Friday, April 24, 2009

Charles Manson had a brother

the Truth wants to move in with you.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Penises of America

"Dear Casey Carlson,

Stop being so hot.

The Penises of America"

The Godfather uttered this pledge-like plea moments before Casey Carlson took the stage. She didn't stop being hot but the "American Idol" hopeful stopped being talented. She sucked. I am saying she sucked. I have been blogging about this girl for a month and even I can admit she sucked. Keep in mind, I refuse to say LeBron James ever had a bad game. Just a bad "quarter," or a bad "42 minutes."

While Carlson probably envisioned this trip on "Idol" has her chance to get discovered; she crashed and burned, looked nervous (even before she sang ... I watched up her on the platform when the other participants had center stage) and will have to settle for just being another really hot chick. Being a "really hot chick" has its perks. She will get the benefit of the doubt every time for the rest of her life, get whatever she wants whenever she wants it and pretty much will have her choice of wealthy men.

"She's just got perfect tits." - The Godfather

I voted for her three times and hope she makes the final 12.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Rivlary Week ... sometimes

I know ESPN is excited to hype Wednesday night's Duke-UNC game (it's a rightfully-hype-able game) but they made an odd choice last night during "Big Monday."

Throughout the night, announcers Sean McDonough and Ron Franklin continuously said something along the lines of "Rivalry Week returns in two days with Syracuse at Connecticut and the big one, North Carolina at Duke."

Tonight's slate on ESPN features Michigan State at Michigan (a decent enough rivalry) and Florida at Kentucky. Florida and Kentucky have each won two national titles in the past 13 years. The two teams have just about won 25 percent of the national titles in the past dozen years. Florida played in the Final Four in 1994 and lost in the title game in 2000. Kentucky always makes the tournament. Plus they have been known to have a hot chick or two. That's a rivalry, is is not?

Why not say, "Rivalry Week continues in two days" instead of "returns ..."?

Good for UNC and Duke playing on a Wednesday night. I think all regular season college basketball should be played on Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday. I freaking hate Sunday games and Monday or Tuesday games just lack a certain amount of excitement for me.

Outside of Ohio State games, for whatever reason I really remember watching Duke-UNC games while in college. Nothing better than going to Panini's South on a cold Thursday night in February and watching the Cameron Crazies get after the Heels.

Dems were the days.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

About last boring night

  • Lots of people talk about ... "what's the first Super Bowl you remember watching?" ... or "first World Series?" ... or "first NBA Finals?" ... or "first Final Four?" .. or ... well, I'll remember my first "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition."

    It was Paulina Porizkova in February 1985. I remember liking the issue. I was six. Kinda told me all I needed to know about myself.

    As for the other questions, everything pretty much happened during 1985. The first sporting event I really remember vividly watching was the Doug Flutie "Hail Mary" game the day after Thanksgiving in 1984 at my Uncle Dick's. We went bowling at North Side Lanes after the game.

    I remember listening to the Keith Byers v. Illinois game earlier that season on the radio and remember small tidbits of the Raiders win over the Redskins the Super Bowl earlier that year. I watched the Royals win the World Series in Fort Wayne, Ind. at some relatives.. I watched Villanova beat Georgetown over my buddy Misko's, and the Lakers beat the Celtics at some birthday party thing at my cousin Kevin's. Good times.

    None better than checking out the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. (This year's edition comes out today.)

    I didn't get my own subscription to SI until I turned nine. Here's the first one I ever got in the mail. I think it's the first time anything addressed to me came in the mail.

  • Watched "Rachel Getting Married" last night and liked it and didn't like it. Had some of the boringest, longest scenes I've ever seen in movies. The second half of the movie basically is the wedding day, with full songs from the reception being played and like 10-15 minute stretches where people are just dancing to music or loading the dishwasher. Entertaining movie but be prepared to fast-forward a ton of shit. The lead singer of TV on the Radio is the guy marrying Rachel and he's rather annoying as a Kanye West wannabe. If you like depressing movies that make you think, are about drug addictions, the death of children and have cool endings, go for it ... if not, you're not missing much. Anne Hathaway is hot. Oddly enough though, she doesn't play Rachel in the movie. She's Kym.

  • Enjoyed Missouri-Kansas in college basketball. Glad to see Mizzou get the W, although they'll lose in the first round of the NCAA tourney because they are the worst free-throw shooting team in America. That's not stats, that's just my opinion.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor
  • Friday, February 6, 2009

    Break-ups and make-ups

    I dated a girl in high school. She's exactly the type of girl you'd figure I would date back in the late 1990s. She liked sports, she was really smart, her parents were non-divorced, she was extremely thin and overall pretty average looking. Blonde, pale skin, tall, cute in a nerdy way. She was flat-out respectable. That's what I wanted. To be respectable. Not so much her.

    I broke up with her twice in the span of about a week in Feburary 1997. The last time I wrote a note and read it over the phone to her. Purdue played at Indiana in a Tuesday night ESPN game. My mom and sister couldn't believe I was going to do that so they listened to the call and nearly died of laughter. It was the end of that. Nothing against her, I just ... wasn't ... that ... into ... dating her.

    We had stayed in touch throughout the years ... maybe talking once or twice a year. History has treated her right. You wouldn't call her a hot chick by any means, but if she walked into a bar you'd probably think, "eh, she's pretty cute." the Truth would immediately want to set up a "solid date" with her.

    She messaged me on Facebook an hour ago and we made some small talk. She then told me she had a question to ask me and that she'd probably have to wait until she was drunk until she could ask. I immediately went into McGregor-mode which allows me to answer any question at all, totally honest while being totally flippant.

    "Why'd you break up with me in high school?"

    I gave her straight answers. It's pretty hilarious. Told her thegodshonesttruth that I had no interest having a girlfriend, how that much like now I'm not going to give a girl any time if I'm not head-over-heels about her, and that since we mostly just made out on her couch when her parents weren't home back then, the prospects of fun booty calling didn't exist.

    She laughed (I presume) and said, "too bad we're not having this conversation in person, so you could see this hotness when we're drunk."

    Was she admitting that she's only hot when drunk? Possible.

    I then asked her the only question that could make her wantable and/or hot.

    "I heard you were married?"

    She said, "your information is dated."

    The big D! Divorce Rock City!

    Bummer though. She would have been hotter had she been married.

    Rocked a "take care" and went on my way giving her closure after 12 years. She also told me I'm the only person who's ever dumped me. I think there are somewhere around 30-35 girls that have dumped me.

    Moved onto the Truth. He signed on Facebook and we started chatting, he said:

    how do I find all the people who sent me friend requests on this stupid thing?
    I explained to him and look at what happened:

    [Truth] and [McGinley] are now friends.
    The circle of life. The wheel of fortune.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Tuesday, February 3, 2009

    When not to talk to folks at bars

    God Bless his heart.

    Just next time, make sure you can at least check if a guy wears his heart on his sleeve before poppin' a "hello."

    The Godfather engaged a lonely guy, sitting solo at The Little Bar in some conversation before the Super Bowl. The Godfather later admitted he really dropped the ball with that decision. He did.

    Hey listen, people go to bars all by themselves lots of time. Most of the time, these people are loser alcoholics.

    If I go to a bar 15 times a month, usually about twice I'll go solo. They happen. But I look approachable. I'm not weird. Nine times out of 10, I'll know someone at the bar and bullshit with them for three or four hours. It happens. I have no problems going to the bar by myself.

    I failed to mention in the first graph that The Godfather wasn't even sitting next to the guy. I was. The Godfather sat next to a decently OK, drunk Cleveland Browns fan. I'd call that kid normal.

    The Godfather asks the guy sitting next to me, "so, didn't I see you at Ted's the other day for lunch?" Mind you, this wasn't a hot chick. It wasn't some guy that he sort of knew and once again, this wasn't a chick. And it wasn't a hot chick. Also, The Godfather wasn't even sitting next to the guy.

    The guy then explains that yes, it was him. He said something inaudible and The Godfather laughed like I would if a hot chick told me something unfunny. Really hard.

    The guy then said, "so the next question would be, could I buy you a drink?"

    Well, then!

    The guy also had on a sleeveless red T-shirt and shorts. He was about 60 inches tall and hailed from somewhere in Asia and/or the South Pacific. He spoke broken English and asked The Godfather again for a drink and then asked me if I wanted a drink. He seemed upset and said, "Oh, so you're done drinking?"

    This was about 6:21 p.m. The Godfather and I knew what was up. This guy was flat-out weird. And we'd have to sit next to him for the rest of the game.

    I then sat there feeling a little uncomfortable as that gentleman kept looking over at us and just staring.

    Again, he was wearing a shirt with no sleeves, was at a bar alone and had a man purse. This did not stop The Godfather from trying to engage the guy in conversation.

    "I really dropped the ball there," The Godfather later would say. His face told the story of shame.

    Sleeveless Guy would later offer to buy another guy and then a woman a drink. They both declined. When bartenders told him they couldn't get him a Grey Goose dirty martini, he went to the bathroom and never came back. His man purse just chilled on the back of the chair for the rest of the night. He left a nearly full beer.

    About an hour later the Truth showed up and took his chair. Sadly, the Truth would take a sip of "warm beer." the Truth confused his Bud Light draft with the other guy's beer.

    That'd be a story to tell at a bar. Just don't tell it to the guy in the sleeveless shirt.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Monday, February 2, 2009

    Trip to IU, Part II

    Blog on the Run editor

    On Friday nights you can find me in the Club.

    The staff/roster at Club 185 on Friday nights this winter is probably my favorite since I started frequenting the bar on Oct. 21, 2005. Although the old Wednesday night duo in the winter of 2006 is probably "my favorite," the fact that it's four or five people on a busy Friday night is special. That said, I probably enjoy going to The Patio on Friday night (whatever the season) more.

    The Patio has figured it out. It's the one bar in the arena district that seems to be the least douchiest which is something amazing because it shares space with Sugar, the Afflicshirt capital of the world. They always have fun bands playing good cover tunes and the chicks are hot and rather friendly. The pictured girl was there and is probably one of the Top Five, Ten or 20 Most Beautiful Girls in Columbus That Hang Out In Bars In The Arena District.

    The Athlete visited us this weekend with a couple of his buddies. He made it clear that he wanted to "do anything but Club 185." We gathered in a cab van and headed to The Patio where my Patio Hook-Up (great girl) got us a table and free cover. We laughed, stared at hot chicks, drank beers, did some shots and I talked to a rather hot girl who told me she "loved my look." I wore that one green plaid shirt that I wear out at least twice a week. I am thinking it returns this Thursday at The Lodge Bar, although I wore it there this past Thursday and then again on Friday night. Saturday I went with a scarlet Ohio State T-shirt that got a lot of love from various people.

    We wanted to leave for IU on Saturday morning at 10 a.m. We left at 11:45 a.m. This is mainly because of the drinking the previous night, the ShamWow demonstration when we got home and an apple chucking contest in my backyard (in my bare feet with eight inches of snow on the ground). I smell a sick day!

    The ride to Indiana and back home went by so fucking quickly. When we got home, we vedged a bit before going to The Little Bar.

    I can't believe The 1 didn't show up at The Little Bar with us for last night's game. It almost reminds me of a boy-girl relationship (no offense) where one party needs the other party a lot more. I love The 1 and anytime I ask him about something or for something that doesn't require his presence, he does it in a heartbeat. But I'm bummed he couldn't make the Kings of Leon concert on Tuesday and then the Super Bowl on Sunday because they're shit we talked about for weeks, if not months, and you just never know if he's going to actually show up. He likely had good-to-excellent reasons for both decisions but it's frustrating. It's not like I'm going to stop asking him to do stuff because I like spending time with him. Like I said. It's almost like a boy-girl relationship and I'm the bitch in this relationship.

    I feel bad because McGinley posted some stuff about how few people ask him to do stuff anymore now that he's not drinking and I'm responsible for that as well. I haven't asked McGinley to do something since he's been back in November. I apologize for that.

    You can't fake crazy. Marshawn (Bills fan) and Screaming Steelers Fan were at the bar and it was absolutely amazing. There were about 10-15 obnoxious Browns fans there as The Godfather dubbed the place "Deadwood."

    There are no laws in The Little Bar.

    It's just a collection of yelling, shot taking, swearing, beer drinking with the best bar owner in Columbus and unfriendly, hot bartenders. Browns No. 82 wore a ripped Steelers T-shirt. She has still yet to engage me in any sort of conversation (my life's dream) but she did remember my last name on my tab after the fourth time she asked for it. Baby steps. We sat in the middle of the bar. We had like seven or eight beers and felt ZERO buzz. Not a good sign.

    You can't fake crazy. The obnoxious Browns fans were just a bit much. Yelling every five seconds and saying something funny just 9 percent of the time. That other 91 percent for four straight hours got to be a little much. The Bills fans during the regular season and Steelers guy are flat-out crazy (in a good way) and you actually laugh at the insane shit they say. Fucking hilarious. I can't do justice (with written words) to the Steelers guy celebration after the game other than he told Browns fans, "Hey, we did it for the AFC!" and he kept saying/slurring/yelling, "Black president!" I got him to reenact his famous WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO with four alternating fist/whole arm pumps. I am going to do that move a ton in the coming months given anything to celebrate. Like having a chick tell me "she loves my look."


    The Godfather and I are excellent at making up fake professional expansion teams. We'd like to have two NHL teams in north central Ohio. The Richland Rampage and (Canadien accent) "da" Norton Nordiques. Last night we said the Browns and the Steelers should combine forces and become the Cleveburgh Strowns.

    (In Pittsburgh accent)

    "Do do do do
    Here we go
    Do do
    Here we go
    Doo do doo
    Here we go
    We got a feelin'
    Dat Cleveburgh's
    Goin' to dah
    Supah Bowl"

    We then said all trophies and team operations would move to Youngstown, Ohio. We talked about this for six hours. the Truth (who joined us late and in-between cigarette breaks) didn't understand.

    You know. I hate the Steelers. I really do but what's the point anymore? I didn't feel bad at all after yesterday's win. Who cares if they win the next 100 Super Bowls. What does it change?

    I am the most unlucky sports fan in the history of the United States. Teams I root against and hate are now 15-2 in championship games. The teams I love are 1-6. That's 3-21 total. Fucking astonishing considering championship games are supposed to be relatively equal. There's no way I should be anything worse than 10-14 or 11-13. God hates me.

    Our row of nine people at the Ohio State-Indiana game never shut up. We barely said things that made any sense. People that sit near us absolutely have to think we're crazy. We just talk and talk and talk and talk. I like that we don't use profanity. I hate when people cuss as games because there are fucking kids around. McGinley's "Kay Yow/Hey Now" Outkast remix is so fucking funny. Did you hear Kay Yow died? We said that at least 94 times. In two hours.

    Assembly Hall at IU is fucking great. Maybe I will have a better memory of the place because Ohio State won but it's just a cool old school facility and Indiana has the most passionate basketball fans I have ever been around.

    Great weekend. I had a 13-hour straight text message conversation with a girl. The Godfather finally asked me who I was texting. I need a night off. Pumped about going over to the trendys tonight for Gossip Girl. I will be going to the Blue Jackets game tomorrow night with Baltimore.

    Quite the stretch I just wrapped up:

    Tuesday - Kings of Leon concert Here's a more professional review.
    Wednesday - Michigan v. Ohio State in college basketball
    Thursday- HOT COLLEGE GIRLS Night at The Lodge Bar
    Friday - The Patio w/ Athlete and Co.
    Saturday - IU
    Sunday - Super Bowl at The Little Bar

    I am fucking destroying my body, killing myself with alcohol and feeling like shit whenever I'm not drinking.

    February is lookin' good!

    Trip to IU, Part I

    Blog on the Run editor

    "You called her a townie," The Godfather said.

    "To her face?"


    Oops. She deserved it though. I really wanted to say, "you're married to a dude with earrings."

    Not quite sure what it is about me. Whether I've got a smug face, a face that frustrates people, a face that looks like I should get my ass kicked or what. But for doing nothing except playing songs on a juke box and picking up my coat, I got into two neverending "fights" where people stared at me and yelled at me or asked me, "are you saying smart things about me?"

    I knew I'd need those condoms.

    The townie lady (not an unattractive older woman in her upper 40s-ish) ... Townie Lady ... that's better ... Townie Lady accused me of masterminding a plan to steal coats at Kilroy's that had been going on for weeks. "My daughter-in-law had it happen to her two weeks ago!," she said.

    A.) You are old enough to have a daughter-in-law although in Indiana I'd have to assume most women over the age of 36 have daughters-in-law.

    And B.) Your husband tries to play peacekeeper and has long stringy hair, facial craters, a ponytail, earrings and glasses.

    Finally C.) You are wearing an Indiana University Starter jacket.

    D.) Back to A.

    McGinley got some great lines to her about, "you're being an ass right now" and "you'll regret this in the morning." She wanted to know that I was wearing my jacket. She said, "well what's in your left pocket?"

    On the way to Bloomington we stopped and picked up some essentials. I got a 4-ounce bag of Sour Patch Kids, a bag of Troyer Farm Kettle Cooked Potato Chips and orange Gatorade 2. That's G2 not "I got Gatorade too." I also made sure to buy a box of XXL Condoms. I knew I'd need them. I like buying condoms from women in their 70s at gas stations in Small Town, Ind. USA.

    I told Townie Lady, "A box of condoms." I then whipped it out (the box of XXL, not the XXL) and raised the box like The Lombardi Trophy.

    That sort of ended things.

    This was about at 10:30 p.m. on a night of non-stop drinking, shot taking, spread eating that ran from 6 p.m. to 3 a.m. By the end of the night, The Godfather was walking home by himself, The Dr. and I were looking for anyone with a vagina to say hello to while sharing a piece of pizza and McGinley had a box of pizza in the street trying to track down a cab. We got a cab, picked up a despondent Godfather a quarter mile down the road and then broke the record for farts ripped in a hotel room between 3:30 a.m. and noon. Other than McGinley's odd decision to turn the fucking television on at 9:30 a.m., we made zero bad decisions on the weekend.

    Wait a second, that's not entirely true.

    "I fucking loved that place Ricks! Best place ever," I said.

    "You mean, Nick's?" The Godfather asked.

    Why'd we leave to go to the pool hall place where I did some shots of SoCo and Lime and this blue shit. McGinley and I almost started a fight there when I was talking to a girl with a boyfriend. It happens.

    On Friday night back in Columbus a girl told me (unsolicited) "I love your look."

    "That had to make your weekend," The Dr. told me.

    "My month."

    Riding high, I let it fly at Nick's. Talked to a few different chicks. Girls I knew from back at Ohio State including a 16-year-old (at the time) that I used to buy beers for in exchange for hook-ups with her and her friends. Also saw some work peoples and random Indiana girls on that Indiana night.

    "You could have had that," The Dr. said.

    Why did we leave Nick's? Nick's had a 50-50 male/female ratio. This isn't scientific but it seemed that way to me. It was huge and neverending. The "bar" had about 16 different rooms and they all were packed with hotass white and Jewish girls.

    "If you like Jewish girls and girls with dark hair, IU is for you," that one guy said.

    "It's one of the few schools that I actually think I could have gone to," McGinley (an OSU grad) said.

    They did play Grey Street by Dave Matthews for at least 19 minutes straight. I thought I had a good mix at Kilroy's.

    Time Frame:

    4 p.m. to 6 p.m. - Game
    6 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. - Kilroy's on Kirkwood
    11:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. - Nick's
    2 a.m. to close - Fucking terrible upstairs bar with pool table

    Kilroy's had two hot bartenders with big tits and short white shorts. One girl had a perma-wedgie exposing her perfect shaped orange-sized butt cheeks. Like the two cheeks looked like oranges covered in tight white shorts. We ordered the following: super nachos; two orders of chicken fingers with fries; 24 wings; pepperoni rolls and something else? We also drank these 32-ounce beers with stunning frequency.

    "Let's take over the Illinois Republican Party!" - The Hammer, 9:34 p.m. EST.

    The Illinois native then said, "But we'd have to do it after June because I'm going to be busy."


    The Dr. then said he'd like to run for office. "But I'd have to move to Peoria." He quickly and kindly took back the idea.

    The Bum at the beginning of the night that tried to fight me almost isn't even worth discussing. He smelled so bad and got mad I didn't play a song he suggested on the juke box. He then stared at me for at least 45 minutes before getting kicked out. The Godfather said, "We did people try to get into fights with us? There are hippies in San Francisco that think we're pussies."

    To be continued ... I have a lunch thing and will be posting Part II in the afternoon. Much more to tell.

    Super Bowl MVP

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    (14 beers tonight and not a hint of a buzz.)

    Wednesday, January 28, 2009

    So long, snow night

    Long night at the Kings of Leon concert. Will have a full recap at some point today. In the meantime, check out this Art McGregor-centric link.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Tuesday, January 27, 2009

    Let's all go to the movies

    ("Let's play two.")

    With the way the snow fell last night around midnight, I expected a little more white stuff on the ground early this morning. Thanks to the super-snow-scraper thing I bought yesterday at Shell, I cleaned my car in a matter of minutes and headed into work this morning.

    Drove home from the movies last night and yep, Bodega is never not packed. I wanted to drive through downtown during a snowfall and it's a pretty neat sight when no other cars are on the road. Obviously there's Monday night drinkers running across High Street but if you're out drinking on a Monday night in January, I assume that's normal behavior ... and that's coming from someone who has drank 14 nights this month.

    I went to the movies last night as you've told your parents, "Hey mom, I'm going to the movies." You did this more often in high school. I did call my mom on the way to the movies last night and inform her on my cruel intentions. I saw Cruel Intentions at that same theatre in March 1999.

    I saw Cruel Intentions II and III (straight to DVD) from the comforts of my own room. SPOILER ALERT: The threesome, lesbian scene at the end of Cruel Intentions II is must-see-straight-to-DVD.

    In the end, Sebastian stays with Danielle; professing his love for her, only to find that she does not reciprocate, but is in fact working alongside Kathryn in a secret plan to dupe Sebastian. Defeated by Kathryn's manipulation, Sebastian states "if you can't beat them, join them," thus leading to a threesome with Danielle and Kathryn followed by an alliance of the three to dominate and manipulate others.
    Everyone says "I'm going to the movies." It's a fallacy. Most people go see a movie. Why not just say, "I'm going to the movie." It's never, "I'm going to the basketball games" or "I'm going to watch some baseballs." The only thing about going those statements that (I guess) can be true is that when you go to a baseball game you're going to watch some baseballs unless there's no foul balls during the game and that never happens unless you're playing with one ball and you have to run and find it every time you lose it. Still in that case there are foul balls.

    I went last night to the movies. I saw Slumdog Millionaire (7:50 p.m.) and My Bloody Valentine: 3D (10 p.m.). The two-play double feature.

    Slumdog deserves every accolade it's receiving. It's a wonderful movie that's entertaining, fast-paced, suspenseful and heart-tugging. The first 10-15 minutes are kind of confusing because the story is being told in three-different time frames, plus there's some subtitles and it's kind of confusing if you have no idea what the movie is about going into it, but it speeds up and revolves around three things: 1. Love, 2. Family and 3. Money/the desire to move up in the world. I actually like how they show the ways he made money before the game show aspect and yeah, I don't want to give anything else away. I'd recommend it to anyone. I don't know what the hell it takes to win a Best Picture Award from the Meyer Wiener Family, but if this wins it, I'll cheer.

    MBV: 3D won't be winning any Oscars and what the fuck is up with only one nude scene? Although it was pretty long and they rocked full-frontal-female nudity for about two solid minutes. The one gay guy from Dawson's Creek is in it, the chick from Slackers and this other dude that's been in other movies. It's actually kind of suspenseful and honestly I thought they did a fantastic job of keeping you guessing as to the identity the killer.

    Movies ... Actually, this movie (singular) is AWESOME in 3D. It's the first time I've ever seen a 3D movie. And yeah, they do things on purpose in this movie to make it look cooler (and hence taking away from the flow of the movie) but it's FUCKING AWESOME. The glasses kinda hurt at first but you get used to them and it actually feels like these people are walking right in front of you. I took my glasses off a few times and it's funny to see how they blurry up the screen.

    It's not a scary movie at all ... you'll laugh more than you have nightmares and it's a movie I wouldn't recommend on DVD but would say, "if you are bored as shit and want to see something different, go check it out."

    You can do this on your next trip to the movie.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Monday, January 26, 2009

    You with your switchblade posse: KOL concert preview

    I'm going to see "Slumdog Millionaire" with The Godfather at 7:50 p.m. and then I'm sticking around for the 10 p.m. showing of "My Bloody Valentine: 3D." I've got to be the only guy in the eastern time zone to accomplish such a feat this evening. I also should call my mom as I haven't talked to her since Friday.

    I tell you this because I'm going to throw together a quick preview of the Kings of Leon concert. I have been thinking about this since driving around Columbus earlier this evening looking for a brush to remove snow from my car. I don't have one. Smart buying decisions in my first 30 years. Those things are expensive. I paid $11.99 for one at the local Shell Station. A woman (slumdog ... not millionaire) asked me for 50 cents and I said, "Obama's bringing the change." That's my new favorite slogan. (H/t The Godfather.)

    I've found these set lists for three Kings of Leon shows in the past week. If I get a replay of the Indianapolis show, I'm going to be excited. If it's Chicago II, I'll be unexcited. It's likely the first time anyone's been more excited with Indianapolis than Chicago.

    As for a pre-game, I believe we're going to the Garage Bar (the old Adobe Gilas next to The Lodge Bar) prior to walking over to the LC. Some people are calling for six to nine inches and I tell them they're correct. Also, it's supposed to snow anywhere from two to nine inches.

    If we're using Indianapolis as a baseline, they'll play 22 songs with seven coming from "Because of the Times (2007)," eight from their new album "Only by the Night" and seven others from their first two or three albums, "Youth and Young Manhood," "Aha Shake Heartbreak" and "Holy Roller Novacaine (EP)."

    That's pretty fine with me as I tend to like the "newer" Kings of Leon stuff more than their older, raw (RAWR means "I love you") sound. Don't get me wrong, I love Taper Jean Girl (I mean, the chorus includes a line that says, "cunts wash their bodies"), The Bucket (the first Kings of Leon song I ever heard. This was on Oct. 22, 2005. It was a Saturday night. Fanny the Cocktail Waitress was playing it at Club 185), and Molly's Chambers because there is the stunningly gorgeous hippie-esque bartender at Hendoc's by the name of Molly and I'd bet my life savings or at least my two-year old Blackberry that she loves Kings of Leon. I also love this Molly girl because as is the case with most attractive girls, she's borderline unfriendly but my cousin Sean said he went to Hendoc's one day this fall and they had a "bartender with the deepest green eyes." He said he fell in love.


    Sadly a bar always will come between my pistol and Molly's chambers. The Kings aren't always subtle.

    Still, other than Iron & Wine who's first album sounds better than his newer stuff because it's so raw, I tend to like groups with a more polished sound.

    There's a few songs I'd love to hear but have heard they flat-out don't play them. I think we've got a zero percent chance of hearing Ragoo or California Waiting. I understand that.

    I'm shocked to find out they don't play McFearless. If they played this after Taper Jean Girl or Sex on Fire, I think less athletic white guys than me in the crowd would be jumping so high they could dunk a basketball or two. This is saying a lot because I can barely get net. This is outstanding live concert music.

    Penis size innuendo? Check. Talking about a random bartender and calling her out by name? Check. Complaining about a music selection? Check.

    Moving on.

    Another song I'll have major beef with is Trani. I don't mind listening to this song after I've had about 600 beers while being passed a lit up left-handed cigarette in an alley behind a bar after an Ohio State game, but live? I have a feeling this is going to be an epic buzzkill. I guess the end kinda rocks a little bit, but I can go without hearing it tomorrow night. Still, can you think of a bar in the German Village the opening verse reminds you of:

    "Dirty belly of a secret town
    Cheap trick hookers that are hanging out at the bar near the Greyhound station
    And the bare-chested boys are going down on every thing that the momma believes
    Pack of smokes and a little bump of cocaine, help you feel not so strange"

    Shit. Maybe that's actually the High Beck.

    Actually I'm just a pretty big phony because I'd rather hear Cold Desert if they play something slow that makes you want to kill yourself kind of like when douchebags play (awesome swimmer) Jeff Buckley songs on jukeboxes at fun bars. I'm looking at you, Club 185 patrons! I just like hearing depressing songs (especially this one ... "JESUS DON'T LOVE ME") because it reminds me that I've lived a real tough life but actually I haven't and I pretty much have things handed to me all the time despite being rather selfish and totally self-centered.

    I have high expectations. Not of the High Beck, but of going to the show. It's going to be a fun night. Rick Sonbreath's in, Hoodie's probably with an illness and Peaches has completed the trifecta (text message, e-mail and Facebook message ... talkin' on the phone is for suckers) in telling me ways she's excited for the show.

    Hope to see you there tomorrow.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    I'm jumping on you

    Came and went.

    After the holi ..., nay, Christmas season and getting back into the swing of things and then the three-day weekend in the middle of January, we returned to normalcy this weekend. Two days. Back to the grind on Monday morning.

    I'm enthused by one thing. I didn't miss football. We've enjoyed football on the weekends for 21 straight Saturdays and/or Sundays.. I thought I'd be despondent. I wasn't. Obviously yesterday was boring (as Sundays usually are) but I made it through one of the worst Sunday Sports Days of the year without much pain and suffering. While it may not be your cup of tea ($2.79 for a tea cup ... bonus points if you get that reference), baseball returns on Sundays in April and then we've got football after that.

    Following this coming Sunday's Pittsburgh win over Arizona in the Super Bowl, we'll have five straight god-fucking-awful (lowercase God when you hyphenate it next to a fucking ... I don't want to go to hell) Sundays. March brings us college basketball and then we went into the aforementioned baseball.

    The gang all showed up at some point on Friday night at Club 185. I talked mostly to this girl I knew awhile ago and re-connected with in Chicago while NJAG cozied up next to the Truth and The Godfather near the bar. My favorite staffers were working so it was a fantastic night. I think we left around 2:15 a.m. Not much to report. Oh wait. There is.

    In random odd things I like, I like when the Cavaliers play at 10:30 p.m. on a Friday night and the game is on at Club 185. Thanks to The Godfather for letting the staff know the game was on, we watched the game as Golden State (goodnight Oakland!) and the Cavs went back-and-forth. As we watched on the 19-inch TV last popular in parents' bedrooms in 1991, LeBron released a shot with .1 seconds left. I said, "he missed it" in a monotone voice to The Godfather. Swish.

    I whispered to The Godfather, "I'm jumping on you."

    I did. We celebrated.

    I also love watching random West Coast Cleveland Indians games at Club 185 in the summer on week nights. I don't know why. I didn't shower yesterday. I don't know why.

    I flipped off a girl at Club 185 on Saturday night. She had it coming. I got home and wrote a note to remind myself to tell you folks. The note also included the word "sluts" but I can't remember what I was talking about. It was the "scratching your head with the middle finger" routine. She didn't look too pleased. Ran into a couple other regulars. Talked with The Lady while The Mayor houdini'd and spent most of the night talking to Big Black (shocker that he was there) and The Guy with the Same Name as the Truth (and he needed a better nickname). As low-key a night as I'm going to have there while still having a decent time.

    Pretty standard weekend. I didn't mind the Club 185 two-play but I'd like to get out of the German Village at least once a weekend. I think I've got that coming for the next few. This weekend we're going to Indiana for the Ohio State-Indiana game (Indiana will win that game) and I think Kirk is coming back into town the following weekend and he likes going to The Patio. Really he's indifferent about The Patio. I usually just suggest it.

    Let's get through this week as quickly as this past weekend passed.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Sunday, January 25, 2009

    Download of the day - 1/25/09

    Went to this concert in Cleveland in May 1997 called "EndFest." K's Choice, Soul Coughing, Barenaked Ladies and other bands that had a brief bit of popularity between 1996 and 1998 played.

    I liked it because most of my high school class attended and I got to grab butts when chicks crowd surfed. It's one of my favorite concert memories. The entire day. Not just the butt grabbing but that also was/is awesome because I attended an upper middle class suburban high school so we had a lot of hot chicks in our grade in 1997-terms. I mostly liked freshman, though.

    McGregor mcgregor'd before he became McGregor.

    I don't know. Maybe 50? I've been to about 50 concerts in the past 10 years. I think that's a safe estimate. I've seen Pearl Jam three times, Ben Folds/Five three or four times, and in tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny font that also speaks really fast (speaking font!) DaveMatthewsabout10times. Got to see The Beastie Boys in 1998, Death Cab for Cutie twice in the past few years and Billy Joel (seriously). I also saw Grand Funk Railroad a few (more like seven) summers ago and I don't count this among the 50 but Hotel War at Cara Bar where I became aware that hipsters drink PBR and also are pretty friendly. I don't know how they fit into any friendly considering the tightness of their jeans.

    Since it's a Sunday and Sundays are fucking terrible, I am going to talk about a few concerts that I did not enjoy. Though they easily are in my top five bands, Iron & Wine and Interpol put on terrible shows. They don't play with any emotion and it sounds exactly like it does on the tapes, vinyl or them fancypants CDs.

    Bands that bring it? Death Cab for Cutie puts on the best show (in my opinion), Pearl Jam also is awesome live and Ben Folds is another guy that's entertaining.

    I'm going to see Kings of Leon on Tuesday night here in Columbus. I imagine I won't be the only one with longish hair, tight jeans and a plaid, flannel shirt. I'm going with TD Hoodie, Peaches and That Guy with The Same Name as the Truth. I hope The 1 can make it. Haven't seen him in awhile and don't really want to wait until next Sunday when we go to The Little Bar to watch the Steelers win the Super Bowl.

    Got 2 believe that Kings of Leon are going to put on an amazing show. I don't even expect to grab any butts (other than my own if it itches which is highly unlikely because it really only itches if I sit on something wet).

    Tonight I'm giving you two songs. They both are on Kings of Leon's 2007 album "Because of the Times." If you like rock music, you'll like the first song. It's called McFearless. I love how it sounds but it's not one of my favorites because it really doesn't tell a story and I tend to like songs with lyrics that remind me of myself because I'm really self-centered.

    The first single on that album was On Call. I love On Call because it reminds me of the summer of 2007 and more specifically driving to work in the morning.

    I'm not sure what the song means and maybe it's just a song about friendship where one person is willing to do whatever for another person. Since I don't live this way, I take the song to be about a guy that lets a girl walk all over him and won't ever do anything about it and always will "be there waiting."

    You know, it's like I've said before ... you can't do anything to make a person like you more or less and whatever that person does to you won't make you like them any less.

    Plus it's one of their slower songs and I tend to like slower, mellower tunes.

    This line reminded me of the girl I spent 2007 obsessing over:

    "When I fall to pieces, Lord you know, I'll be there laughing."

    I like the "laughing" because it reminds that even though I knew exactly what was going on with the girl (needed to "find herself" and started dating a bartender in a strip mall that wears Affliction shirts less than two months later), I still subjected myself to it and knew I was making a giant mistake but didn't really care. Girls can make you D.O. strange things.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Friday, January 23, 2009

    Midnight train to Lodge Bar

    "Lodge Bar proved too much for the man. (Too much for the Truth.)"

    Got in the car and the Truth began telling me that he saw "Notorious" over the weekend at the Arena Grand Theatre. Went "wit hiz boy" Z. "Only two white guys in there," the Truth said. "Huge fight broke out at the end of the movie."

    "Didn't the guy who played Tupac also star in 8 Mile," I asked.

    the Truth looked perplexed and didn't give me an answer.

    Moments later.

    "Oh yeah, that was him," he said. "For some reason I thought you were talking about 'The Green Mile.' "

    He told me the movie in about a 13-minute speech without a blink or breath. The chick that played Lil' Kim is "hot and light skinned and gets naked a lot." Also "Puffy is kinda like the producer" and then 11.5 minutes I didn't pay attention.

    The Lodge Bar surpassed every reasonable expectation. I will be there again next Thursday. the Truth (a noted German Village homer) offered me a toast for "bringing him there." I'd gather there were 150 gorgeous 20- to 22-year-old girls there. Jessie brought a gaggle. the Truth and I mostly stood there and watched and smoked 100 cigarettes. the Truth offered to take 54 pictures for girls and took one. He also wore the sweetest jacket I've ever seen. At the end of the night, we ordered a jello shot from the girl below (last name McGhee) and despite pleas from the Truth, she did not do one with us.

    We left around 12:45 a.m. and went to Club 185 where I had one beer and took off. I had a heart-to-heart with McLimited and he kissed me three times. I truly believe he's the German Village leader in "times kissed Art McGregor."

    Blog on the Run had more than 500 unique visitors yesterday thanks to yesterday's inclusion on Busted Coverage. It's the most ever for this site in a non-looking-for-nude-pictures-of-Rachael Br..."Jamie Graham"-kind-of way.

    (Girl on right got naked, has big boobs for Playboy this fall.)

    Have to hand it to The Lodge Bar for putting together an event like this where they let underage girls in, let them drink, and have sorority girls "guest bartend" in a competition to see which girl can bring the most girls. Way too many fratty guys, but actually, more girls. The girls (on the whole) were unfriendly and made out with certifiably ugly dudes. They also were fall-down drunk at 11:45 p.m. I suspect this is because they have eaten one cracker this week. That's not with chili. That's total.

    Making the night even better? They had a high school baseball coaches convention in The Lodge Bar at the same time. When I saw a bunch of douchey dudes that probably live in the suburbs and are married to some chick they probably haven't wanted to fuck in three years I thought, "holy shit! Maybe people responded to my post at Busted Coverage." When I saw tens of dudes in their 40s rocking baseball jackets and hoodies I thought, "YES, they did!" Come to find out it was a convention or something and those guys all walked around like they had just won the lottery. The sorority girls couldn't have been nicer to those guys!

    I am ready for the weekend. I am going to the Ohio State hockey game tonight and tomorrow and probably keeping it low-key at Club 185. I e-mailed Peaches yesterday that I'd like a steady rotation of Kings of Leon playing tonight because the concert is in four days. This is the last weekend that The Godfather is notdrinking (one word) so the rest of the year only can get better.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Monday, January 19, 2009

    Busted makes me feel good

    (Attractive girls don't get enough recognition on the Internet.)

    Blog on the Run editor

    Lighting up a cigarette. Just had my favorite blog moment.

    A few weeks back I got an e-mail from someone about a link to my site on the blog Busted Coverage. Busted Coverage is one of the nation's best/most well-read sports/chicks blogs. Somewhere there's a rule about using two slashes in a single sentence. I break the rules. They break real stories. It's a legit blog without a "blogspot" or "typepad" in the URL. That's the true marker of a quality information source. Also Wikipedia. I usually end all google searches with Wiki except I keep the w lowercase. I have started to end the reading of all fortune cookies with "wiki" as well. "You will accomplish great things today ... wiki."

    I asked the e-mailer "Joe" if he did any work for Busted Coverage. He responded, "I am Busted Coverage."

    We exchanged a couple e-mails on why we blog, our backgrounds and whether or not he also eats peanut butter sandwiches with just one slice of bread and only uses JIF creamy peanut butter.

    On Saturday morning, he posted this message on his blog:

    "This is probably a disservice to this particular blogger. A Saturday morning praising isn’t going to be seen by the masses.

    But Art McGregor’s Blog On The Run put together a great, quick piece on the AFC/NFC Championships and it wouldn’t be very timely on Monday.

    From Art: “One thing I know, Baltimore is the worst “good” team I ever have watched. Their entire game plan revolves around getting lucky on a couple long throws, running the ball for two yards, hoping the other team’s best player gets hurt, and having the other team fumble inside the 10-yard line more than one time each game.”

    We admit it. There is a small blog crush going on between BC and BOTR.

    If you haven’t checked out or even heard of Art, you will in 2009. The guy can flat out write and waxes about booze, bars, his unlucky run with the ladies and throws in some sports to keep it from getting gay.

    Art is Ohio based and so is BC. It’s the Silicon Valley of bloggers with drinking problems."

    I might, might mention this post more than once in 2009. Why do I blog? I blog totally for attention and recognition. I'm not getting paid. I don't want to win awards. I mainly just want to be able to leaf through Facebook, pick out a few girls and hook up with them because they know I spin a wicked tale on a blog read by 200 (or so) people a day. A slow-motion montage of this would feature Bone's "Thuggish Ruggish Bone" playing in the background.

    (But I gotta get mine, so scream out mo' and let me hear you holla.)

    Using "anyway" to wrap something up is a lazy tactic and I almost just used it to thank Joe for the note and to remind you guys to keep checking out Busted Coverage.

    I actually didn't light up a cigarette and only smoke when drinking as an excuse to go outside and talk to girls. Thuggish ruggish activities.

    Friday, January 16, 2009

    You'll start watching 'Idol' now

    OK. I normally don't post on Friday nights but this is worth it. Via Busted Coverage, I came across this site. My weekend is made. Even if I don't bring something home tonight (I told Kirk earlier my odds are like 30-to-1), I will take a look at that site or this one before I fall asleep.

    Casey Carlson is the "hottest girl Idol has ever had."

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Thursday, January 15, 2009

    Motherfucker - A Gossip Girl post


    Emphasis inspired by The 1, I shout "boreeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ring" (boring) any time a scene on Gossip Girl revolves around Lily and Rufus. They're terrible and bring nothing to show.

    Like you, I got excited at the prospect of a Gossip Girl spin-off. I mean, three awesome shows on The CW?! I know! (Excited McGregor face.) Right! Well, it's happening. And you guessed it, it's going to revolve around Lily's childhood?!!??!!?!? (Read the comments on the post to see that I'm not the only one!) What. THEFUCK. Think about a Growing Pains spin-off about the burgeoning love of Maggie and Jason!? All together now: "BORRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-RING." We all know any Growing Pains spin-off should have dealt with Boner's time in the army.

    Can Brittany (The CW Star) save the day!? We're counting on you to end this madness! Give that new spin-off show the kiss of death!

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Friday, January 9, 2009

    You going to the Club?

    Watched the game with McGinley, McGinley's brother, McCampus, the Truth ("you going to the Club?") and The Godfather in The Little Bar. Eastern side of bar.

    "Drinking water, Truth?," I asked the Truth ("you going to the Club?").

    "Big day at work, tomorrow," he said, "I got to get up early."

    the Truth ("you going to the Club?") then asked me if I was "going to Club 185" three times in a 20-minute span near the end of the game. Each time I answered no in a more forceful manner. Perhaps the "Club" had more accessible H2O.

    McGinley and The Godfather both joined the Truth ("you going to the Club?") on the DWB (drink water brigade) but neither of them asked me if I was "going to the Club?"

    Saw two new old-faces bartending. They didn't have old-looking faces. I've just seen them working in there before (but not for awhile). The Butt (girl with the nice butt) and Skinny Exotic (S.E. for short). Skinny Exotic is the bartender that is skinny and looks exotic, in case you didn't know.

    I hate Florida so obviously they won the BCS title. Ohio State finished No. 9 in The AP Rankings.

    Before they spilled the Gatorade on Florida coach Urban Meyer, the Truth ("you going to the Club?") informed us all that he was taking off to go to the "Club."

    - From the desk of Art McGregor