Tuesday, February 3, 2009
When not to talk to folks at bars
God Bless his heart.
Just next time, make sure you can at least check if a guy wears his heart on his sleeve before poppin' a "hello."
The Godfather engaged a lonely guy, sitting solo at The Little Bar in some conversation before the Super Bowl. The Godfather later admitted he really dropped the ball with that decision. He did.
Hey listen, people go to bars all by themselves lots of time. Most of the time, these people are loser alcoholics.
If I go to a bar 15 times a month, usually about twice I'll go solo. They happen. But I look approachable. I'm not weird. Nine times out of 10, I'll know someone at the bar and bullshit with them for three or four hours. It happens. I have no problems going to the bar by myself.
I failed to mention in the first graph that The Godfather wasn't even sitting next to the guy. I was. The Godfather sat next to a decently OK, drunk Cleveland Browns fan. I'd call that kid normal.
The Godfather asks the guy sitting next to me, "so, didn't I see you at Ted's the other day for lunch?" Mind you, this wasn't a hot chick. It wasn't some guy that he sort of knew and once again, this wasn't a chick. And it wasn't a hot chick. Also, The Godfather wasn't even sitting next to the guy.
The guy then explains that yes, it was him. He said something inaudible and The Godfather laughed like I would if a hot chick told me something unfunny. Really hard.
The guy then said, "so the next question would be, could I buy you a drink?"
The guy also had on a sleeveless red T-shirt and shorts. He was about 60 inches tall and hailed from somewhere in Asia and/or the South Pacific. He spoke broken English and asked The Godfather again for a drink and then asked me if I wanted a drink. He seemed upset and said, "Oh, so you're done drinking?"
This was about 6:21 p.m. The Godfather and I knew what was up. This guy was flat-out weird. And we'd have to sit next to him for the rest of the game.
I then sat there feeling a little uncomfortable as that gentleman kept looking over at us and just staring.
Again, he was wearing a shirt with no sleeves, was at a bar alone and had a man purse. This did not stop The Godfather from trying to engage the guy in conversation.
"I really dropped the ball there," The Godfather later would say. His face told the story of shame.
Sleeveless Guy would later offer to buy another guy and then a woman a drink. They both declined. When bartenders told him they couldn't get him a Grey Goose dirty martini, he went to the bathroom and never came back. His man purse just chilled on the back of the chair for the rest of the night. He left a nearly full beer.
About an hour later the Truth showed up and took his chair. Sadly, the Truth would take a sip of "warm beer." the Truth confused his Bud Light draft with the other guy's beer.
That'd be a story to tell at a bar. Just don't tell it to the guy in the sleeveless shirt.
- From the desk of Art McGregor