Going to a bar after the wedding

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I don't mean to even include us guys in the "German Village Media family." This pretty much is for everyone I see out on a regular basis. The Vapids over at Gresso's on Friday night, the people we'll run into on Tuesday's at the High Beck, pretty much anyone who knows we call The Mayor "The Mayor."

We party wedding reception hard. Mostly every time we go out.

LEVELS OF PARTYING

1. the Truth (pre-8 p.m. jagerbomb ordering)
2. Wedding reception hard
3. Varsity Club before 8 p.m.

Again. This isn't to say, "wow, look at us! We drink a lot." We're not 18-year old high school seniors at some suburban school. It's just, we don't mess around. We're not leaving early. When we're going out, there's no doubt in anyone's mind the fun doesn't stop at least until about 2:10 a.m. While we've often got work the next morning, we never have to, "take it easy because I got work in the morning."

I went to a wedding this weekend in Virginia. My buddy got married. It was a small wedding. We got there at six and the open bar closed at 8 p.m. Fuck the Tour de France, we went on a sprint. Practically the Tour de Beers. All stages in that two-hour span involved triple-fisting Miller Lites and not winning any prizes. No one won a yellow jersey or a Harley Davidson T-shirt.

My eight good buddies from high school all were in attendance. Counting mister and missestrendy, five now are married. My muddy Sully isn't, my buddy Rod Munch just wins Emmys (four to date) and I hate marriage. I hate marriage because of the following non-sense:

It's a wedding. It's a reception. If I'm fucking driving 15 hours (not that I drove), I want to have fun. I want to stay out late and be stupid with my friends. We're all 29-fucking-years-old. We're not 45. How about growing a set and staying out later than 1 a.m.? Really, friends? I don't know. I just don't get it. Fucking tired? Really?

I had a nice time at the wedding. My one buddy has a kid now and she's super cute. But it's like, why can't we stay up bullshitting and laughing? Send the wives to bed. Seriously, go to bed. We'll catch up later. I just don't get it. We drive 15 hours and mostly everyone goes to bed/sleep at 1 a.m.? What happened to grabbing a couple cases and heading to someone's hotel room and laughing? What happened? You'd rather go to bed at 1 a.m.? Man.

All's I know is this ... my sister's wedding will be nothing of the sorts. It honestly has the potential to break most-drinks-drank-at-a-wedding record. That's just counting my dad and his friends. If anyone bails out before 2:30 a.m., you will get made fun of by me for the rest of my life.

I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does. Weddings are apparently joyous occasions and a lot of work goes into it. You have to travel, buy a gift, sit around people you may not want to sit around, drive back, open a thank you card, all that shit.

Stop being lame. Stop bringing the wives to the after-hours fun. I mean, really.

I get a lot of heat for not wanting to "grow up," and what not. Fuck that. I like to think of it more as a decision to want to keep having fun.

So with marriage you get to go home early a lot, take other people's feelings into consideration, miss out on fun times ... because I know it's always really boring when you're up drinking with guys you've known since 1993.

Sign me up for that shit!

Excitement happens ... sometimes

By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

I think "Batman" and "Spiderman" are the only two comic book movies I've ever seen. I think back to actually being excited about seeing a movie and I can't remember the last where I said, "damn, can't wait 'til that comes out."

So this weekend's "The Dark Knight" is one I'll see before heading down to Virginia on Saturday for a wedding-that's-a-14-hour-roadtrip-that-I'm-super-geeked-about-going-to-hint-hint wedding. Chances of me getting sick before having to leave? About 38 percent. It's not that I don't want to go see some friends, it's just. It's a wedding. All my friends are totally different around their wives. A couple wives don't even like me. It'll be a small wedding. I am not bringing the date. I am missing a rare Saturday afternoon Indians game. The weather is supposed to be perfect. I will spend all of Saturday and all of Sunday in a car with my sister and her fiance.

I think every wedding should be like the artist formerly known as TD Hoodie's. Hoodie is rocking reception only in downtown Columbus at 6 p.m. on a Saturday. That is fucking perfect. I cannot wait. You know how many times I've said, "damn, can't wait for a wedding?" About once when my buddy Jeff got married in Los Angeles.


I am in my sister's wedding in August and that will be exciting because I'll see my family and such and there will be something like 500 people there. The food's also fantastic and it should be a boozing until about 4 a.m. type of evening. But my fuckin' sister invites me to the wedding (I got an invitation? I'm in the wedding!) and doesn't put an "and guest" on there. Whole-lee shit. There is about no doubt in my mind that I will be bringing a guest just for that blatant slight. If I ever get married, which ain't happening, I'm going to be inviting only her with no guest. I might get married just to be able to do that. My sister has always been scheming against me and this is her latest attempt to get under my skin. It worked. But this ball game isn't over. In the words of Andrew Bernard, she won the battle, but I'll win the bigger battle.

Back to the movies. I loved the first new "Batman" in 2005. I hold a very special place in my heart for all things that caused me joy in the summer of 2005:

1. Cleveland Indians
1b. The television show "Blow Out" on Bravo
3. My mom and dad
4. "Batman"
5. "Rescue Me"


I do this because that summer FUCKING SUCKED. I went about 14 weeks without being able to walk, got dumped in a car in Maine because "she wanted a dog," and drank about 80 beers a week. I fuckin' love feeling sorry for myself.

I am taking tomorrow off from work because a friend will be in town tonight and I plan on getting bombed. I am just throwing that out there.

So I can wake up tomorrow whenever I want, schlep around the house, not shower for a long time, go see a movie, maybe take a nap and be ready to hit it for Round 2 before having to leave for Virginia to witness marital bliss.

Oh. Joy.


Why all this debate about gay weddings? I say, let them have it. Weddings are sort of for the gays, anyway, if you ask me.

5:44 a.m.

Fell asleep sometime around 7:15 p.m. last night, only to wake up at 12:30 a.m. and then again at 4:30 a.m. That's the extent of it. Gave up trying to fall back asleep about 20 minutes ago. Should make for a long day. The sun's not up yet and that surprises me. I woulda guessed we had sunshine around 5:15 a.m. in July. Apparently not.

July's been great thus far but I'd really like to take a free pass on this month. If it was 28 or 30 days, that'd be a lot better. The three remaining weekends look OK, aside from a 14-hour round-trip affair to Virginia for a one-day wedding. I know. Weddings don't normally last two days. (NOT familiar with all religions.) But it's one of those, "leaving Saturday morning, skipping the ceremony, coming back Sunday morning." That's great for weddings in Cincinnati or Toledo, but Fredericksburg, Va.?

I dislike a lot of things. If you're thinking of something right now, I probably dislike it. But, I do like two things that a lot of people have problems with: Jim Rome and Rush Limbaugh. I think Rome is the funniest sports personality out there and I could listen to him six hours a day. I just don't like his callers. The other guy I like a lot is Rush Limbaugh. Incredibly entertaining and spot-on about a number of things. The way he needles the media is amazing. After working in the media for a number of years, I can honestly say the guy is 100 percent correct. I always will remember watching Election 2004 in a "non-partisan" newsroom and 11 of the 12 people in there openly rooting for Kerry. Quote of the night? "We can still win Arkansas." To this day, it's the most depressed setting I've ever experienced. And I've been to a lot of funerals. And Cleveland Browns games.

(UPDATE: Light is visible at 5:44 a.m.)

Great article on Limbaugh in Sunday's New York Times magazine.

Noteworthy the quote about feminism:

"Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society."

Though I do have to disagree with the guy. Condoms work - school year or not.

- Compiled by Art McGregor