Thursday, July 31, 2008

Miller High Life commercial makes no sense

Blog on the Run editor

I don't mind the Miller High Life "High Life, Reclaimed" commercials featuring Windell Middlebrooks. Although I don't think $11.50 for a hamburger is THAT bad.

But there's a commercial when the deliveryman enters Sky Box 228 (a private lodge) in section "right up here in La Te Da" at a baseball game. After the Miller High Life guy can't find an answer to "what inning are we in?" from the nicely dressed, hoyte toyte crowd, he starts removing the Miller High Lifes from Sky Box 228. A crowd like that, in a lodge at a baseball game, doesn't deserve Miller High Lifes, Middlebrooks explains.

Middlebrooks' character continues:
"The High Life is about sitting in the sun ... (pause) ... (incredulously) watching your favorite pitcher get lit up?!?"
Deliveryman must be rooting for the road team because all the other fans are cheering wildly as he pounds on the glass separating the well-to-do in the lodge from the normal folks out in the seats.

Commenting that he needs to "smell me a hot dog or somethin'," the deliveryman is outside less than ten seconds later and this time he starts cheering with the crowd.

So in ten seconds there must have been ...

Actually, there's no explanation. You can't be wildly complaining about a pitcher (against the wishes of the crowd) and be outside less than 10 seconds later cheering with that same crowd.

It defies the rules of baseball ... and I assume, the rules of the High Life.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

50 most beautiful on Capitol Hill?

Blog on the Run editor

Just got a couple problems with The Hill's fifth annual "50 Most Beautiful People on Capital Hill" list. First off, this guy is on the list:

And this person is No. 1. The most beautiful person on Capitol Hill ... ladies and gentleman ... this person!!!:

Right about now, I'd say the state workers in Columbus, Ohio rank higher than the All-Stars in D.C.

The attractive people (females) on the list:

Elizabeth Kucinich
Ivy Larsen
Crystal Dollins
Emily Zammitt
Elizabeth Murphy
Jenny Harp (but she lists her relationship status as "taken" which is amazingly annoying)
Kristy Muchnok

OK looking:

Coty Wamp
Kristin Sutton

Without doubt, the best looking person on the list is not even in the top 10. Huh? Briana Bilbray wins my award.

She's not No. 1??????? (Is it just me or does she look a lot like former Club 185 bartender Shoby Ice?)

In any respect, any list that doesn't include our buddy Sleepy or McCampus' little brother Ozzie Canseco is complete bullshit.

I assume the fellas over at German Village Media will rank the men!


Here's more news and some more photos (I love the Internet):



Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Tuesday afternoon mailbag II

Welcome to Blog on the Run's second Tuesday afternoon mailbag. Here I'll answer questions from readers and non-readers about the week that was and anything else that might come across my mailbag.

Q: Why haven't we seen you more at Club 185 more often this summer? - Alex, Clintonville

A: Great question. I've got nothing against the place. Still like the staff, the location, all of the above. Love the people I see in there. It's just the place brings me down in the summer. I never thought I'd say this, but I get depressed and tired when I'm in that place in the summer. It's usually "where dreams go to die." I will be back come fall (that's about a two-week stretch in late October in Ohio) and beyond. Love spending my nights there in November, December, January, February, March, April and into May. But in the summer? No need. There are better places. But give me a crowd, big jackets, the search for a high top table, and I'm in heaven. I look forward to wanting to go back, but that's not until around Halloween.

Sure, I'll still go in there from time to time before then, but you will not ever hear me say, "let's go to 185." If it's in the German Village, pretty much the only place I'll go willingly in the summer is the High Beck. Won't go to Lindey's and will only go to 185 if there's a consensus on wanting to go there.

Q: What's August look like for you ... and this blog? - Elise, Westerville

A: For the blog, it should be a great month. Just had our one month anniversary, and it's still coming along. I love the weekly features, some of the themes we're laying down, getting something from trendy every week, having a small, but loyal readership.

Starting a blog in the summer is rough but always helpful. It allows you to experiment with some things. Sad thing is, there's not a lot going on. With the mailbag, and the weekly links, we've got two days set where readers know what's coming up. I'd like to expand that to Monday through Friday. I know trendy writes on Mondays and Dr. Willy Loman on Thursdays, or will eventually, but I'd still like more features and what not. I think there's people out there that could fill a lot of needs on this blog and it's just recognizing those folks.

Heading to Chicago on the first day of August for a short weekend with The Godfather and The Dr. It's going to be a lot of fun. The two weekends following that will be two-a-weekends at The Patio and then I got my sister's wedding. Ohio State plays the next Saturday after that. I'm happy. We've only got four more non-college football Saturdays and five more non-NFL Sundays. When you put things into that sort of perspective, it makes it easy.

Football Sundays last for about 20 weeks. That's amazing. They give your week so much more. You don't have any more boring Sundays and it's always Tuesday before you know it. And then it's Thursday and that's the weekend. I'm a big fan.

Q: You had a great stat the other day about July having 22 work days. What's the rest of the year look like? - Mallory, Gahanna

A: I'm proud of myself for that one. I know, right? September only has 21 work days, August ain't bad either. We've got five weekends in the month. That's a rarity. But still, there's only 20 working days in the month and that's amazing for a month without a holiday. Sorry, Madonna.

October (the best month of the year) has 22 days but who's complaining? December's tricky with the Christmas and New Year's, but there are a shitty-tastic 17 working days before Dec. 24.

Good question, Mallory.

Q: Are chicks getting hotter? - Nick, Groveport

A: Yes. Easy question. Girls continue to get better and better looking as we move toward the '10s. I guess we can say tens will be at an all-time time in 2010.

I think girls are more competitive and vain than ever before. We're coming along at a great time in our nation's history.

I'm proud to be an American.

Q: Fantasy sports suck. Are we going to have to hear you guys talk about them a lot? - Jennifer, Hilliard

A: Fantasy sports, especially football, is pretty much all dudes think and/or talk about in the fall. That extends into late July and August.

Had a discussion at lunch today about fantasy football. We'll likely have the same exact conversation for the next five months. I'm not complaining. I'd recommend everyone play. It's sweet. And way better than Tina Yothers.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Uninspired headline

I've got a good memory. I remember little bits of information. For example, I remember I went to see "Good Will Hunting" on January 30, 1998 at the Lennox. We walked from our dorm. It was about 12 degrees outside sometime after midnight when the movie let out. We lived on North Campus. Longest 1.7 miles ever.

Last night is one of those nights I'll likely never think about again.

Got home from work. Relaxed. Wrote an e-mail to The Dr. in Chicago. Watched an episode of "Flipping Out." (Great show) Watched the Indians beat the Tigers in a meaningless game. (Doesn't warrant a link) And went to bed at about 10:15 p.m.

Tonight holds a tad more promise. (Yes, no, maybe, no, no, maybe, no)

Sorry about that last link. It was all I could find on short notice when I googled "DMB Hotties."

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Monday, July 28, 2008

Punching Margaret Carlson

Just had a brief phone call with my dad. We touched on three things:

On Robert Novak's brain tumor ...

"Oh, I hated that Margaret Carlson lady he was on 'The Capital Gang' with. I wanted to punch her in those two front teeth."

On yesterday's activities on Lake Erie ...

"Found a new spot up at Geneva on the Lake. Nice little place called 'The Lodge.' Me and mom snuck into the pool, we were ordering food, Matt was bringing us the drinks, we were swimming ..."

On the Cleveland Indians trade of Casey Blake ...

"I'm just glad they got rid of him. I wouldn't have cared if it was for a sack full of shit. My only hope is that they don't bring him back."

1. My sister's wedding in less than a month

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Fuckin' Catalina wine mixer

- Mentioned I saw the movie "Step Brothers" this weekend. Enjoyed it much. I didn't like "Talledaga Nights" or "Anchorman" but loved this movie. I think I laughed throughout the whole thing and might actually go see it again. I mean, when it's on HBO in a year or whatever, I'll watch it a bunch then.

I had an ICEE at the movie. Cherry. Large. They are still rocking the red-colored ICEE's at the Arena Grand. This is different than the Lennox, which has white-colored cherry. RAY-CISTS! Why do they do that?

Maybe it's because I haven't had a pop in awhile, but the ICEE was really strong. Like I had ICEE aftertaste for at least seven or eight hours. It's not a bad aftertaste. But it's just sort of different to go through a Saturday feeling like you're sucking down an ICEE for eight straight hours.

- Saw "21" yesterday. Liked it. Would recommend it but it was really a flimsy movie. There's so many things in it that you're like, "well, why is he doing that?" or "why are they giving demonstrative hidden symbols?" and so on and so forth. But it's entertaining and not a terrible way to spend 100 minutes. Kevin Spacey was good in it. No homo.

- Going to see DMB tomorrow night with The Godfather at Crew Stadium. We've got pretty good seats. I'm not a big DMB fan, but do like seven or eight of his songs and his concerts are always fun, because like the sound or not, DMB is a talented group of musicians. I hope he plays three songs and I'll be happy: "Eh Hee," "Seek Up" and "Crush."

Fingers crossed.

- From the desk of Art McGregor

Monday morning Nickelback

  • The quintessential drunk moment this summer came at Scores in Las Vegas. One of the prettiest girls I've ever met once worked at Scores in New York. As a coatcheck girl. So yes, this place had some talent NOT taking your coat.

    It had been a lifelong goal of mine to get a lapdance to the song "Ayo Technology." Something special. 50 Cent. Justin. Well, it wasn't the best song I heard that evening. On the giant video board, while some chick from New York (not the TV show or the coatcheck girl) grinded up on me, Nickelback's "Rockstar" blared. I actually had this thought:

    "I fucking love this song."

    Yes, I was pretty wasted. Well, this weekend blew that away. I may have a drinking problem. It's actually an eating problem. Probably both. When you're throwing back a diet of 400 to 700 calories a day, you tend to get pretty wasted on 11 or 12 beers.

    Saturday night's trip to the Patio was one of the all-time besties. While McCampus was busy adding friends on Facebook, I met up with a buddy from work and his brother. Now, this kid knew everyone at the bar. It was an odd thing at the Patio for myself, despite me going there twice a week. I usually run into four or five people that I know there on a Friday night. Six or seven on a Saturday. This kid knew at least 60 people there. We did shots, we talked to randoms, we stayed 'til close (odd) and I never saw the Truth. This was odd considering me and the Truth made plans earlier in the evening. But you see, My Boy Whit was down in the German Village and the Truth's meeting us at 9:30 p.m., 10:45 p.m., midnight! and later never came to fruition. Taking the spot of the Truth was every hot chick in Columbus.

    I went home and didn't pee on anyone or anything. That's a good thing. Disappointed I didn't see the Truth or My Boy Whit at Patio but my summer roomie, Miss July probably isn't disappointed she didn't see My Boy Whit. I think I could pee on her for 40 nights in a row (Noah-the-arc style) and I'd still rank above My Boy Whit in Miss July's Favorite People Rankings.

  • I was up until 6:15 a.m. last night in one of the worst nights EVAR. The Godfather and I bitched yesterday that July never is going to end. Sad truth is that there are 22 work days in July 2008. To put it in perspective, November 2008 only has 18. It's a motherfucker. I've long argued July is the worst month of the year, ahead of February because it has 31 days, and this year, we're feeling the influence of those extra days.

    Why was I up that late? Not a clue.

  • Props to McCampus for hosting Friday Guyday on Friday evening. Before heading to the Patio, I chilled at the 813 (McCampus' house) for about 3.5 hours, drinking my six beers and taking off. Despite pleas from everyone in attendance, NJAG (aka 'B') didn't make it over there. Walked back over there in the morning and mocked him for painting his house on a Saturday. After moving one box and eating tons of chips practically moving him into the place back in May 2007, I didn't feel like I had to help out with the painting. Like a Jackson Pollock. Would have loved to have made like Jackson Pollock on some ladies at the Patio on Saturday night. Sadly for this Patty, it was a no.

  • I loved mistertrendy's column on the Tour de Beers. It was the highlight of an otherwise LAME Sunday afternoon. I watched a movie, which I'll touch on later today.

  • Easy week at work and a fun weekend. I'm off Wednesday and Friday and heading to Chicago on Friday with The Godfather to visit GVM Chicago Bureau chief The Dr. I love that we're going to a Cubs game on Saturday and none of us really like the Cubs. But I've never been to Wrigley, so I am pumped.

  • - Compiled by Art McGregor

    Sunday, July 27, 2008

    Tour de Beers

    Blog on the Run senior writer

    So Obama’s trip was a huge success. He drew crowds in Berlin that city hasn’t seen since Hitler. What an accomplishment. Seriously though, Obama’s travels got me thinking today about what it’d be like if Art McGregor (AMG) went on a similar tour. AMG’s” Tour de Beers” would include all the favorite establishments in and around our great city. This week’s column explores such a scenario.

    AMG, like Obama, would likely begin his tour with a stop at the two battlefields – Club 185 and the High Beck. At 185, he would address a situation that he’s been b(l)ogged down in for too long. Many have been asking how long until AMG gets out of 185. AMG has insisted that he will listen to the vapids on the ground and determine a reasonable timetable for withdrawal (from the bar, not from drinking alcohol). Departing hastily might leave behind many unexploited opportunities and lead to a surplus in Miller Lites. AMG would no doubt take the opportunity to lay out his plan to begin a phased withdrawal of two nights per month for 16 months. AMG would also address recent speculation that he will be eating beers at 185 for the next 100 years.

    At High Beck, AMG would emphasize the need to refocus his efforts and not allow the jean shorts to get out of control. The neglect of the High Beck over the past year has led many analysts to declare that the homeless have reconstituted themselves. Nearby Round Bar has been providing safe haven for Pabst to cross Willow Street freely. AMG would pledge to shift one 185 night per month to High Beck to gain control of the situation.

    On the final leg of AMG’s Tour, he would visit the West (sort of) – the Patio, Brothers, and Barleys. Barleys would be a quick stop, given the recently elected conservative bar tenders who insist on micro-brews. At Brothers, he would speak candidly to patrons and the Truth about their shared history and look to build upon the common goal of watching finger bangs. Finally, AMG would conclude his journey before throngs of 20-somethings at the Patio. AMG would take the stage for his speech, prompting mosh pits as he displays his ability to hold four Miller Lites in one hand. When asked by Scags, a Patio regular, “you gonna drink all those?” AMG would respond with a resounding “Yes I can!” In a bold move, AMG would seek to have the wall torn down between outside and inside. The mood at the Patio would be glorious, but AMG’s request for patrons to visit High Beck more often would be greeted with a chilly reception.

    AMG would finally return home to America, relaxing on his couch with a six-pack of Miller Chills. When asked about his choice of the Chill, AMG would respond with one word – change.

    Saturday, July 26, 2008

    Go see 'Step Brothers'

    Just a quick headline for the weekend's posting. Hilarious movie.

    Catch up with you readers tomorrow or Monday.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Friday, July 25, 2008

    Not 'Short' on ugly old ladies

    (Short North street walker taking a rest)

    Blog on the Run editor

    Whenever you hear someone say the word "misconception" they usually follow it with a positive anecdote about the subject of the "misconception."

    (i.e. You know, a lot of people think that McDonald's in the German Village has shitty service and it takes 21 minutes in the drive-thru lane to get two hash browns and an orange juice. That's a misconception. The service is great! I went and it only took me nine minutes and no cars were in front of me!)

    Monkey wrench time.

    There's a misconception around Columbus that the Short North is the home of the good looking and well-to-do. Well, maybe there's a lot of well-to-do people.

    Dude there are some serious trolls walking around that area of town. The Short North has far more weirdo-looking people than the German Village. Go eat lunch at Betty's in a window seat facing High Street at around noon.

    Think about it ... do you ever see the homeless strange when eating at the Mohawk or Club 185? (OK, you do have a point about the High Beck. ... And that is on High Street so that kind of blows my entire argument.)

    I have never seen so many 80-something homeless, looking old ladies. The males seemed to top out around the age of 73.

    It's probably harder being a homeless woman, so I'm surprised they live longer.

    At least they do in the Short North.

    Freshing Friday morning

  • There's something refreshing about waking up feeling good on a Friday morning. It actually wouldn't be re-freshing because that would indicate I've done it before. This is just freshing. After pissing on my roommate this past Thursday night, yesterday went off without a hitch. No beers. Getting through yesterday mattered. I didn't do jack shit. Went for a run around Schiller Park and hope this time no one saw me wearing calf high socks, which I don't own. Saw Jazz Hands on Wednesday night at Club 185. She recommended I start wearing a shoe-string-hair-keeper-backer-thing-like-Schenkenberg when running.

    Getting through yesterday mattered because I HATE July 24.

    It's July 25 now and from what I've heard, there's a Friday Guyday in the mix for tonight at my buddy McCampus' house, Club 813.

    Not sure what's happening later this evening. I might run into NJAG, who I'm considering a change in name. I might start calling her 'B.' And that's got nothing to do with effort.

  • I do want to see that movie "Step Brothers." That's all.

  • I've gone since about 1 p.m. on Monday, July June 23 without a soda pop. That's good. About this time last year, I was drinking about four Mountain Dews a day. Years prior I drank orange pop. I've probably spent years of my life drinking pop.

  • TGIF.

  • - Compiled by Art McGregor

    Thursday, July 24, 2008

    He accomplished getting out there

    Saw "The Dark Knight" on Tuesday night. Pretty good. Not the best movie I've seen this year, and honestly, I liked the first one better. The character of the Joker was awesome.

    the Truth liked the movie a little more than me. I mean, I liked it. I'd recommend it but I went in thinking it'd be the best movie of all-time.

    Truth and I got to talking about it last night.

    Conversation went as followed:

    Truth: I wish I got what Heath Ledger has.

    AMG: Death?

    Truth: Well, ha HA, no. He was out there. He accomplished getting out there.

    Quite an accomplishment.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Goin' deep on sluts

    Blog on the Run editor

    A buddy of mine hooked up with a female with a pretty face and some softball thighs a few months ago at Brothers. She was a good sport. Mainly because she liked hooking up and probably played a sport (softball).

    Went to Brothers again last night for dollar drafts with the "I'll cut your nuts off if you don't do this shot" Truth. Had four beers before heading back to Club 185 for another beer and shot. But not a shot of beer. I'm not a pussy.

    I see Softball Thighs last night grinding up on some other dude near the dance floor. I immediately shot a text to my buddy. This was before the finger-banging and face sucking we'd all witness over the next 20 minutes.

    The the Truth ran into some huge black dude and tried to help up all these girls that kept tripping and falling. Perhaps a drink might make them feel better? the Truth is a gentleman.

    All this got me to thinking about Eric Clapton. Obviously. Sluts and dollar drafts ALWAYS remind me of 63-year-old English guitarists.

    Clapton got married a few years back to a Columbus girl that graduated from Watterson. I think in 1997. Slowhand did all right for himself. The chica probably isn't 30 yet.

    I don't think this is his first marriage. I'm not sure but I'd be willing to make a wager. Like my life.

    So, if he ever plays "Wonderful Tonight" and she's in attendance and he looks over at her, does that bother her? I mean. The song wasn't written about her. That's just another perk of being a rock star. You can use the same song over and over again on any number of ladies. And no one can really bust your balls about it.

    It's sort of song-writing slutting.

    Is slutting even a bad thing? What is it? Does making out at a bar constitute being a slut? Or is jt just slutty behavior? What if it's with a new guy or girl (or both ... SHORT NORTH!) every time? Can repeated slutty behavior make you a slut?

    Either way, Softball Thighs is 2 for 2 in hooking up at Brothers in the two times that I've gone.

    That's a very high batting average.

    Wednesday, July 23, 2008

    Hey, there's football on

    One of my favorite things about summer is when you're at a bar.

    OK, when you're at a bar outside.

    OK, when you're at a bar outside and there's a preseason football game on one of the televisions. It's the "beginning of the end" moment we're all excited about as we move toward fall. I think fall would win in a Gallup Poll of "what's your favorite season" in the midwest. Maybe nationwide (not the insurance company). But maybe that, too.

    I'm not the biggest fan of preseason football because it doesn't matter. But it's cool to see in August.

    You're standing at a patio and you look up and there's various guys from Ohio University or Mount Union or the like running all over the field on weeknights.

    You don't even pay attention to the games. It's just a, "hey, football's on. It's time to be happy."

    Without further notice, here's the national TV schedule for preseason games with Browns and Bengals games thrown in there for our readers in central Ohio.

    Sunday, Aug. 3 - Indianapolis vs. Washington in Canton, 8 p.m. (NBC)
    Thursday, Aug. 7 - New York Jets at Cleveland Browns, 7:30 p.m. (WBNS 10-TV); New Orleans at Arizona, 8 p.m. (ESPN)
    Monday, Aug. 11 - Cincinnati at Green Bay, 8 p.m. (ESPN)
    Thursday, Aug. 14 - Carolina at Philadelphia, 8 p.m. (FOX)
    Friday, Aug. 15 - Oakland at Tennessee, 8 p.m. (FOX)
    Sunday, Aug. 17 - Detroit at Cincinnati, 7:35 p.m. (NBC4)
    Monday, Aug. 18 - Cleveland at New York Giants, 8 p.m. (ESPN)
    Thursday, Aug. 21 - San Francisco at Chicago, 8 p.m. (FOX)
    Friday, Aug. 22 - Houston at Dallas, 8 p.m. (CBS)
    Saturday, Aug. 23 - Cleveland at Detroit, 4 p.m. (WBNS 10-TV); New Orleans at Cincinnati, 7:35 p.m. (NBC4); Pittsburgh at Minnesota, 8 p.m. (CBS)
    Monday, Aug. 25 - Seattle at San Diego, 8 p.m. (ESPN)
    Thursday, Aug. 28 - Cincinnati at Indianapolis (NBC4) OR Jacksonville at Washington, 7 p.m. (NBC); Chicago at Cleveland, 7:30 p.m. (WBNS 10-TV)

    Regular season kicks off Thursday, Sept. 4.

    - Compiled by Art McGregor


    Blog on the Run editor

    As an unabashed fan of the television show "Gossip Girl" I'm glad to see the show getting some much-needed pub before its second season premiere on Monday, Sept. 1.

    What a weekend that is! OSU-YSU on Saturday, Fantasy Football draft (scheduled) on Sunday and "Gossip Girl" on Monday!

    For the record, I don't see the show lasting more than four seasons. It'll fall victim to the "OC" trap where a somewhat successful show loses its characters to movies and other projects. This group can't be kept around for long. That's a shame.

    Blake Lively, on this month's cover of Vanity Fair, is growing into a star in her own right and rightfully so. Even the other characters on the show were featured in the rag mag.

    As you can see, the show is using some racy imagery and words to promote its brand of television excitement.

    The show's second season begins Sept. 1, following an August promotion to put viewers, um, in the mood. And here's a twist: The racy ads co-opt language from the very criticism of the show for being too, well, racy.

    The thing I'm surprised about is that other shows in the past haven't done something similar. "Beverly Hills, 90210" and "Melrose Place"? I'm looking at you! "Dawson's Creek" could have done the same. "Party of Five" (in its early years) also could have used "backlash" to its advantage considering it marketed itself to the same demographic. Goes without saying "One Tree Hill" and "The OC" could have done the same.

    It's not something "Murder, She Wrote" should have employed.

    Tuesday, July 22, 2008

    Home sweet home

  • Going to my hometown is a chore. I'm not really a fan. I love seeing my family, though. I've been a lot better about it lately. In 2007, I'd gander I only made it back to 429 Miles Off Broadway about six times. This year it's a bunch more. I'll probably go home 10-12 times. Still can't imagine setting foot in Mahoning County in September or October, however.

    I don't get caught up in the whole, "home means going to your hometown" thing. I live in Columbus. My home is in the German Village. My home also is in Youngstown 44514. (SIDE NOTE: A friend of mine went to Virginia Tech and once said, "Tech is my home." In the annals of things said by my friends, it's found its place in the top 10 lamest phrases.)

    But I'm glad when home comes to me. My mom is in town helping my sister out with some things for the wedding and around her new house. Also, I assume to feed me. I went over there last night for dinner and it was fantastic. I helped out a little did a lot of the work and finally felt like I gave back a little to one of the parents.

    Last night was about as good as a Monday night in July can be for me. McGinley's not around so any chance of heading out for a few beers on a week night to a place not called Lindey's Patio is pretty much gone. I had a nice dinner, went for a jog around Schiller Park a few times, went to the grocery store (razors and soap) and watched the Tribe climb out of last place. Oh yeah!

    Watching the Indians also is a chore. Game ended around 1 a.m.

  • If it rains anywhere in Franklin County, the center of the storm is directly above my home. The one in the German Village. I fucking swear to Christ, there's a giant LOUD THUNDERBOLT FACTORY above my house. Right around 3 a.m., the lightning came. Now that sounds like a line from a romance novel!

    Rain only last about 10 or 15 minutes. Maybe 12 minutes. Didn't keep me up long. That line could be used to describe me in a romance novel kind of way.

  • Back to the Tribe, the above picture and the one to your right are my favorite Indians jerseys of all-time. I think it's because I grew up watching those uniforms. I think any era of jerseys that coincides with the time you first followed your favorite team always is going to be your favorite of the lot. I'm not a jersey guy. Lowercase j. Big J? Not really so much either. I do like "The Sopranos," though. I haven't worn a jersey in years, but if I can find a mid-1980s Cleveland Indians road jersey, I'd wear it more than that light blue Nike shirt which I wear at least 1.2 times a week.

  • - Compiled by Art McGregor

    Monday, July 21, 2008


    We struggled at softball on Thursday night. We fell 17-6 in a shortened five-inning game. This means we were "run ruled" and forced to quit. I only post quickly after the games when we win. I wait four days between losses.

    I made two errors in my brief stint at first base and our shortstop, The Skipper, shouted for the mid-inning position change.

    His 92-MPH rocket balls from his position against a glaring sun, had nothing to do with our problems at first base throughout the game. He seemed to take Thursday's game with more seriousness than any previous game. More serious than any player in the Eastern Men's Rec League history. Maybe he had a serious problem with DOA, the team that obliterated us with about 25 base hits in five innings. But good thing The Skipper ordered us to play infield in ... in a softball game ... with no outs and runners on first and third in the second inning of a 3-2 game. I don't know about that decision. I think you just go for the single out there considering the team we played had tons of tattoos and seriously hit every ball on a frozen rope. The Godfather noticed and commented on The Skipper's managerial style on the GVM post-game radio show.

    The good thing about the position change was that I got to play in the outfield next to McCampus. I said this to our buddy, "I'd hate to play against you." The guy doesn't shut up in mocking the other team with chants of "nice BB!" and "way to watch those pitches go by and walk!" All were funny.

    I did some good things with the bat, collecting another RBI and actually getting a hit to the outfield. Finished 1 for 2, with an RBI and run scored on this night. This is big news for a slappy hitter like myself. As you would imagine, I'd probably be a total wuss in fights and likely just try to slap the other person while cowering into a fetal position.

    We're not playing this week but will have our last game on Thursday, July 31. That means the season stretched from April to August and we played nine games. What is this? Major League Lacrosse?

    We're 2-5-1 now. We'd be contending in the National League West.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Where memories are made

    Blog on the Run editor

    In the context of living in the German Village, and having a group of people I'm used to seeing, this will be the weekend I'll look back on in say, "you know, that summer of 2008 wasn't too bad."

    I'm having a great summer. Even-yeared summers are awesome. Yeared probably isn't a word but might come in handy if you ever need to rhyme a non-word with beard.

    Sometimes memories fade together and it feels like things lasted longer than they actually did or that you did shit like that all the time. Two examples are the summer of '06. (I'll get to the other one later in this 'graph.) Hurricane Ifene only really hung out with us for six weeks that summer. It felt like 30. That's not a bad thing. It's not that that time made the summer seem longer in a bad way, it's just I feel like we all have a lot more memories than just six weeks. I mean, fuck. Another is Friday Guyday. Like I'll look back at this spring and think, "man, we always would do the Friday Guyday thing!" We did it three times.

    Enough background.

    So on Friday night, we went to Gresso's (Lindey's West on that night), High Beck and then Patio. I saw mostly everyone I usually see. I talked to the same people I normally talk to. the Truth got mad when you didn't want to do shots. I ran into two girls at Patio that I've been talking to recently. This chick from Arizona State and this other girl from St. Patrick's Day. I like St. Patrick's Day Girl (SPDG). But she looks different every time I see her. She's a hair stylist. Her hair always looks different. Sometimes shorter hair, sometimes longer, sometimes blonde, sometimes red, sometimes dark. I talked with her for a bit, chilled with the ASU sophomore and then headed home around 4 a.m. Miss July was sleeping on the couch. Maybe she didn't want me to pee on her again. Walking down the steps would have been tough in my state. Great FUCKING night. But that's not the real story.

    (SIDE NOTE ABOUT GRESSO'S: I am looking at this dude in a Gresso's shirt and go, "dude, that guy LOOKS LIKE HE SHOULD BE WORKING AT GRESSO'S. And then said, "THAT GUY LOOKS LIKE A GRESSO." The Godfather's correct response? "That is Gresso.")

    After about 10 minutes of negativo Godfather at dinner earlier that night, the guy was in a great mood all night. We saw more NJAG-Blinders action. To new readers: Blinders is whenever someone ignores everyone else except their love interest. We met cool Milwaukee Brewers fans at the High Beck, got to see Gahannastan and tons of the Good Lookings at the Patio. The night didn't end. It just kept going.

    the Truth also had the greatest toast of all time when he toasted to "getting things back to the way they used to be." Might have been the first time anyone's also refused to toast because of the toast. I've heard a lot of toasts before, but that's the first one to ever involve looking to go back to the past. It's not something the Obama campaign ever would endorse. That's for sure. the Truth's intent was fine. It's just how he said it it kind of made people look around.

    Even saw Johnny K and the usual group of hot chicks he's around.

    Can't beat the Patio on a warm night in July.

    And years from now, when I'm bitching about the shitty summer of 2011 or whatever, I'll think back to this summer and the nights we spent at the Patio and I might throw up a toast to the "way things used to be."

    Going to a bar after the wedding

    Blog on the Run editor

    I don't mean to even include us guys in the "German Village Media family." This pretty much is for everyone I see out on a regular basis. The Vapids over at Gresso's on Friday night, the people we'll run into on Tuesday's at the High Beck, pretty much anyone who knows we call The Mayor "The Mayor."

    We party wedding reception hard. Mostly every time we go out.


    1. the Truth (pre-8 p.m. jagerbomb ordering)
    2. Wedding reception hard
    3. Varsity Club before 8 p.m.

    Again. This isn't to say, "wow, look at us! We drink a lot." We're not 18-year old high school seniors at some suburban school. It's just, we don't mess around. We're not leaving early. When we're going out, there's no doubt in anyone's mind the fun doesn't stop at least until about 2:10 a.m. While we've often got work the next morning, we never have to, "take it easy because I got work in the morning."

    I went to a wedding this weekend in Virginia. My buddy got married. It was a small wedding. We got there at six and the open bar closed at 8 p.m. Fuck the Tour de France, we went on a sprint. Practically the Tour de Beers. All stages in that two-hour span involved triple-fisting Miller Lites and not winning any prizes. No one won a yellow jersey or a Harley Davidson T-shirt.

    My eight good buddies from high school all were in attendance. Counting mister and missestrendy, five now are married. My muddy Sully isn't, my buddy Rod Munch just wins Emmys (four to date) and I hate marriage. I hate marriage because of the following non-sense:

    It's a wedding. It's a reception. If I'm fucking driving 15 hours (not that I drove), I want to have fun. I want to stay out late and be stupid with my friends. We're all 29-fucking-years-old. We're not 45. How about growing a set and staying out later than 1 a.m.? Really, friends? I don't know. I just don't get it. Fucking tired? Really?

    I had a nice time at the wedding. My one buddy has a kid now and she's super cute. But it's like, why can't we stay up bullshitting and laughing? Send the wives to bed. Seriously, go to bed. We'll catch up later. I just don't get it. We drive 15 hours and mostly everyone goes to bed/sleep at 1 a.m.? What happened to grabbing a couple cases and heading to someone's hotel room and laughing? What happened? You'd rather go to bed at 1 a.m.? Man.

    All's I know is this ... my sister's wedding will be nothing of the sorts. It honestly has the potential to break most-drinks-drank-at-a-wedding record. That's just counting my dad and his friends. If anyone bails out before 2:30 a.m., you will get made fun of by me for the rest of my life.

    I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does. Weddings are apparently joyous occasions and a lot of work goes into it. You have to travel, buy a gift, sit around people you may not want to sit around, drive back, open a thank you card, all that shit.

    Stop being lame. Stop bringing the wives to the after-hours fun. I mean, really.

    I get a lot of heat for not wanting to "grow up," and what not. Fuck that. I like to think of it more as a decision to want to keep having fun.

    So with marriage you get to go home early a lot, take other people's feelings into consideration, miss out on fun times ... because I know it's always really boring when you're up drinking with guys you've known since 1993.

    Sign me up for that shit!

    Setting evolution back

    What's up with states?

    There's no rhyme or reason when it comes to the drawing of state lines. For example, you cannot escape the state of West Virginia. It's impossible. It never ends. All the maps are fucking wrong. Let's say you're driving down to Fredericksburg (not of Hollywood), Virginia on some mysterious back country roads that Garmin tells you to follow. Every 19 seconds you're going to be heading back into West Virginia. Now, that's not as often as mistertrendy needs to stop to take a piss (seven stops in a 15-hour roundtrip), but it's quite often.

    But no one wants to hear about geography or mistertrendy's bladder the size of a penny. Fact is, I don't know how big a bladder even is. Whatever. I didn't major in math. It actually could be the size of the penny. Or smaller. Like a dime.

    Speaking of dimes and bladders, let's get to the real issue at hand. Or in my hands, in this case.

    "The Great Roommate Urination of '08"

    Blog on the Run editor

    Nothing will top this moment. We could win the lottery or stop a four-gun stick-up when we go see "The Dark Knight" later this evening. Whenever Miss July's friends or pals (whoever they may be) ask her about her summer, she always will reply:

    "Well, my roommate peed on me."

    I remember taking the piss. I remember her waking up. I remember that's about it. At about 4:30 a.m. on Friday morning, I walked into Miss July's room, lifted up her blanket and began to pee on her feet.

    "At least it's sterile and not vomit or shit, right? I don't think many people can say they've been pissed on by their roommate ... literally." - text from Miss July, 7-18-08

    Who does that? I've had thousands of boozing nights and only about four times have I let go with a random piss in a closet, on a computer, in a dresser or on a roommate. That's about the same odds as my buddy The 1 following up on a "I'll text you later and meet up with you." Geesh. With how often I see that guy, you'd think I pissed on him.

    I woke up Friday afternoon and laughed about the incident with The Sports Writer and his buddy. Speaking of. You know how when a friend visits you and brings someone else, they're usually very lame? Not this guy. Super nice guy, funny, knew about sports, was into being stupid. +1 for that guy. Now while I laughed about it with my friends from out of town, I didn't laugh about it with Miss July. I was fully expecting retribution of some sort when she got home from work. With all the midwest flooding, we really didn't need any more golden showering. Sunny skies are OK with me.

    Isn't that always the case? I took the day off and the person pissed on still had to go to work.

    She came home and we laughed about it and that made her the greatest sport of all-time. I also think the present The Sports Writer left for her helped with the laughter ... and then some more laughter.

    I cleaned up, did some serious laundering, got her a bottle of wine from the place on South Third Street (I kept the Swedish Fish to myself) and hoped she wouldn't rip my head off.

    Not that I'd need it the next time I decided to piss on a roommate.

    Thursday, July 17, 2008

    Excitement happens ... sometimes

    Blog on the Run editor

    I think "Batman" and "Spiderman" are the only two comic book movies I've ever seen. I think back to actually being excited about seeing a movie and I can't remember the last where I said, "damn, can't wait 'til that comes out."

    So this weekend's "The Dark Knight" is one I'll see before heading down to Virginia on Saturday for a wedding-that's-a-14-hour-roadtrip-that-I'm-super-geeked-about-going-to-hint-hint wedding. Chances of me getting sick before having to leave? About 38 percent. It's not that I don't want to go see some friends, it's just. It's a wedding. All my friends are totally different around their wives. A couple wives don't even like me. It'll be a small wedding. I am not bringing the date. I am missing a rare Saturday afternoon Indians game. The weather is supposed to be perfect. I will spend all of Saturday and all of Sunday in a car with my sister and her fiance.

    I think every wedding should be like the artist formerly known as TD Hoodie's. Hoodie is rocking reception only in downtown Columbus at 6 p.m. on a Saturday. That is fucking perfect. I cannot wait. You know how many times I've said, "damn, can't wait for a wedding?" About once when my buddy Jeff got married in Los Angeles.

    I am in my sister's wedding in August and that will be exciting because I'll see my family and such and there will be something like 500 people there. The food's also fantastic and it should be a boozing until about 4 a.m. type of evening. But my fuckin' sister invites me to the wedding (I got an invitation? I'm in the wedding!) and doesn't put an "and guest" on there. Whole-lee shit. There is about no doubt in my mind that I will be bringing a guest just for that blatant slight. If I ever get married, which ain't happening, I'm going to be inviting only her with no guest. I might get married just to be able to do that. My sister has always been scheming against me and this is her latest attempt to get under my skin. It worked. But this ball game isn't over. In the words of Andrew Bernard, she won the battle, but I'll win the bigger battle.

    Back to the movies. I loved the first new "Batman" in 2005. I hold a very special place in my heart for all things that caused me joy in the summer of 2005:

    1. Cleveland Indians
    1b. The television show "Blow Out" on Bravo
    3. My mom and dad
    4. "Batman"
    5. "Rescue Me"

    I do this because that summer FUCKING SUCKED. I went about 14 weeks without being able to walk, got dumped in a car in Maine because "she wanted a dog," and drank about 80 beers a week. I fuckin' love feeling sorry for myself.

    I am taking tomorrow off from work because a friend will be in town tonight and I plan on getting bombed. I am just throwing that out there.

    So I can wake up tomorrow whenever I want, schlep around the house, not shower for a long time, go see a movie, maybe take a nap and be ready to hit it for Round 2 before having to leave for Virginia to witness marital bliss.

    Oh. Joy.

    Why all this debate about gay weddings? I say, let them have it. Weddings are sort of for the gays, anyway, if you ask me.

    Females always win pennant on TV

    By STU ARL
    Blog on the Run columnist

    The lack of baseball highlights Wednesday night led me to my first viewing of a "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" episode in some 10 years.

    There were two moderately compelling storylines.

    Will and Carlton decide to start working out at the gym, and Ashley (the younger Banks sister) took a job at a restaurant in the mall food court, called Dippity Do Dog.

    (For the record, Ashley became much better-looking throughout the series but for my money never threatened older sister, Hillary.)

    In this episode, Ashley was managed at Dippity Do Dog by a young guy around the same age. Think Screech to her Lisa Turtle. He instructs her to not panic, regardless of the situation, but after a tour bus lets off, the manager gets overwhelmed by the crowd and it’s Ashley who takes control of the situation by arranging two lines, one for food orders and one for just drinks.

    Meanwhile at the gym, Will tries to hit on a girl several times, with no luck, before she challenges him to a boxing match. Couldn’t guess how this turned out. He’s reluctant, at first, but eventually gets in the ring and after a wild swing and miss, gets knocked out cold ... the token female-beating-the-male-in-an-athletic-competition episode. They hooked up later.

    Oh well, back to the baseball season today.

    By the way, I think it’s still cool and acceptable to call it the pennant race. Even though the pennant more technically refers to the AL and NL champions. Before 1969 the top teams in each league were the "pennant winners" and advanced to the World Series. After the leagues split into two divisions (and later three divisions) it could be debated the use of the pennant terminology until the league championship series.

    Still, I think it’s all a state of mind. Sports lingo is sometimes more symbolic than logical. The “pennant race” still represents competitive baseball down the stretch. The Big Ten is still the Big Ten (with 11 teams), because of its historic link to Midwest life and the football history of Woody and Bo and so forth. Even "World Champions" people have tried to phase out as other countries begin to emerge in pro sports such as baseball and basketball.

    In the 1970s and 80s, "World Champions" meant being downtown during the victory parade with the Queen song playing and what not. That’s all.

    Stu Arl lives in South Florida.

    Wednesday, July 16, 2008


    Blog on the Run contributor Miss July just sent us over this tip from Fayetteville, N.C.

    Sheriff's Narcotics Capt. A.C. Fish said he had never seen drugs concealed inside hamburger buns before.

    "He was trying to hide it inside of a trash bag," Fish said. "We called it a 'crackburger.'"

    In other Blog on the Run news, The Sports Writer and his alter ego Dr. Willy Loman are moving to Fayetteville before the end of this month.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Tuesday, July 15, 2008

    Phone calls are so '90s

    Just got off the phone with The Sports Writer. He's in Maumee, Ohio right now and heading down here to heckle former school mates "Pole and Tee R at softball." He probably won't do that but he's getting into town around 8 p.m. Thursday. He lost his cell phone in Lake Michigan over the weekend and we've since had to actually talk on the phone which is so gayness anymore.

    He dropped these doozies:

    On former girlfriend going through a tough time:

    "I was nice. I was helping her through it. Mostly I was just distancing myself."

    On TV reporters:

    "That's the thing about TV reporters. They're all incredibly insecure. It's great. Got myself an Asian. They're all mostly minorities, too. Cross that off the list. I didn't lay down as much pipe as I should have but I got out of there without chlamydia."

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Lunch at Panera (campus)

    I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. - Kurt Vonnegut

    (Artist's rendition of girl)

    Blog on the Run editor

    Special props to the girl stunning stunning AND sunning around noon today on the roof top over at 126 E. Chittenden Ave. Made my first campus lunch visit in more than a month. Don't ever want to have to say that again. In campus terms, campus is dead in the summer but there's more than just a few examples of the living dead in the south campus area. They fuckin' look better than the George A. Romero version.

    (not so much)

    The EGG's outdoor patio was bumping. A near perfect afternoon and at least seven or eight parties enjoying below average food and shitty service on a splendid Tuesday.

    For those not on or around a college campus often, there's no way to describe the amount of weirdos that circulate the Ivory Tower. These aren't even the homeless bums or bums in general. They're like women in their late 40s, early 50s that look haggard and college-professored out. They walk around in weird clothes and tote bags and likely have five or six cats at home. They all are moderately thin with stringy, frizzy dark hair. They talk as if every phrase they say is the most interesting tidbit of information to ever infect the 43210.

    Thing is, these women are always around. It's just students, like the lovely sun bather above in the swim suit, usually are around to drown them off. I noticed a similar epidemic in my first summer-go-round in the campus area in 1999. Kept seeing the bums, just stopped seeing the finely sculpted ass checks. That's not crackin'.

    I guess the bums have blended in for me in the past decade. With fashion and facial hair styles, it's tough to differentiate between the bums and the asses. Hell, my favorite bum probably isn't even a bum. That's Bear. Bear is the greatest person to ever go into the EGG. Got a ratty beard, white man's afro, zubaz pants, various plastic bags, etc. He kinda looks like Kurt Vonnegut.

    (Bear - without beard)

    But these women, maybe best described as rejects from a Hillary Clinton rally, are still everywhere. Parking cars, crossing the street, going into used book stores, taking four hours to order a sandwich at Panera. They're everywhere.

    Sadly, the girl on the roof went inside when I drove past her again.

    See ya in less than a month.

    Milking some lemonade

  • You don't miss much while tooling around Schiller Park about 7 p.m. Bored before watching a lil' home run derby, I decided to go for a few laps around the .8 mile course. Ran into The Italian Guy with the Same Name as the Truth who We Always See at 185 and chatted with him a little, saw Tug and Sis (not dead!) at a distance and even ran into nine, 10 people that I yelled (in my head) "MayOR" as they ran past me. Anytime I see someone running, I think of my buddy The Mayor. Except black dudes running from the law.

  • Speaking of The Mayor, I got a text from him about 5:30 p.m. that just said, "670-iger." I thought that was fitting as he must have seen me driving on 670.

  • As you know, I don't get to the grocery store very often if at all. But I went last night and checked out at 9:35 p.m. Self check out. I was getting a 14-pack of SUGAR FREE CRYSTAL LIGHT ON THE GOD LEMONADE NATURAL FLAVOR and a 12-pack of GIANT EAGLE GENERIC WATER BOTTLES (with water inside). Naturally, I'll have to double up on the packets two times (two times). My rooomie made fun of me for buying water. (What ... is this 1995?) And claimed we had a Brita. It's a fair claim because we do have a Brita but bottled water is way better. And easier. Unlike women because the easy women aren't hardly ever the better women.

    I found out about these nifty little portable lemonade packets over at my sister's house. When I lived with her, I routinely would drink her water bottles or have her chips or eat her bread and/or peanut butter. Sometimes her ice cream. Definitely her Diet 7-Up. And yeah, if she had cheese for a grilled cheese. She'd get pissed.I should have asked.

    Now when I go over to her house, I'm a GUEST and no longer a roommate. I can pretty much have whatever I want and just say, "GUEST" whenever I'm there. It's a sweet gig. Other than the fact they live in Lower Arlington, it takes about 50 minutes to get there and their neighbor has a BHO sign.

    When ya having me over for dinner again? :)

  • Thought HR Derby was pretty cool last night. I can't believe the Reds traded Josh Hamilton. Whatever with this pitcher they got, Hamilton is the deal. I think the NL gets off the snide tonight. Since they haven't won an All-Star game since 1996 (!!), I think "tonight's the night" in the words of Phil Collins. Last year's All-Star Game was pretty fun.

    Glad to see the American League stick it to Quad-A once again. I don't know how the American League ever wins considering the masterminds over in the National League that can bunt and appreciate the double-switch.

  • The Sports Writer will be here in a little less than 60 hours. He's driving from Washington State to Cape Fear. Any and all are invited to get stupid Thursday at a possible Skully's/Arena District evening.
  • Monday, July 14, 2008

    'Breaking' news

    Blog on the Run editor

    I never found Sarah Silverman very funny. She always kinda struck me as sort of normal. I didn't find her attractive either. Maybe this is why I didn't find her funny.

    I don't know. I think she gained a lot of attention because she was Jewish. I lived near a Jewish kid freshman year of college and he always vehemently argued that Alicia Silverstone was the hottest woman alive. It's not like I'm out there championing Irish girls. Most Irish girls are ugly.

    (They look like this)

    Silverman seems like one of those things/people "you're just supposed to like but have no idea why." It's like whenever anyone brings her up, you're supposed to say: "Oh yeah, I like her. She's funny."

    I never thought so.

    Anyway, apparently she's broken up Jimmy Kimmel. I guess that's sort of news.

    Seth claims it's "because of that picture you posted on your blog of me."

    That is news.

    Jars of beef jerky

  • Before and after the Truth regaled me with tales of $200 jars of beer jerky, I had your typical wet, hot American summer weekend. The highlight of both nights probably was going to Club 185. You know? Just sort of went through the motions. If summer weekends are going to be boring on the face, spicing it up a little on Friday or Saturday night would be advantageous. We tried it on Saturday and it was pretty cool. Varsity Club was pretty empty, except for a pack of 40-somethings celebrating a bachelorette party. I would have preferred getting caught up in the mix of the 10 or 15 of them downtown in the Arena District, but chilling with some buds having a couple beers was a nice change of pace. Went to the Out 'R Inn afterward and ... I definitely like that place more from September through November at Saturday night around 9 p.m.

    Enjoyed meeting Headband's new guy friend, oddly enough at Out 'R Inn. Rainbow Brite and brother also were in attendance.

    Miss July made her first appearance out with our group of people. Thrown into that collection of personalities, in those settings, I thought she handled herself pret-tay well.

    Saw all the usuals at 185 this weekend including Sonbreath (more like Boobs breath), My Boy Whit, The Sluts (No. 1 and No. 2), this dude that just got out of prison and puked all over the owner's box, cpn, that guy who's always drunk as fuck stumbling around aggressively hitting on every girl in the bar and others!

    Can't wait to spend every weekend in October doing just about exactly the same thing!

  • Got a call from The Dispatch on Friday and they let me know they'd like me to continue to cover high school football this fall. This is great news all around as it allows me to cut back on Friday night boozing, make a few extra bucks and get out to 13 or 14 games this summer/fall. For those in need of a football fix, high school football games start Thursday, Aug. 21 in Ohio.

  • My old pal The Sports Writer (formerly of Yakima, Wash.) will be in town on Thursday night. That's going to be fun.

  • First half of the the baseball season is over and the Tribe's on a four-game winning streak! Still in last place. The Devil Rays had the best record in baseball!? What? They looked fucking terrible this weekend. Maybe next year that team contends, but they'll end up winning about 82-86 games this year for a nice phat third-place finish. I'm not really concerned with who wins the Quad-A/National League, maybe it's finally the Cubs? But in the AL, I got Minnesota, Boston, Chicago and L.A. making the playoffs. Chicago over L.A. in the first round, Boston over Minnesota and the Red Sox over the White Sox in the World Series. Maybe the NL team lucks out and snags its fifth single-game win in the past five years in that series after the ALCS.

  • - Compiled by Art McGregor

    Sunday, July 13, 2008

    Whistler tips

    Blog on the Run columnist

    Welcome to week three of trendy’s blogging about stuff you no doubt ignore. If you’ve made it this far, I say congratulations and thank you.

    Well, it was the week of politics that wasn’t. Nothing is really going on other than Jesse Jackson’s whisper campaign against BHO’s genitals. I’m sure Jesse will forgive him when he is appointed ambassador to Ghana. Seriously though, it’s been very boring this past week, even for me.

    "Meet the Press" has been Meet the Depressed lately (stole that one from AMG’s dad). Can we get a permanent new host already? I thought Tony Snow would have been great. RIP, Tony. Instead, we find out Mr. Brokaw will moderate through the election. Glad he’s fair and all. His voice is pretty cool, but he’s always looks like he has to take a shit. Perhaps he does. He was wailing on McCain’s so-called flip-flopping today. At least NBC is finally owning up to their bias. I think all networks should just say who they favor and run with it. Think of it … some channels, like ESPN, could be like, “Don’t be a hater, vote for women’s athletics, arena football, poker, the X Games, and Nader.” Others, like the History Channel, could be like “Bob Barr or bust!”

    In Ohio, the GOP is still fumbling around trying to figure out who should run for AG. This is truly sad. Can’t we find one person who wants to run? What about the Truth? I think he would bring a refreshing candor to the office. Yeah.

    On a side note that I must get off my chest, I’m glad to see some commenting on posts, such as McGinley, who claims he saw the infamous “Whistle Tip” news story “five years ago.” Granted, McGinley holds a top secret job. No one knows what he does, but we know it’s cool and important. So for that, perhaps McGinley had access to YouTube back in 2003 while the rest of us had to wait until 2005. Or perhaps McGinley was living in Oakland in 2003 and regularly watched the late night news. I suppose I wouldn’t put anything past the artist formerly known as ghost. Still, the Whistle Tip never gets old. My boy Bubb Rubb.

    Saturday, July 12, 2008


  • No run down from last night. Had a good time at the High Beck.

  • Have two great videos:

  • - Compiled by Art McGregor

    Friday, July 11, 2008

    More news on the murder

    Bout time to get ready to meet McGinley and The Godfather at the High Beck. Gorgeous night thus far.

    Anyway, here's some more news on the German Village murder. Lady sounds like a hoot. I don't ever recall seeing her.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    11A. ENTRADA

    Blog on the Run editor

    Just got back from a lunch at El Vaquero. Didn't realize it pretty much only is an Ohio restaurant. There are some locations in Toledo and Michigan.

    One thing really enthused me about the Gahanna location. On television they were showing ESPN DEPORTES. Baseball highlights in Spanish! That's awesome and makes total sense. Mexican restaurants should be showing that shit during the daytime. Even at night! It adds to the ambiance.

    As some that have read me for some time know, I hate when bars just blindly put on ESPN and ESPN2. It makes no sense in this age and day where regionalized sports networks have the mostest bevy of the live sports coverage in the summer months. Bar Louie is the worst at this practice. Ever go in there on a Friday night? Not that I have recently, but you'll find "Baseball Tonight" (on mute) and "World Series of Poker" reruns on until they serve their last Bud Light. Fuckin' turn on STO or FSN Kentucky. Hell, pony up and get the baseball package - Eddie George Grill stlyes. (ALSO, why the fuck do some places throw an E on the end of grill?)

    You can pretty much put an e on any wordd that ends in a double consonant. The last name Clarke also plays with this phenomenon. I have no idea how to spell the last word in the previous sentence. And it doesn't even end in an e. That I know of.

    Well, lunch was tasty. You can't go wrong with that place. My bill today? $7.39. I know a guy who once at $17 of food there. That's a lot.

    I'm still more excited about the channel they showed, however. The one that begins with an E.

    Thursday, July 10, 2008

    Moose Knuckle tightens but holds on

    GVM Moose Knuckle improved to 2-4-1 with a 17-16 win tonight over Heavy Hitters in Berliner Park.

    The Knuckle took a 17-11 lead into the bottom of the seventh and needed a force out at third with two outs in the final frame to capture the win.

    All 10 players collected an RBI in the win.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    I'm thinking D'Arby

    Latest news on the homicide victim found last night in the German Village. I like the photo they're using in the story. From 1985.

    I don't think Terence Trent D'Arby had anything to do with the death. But he did, for a short time, bring back the popularity of wishing wells. Presumably "to kiss and tell."

    It'd be a real shame if the woman wasn't murdered at all and instead was just tossing a coin in the well hoping to live to the ripe ol' age of eighty deuce.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    4:36 a.m.

    Blog on the Run editor

    That's a bunch of bullshit. Nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m.? Maybe in real life, but as far as text messages go, you're golden Pony Boy with the texts between 2a and 5a. Well, most of the time.

    Last night I had the pussy in the room before the 4:36 a.m. text. It's not like I'm telepathic or nuttin' either. No nuttin' last night, either.

    Went to bed innocently enough around midnight, heard some meow-ing in my room at 4:30a. That's right, there was a cat in my room. Not making this up. I immediately think, "what the fuck?" (true story) and try to figure out how that guerrilla got into my midst. Then it struck me. Miss July has a cat! But I sleep with my door closed and there's no entry ways into my room. (Except the door, duh. Without a door, I'd have to climb into windows and my last climbing expedition ended up in a broken leg, not counting a couple skafuzas I brought home from 185.) None. So unless I took an early morning piss (probable) and left the door open for a splitter second and Ernesto the Cat crept in, I have a magic cat living at my house. That's the tits.

    Miss July knew nothing about this but likely heard my rummaging around. She sent me a text at 4:36a that read: "Insomniac?" I doubt she was talking about the TV show or movie.

    So with the fact I don't like animals and likely will go an entire summer without petting the cat (won't go the entire summer without heavy petting), I could honestly answer "what did you do last night?" with "I just dodged some magic pussy. No biggie."

    Wednesday, July 9, 2008

    The straight McGreevey

    I haven't watched much MTV since, hmm ... , maybe 2001? But I may tune in to catch Client No. 9's favorite call girl:

    The governor-loving good-time girl is reportedly working on her reality dreams with Handprint Entertainment, a management company that reps the likes of Nicole Richie and Pamela Anderson.

    When asked for comment about reports of their working with the legendary lady of the evening, Handprint's rep hung up on a reporter twice.

    E! reported that Dupre's reps have gone to MTV with their ideas for a show. However, a highly placed MTV source denied they got a pitch.

    Make it happen, MTV.

    - From the desk of Art McGregor

    Tuesday, July 8, 2008

    5:44 a.m.

  • Fell asleep sometime around 7:15 p.m. last night, only to wake up at 12:30 a.m. and then again at 4:30 a.m. That's the extent of it. Gave up trying to fall back asleep about 20 minutes ago. Should make for a long day. The sun's not up yet and that surprises me. I woulda guessed we had sunshine around 5:15 a.m. in July. Apparently not.

  • July's been great thus far but I'd really like to take a free pass on this month. If it was 28 or 30 days, that'd be a lot better. The three remaining weekends look OK, aside from a 14-hour round-trip affair to Virginia for a one-day wedding. I know. Weddings don't normally last two days. (NOT familiar with all religions.) But it's one of those, "leaving Saturday morning, skipping the ceremony, coming back Sunday morning." That's great for weddings in Cincinnati or Toledo, but Fredericksburg, Va.?

  • I dislike a lot of things. If you're thinking of something right now, I probably dislike it. But, I do like two things that a lot of people have problems with: Jim Rome and Rush Limbaugh. I think Rome is the funniest sports personality out there and I could listen to him six hours a day. I just don't like his callers. The other guy I like a lot is Rush Limbaugh. Incredibly entertaining and spot-on about a number of things. The way he needles the media is amazing. After working in the media for a number of years, I can honestly say the guy is 100 percent correct. I always will remember watching Election 2004 in a "non-partisan" newsroom and 11 of the 12 people in there openly rooting for Kerry. Quote of the night? "We can still win Arkansas." To this day, it's the most depressed setting I've ever experienced. And I've been to a lot of funerals. And Cleveland Browns games.

    (UPDATE: Light is visible at 5:44 a.m.)

    Great article on Limbaugh
    in Sunday's New York Times magazine.

    Noteworthy the quote about feminism:

    "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society."

    Though I do have to disagree with the guy. Condoms work - school year or not.

    - Compiled by Art McGregor
  • Monday, July 7, 2008

    The whistles go ... whoo whoo!

  • Can't go wrong with Red, White and Boom. Small red halter tops on redheads with back tats also are agreeable in this day and age. Patriotism knows no bounds and I'm always glad to see it held up with cloth that resembles fishing wire.

    The FancyFest on Thursday night up in the Huntington Building didn't disappoint. Walking toward downtown and $4 beers, The Godfather got a call from McGinley and we met up with him to watch fireworks from 30-some floors above. Aside from a scant selection of beers, the 'ding had everything you could possibly want. 27-year-old dudes that looked 43, people that were genuinely interesting to talk to, tons of friendly people, attractive cougars and cougars in training, McGinley telling stories, easy to get free beers and free beers. The view of the fireworks was pretty decent, as well. I liked watching the moment,I'm talking one second after the grand finale, when everyone turned and headed east toward High Street. Cool to see a throng of people all move in that same direction at once.

    The Godfather wins MVP honors on the night. He led me to the free beers and also came along to the Arena District afterward. He denied McGinley's chants of "182" and allowed us to triple-fist Miller Lites at the Lodge Bar.

    Lodge Bar was fun. I think we saw McCampus there for a second. Rainbow Brite, Headband, their other friend Moving to Cleveland and All Kinds of Awesome also were there.

    All Kinds of Awesome was terrible. I call her All Kinds of Awesome because absolutely zero about her was awesome on Thursday night. Fun girl. Girl who is blatantly unfriendly, in a bad mood, can't wait to leave, thinks she looks 150 times better than she does, etc., etc., etc. Headband was with dude and we ended up staying there for about an hour, hour and a half.

  • Made it back to Youngstown on Friday. Huge family picnic. There were about 50 people there. I think I knew 17 of them. Everyone I know has kids between the ages of 0 and 13. Played the annual, requisite two-hours of basketball in the blazing heat. Really wasn't that bad. I was on the "old guy" team. I know. The fuck. A few other oldies didn't play and I was one of the five oldest guys playing, although I was the youngest by nine years. We should have got killed, as the other team had the one sweet black dude, my cousin Kevin who is like the energizer bunny and gets everyfuckingoffensiverebound, my cousin Patrick who's a junior in high school and dunks and this other dude Jason who is like 6'1'', 220 and got the offensive rebounds Kevin didn't. It was a half court game and that's not my style. I excel in the open court. Full-court games are my bread and butter. Though I don't like butter on bread. Odd.

    Did what I do. Yes, this is a post about driveway basketball. Pick and rolled to 20-footers, got one rebound in two-solid hours of hoops, made a number of good passes, had a bunch of steals and yelled out "assist" on every one of my assists. We won two of the three games. It was awesome.

    My dad showed up a bit later and left his golf shoes on the whole time. Ended up hanging out with my cousins Kevin and Brendan until about 3 a.m. that night. Great time. Watched this video about 40 times:

    41 times.

  • Booze and fireworks at McCampus' bash on Saturday night. Always a safe mix. McCampus and crew can throw a party. Great times all around and the usual cast of O'Bannons and their non-talkative wives. Enjoyed myself there for about three hours before heading to 185 until closing time. I am sure The Godfather will have a report on that over at GVM sometime today. His text from last night:

    I just wish someone would come along and tell me how great girls from GSG are. Even though none are going to Harvard.

    Since closing time happened too early, apparently, I kept on boozing until about sunrise. Woke up at 2 p.m. on Sunday and have absolutely nothing to report from there on out.

    I enjoy the weekends.

  • - Compiled by Art McGregor

    We’re stuck up and we’ve been sethed!

    Blog on the Run columnist

    I was entertained by President Bush’s speech on July 4 honoring 72 individuals who chose to become LEGAL immigrants. Much to my chagrin, Code Pink and other nut jobs were on site to ruin the ceremony. God forbid we honor these fine individuals who probably waited longer than me at 185 for a beer.

    Nope. Can’t do that. Gotta let these folks who grew up on daddy’s money, felt guilty about said money, have no job, and feel the urge to show up at Bush’s speeches with UVA t-shirts scream "fascism" with the hopes of making the evening news. What a life. They’re like vapids, only they like to whine at speeches instead of drink wine at Club 185.

    Did anyone else hear? Barack Obama has "recalibrated" his position on Iraq. That’s funny. I thought he "sethed" that issue. For those not familiar with the term, to "seth" something is to act like Seth, which usually means to mooch and waiver like McCampus on a Thursday night in February (sorry, Seth, but it’s true). Like this one time, I asked Seth if he wanted to go up to a Tribe game last summer (what was I thinking?). Anyhow, Seth said he was in and that he was going to "hook up the beers!" Well, we drive up to C-town, and of course, Seth did not pay for gas. He proclaimed he would be "hooking up the beers," and thus should not pay for any gas. Fair enough. Anyhow, after said proclamations of hook ups, along comes the seventh inning stretch, and no beers had been purchased by Seth. Sure enough, Seth gets up in the bottom of the seventh and tries to score a round of beers. He told me that he’d make it up to all of us with a round of 20 beers (five apiece). Well, of course, five minutes later, Seth comes back with four cups of water. His explanation for no beers? "Hey, not my fault they stopped selling beer. I still hooked it up. You owe me." So yeah, Obama sethed us this week on Iraq.

    See ya next week.

    Sunday, July 6, 2008

    Who's fuckin' the ugly chick?

    Blog on the Run senior writer

    YAKIMA, Wash. - Just a three-day holiday weekend away from the cross-country drive, and the Es-Cape (French for poor gas mileage) is ready to roll. Wine Snob joins me for the trip east and wants to see “the shit that lies between New York and L.A. ” He’s a strong asset since his occupation, wine maker, is about a six on the wet-panty scale (somewhere between “I’m in a band you’ve never heard of” and “I’m in medical school right now.”) Any chick drinking wine in our vicinity will deal with him dropping phrases like “what’s the vintner on that?” and “you should really try this wine, made it myself.” (If restaurants/bars serve Washington wine, he’s golden.)

    Wine Snob doesn’t understand the Midwest (or the Great Lakes Region if you’re a tool), so I’m anticipating some interesting reactions. He expects to spy at least three tornadoes and have a cow fly over the Es-Cape during this trek. For some reason people all across the country think tornadoes are a daily occurrence in Ohio. They also deem me crazy for wanting to live somewhere with (GASP!) humidity. All of their stories start with, “I got off the plane and just couldn’t breathe! I don’t know how anyone gets anything done out there.”

    My reply is simple to Washington snobs: “How many presidents are from Washington? Thanks for the shitty coffee, though. Those stands provide a place for guys to do the first-date interview and get out relatively cheap without appearing chincy.” (How is chincy not a word and ginormous is?)

    Fucking Washington. There are a lot of assholes in this state who think they’ve got it all figured out. One thing I do expect to hear from Wine Snob during our journey is this: “You’re right, Columbus is better than Seattle.”

    Here are some other great expectations:

    1) Woo Miss July.

    2) Complain to park ranger at Mt. Rushmore: “Why the fuck isn’t Reagan on there?”

    3) Confuse berated park ranger further: “And where the hell is Bill Clinton?”

    4) Utter the phrase: “Fucking South Dakota.”

    5) Laugh when Yo Adrians yells “Who’s fucking the ugly guy?” at a group of Wisconsin co-eds.

    6) Think “Boozing in Bozeman” is hilarious.

    7) Say “Fuck Notre Dame” while having sexual relations with Tits McGee (recent ND grad).

    8) Pop Dre, take sip, shatter bottle.

    9) Hear “nice hair” from AMG

    10) Say “Is that Kanye?” anytime a black person passes by in Chicago.

    This article was penned on Thursday, July 3.

    Friday, July 4, 2008

    Happy Memorials Day

    - From the staff of BOTR