Tuesday, October 7, 2008
5:21 p.m.: The great beyond
By ART MCGREGOR
Blog on the Run editor
Lothario-ing ain't easy.
Especially on Monday nights.
I had to make one big decision last night. Felt kind of hungry at about 7 p.m. Since I've given up fast food and Chipotle, this would require a trip to the grocery store. Nowhere else sells food.
The fuck, you're thinking. Why not just go to the Shell Station for some Doritos?
Also gave up the entire Shell Station (except for gas) between Mondays and Wednesdays. That move alone will save me ... not making this up ... about $400 a year.
Back to hunger pains.
I'm incredibly obsessive about my weight. I weigh myself every morning and write it down on my desk calendar. For example, on the last Wednesday of September I weighed 151.8 pounds. The next day 150.8 and the next 152.6. (Thursday night's 18 gallons of beer I drink.)
I don't know what days those are (like the 28th, 29th or 30th) because I have to rip off the previous month. But I write in the last week's weights above the first week of each current month. Are you following? No? OK.
Today I'm at 151.2. Pounds. My cousin Kevin had the nickname "LB" in high school because he pounded beers not because he played linebacker because he played soccer and I think he played fullback because he's a bigger guy but get this he played linebacker and fullback on Tecmo Super Bowl because on that game you control all the positions well not on both teams because that'd be boring.
This is just a sentence so I don't begin every paragraph with an "I." Moral is this, I didn't go out yesterday. I stayed in. I didn't go and get a loaf of bread and a thing of peanut butter. I stayed in and instead ate three packets of Austin's Peanut Butter Crackers. I had 45 of them. I'm down to about 18.
Hindsight says I should have at least walked over to Kroger. I could have used the fresh air. After getting home from work at 5:21 p.m., I didn't leave the house. I can't remember that ever happening before. (I've got home at 5:21 p.m. before ... probably multiple times. But not in the same day. That'd be impossible.)
Alonzo Hindsight usually gives great advice.
My house is a complete disaster right now. I am living alone this month before The Godfather moves in post-election. The downstairs is clean as can be. All dishes and cups are clean because I never use them. But the upstairs just has clothes everywhere. Except on the ceiling because we're dancing on the ceiling. Clothes ain't welcome.
Oh what a feeling.
I'm in the midst of bringing out (bring 'em out, bring 'em out) my sweaters and retiring my 3,215 button down shirts that are either blue or light green. Also in the midst of laundry. Also in the midst of not knowing what's clean and dirty so that means everything is dirty. My hallway is covered in clothes. And socks.
I didn't leave the house last night. It's tough to blog about that. If I keep having to write short little posts like this on Tuesday morning, I am going to have to at least leave the house post-5:21 p.m.
That is easy.