a Columbus suburb or western Ohio ... Fancies herself as an "intellectual" and actually thinks she has a shot at a good job ... Like the rest of the BGSU majority, figures she'll go to grad school "somewhere better" ... Complains about Bowling Green weather ... Fantasizes about spring break at least two hours a day ... Does this 17 hours a day in February ... Has two or three bars she goes to all the time ... Never pays for a drink ... Goes to only the homecoming football game ... Can't stand Toledo ... she probably is from Toledo and still keeps in touch with her guy friends from high school that play football at shitty Division III colleges.

Shawnee State - She is 37 and "going back to school."

Miami (Ohio) University - People who read blogs (or bloggers) will never have a chance to fuck any of them ... Any of them that matter, anyway ... In a sorority ... Has "girls she misses from home!' ... Has at least 600 pictures on Facebook, 472 of them with the Zoolander/kissy face ... Has a "side" of her face that looks better in pictures and only is photographed from this side ... Dreams of moving to Chicago ... Dates someone in a fraternity ... Has a lot of guy friends that are only friends with her because they want to bang the shit out of her ... Has a roommate her freshman year she designates as a "bff" despite knowing her just two months ... Dresses like a complete slut on Halloween and gets pissed if you look at her ... Fingerbangs herself thinking of the 13 black athletes on campus ... Gets drunk off two drinks ... Has at least four pairs of jeans that cost more than $200 ... Owns a North Face jacket ... Will be married by the time she's 25 to someone in the banking and/or business industry that has short hair and he will be fat by age 32 ... Will have at least eight bridesmaids in wedding ... Likely won't fuck more than three guys from freshman year to the time she's married ... she doesn't like sucking dick.

Akron University - Is from a county that borders Stark County. School most similar to Cincinnati in that state of Ohio except she couldn't get into Kent State ... she also takes it in the ass.

Cleveland State University - Lies about where she goes to school ... Angling for an excuse to transfer ... Always says what she's going to school for before she says where she goes to school ... Hates herself ... Couldn't get into Akron or "my parents want to see how well I do at college before letting me go away to another school." 99.9 percent of the people in Ohio have never met a girl that attends Cleveland State ... she has never read a full book.

Wright State University - Didn't want "to go too far away from home" ... Has a sexually explicit photo of herself on her cell phone ... Likely from Montgomery, Greene, Clinton, Butler or Warren County ... Likely dating someone in the military ... Will by divorced by age 30 ... Hangs out at friend's apartment who always plays video games and loves NFL football ... her boyfriend owns at least two Affliction T-shirts and isn't taller than 6 feet.

University of Toledo - Has black male friends ... Has friends still in high school that visit all the time ... Originally is from Ohio ... Watches "Family Guy" ... Works at a chain restaurant ... Seriously considers purchasing fakes tits at least twice a year ... Wears a lot of makeup ... Hung out with baseball players in high school ... Dates someone that played on the high school soccer team ... Drives a sporty American-made car with a sorority sticker on the back window ... Parents are divorced ... Smokes ... Will become overweight before she's 35 ... Will have three kids by that time ... Not afraid of accepting a booty call ... Is happy she doesn't go to community college ... Will work in retail ... Wonders why she didn't go to OU ... she plans to transfer every year at Christmas.

Ohio University - Jealous of Miami (Ohio) girls ... Fucks a dude that smokes a lot of pot ... Intrigued by "hippie" lifestyle even though phase passed in the early 1990s with the passage of grunge music ... Is friends with a Jewish male friend from Cleveland area that wears glasses and smokes pot ... Has more male friends than girl friends ... Looks forward to fraternity formals ... Drinks a lot ... Listens to O.A.R. ... Might be from out of state ... Brags about school's party reputation ... Doesn't like to hear, "well, there's 30,000 students there and nothing within an hour of campus, what else are you going to do?" ... Didn't get into Ohio State ... Still loves the Buckeyes ... Tries as best she can to get the fuck out of Athens in four years. Embraces green lifestyle ... From a suburb of the Big Three C's (Columbus, Cincy, Cleveland) ... Likes to cuddle/hook-up when she's drunk ... Has more than 1,000 friends on Facebook ... she hangs out with one fat guy who always wears hats and has facial hair and is "really funny."

Youngstown State - Says "I'm transferring after freshman year" 10 times before the end of her third year ... Has a ton of friends from Canfield and Cardinal Mooney high schools ... Lives at home ... Drives drunk a lot ... Can't wait to have priest who gave her first communion also marry her ... Has a back tattoo ... Has a lot of friends who's name ends in a vowel ... Visits friends at Kent State or private schools in northeast Ohio ... Always promises those friends she'll be joining them "next year" ... Is Italian ... she is hot until you realize she attends YSU and has probably fucked three or four dudes that look like bartender assistants at bars in the Arena District.

Ohio State 45, Northwestern 10

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Usually I try to throw out an anecdote from the weekend when recapping the previous four nights. Sometimes it ties together with the rest of the piece, other times it has no bearing or meaning on anything whatsoever.

Too many such examples happened from Thursday, Nov. 6, 2008 through last night.

If I had to pick one, I'd have to pick when The Godfather got lost in the moment singing "Sweet Child of Mine" or My Cousin Kevin (MCK) and his ill-fated plan to get home to Youngstown or The Dr.'s telling his girlfriend (she's a girlfriend) that she's "getting an up-close and personal look on what makes us awesome" or our singing on the train headed back to Wrigleyville on Saturday night or when The Dr.'s girlfriend called him "baby" and we heard her call him "baby" or how every girl in The Only Bar in Evanston went by the name of Emily.

Still, I'm going with two. OK, three.

1. The "Live Your Life" moment at Merkle's.
2. The Godfather's insistence that we check out The Only Bar in Evanston, despite other intel reports.
3. The "I love college football (me too!)" moment.

We got to Cleveland on Thursday night after much consternation. The Godfather and I must have said "nothing is ever easy with him" about 400 times. We got to Mathlete's house (The Godfather's brother) and then walked over to Panini's on West Sixth. Had a few beers and The Godfather and Mathlete went to the game. I stayed behind to drink. Dorothy from Halloween met me and we proceeded to have beers for the next three hours watching the game. I watched far more of the game than her. (Me - All the plays, Her - None of the plays.) Obviously the Browns lost a huge lead and the game and not-so-obviously, MCK decided to meet us in Cleveland. He's another member of the "nothing is ever easy" crowd. He was supposed to meet us in Cleveland at noon on Friday. Instead, he meets us at the bar with his luggage (at the bar) and is looking for his buddy (he was to stay the night with him). Said friend then informs MCK that he's headed back to Youngstown. MCK has no place to stay and ends up at Mathlete's with us. I'd join later.

After the game, The Godfather walked into Panini's with the pissed-off-the-Browns-just-loss face and seemed ready to go home fuck that. He had a beer and spirits (while being drank) improved. He then met Dorothy from Halloween (who went to the same high school as The Godfather). She didn't recognize him. This brought much delight to Mathlete who said, "she's the first person who doesn't know him!" The Godfather claimed she was lying and that she did know him. He then hated on her the rest of the night (behind her back, when she wasn't around). We all had a fun time and some chick in a William Green jersey (with perhaps fake tits perhaps) hung out with us and joined Mathlete and the rest back at his apartment. This girl was someone's cousin. Glad she wasn't mine because you're not supposed to want to bang your own cousin. That's like the 14th amendment so says Moses and Exodus and the prophet Ezekial (What's up religion class!). Due process like what.

I am the biggest Browns, Cavs and Indians fan in the world but I fucking hate Cleveland. I almost made it the entire year of 2008 without going to that Obama-forsaken town. I know a couple attractive girls from Cleveland but ... it's just ... what is the deal? Even when they're wearing jerseys, the girls still look hit. I shouldn't call out the beer tub girl at Panini's because she's an actual human being with feelings and it's mean.

I walked Dorothy back to Kansas and joined the crew at Mathlete's house at about 3:30 a.m. They were eating pizza and playing rap music. I think some mildly unattractive (but not ugly) chick in a Brady Quinn jersey made out with MCK for 11 seconds. I went to bed. Mathlete offered me his bed. I accepted. His brother slept on the floor or couch.

"He did it to spite him," I said.

"Fact," Mathlete said the next morning.

We then drove to South Bend, Ind. for a hamburger at CJ's. The guy working the bar (tough looking Midwestern) brought three packs of smokes with him to work. Three. Cigarettes in Chicago are like $8 a pack. Hamburger was tasty.

Made it to Chicago after I played a great mix on The Godfather's iPod. We were fucking rocking during "Sweet Child of Mine." The Godfather was entirely lost in the moment and for a second I think he thought he was Axl Rose. It was hilarious. I let him have that moment.

Went out with The Dr. to Mickey's. Had 11 beers for the $25 all-you-can-drink 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. price. Saw many a fine bitches including this super hot Italian girl who I see out in Columbus from time to time. Chicago brings it. We basically just drank, watched basketball highlights and talked to friends of McCampus. Got home around 1:30 a.m., watched "The Office" and went to sleep.

It began.

I forgot to wear my jacket to the Ohio State game. I froze. It took forever to get there. The trains were packed. I had a hot chocolate and popcorn that blew all over the place. I also had some sausage before leaving. We sat near a New Yorker who rooted for Northwestern.

We began telling everyone Terrelle Pryor's nickname is "King Black."

It began again.

We walked over to The Only Bar in Evanston following the game. The Hammer told us that the bar was "packed" with "wall to wall" people and that we'd never get in. We seemed resigned to a boring afternoon of pizza, naps and maybe a lame attempt at going out. I was real pleased. The Godfather saved the day saying, "I want to see it with my own eyes. I don't want to make the same mistake President Bush made in 2002 by approving intel he didn't see with his own two eyes." We then went to the bar and did exactly what you expect. Yelled things. The Godfather made friends with strangers. I talked to random hotties (all named Emily) and The Dr.'s girlfriend called him "baby." Penn State lost. Obviously we were the last Ohio State people there come 8 p.m. (ET) and normal people started coming into the "restaurant." We boarded a train and sang songs for about 20 minutes to the delight of all passengers except an old black couple who probably dismissed us as "honkeys." The Godfather took requests and I'm sure his rendition of "Living on a Prayer" is on YouTube somewhere.

We all were pretty wasted at 8:30 p.m. after 6.5 hours of heaving drinking but we went to Wrigleyville and some random bar where a cougar (with husband) attacked Smiles. Smiles let me wear his jacket which was awesome. We then went to Merkles (an Iowa bar!).

Just saw so many random hotties wearing T-shirts from Big Ten schools and a drunk McCampus and crew. I talked to a girl with a Michigan State T-shirt. Pretty much blinders for two hours.

Then it happened.

They played T.I./Rihanna "Live Your Life" about three times and it got awesomer every time. That officially is the song of 2008 taking over "Whatever You Like."

I didn't do this recap justice.

The Dr.'s girlfriend got an up-close and personal look on what makes us awesome.

Bye, Weekend

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Have you ever seen that guy on TV? He's pretty awesome. I need to have a 20-minute conversation about him with trendy because I'm sure trendy has his thoughts and feelings on Pat Caddell. I know he'll say ... in these exact words ... "Oh yeah, that guy? He's awesome. Total badass. Total." He'll move his right hand up when he says that last "total." I know it's an odd combo but I'd love to send Godsmack, McGinley, trendy and my dad on a "seven-day talk politics cruise." The conversation would last well after the ship docked. Or until the Miller Lites ran out. The latter probably would happen in about 17 hours.

Listen to me. Being all smart with the sea-faring lingo.

I am hurting this morning. My body is numb in some places. I am sore. No real attention span to speak of. But I actually am getting a lot done at work and had a 7:30 a.m. breakfast meeting. I never have thought so much at 7:30 a.m. My brain hurts too. I had pancakes and scrambled eggs.

I cracked open the first suds last night around 9 p.m. and texted Dorothy from Halloween. I'll get to that. Trying to get to you, too. And that booty.

We had a great exchange (no ATM fees) and I settled into watching a special episode of "Hannity and Colmes" around 10 p.m. That's when I started marveling at Caddell. First off. He looks dead. Like I don't know what dead people look like (nobody does, that's why they look different in all scary movies) but I thought he was a corpse. Then he just said like 15 things that I agree with without being a bastard. I love FOX News. They have on that he's a "former Democratic pollster" so we think he's on "the other side." Ann Coulter also was on and she looks hot after you've had a 22-ounce Heineken can and three 16-ounce Miller Lites also cans. So I'm thinking ... "It's Coulter against Caddell!" But it's not, he just made great sense and I'd probably vote for him if he ever ran for president. He's also younger than my dad and I canfuckingnot believe that.

Watched "Entourage" and really liked Gary Cole's character. I like that actor despite sitting here and being unable to tell you one movie he's ever been in.

Then I got to texting this girl I met at the Ugly Tuna a few Thursdays ago. I remember she was hot and 21. She also has a cool first name. She had a boyfriend at the time. I hadn't heard from her in about a week but she sent me a text last night (11:14 p.m.) that said, "How was your weekend" She didn't include a question mark and I'm not really a stickler when it comes to punctuation in texts. And she's hot and 21.

Turns out "some recent events" happen to be her breaking up with her boyfriend. We then went tit for tat on texts until 1:31 a.m. I didn't get hammered last night (unlike Friday and Saturday) but I definitely had a good buzz. I sent some GREAT texts. If I blogged after a Friday night out, I'd probably win a Pulitzer. Seriously. I'm not one to pat myself on the back but I entertain.

Walking home from the Arena District (with the Truth no less!!) on Friday night had to be the highlight of the weekend. I turned right onto High Street (near Hyde Park) and bumped into the Truth (who was walking north). We had been separated early in the night. It took about an hour. Not a bad walk. We sang "I know what them girls, I know, I know what them girls" like about 500 times and he called a random chick and had the most hilarious conversation ever with her on speaker phone and this is a family-oriented blog so I won't get into that business. They used the word lube.

My fangs didn't work on Friday night so I decided to just wear a suit out with that ridiculous cap I wear on New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day. I also rocked a "Another Democrat for McCain" sticker both Friday and Saturday night. Sleepy is so perplexed and shocked that I'm an "arch conservative." He's awesome. The Godfather and I are on a full-out plan to get him to move here. There's no plan or whatever but we did tell him to move here. It's not a real strong argument but it ain't flimsy either.

I just loved Friday night around 11:30 p.m. the Truth came over dressed as Jim Tressel. He killed it. And we tried to get my fangs to work by boiling down this plastic substance. We looked like we were cooking up meth. It didn't work. You really can't boil water in a microwave. It's just not possible. The Godfather came over and we went to The Patio ($10 cover charge?) and met Rainbow Bright and Headband there. Sleepy showed up, as well. Sleepy had a long heart-to-heart conversation with a random chick who threw beer on people. It included this exchange: "This is the second time today I've been nice to you." ... "Well, fuck you." Awesome.

I swear every chick was dressed as a hotass amazon girl or indian. I just saw so many flat bellies. That's the highlight of the weekend. So many flat bellies. Rainbow Bright gave me shit that I wasn't paying attention to her when we were talking but Jesus Christ, I had a lot of stuff to look at! I failed to make eye contact with anyone I talked to the entire night. I wish the night could have lasted 600 hours. Maybe that's why we walked home.

I met a girl I really like while on the dance floor outside. I went to lunch with her the next day. At Tuttle Mall. That all happened. She was dressed as Dorothy (from "The Wizard of Oz" ... not the one-time gubernatorial candidate) and I commented that Dorothy wore calf high white socks (cotton?) not thigh highs. We hit it off. I don't know what happened but I like talking to this girl, she's fun to listen to, down to earth, is about 5'3'', 100 pounds. It's a dream situation. She lives in Cleveland. Obviously I'll blow it because I'm a firm believer that everyone should just have four or five people they hook up with on occasion and she probably won't be down for that. BUT. But ... I like spending time with her and we'll see what happens. I met her two days ago.

Everyone left and I started walking home. Not enough cabs for all those flat bellies. That's when I ran into the Truth. What a walk. We received "life coaching" from a random near the Statehouse. Of course we did! He (homeless) probably stuck around for the BHO rally on Sunday. I can't wait for the election to be over so I don't have to see The Sports Writer perform Facebook Fellatio on Obama until maybe 2012. I still will be facebooking.

I felt shitty on Saturday from about 2 p.m. until 8 p.m. Then I went over the Truth's and started drinking again while he put on his costume. He was the best Joker. It's not even close. I can't wait to see pictures. I went as Bill from "True Blood." There he is. I looked good. I might dye my hair black. I look sweet. He's a vampire. He's undead. Like Pat Caddell.


The McCampus Party at Callahans rocked. It sort of was more "grown up." Not so much when certain peoples toked up outside on the patio. But most of the girls wore non-slutty costumes. The Godfather houdini'd real early. It was one of the more shocking non-The Mayor houdinis in a long time. I left around 2:30 a.m. ... which I think actually was 3:30 a.m. The time change did not affect me at all this year. I had no idea of time. My text messages on Saturday night weren't as good.

Another awesome day at The Little Bar despite the Browns. We stopped on the way home for milkshakes. What a shitty sports weekend for me ... Cavs, Browns and Blue Jackets all losers and the Buckeyes didn't even play. The Texas-Texas Tech game obviously was awesome.

So was the weekend.

To the dogs (and my dawgs)

What a mess for baseball. I turned the game on in the fourth inning and thought, "OK, they aren't canceling this now because?"

I looked at the radar. (Did you know there was a Philadelphia, Miss.?) There was a slow moving green and yellow (not a boogar) blob over the Philadelphia (Pa.) region. It probably was going to rain for about 10 hours and worsen. It wasn't like the game was a blowout. It was 2-1. Just say, "hey, sorry about this, but we shouldn't have started this game and now it's over."

Because Tampa Bay (not a city in Mississippi or Pennsylvania or any of the other 48 states) scored in the top of the sixth, baseball comes out smelling a little rosier or at least less shitty. If they don't score, they would have kept playing in that shit, make NO doubt about it. Anything else they try to sell you is complete well, bull crap.

Continuing on that "humans picking up animal shit" theme, I don't hate the trendys dog, Nemo. It's a slacker dog, so I like it. I like that it's a slacker. Not that it's a dog. It kinda just lays around all the time and doesn't make a sound. It's got nappy(ish) hair and is going bald. It kinda looks pissed off that it's a dog and not a human. It's got a human spirit. I gathered this in the four minutes we bonded.

After a strong first six episodes of season two, "Gossip Girl" has hit more of a rut. Last night's episode was fine, but nothing more than a solid C-plus. Jenny Humphrey (she's 15 on the show ... and in real life) looked like she was about 30-years old. Also, Kaitlin Cooper (from "The OC" fame) had a role on the show basically playing Kaitlin Cooper.

I know Ohio State isn't having the best season but ... you know ... they aren't exactly not going to a bowl game and playing on the Big Ten Network's REGIONAL coverage in Week 10 of the college football season. Michigan (2-6) will see its 33-year bowl appearance streak snapped this year with a loss in any of its final four games. The steak is the longest in college football. You can catch the Wolverines on the BTN this Saturday at noon visiting Purdue. So yes. Worst Michigan team in four decades.

That's about all I got on this morning. We're getting closer to the weekend. That's good.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Tuesday afternoon mailbag X

Welcome to Blog on the Run's tenth Tuesday afternoon mailbag. Here I'll answer questions from readers and non-readers about the week that was and anything else that might come across my mailbag.

Q: What do you feel is the best part of this blog?

A: It's without a doubt the "throwaway lines" that sort of make you scratch your head. They're really the essence of who I am and what I'm all about. They're the, "did he really just say that because it sounds completely crazy but probably true" sentences. They're statements I can write 1,500-word entries on but instead just snuck them into long posts about random stuff. My two favorite examples of these are the times I said "I'm not good looking enough to get the type of girl that I like" and the other being when I said that "I don't belong to anything so that way I can make fun of everything." Those are about the two most true statements I can make. They're me. They symbolize everything about my entries on this blog and the way I look at life. I think a lot of people are this way but way too scared and/or proud to admit it.

Q: There is a lot of struggle in the world. What makes you the saddest?

A: Seeing hot chicks that look young (early 20s) wearing engagement and/or wedding rings. I look at myself as some sort of a prophet saying that you should always hold out hope that you'll find someone totally hot that makes you feel good about yourself because let's face it, we're always judging ourselves and if you're with someone really attractive, that means others will judge you that way as well. You always want to be with someone better looking than you. You never want to be the best looking person in a relationship.

And then I see these really attractive girls at the grocery store at noon on a Tuesday. And that's it. Really? That's your life. Right now. And for the next 40 years. You'll be going to the grocery store at noon on a Tuesday. I mean, I know I was there too, but I was just grabbing lunch. And who knows, there's someone out there that could write about me and look down on the fact that I get lunch at grocery stores in Ohio and that's fine. I hear what you're saying. But I'm not a hot chick. If you're a hot chick, you have the world at your beck and call. You shouldn't settle for Giant Eagle at noon on a Tuesday. And yet girls always do. What's the rush? What's the hurry? You're 23!

Take your time. Be patient. Yes, you will struggle through a lot of terribly boring nights. You'll hate Tuesday and Monday nights and get pissed off at a lot of what goes on around you. But pretty much every other second of your life will be fun. You'll have "endless possibilities." Having the feeling of "endless possibilities" is my favorite feeling in the world. It's why I like cent camp.

Let's say my life was just one big Saturday night after a 3:30 p.m. football game. I'm always going to advocate cent camp because anything can happen. I never will make going back to the German Village or Club 185 a priority. I know what will happen once I'm there.

I'm not ready to know what happens next in my life. The girl at Giant Eagle is. She's living it.

Q: How many drugs were you when you wrote your first entry for Kyle's blog?

A: None. I just like letting go with stream of consciousness stuff every now and then. I can't wait to write for this week. And if anything, my posts over there are more Art McGregor (fact) than Art McGregor (based on a true story). Yes, I just said my blogging persona is "based on a true story." Not a "true story" as I am in "real" life. And no. I'm not on any drugs right now.

Q: Are you surprised there hasn't been one story about how gas has gone down about $1.50 per gallon since President Bush lifted an executive order banning offshore oil drilling on July 14? Also, great take on tying college newspaper editorial pages of present to who the "objective" reporters of tomorrow will be. I've never heard anyone say that before but it makes perfect sense.

A: On the latter, thank you. But no, I'm not surprised there haven't been stories on this offshore drilling thing. If President Obama does something similiar, we'll hear about it on a nightly basis.

Q: What happens this Saturday with Ohio State?

A: The game? Who knows. I think anything can happen. I'm seriously clueless as to how this game will play it. The last time I felt this way was the LSU game from earlier this year. That's not a good sign. But I have had opinions on every other Ohio State game. This doesn't seem like a game Ohio State loses. Ohio State is 35-2 in its last 37 regular season games. I'd say they were "supposed to" win 36 of those games (USC being the lone exception). So, this means about out of every 100 games Ohio State's supposed to win, they'll lose three of them. Those aren't great odds for the Nittany Lions. Before the game? Geesh. I don't know. I think the game is the biggest story this week ... even more than the tailgating. That's a first in a long time. I don't care if it rains or it's hot and sunny, just get me to Saturday night.

Q: You're bringing it on the countdown to Halloween. Can we expect more pictures of hot girls younger than 22 in Halloween costumes?

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Ohio State 20, Wisconsin 17

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

There were not any hot chicks where you were at about 11:30 p.m. on Friday.

They all were at Brothers in Columbus.

It's rare you experience scenes of unbridled joy. Far more rare that I do. I didn't experience this in the attack of the hotties on Friday, but did so Saturday. Before walking from Fifth Third Bank on S. High Street to Club 185.

Following Troy Smith's Terrelle Pryor's touchdown run with a minute to go, I turned around and saw beer ... as if champagne ... lighting the campus night. People hugged, people smiled, the Truth said, "that's what I'm talking about it!"

It was one of the best Ohio State wins in my lifetime. I don't know how to stress that enough.

1. I watched the game with a girl I genuinely like.
2. I watched it with the Truth and The Godfather and The Mayor. The 1 left at halftime.
3. We had a great seat at the video games at the EGG.
4. The Dr. sent me a text at the start of the fourth quarter that read, "this feels like a great night for the black, long sleeved t-shirt."
5. The Sports Writer sent me one before the game-winning drive, "time for Pryor to earn his poon."

We won and we celebrated. I was convinced of failure. You see, most Ohio State fans root for losers in all other sports. Probably 65-70 percent of them root for the Browns, Bengals, Blue Jackets, Reds, Indians and Cavs ... and other than the Cavs, those teams pretty much all suck and are really good at losing heartbreakers.

It was a game where you hug people. People hugged. People don't hug after beating Troy and Minnesota.

A star was born.

... ... ... ...

I don't know how I'm not going to Brothers every Friday night. I met the Truth there. We boozed and went our separate ways, ala Phil Collins. I hightailed it over to Sugar/Patio and had some beers with Scott Lewis, pitcher for the Cleveland Indians. Great dude.

Watched the end of the Angels-Red Sox game (one of the best I've ever seen) and chatted it up with various chicks I've made out with in public before. Somehow saw the Truth outside Bar Louie and in a fit of rage, he pulled me into the car and we went to some random afterhours where he and I got into a popcorn throwing match at 4 a.m. I was that guy in the German Village throwing popcorn at 4 a.m.

... ... ... ...

Sort of has to be noted that two of (probably) 100 or so most recognizable people in the world were in Columbus this weekend. David Beckham and communist Bruce Springsteen.

... ... ... ...

I am in love with Sunday afternoons. The 1 and The Godfather joined me at B-Dubs Lane. B-Dubs Lane is now off the list. That place sort of sucks. But we had a great fucking time. The thing is, we're all sort of drunk. Like, we just say things and laugh harder than anyone else around us. We all came up with the idea of bringing a sign of Chemical Ali and Charles Ali to the Bruce Springsteen concert. This was very hilarious at 2 o'clock on Sunday. That's p.m.

I didn't want that to end. But it did because our group has a habit of ending really fun things because of no reason. We went home and I endured five-terrible-hours-of-non-drinking-Sunday. Yikes. After throwing back 12 16-ounce Miller Lites last night, I felt better. Slept really well. Right through the alarm. I love that I start drinking (alone) at 9 p.m. on Sundays. It makes the nights so much better.

I sang "Hello" by Lionel Richie at B-Dubs Lane (BDL).

... ... ... ...

The scene remained the EGG and the afterparty at McFadden's, also known as the happiest place on the planet. I don't know how to explain it other than = packed full of happy people, chicks dancing on bars, tons of smiles, tons of girls hitting on dudes and overall amazingness.

Obviously the girl I hung out with during the game didn't leave with me so I went to McFadden's to meet up with Pilot Bartender (blog name), Big Mike and The Mayor.

I saw The Godfather for .21 seconds. He was not looking too good. I've never seen happier at midnight and more drunk/miserable looking at 1 a.m. He was NOT coming in hot, real hot.

We ran into quite the cast of characters at the EGG. Talked with Antwan Jamison for a good portion of the second half. Great dude. The 1's buddy blew the stankiest farts ever. Fucking awful. I don't normally blog about farts but they were that bad!

The Mayor and ASD manned the bar and kept the buckets coming. I drank less than everyone because I threw on the blinders for about 45 minutes and just talked to the girl.

How about I called her yesterday and got excited when she called back. It's been awhile (Staind).

... ... ... ....

The oddest news of the weekend? I somehow bought "Who Knew?" by Pink on iTunes. Drunk texting is so 2006. Drunk iTuning is so right now.

... ... ... ... ...

Ohio State now is 5-1 with winnable games remaining. Just keep on winning Buckeyes and don't stop. thinking about. tomorrow.

The weekend will soon be here.

Ohio State 34, Minnesota 21

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Rainbow Bright got mad at me for calling out a weekend a few weeks back. I said it was just an OK weekend. Let me explain something. I grade weekends on a curve. The grade has nothing to ... well, very little to do ... with people.

I gave this past weekend a non-A because it was sunny and hot, I got too drunk too quick and not having The Godfather around also didn't help. Also, The Stalker showed up at The Pole (The Varsity Club's, not my own) and just stood there while no one talked to her.

Weekend ended with a trip to Gay Kroger to buy stamps and I ran into The Biggest Slut Who Lives In The German Village. She of course did not say hello. She goes to the "Waitresses at The EGG School of Wearing a Scowl on your Face at All Times."

After the high school football game, I met McGinley, SHG, P Gritty and The Godfather at the Hey Hey. Then we went to High Beck. On a Friday. I'm ... hopefully a one-time occurrence. Also played some Keno with McCampus at the Hey Hey. I saw more McCampus this weekend than I have since the McGregor-McCampus Hey Day of February 2007, the month after his infamous "eat a dick, blog it" text. We also saw DJ AM that night. RIP.

We then went to The Patio and I think we all were tired. Going to the Hey Hey and sitting at a low top at High Beck can do that to a person. Also, I had a busy week. I've chronicled it but I had very little time to just lay around and do nothing. I was at full-go all week. I could being full-go as going to my sister's and watching two television shows on Monday night. Friday night's tiredness spilled over into the weekend.

I can't express how much fun I had at the game. Sitting next to McGinley and The 1 is a real treat. People around us HAD to hate us. We're completely rude and don't stop talking. We're not usually talking about the game. Or anything really. We must have said "BOOM" Herron at least 347 times. The 1 also experience a voice cracking (ala a 14-year-old boy) when singing "Seven Nation Army."

He's going to Wichita.

The Mayor came and stayed for ONE PLAY. Not quite sure what was up with that, but that had to suck.

I went to The Blackwell postgame with The 1 and had a beer with my dad. Met The 1's friend New Edition. New Edition is a great guy. Between Powder, Johnny K, Hot D and New Edition, The 1 has some great friends.

Hung out with Rainbow Bright, McCampus, The Mayor and such at the VC. The sun rendered me utterly useless. I don't remember much. I remember seeing the Truth. Those past two sentences go hand in hand. The 1 and I got into a cab, dropped off the Truth and headed back to the German Village. I showered, semi-sobered up, ate a packet of peanut butter crackers and went back out to Four Kegs with The Godfather, Mathlete and friends. McGinley (not drinking this fall) dropped us off.

I ate a soft pretzel and those crackers on Saturday. Combined with the 14 beers and five shots, I completely have ZERO recollection of anything that happened after 11 o'clock on Saturday night. I houdini'd on myself. I like that we were walking down a dark alley and then I went missing and The Godfather later recounted that he didn't do anything about it. What's up with that?!?!

I need a break. I am so relieved we have a road game this weekend. I've done heavy boozing 10 out of the past 11 days. It's a bender. I REALLY NEED TO TAKE THREE DAYS OFF.

I had a really enjoyable Sunday a B-Dubs Lane. More to follow.

B-minus weekend

A few thoughts on the weekend ...

- Buffalo Wild Wings (campus) ... we'll call it BDL ... B-Dubbs-Lane ... has taken over The EGG's mantle for Sunday afternoon football. BDL has hotter waitresses, more TVs, more space to sit, hotter fans, no bullshit music during commercials, no stupid trivia questions, etc. Plus, the Mathlete isn't banned from EGG for the next four-plus years.

The Godfather, The 1 and I decided on this move. It's a huge decision.

We first went to B-Dubbs in the German Village and that place is fucking awful. Totally depressing and projection televisions. I feel bad for the place. The 1 and I left after about four minutes.

- Missing The Godfather at The Varsity Club isn't a good thing. The day lacked something. I had the best time of the day AT the game. Bullshitting with McGinley and The 1 was awesome and the game was pretty enjoyable. The Buckeyes had some of their swagger back. I think the Oregon State win over USC had a lot to do with that.

I got really drunk. I don't really remember much. More to come.

- The Browns suck. But suck less than the Bengals.

- I spilled a full lemonade on The 1.

- I am glad the Buckeyes play on the road next week. Fun times at the EGG for the Wisconsin game. I assume me and The 1 will go at 5:30 or 6, the Godfather will come later, the Truth will be there at 5:31 or 6:01 and The Mayor and his assorted entourage will show up at about 7:52 p.m.

I had a pretty good weekend. I'm ready for Thursday.

Tuna?

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Objectifying women: Girls of the Big 10 edition

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Impressed? Of course. Overwhelmed? Hardly.

Then again, that's the charm of Ohio State girls. The football team too, now that you mention it.

Other than the contingent of ultra-bitchy 7's (that's a 1 through 10 ranking ... not the number on their women's OSU jersey) that frequents The Varsity Club on home Saturdays, Columbus State Ohio State girls usually are pretty friendly, approachable and into guys with cool hair. At least they were between 2003 and 2007.

Finally had a chance to read the October issue of Playboy. It's "The Girls of the Big 10" collection.

Finding an issue of Playboy is a challenge. Other than bookstores in airports, where do you find one?? I looked in CVS, a grocery store ... and that's about it. But still. I don't see issues of Playboy very often. About 362 days less than I did in 1992.

I had to buy "the digital edition." You can't copy and paste the photos, however. That's nappy.

A trio of Ohio State girls are included in the group of 48 girls. Well, 47 girls and one "other." Sorry, Illini.

I-L-L ... no need for the I-N-I. I'm already ill.

These are not the best Ohio State has to offer. It's not a slight on the following girls, it's just, not every girl is into getting naked on film (or digitally ... my $4.95 says so).

I remember a similar "Girls of the Big 10" came out in 2002 or 2003. I remember this because a girl I worked with at the Olive Garden had a roommate. This roommate worked at Hooters. Her name was Jessie (she looked like a Jessie) and she posed for the magazine. She was damn cute. I remember thinking how cool it was to know someone who posed in Playboy.

Nowadays I'd be more excited to meet someone who's been in "Girls Gone Wild." And none of that fringe "Girls Gone Wild: Dorm Room Fantasies" or whatever. That stuff is porn actresses. I'm talking the real thing. The real thing? Well, you know what I mean. I don't mind enhancements. I remember a girl I will call "Fakey" during the amazing Christmas Vacation of '06. She had talent. She also liked to wear different colors of hair. I remember walking her back to my place from Club 185 one night. She was legit stumbling. I should have just let her go with her friend but McGinley said, "she's fine. Let her walk it off." Thanks, McGinley.

She woke up with the infamous, "what did we do last night?" chorus. Nevermind.

Anyway, the three Buckeyes in Playboy go by fake names. Their fake names are Marie Morgan, Kelsey Evans and Jamie Graham. I don't get the "Jamie Graham" name but whatever. I've seen Ms. Evans and Ms. Morgan out and about in Columbus. They're hot girls. They're the type you remember.

Here they are (remember, I've seen the nudes. Not like famous nudes like "David" or whatever ... though I've heard Dave is magnificent ... the nude photos of these girls ... and Jamie Graham and Kelsey Evans have great pictures in the magazine/digital version):

Jamie Graham:



Kelsey Evans:



Marie Morgan:



I think this Kelsey Evans broad is the best of the trio.

This Marie Morgan character (fake name = character) might be hot, but her picture in Playboy is the nappy angle of just a little nipple from the side and her behind. Boo. It took this blog less than three months to say "nappy angle of just a little nipple."

I've talked about Ms. Morgan before. She won last year's "Campus Girls USA" challenge. I wrote:

The bottom half (bottom half. excellent) of the bracket is just ridiculous. In a semifinal, you have Morgan vs. Ashley. If this were the Final Four, this definitely would not be the game that tips off at 6 p.m.

In the junior varsity game, it'll be Natasha vs. Ebony & Ivory. Neither are in the top four, but both make the semifinals. So go the breaks.

In the championship, I go with Morgan over Ebony & Ivory.

Still, I'd pay the most money to see Halle and Morgan go at it in best-of-seven fashion. Or in no fashion at all.

Jamie Graham's picture is the biggest in the issue. And rightfully so. Where are you hiding those things? I don't know if this is being mean or whatever, but she looks amazing in her Playboy picture, if not her other pictures.

Kelsey Evans wins this competition. Cute girl, pretty face, hot picture. I can't post the nude photos on here (and Marie's side nipple picture), but Evans makes buying it worth it. It's funny. Marie is probably the best looking in real life, but looks the worst in the magazine. And by worst I mean a 9.

So what? I'm going to hell.

It's probably easier to find a Playboy there than here in central Ohio.

USC 35, Oh** St*t* 3

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

What a pisser.

I've made a few mistakes. Like today. And I've only been up since 9 a.m. No power in my office! Whoot. Whoot. OK, OK ... here's a third WHOOT.

Now take those mistakes and ... you get the point. An exponential amount of mistakes Arthur C. McGregor has piled up through the years. Even when I tell people I'm 26. That's still a lot of years.

With a toe in the Pacific Ocean on Friday morning, I felt grounded. I made a mistake. I should have lived in California at some point.

Felt at home. My dad noticed and said as much. He told me, "you should live out here. You'd fit in."

It's simple. It's more laid back. I don't know how to quantify that but being in Hermosa Beach and Newport Beach (RIP Marissa Cooper) and Manhattan Beach, I felt good. The weather is perfect. People kind of drift around. No one seems in a hurry to do anything. Everyone seems happy. There's no clocks anywhere. It's never too warm. It's never too cold. I made a mistake.

So did Ohio State. They god damn sucked on Saturday night. I'm sure you've heard by now. No need to go further.

Fuck USC fans. Yes, there are tons of good ones ... and the fans tailgating (for the most part) were amazingly nice. And every girl with a "THETA '08" T-shirt was just amazing. I made sure to yell at most of them.

The tailgate was awesome. Much like what you see in movies. Makes sense being that the game was in L.A. Also, it's like what it'd be like if people could tailgate on the oval. Tons of mini tents and grills, walkways, footballs being passed around. The band and Song Girls marching around. Um. Heaven. Me and The Dr. (and Hammer) loved it. We ate at least 600 pieces of chicken that our boy Vinnie made for us. No utensils either. We had to look hot. About 13 beers deep, eating grilled chicken (on the bone) with our fingers. No napkins.

Also, NO open container rules. You could pretty much just drink wherever. Didn't see Utah or The Mayor. Saw TR O'Bannon and his former flame. The flame showed up at his tailgate? (Cheap Trick?)

God, I'm good.

Fans at the game were ASSHOLES. When they come to Ohio next year, no mercy. Treat every one of them (about 12 will travel) with complete hatred. We owe them nothing. They rubbed it in as worse as I've ever heard. I went to a Browns-Steelers playoff game in '03 and the Steeler fans weren't that bad.

I wish I had more trips like that with my dad. That's the awesome part. We had a great time. Other than the USC girls, the best part of the trip.

Tons of Buckeyes made the trip out there. We represented. At least off the field.

Will I ever go to a road game? Yes. I love it. Even if we lost, it was still awesome being there and seeing something new. The Dr. and I ogled and bullshitted (spelling?) with hotties for seven or eight hours pre-game. We made fun of people, yelled at people and made new friends. We combined to buy 90 beers at a combined price of around $90. We drank about 60 of them between the three of us.

The Browns blew on Sunday but what else is new. I told you they had a ZERO PERCENT chance of winning. I have NEVER missed when I said ZERO PERCENT chance of winning. LISTEN TO ME PEOPLE. A Cleveland team will NEVER win anything. NEVER.

Watched most of the NFL on Sunday at a bar called GRUNIONS. Legit had some Internet porn chicks in there with big dudes that look like Billy Walsh from "Entourage" only with crazy mustaches and bigger.

4.5 stars out of five for the trip.

Can't wait for 11.8.08. (Northwestern trip.)

Ohio University 14, Ohio State 26

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run columnist

Sometime around 6 p.m. Saturday, I turned to The Godfather and asked, "do you just want to go back to the Village?"

I had had it. Couldn't get drunk at the Varsity Club. Tired of talking and/or answering questions. Tired of being told my hair used to look better or that I'm too picky or about bowel movements. Tired of tension surrounding talking about politics and hatred toward feminism. Silly libs.

Wanted to move on (dot org) and regroup.

Had the night mapped out in my head: Go home, relax, shower, head back out around 10 or 11 p.m.

His answer? A resounding "no." He wanted to go meet up with some people at B-Dubs and we did. And my quest to drink 430 beers without getting a buzz moved due east, as the crow flies along Lane Avenue to B-Dubs.

Saw a couple of friends of my sister and ate 78 boneless chicken wings. Did that thing where you sit down after six hours of drinking in the sun. That's always fun.

Thought the night was complete but The Godfather (The Godfather!) wanted to move to The Little Bar. That I can't complain about. I enjoy The Little Bar, formerly Lee's Market, no doubt some kind of speakeasy in the 1990s. You remember that place? Of course you do. I remember I ate dinner a couple of times at those apartments across the street. Friends of Johnny Jihad lived there. My how times have changed. Not really.

Thought it was good seeing Esq. earlier in the day at The Varsity Club. She's pretty fun to talk to. She says funny shit about shit and doesn't seem to have the filter thing in her brain. I asked about NJAG (haven't heard from her in a month after hearing from her daily for two weeks) and living in Cincinnati.

The day kind of represented the weekend. OK. Borderline bad. Hopefully the worst of the football season. The bar always is raised high on gamedays. And it was cool seeing Rainbow Bright and her people, but I would have liked to have done more.

Friday night it rained buckets right around the time I wanted to head out. If I hear one more fucking person say, "we need it!" I'm going to do nothing. Just pisses the shit out of me. If it's raining, it's Friday night in central Ohio.

Even the EGG let us down, although that's more because of the Browns performance. The EGG Guys were there, as were the bevy of bitties they travel with. Fuck. Me and The 1 came alone. That's what she said.

"Entourage" was OK. That's a pitfall of a 23-minute show. They had a lot to catch up on and they got things rolling for season five.

I'm probably being more hard (that's what she said) on the weekend than I need to be, but it just ... Ohio State is lousy and the Browns are worse. I am tired of rooting for the Clowns. They have the worst fucking pass rush I've ever seen. They run fades to the sideline on 3rd and 2. They fumble snaps on 3rd and 1. They give up first downs on every third down. They drop balls. They miss tackles. Same. Old. Browns.

They have a ZERO PERCENT chance of beating Pittsburgh this weekend. In the past year, I've rocked a "ZERO PERCENT chance" on three games (Indians/Sox Game 7, Indians/ChiSox in May, Indians/Rockies in June) and I've been right 100 percent of the time.

I thought of something really odd about OSU football. Since I moved to the German Village on Oct. 14, 2005, the Ohio State Buckeyes are 31-1 in regular season games. That's fucking crazy. While they don't have a ZERO PERCENT chance this weekend against USC, they aren't winning. I am Mr. Optimism on OSU Football, but they are going to get rolled. Take it from me. Do not THINK WE ARE GOING TO WIN. Don't. Enjoy the game. Enjoy Saturday leading up to it. Enjoy the fact that I'll be out in Manhattan Beach.

Just know that when this column comes back next week, Ohio State will be the second team listed in the headline again.

Ohio State 43, YSU 0

(Jessica is 18.)

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

The above girl goes to community college near Arizona State. She might be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and would give up 10 years of my life for three or four dates with her. I'd give up five years for one date (with a guarantee she'd put out).

I bring this up because I saw The 1 yesterday after 63 days (nine weeks). It was fantastic to see him. He was wearing an Arizona State hat and will be heading out to ASU on Thursday, Sept. 18. He'll be going to the Georgia-ASU game (football).

The 1 gets Week 1 MVP Honors. He brought us back to The Tailgate Behind Tommy's Pizza (TTBTP ... BTB for short). But first, here's some more pictures of Jessica and friends.

(Skinnier than Art McGregor ... combined.)

(They are good at being hot freshmen.)

BTB is the new VC. I thoroughly enjoyed The Varsity Club, but BTB had free food, free beer, a television, nice people and good looking women. Also free food and free beer. The trio from the get go included The 1, the Truth and Art McGregor. Disappointed I didn't see the rest of The 1's posse that includes His Girlfriend (blog name), Three Clicks (formerly Toe), Powder, Johnny K and Hot D. Anytime I see Hot D, he will be MVP of the Week. He's the guy who asked me to write his autobiography. He also implored people to "flip that shit" when buying houses and doesn't know what that means.

Before I recap the day, I need to say how great it is to get back into Seeing The People You Normally See During Football Season. Guys like TUG and T-MUG (Tall More Unfriendly Guy) and chicks like Sis, Gahannastan and the rest of their group. Also known as The People I Used To See All The Time At Club 185 In The Winter And Fall Of 2006. Also saw TD Hoodie and Peaches at The Varsity Club and beyond.

Anytime we end up at Four Kegs things are not good. Had lunch and our fantasy football draft today at Planks on Whittier. the Truth (not in the league but at the draft) and I were legit surprised to hear we went to Four Kegs. It wasn't a wise choice. We did a Jager Bomb there. I think that was the Truth's idea. I also ran into a girl from college who thinks I'm crazy and/or stalking her. I remembered her first and last name, what classes we had together and where she went to high school. I think I talked to her twice in college. I always sort of hope I run into this hot Jewish chick named Brittany (spelling?) from college. I haven't since our last JCOM 315 class in Fall 2000. She was a big Gore supporter (obviously) but I don't let that bother me. Maybe I'll see her next week. That would be tits (even though her's were small). As you can tell with Jessica, I am not a boobs guy even though people have called me a boob. Actually they haven't. But being called a boob would be funny.

I think we got to Four Kegs around 10 p.m. It could be anywhere from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. I made it home at 1 a.m. after eating 32,212 peanuts at a random party. After The Godfather climbed to the top of a dirt mountain on 16th Avenue, I celebrated by falling on the pavement and banging my head ("I could hear it" - The Godfather) on the sidewalk. It still fucking hurts.

We ate in the ballpark of 20-25 beers apiece. I also ate a ball park hot dog. I'm not a beer-counter-guy but I had about eight at the tailgate, seven or eight more at the Varsity Club, two or three at B-Dubs, two or three at Four Kegs, a Jager Bomb and then a couple more walking down the street and at various parties where girls kicked us out. No one likes to see that.

Day started out innocently enough. Drove to the game with The Godfather and a German, High School Foreign Exchange Student. Met up with The 1 at BTP at around noon. He said I looked great and "not skinny enough." I missed The 1 and the way he asks questions and says things. His take on Sarah Palin? "Is this lady girl really ready to be president." He still claims to be an "undecided" voter.

Got to love T-MUG and the tailgate. Had a great time. Genuinely nice people that are fun to talk to. I could just text this to The 1 but I'll say it here instead: Remind me to give you a case of Miller Lite for next week. I'll be there in the third quarter of the OSU-OU game. And maybe for a beer or two beforehand.

For all the making fun of frat guys I do, they get the hot chicks. Most girls at this tailgate were hot. That's amazing. Free beer, hot women (I think I referred to them as "Stepfords" although that's kind of derogatory) and Wavy Lays Potato Chips. Yum to all of the above.

Additional props to Sis for rocking the light hair. Loved it. Almost made up for not seeing Hot D. Almost. Didn't like her light blue shirt though. Shirt was fine but light blue? I know you're not an OSU alum, but come on. Support the team.

the Truth had many Truth-like comments on John McCain and other things. His reason for McCain's trouble at raising his arms? "They didn't have the good candy when he was a little kid. You know he's probably eating black licorice and rhubarb flavored things."

Headed over to The VC around 4 p.m. Loved the crew there. Saw TD Hoodie and Peaches. Peaches looked awesome. Sweet sunglasses, kick ass hair, cool T-shirt. Girl has style. Hoodie had a tight T-shirt on.

I'm kind of worn out telling this story. Need a break. OK, back.

I didn't really take a break there. But you can't tell that.

How we got to B-Dubs, I'll never know. Did we take a helicopter? Police escort? Cab? Walk? Probably the latter. Ran into Rainbow Bright and others. Headband wasn't there. Huh?

Saw a friend of a girl I used to know. She said, "I'll tell her you said hi." I said, "don't do that."

1. I didn't say hi.
2. I thought it was funny to not say hello. It seemed wise at the time.

Stayed at B-Dubs for awhile. Good chatting with Rainbow Bright, as that's what we do in football season. The Godfather's brother, the Mathlete, also was around. He added to fun.

I can't believe we didn't see The Mayor. I loved the group yesterday though. It was good Truth, happy The Godfather, fun Mathlete and Mathlete's underage girlfriend. I like having her around because it increases our chances of seeing other underage girls.

Then we marched around campus doing stupid shit and climbing dirt mountains, and tackling each other and ripping our shirts off and eating things and smoking funny things (oops ... Kid Rock reference).

The area over my left eye is killing me. Fuuuck. I am dead. I feel like shit. The 10,000 french fries I ate at Planks are not helping.

the Truth wants to go out tonight but I think I'll pass and just have a few drinks here. Some will be water.

I cannot fucking believe how much fun we had yesterday. Looking forward to next week.

And maybe running into that Britney (spelling?) girl.