Wednesday, July 2, 2008

To my sister ...


By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor

Hung out with a future roomie last night. (July 8 through August 15.) Everything went well. The Godfather today dubbed her "Miss July" because I lived with "Miss June" in, you guessed it, June.

Miss July is a champ. She reminds me of this television reporter that The Sports Writer dated in Washington/Idaho. A law student (trendy!) that actually wants to go to court, represent the poor and change the world. That'll last long. She likes working in a public defender's office!! Probable BHO voter.

(NOTE: If I may dote on myself for a few, I love that I said the phrase, "definite Clinton voters on that team." I think 94 percent of the dudes playing in our softball league are "definite Clinton voters." That's Hillary. You ever wonder why Hillary won Ohio? Check out the Thursday night league at Berliner Park. There's your answer. Lots of them gun owning, tobacco chewing, union Democrats. They ain't votin' for no black fellow.)

So back to Miss July. While we chatted last night, I kept referring to my former space cadet roommate Miss June. Miss June moved in on June 1. Left on June 27. Her forever vacant look has been replaced with a vacancy sign. I gander I said about 27 words to her. (Counting the two text messages I sent her.) That's like one per day. "Hey" counts as one.

I now know what it's like to have lived with a bad roommate. I now know what it's like to have lived with me. Sorry, missestrendy.

Miss June leads the nation in hair left in a sink. I'm not sure how she did it. I think she plucked out hairs from her own head and lined them up like guitar chords in our sink. She also believed in hanging four towels on the four-towel rack. Most towels were between one and two feet long. Miss June also liked open windows. With the AC on. She also liked to turn off the AC at various times. Her closing cabinets percentage hoovered around 18 percent. That means for every 100 doors/cabinets she opened, she closed 18 of them. From time to time, she'd leave the keys in the door overnight. She increased the amount of flies in my apartment from zero to 22 in less than a month. She outright refused to empty anything from the dishwasher. That's about it.

I wasn't that bad, but still. Every bad roommate should have to live with a Miss June.

Even in like March.

It'll probably get them in step with living as a decent rommate.

5 comments:

Ms. July said...

Ms. July?!?! HAHA. Awesome. Pic of bathroom is nast btw, glad it no longer looks like that. And of course I found out about your blog, it was only linked to facebook. I'm offended that you clumped me with the other self-righteous twits who call themselves attorneys. I will never work for the man. Ever. And a "probable" BHO voter? Remove "probable" ... as my dear friends say, I'm down with the brown. I'm coming home from WI with cheese, so prepare our fridge!

Anonymous said...

missestrendy would never let a bathroom get that bad. Don't know what you got, 'til it's gone!

-trendy

P.S. BOTH of our bathrooms are immaculate!

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I must say that turning on the AC was never more of a crime until Ms. June opened windows. I know I was a bitch about it, but at least I paid (occasionally) and never opened windows.

-trendy

Athlete said...

Sounds like your roomate is Sandy Cohen!

-Athlete

Anonymous said...

out of the 12 roommates i have had in my life time art mcgregor was the worst! hands down. sorry artie.

- missestrendy